HELP MAMMAS!!! I've never had to deal with this with my daughter who was a perfect angel until she turned 4. My 17 mo boy on the other hand seems to have several tantrums a day especially when i try and change his diaper or get him into the car seat - which is a total nightmare - he arches his back and just fights me no matter what. I try and distract him with food or toys but nothing seems to work. Do I force him into the seat??? Do I force him and hold/pin him down when I am trying to change his diaper? Its like a WWF wrestling scene and am sometimes exhausted after these confrontations. He likes also to be held alot and when I try and put him down he starts crying and throwing a fit. I think my in laws think I coddle him too much which I will sometimes carry him around and let him sort of "take me where he wants to go" but I also put him down when he doesnt want me to and just let him cry it out - I mean I do have to do things like make dinner, etc....
At some point in time, we changed to the standing up diaper change--just easier all around.
Car seat? I would SHOVE him in there---it's a safety issue--NO negotiation.
I have a very strong willed 17 month old as well...he knows his mind and gets very upset if he doesn;t get his way.......he too resists diaper chages but luckily likes his car seat since he likes to be out and about as opposed to staying at home........the key thing that works for me is distraction not just in the heat of the moment here look at this toy type of distraction but getting his attention, eye contact lets do something else type of distraction. Let's say he wants to be held once I am back from work and will cry the moment I put him down - I know he is doing this just so he has my attention. so I will put him down but I will take his hand and start playing hide n seek which can naturally transition into lets have some dinner in the high chair...for diaper changes we keep a special toy that we only get at diaper time..now he knows he needs to lay down to get his diaper changed and he gets his little toy......easier said than done but I have noticed on several occassions that my LO feeds off of my stress level - if he knows mommy is getting frustrated he will get more frustrated so I just make a funny face, tickle him and start acting like a clown - oh the things we moms have to do!!!!!! but it works for us most of the times!!!! Good Luck!
Some little ones start throwing tantrums early on like your son, my daughter did, too. And the sooner you show him that he is not in control the better.
When it's time for a change you tell him firmly he has to lay down while he gets changed so it can go quickly, look him in the eye and hold him down if you have to, no toys to prolong it, just get it done. (Tried the pull-up diapers which were a big joke and i can't recommend.) If he thrashes around tell him he will have a time-out for it, and follow through, even if you have to hold him there. Same with the car seat, he HAS to sit so there isn't an issue...unless you have the option of leaving him, in which case he will see that with his tantrum he loses out on going. If not an option follow through with a time-out, leave him in the seat while you clean out your purse.
As far as carrying him around, he's 17 months and I'm guessing he can walk, so I wouldn't carry him unless he's asleep or he refuses to go to time out, something of a necessary nature. Walking is a milestone because it means the child is becoming more independent. One of my grandson's did the taking his other gramma where he wanted to go from the time he was about a year, I didn't go for it, he tried it once and never again with me : ) At 4 he was "telling" her they had to go to Target, would yell at her to do it (she did) and once in the store would direct her "go here, turn this way" etc. until they got to the Toy Dept., whereupon he would choose the toys she would buy him. By the time he was 5 he was extremely out of control (or "in control" I should say) and my daughter and I told her she had to stop, he was manipulating her. She had come to that conclusion by that time herself, and began to say no to him, which infuriated him. She was consistent, we backed her up and he eventually stopped and is highly embarrassed when we mention it now that's he's 13. Point being, nip it in the bud now and save yourself the behavior as he gets older.
Deal with ending the tantrums now...teenage boys are much more difficult to deal with when they don't get there own way and disrespect authority. Set his boundaries now because children actually need and want them so they know what to expect, and are more secure beings because of them.
well ok so least politically correct answer you will get today. but when they are going nuts when getting diapers changed a good sharp crack on the leg will take that problem away. as far as the car seat is his seat to small for him? can he be moved into a bigger one that he can see better out of? my son also hated the car seat but its not a choice. they have to do it. and yes if you pick him up every time he cries he will think thats what he has to do to get your attention. I would not do that at all.
I read this and see more than just tantrums - these appear to be something more. Personally I would contact the pedi and get their perspective on it, but I think you may have a sensory child on your hands. I would contact the pedi and early intervention to have them take a look at your son. Think about all the "odd" things he may or may not do and write them down - my son was very simmilar to this, turns out he had Sensory Processing Issues and Adhd. Chances are your son may qualify for help and you can both learn coping mechanisms. It helped to learn how to change diapers with my son standing up! It could also be a possibility of reflux - does he sleep/lay on his back? Does he tend to not like being at too far of an angle back? Those are some things to look into and rule out. At this point I think it is more than just a tantrum, but I can not be too sure by this post alone in addition it may be clouded by my personal experiences.
IF they are just tantrums, ignore, ignore ignore. When it was just a tantrum with my son I put him in his room (safe area) and partly closed the door and ignored him until he was done. Then I spoke to him about it and we moved on.
I am inclined to agree with Kristina M. that you may want to have him evaluated for having Sensory Processing/Integration issues. The extreme reaction to the car seat may be a possible reaction to having motion sickness. The always wanting to be held may be sensory seeking (contact with you) or sensory avoiding (feet feel funny on the floor or body does not feel secure or balanced are just some examples or what could be going on). An Occupational Therapist would be a resource to evaluate for this. Maybe look at the book The Out of Sync Child to see if it describes the situation.
That's a tough age, but yea, you need to be firm and confident with him. Don't show any sign of weakness or he will try to take advantage.
Don't drive much, so I can't speak to the car, but I took to putting teddy in the high chair upside down. I also played, "where does the tray go?" on mommy's head? on the fish tank? under the table? with a couple of silly questions, he was really keen on getting the tray where it belonged.
As for diapers, we did stand up changes. Also, we did pin him down. Changing him on the floor, with my leg over his belly, accross his chest, and my foot by his shoulder.
He is allowed to "help" with the cooking, by empyting a low cupboard of tupperware and handing it to me.
Trying to strike a balance between making it all about him, teaching boundaries and limitations, and getting on with our day.
I think sometimes, it pays to invest in a little bit of "qt" and cuddling to get him in a good place. Once he's loved up, he's more tolerant of nos, and of getting on with the program.
Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.
sorry, but I don't play games! I have raised 2 very strong-willed, high-energy children....& we survived.
Please watch the "1-2-3 Magic" video. It will teach you how to be in charge, how to discipline your child, & will create peace & harmony within your lives. :)
All of this can be accomplished thru consistency, patience, & a little bit of humor. & most importantly, it can all be done without breaking the child's high spirits & strong will. :)
