So- I have a good job. Not a great job- but a good one. Good benefits, decent pay considering what else is out there, and overall it doesn't suck. However, I don't like it. It isn't that I'm not even "in love" with my job, I just really don't like it. I have a Masters in my field but it doesn't interest me and the idea of switching jobs becomes so overwhelming in this economy that I just really don't know what to do.
With all that said, my sister has a position in a school district which allows her to have a contract. This past year she moved to a new area and was hired in a district making roughly what I make in a year. She has always made slightly more than me, but that never really bothered me. Then, she re-negotiated her contract at the end of her first year there (actually only a half year) and got them to agree to pay her double!! Awesome for her!! What drives me crazy is now she is making more than my husband and I do combined!!
I know- money isn't everything and it doesn't buy happiness, but it does buy peace of mind. I have another friend who makes almost double what my husband and I make combined and is always off jet-setting etc...
Neither of these two put this information out there and try and make me "feel bad" or even bring it up. It was something that was just mentioned once. But I don't know how to get over the fact that they LOVE their jobs and get paid ridiculous amounts of money for it and I HATE my job and don't know what to do about it.
How do you handle being envious or jealous of very close friends or family?
You have to remember that there may be someone out there envious of you because you have a job and they have been unemployed for a year...you can't worry about people being better off than you...there is always someone who has it better than them, and so on.
Ok, here is a question ... would you cause harm to your sister to get her life? If the answer is No, then you are not jealous or envious. I think you are more upset with yourself that you do not have your "dream life" for yourself. So, you need to figure out what it is you want then you need to figure out the next step to getting what you want.
Things are cyclical & in the end, most things come out about even I've found. While my husband & I have always really, REALLY struggled financially due to have kids at early ages, my best girlfriend & her husband waited until all the stars were aligned, she had finished her Master's degree, they had bought a house, drove a Lexus SUV, etc., etc., etc. before they started trying for kids. They got pregnant immediately & all of their plans were falling into place. Then, when she was 7 months pregnant & about to leave her job for good, her husband lost his job. Now, he worked laying hardwood floors for a family-owned company, but when the housing market dropped out & nobody was building or remodeling homes anymore, there was just nothing they could do. He also lost his truck because it was a work-vehicle & when the company went under he had to give it back. So, as our kids got older & more self-sufficient, she had a newborn baby, had to continue to work full-time (as many of us do either because we enjoy it or because financially we need to, but it wasn't 'part of the plan' for them) & support her whole family while all of a sudden her husband got to be a SAHD. Talk about jealous! I was jealous of her all through our 20's when she was travelling the world & buying fancy cars, but now that we're in our 30's everything has shifted a bit.
I try to not begrudge anyone anything good that they have in their lives. I know we've all got our own cross to bear, but I just always have a hard time stopping myself from wondering, "When is it MY turn for the good stuff???"
You just need to realize that there is absolutely nothing good that can come out of you feeling the way that you do. I know that doesn't help or change your true feelings, but it's the God's honest truth.
If you hate your job, I would try my hardest to change that. I know it can be scary, but life is short, you have to go after what you want, which sounds like what your sister did.
I have posted about this before (but deleted it in case they read it LOL) But I am jealous beyond of my inlaws. Now I am not jealous of their age, they are 74, but I am jealous of what they have. They live next door to us, in a massive 4 bedroom house (just the two of them), next door to them they have a massive (at least 3000 square foot) office building, of which my father in law uses exactly 6 square feet to run his business (one desk, a filing cabinet and a table) It would make a great house for us. He earns way more than double what my husband earns, has 4 (yes FOUR) new cars, one of which is a brand new lincoln, but all are new. And there are only two of them. And my father in law works from home, so they only realistically need one vehicle. And guess what? we live in a stupendously tiny (< 800 sq ft) 2 bedroom one bathroom 40 year old shabby as hell trailer right next door. They own it, and let us live in it rent free. But with four of us in it, it is cramped beyond.
I don't handle being jealous very well. But I know my FIL works hard, at his age, he needs to be retired, but he likes working, he is a salesman, and good at it. I stay at home at the moment, I could get a job, but then my LO would have to be in daycare, so I am grateful for that. Also we have free rent, and I am grateful for that, my MIL babysits for me fairly often, so that's good. I suppose what I am trying to say (which you already know, but it's hard to do) is we have to be grateful for what we have!
If she is working in a school district she might want to keep her money and put it in the bank! Schools are hurting right now.
What can you do? Find a new job. Don't get overwhelmed. Prepare your resume and send it out. What do you want to do. What is your dream job? Make a list. Look online. Work the problem don't let the problem work you.
If you really hate your job, then it could be that the jealousy comes not from their enjoyment of their jobs but from your own dissatisfaction in your own. And for that, you should thank them for giving you the motivation to reflect on your own life and see where you could make changes. If you really hate your job and degree field, then you should figure out what you would LOVE to do -- or even better a few things you would love to do. Once you have that figured out you can either look for a way to include those things in your current job, make a plan to change careers entirely, or decide that, for now, the things you love will only be a hobby.
The reason that people who love their jobs get paid ridiculous amounts for it is that loving their jobs makes them devoted to them, work hard at them, and they are constantly improving themselves in their field because they love it. Employers can see that and want to keep those kinds of workers around.
I do a good job, actually pretty great when it comes down to it. I make great money, can work from home, and enjoy my field. However, my husband is starting a business and is making next to nothing, so we are in a state of somewhat struggling. We used to make double what we do now, so it's hard adjusting. We would like a nicer, bigger house, and would like to travel more, but we are having to be frugal. We also have 3 children to support!! So while we are doing "fine", we are certainly not living the high life right now.
Like you, my younger brother makes a ton of money. He works in finance in London, UK, and him and his fiance are always jetting off to fantastic European destinations (literally every weekend), and places farther abroad for exotic trips. It's a totally different lifestyle than I am living, and sometimes I find myself getting slightly jealous.
BUT at the same time I am really happy for him and his success, and it makes me reflect on my life, and be happy for my awesome children, and for my husband fulfilling his dream of starting a business, and for me being employeed in this tough economy and be able to work from home. So although I don't get to indulge in life's luxuries as often as I would like, I am thankful for all that I do have!
Just try not to compare yourself, and focus on your personal happiness relative to only yourself!
K
I'm not. I am happy with my own life. We are debt free, house paid off and we live within our means. I have had years where I have made double or more of what I do now because I now work PT but we have ALWAYS lived within our means.
NOW, if you HATE your job, then you need to make a plan to change that. What that looks like in your case is up to you: different job, modify the O. you have, take on new responsibilities, etc. Gone are the days when a MA or MBA is a guarantee of "good money"!
And you know what they say: You don't see hearses with luggage racks!
And with regrets to Sheryl Crow: It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have!
I just try not to think about it and or focus on other things about my life that I love and would never give up! And Iam right there with you though!- My sister married into a super rich family & gets to go on all sorts of wonderful vacations i could never dream of taking, Like aspen every winter - last year she sent us a post card (to me & my kids) and it said maybe sometime you guys can come to aspen with us! Well that pissed me off b/c there is no way I can do that!! Ever!! Unless they pay for the whole thing..
And my stepbrothers worked in my stepfather's family business which got sold a few years back for multiple millions so they both have plenty... but again I wouldn't want to be them. I am very happy in my own little life and although money has been a big issue for me lately (am going thru bankruptcy as the result of divorce) I have wonderful kids and a finace that is perfect and has stuck by me as i have stuck by him through some $ related turmoil..
Your envious of her, for something you could change. If you know what's missing in your life and won't change it, it's YOUR fault for being too afraid to make positive change. You get over it, by realizing this issue isn't even about her. It's about you. You're unhappy, but not stuck. Do something about it!!
I think a few things:
Remember these people are likely the exception in life. Read posts on here from people going through really hard things. Focus on your relative position to the greater population vs a couple of people
Remind yourself there's ALWAYS someone with a bigger house etc. Happiness comes from inside. People adjust to a new level of wealth very quickly and studies show it doens't change their base line of happiness
It takes practice to redirect your thoughts but you can do it. Make a conscious decision to not harp on how much better they have it.
My father always says "that's why they call it work, not play". HATING your job is extreme but for the vast majority of the population, work is just a means to pay the bills and support the things in their lives that they do enjoy.
Could you stay home? Likely it'll mean major downsizing etc but maybe it's worth it.
Slowly start to research what you'd like to do and make a plan to change to that SOMEDAY.
There are some people who things just really work out great for. We all know some. I'm probably that person in the eyes of my best friend. But having a job that pays a lot of money and I don't hate, I see that I'm still responsible for my own happiness. I can wake up and chose to focus on the negatives (everyone has SOME) or I can remind myself of all the good and to not be one of those people who is never happy. I used to envy my sister. SAHM w/ a nanny, lots of money etc. Once I had kids myself, I realized the challenges she has and how hard she works. (her husband travels all the time, they moved to a remote area w/ cold weather). Now I see she has her challenges too. They're just different than mine.
If you hate your job you need to change jobs if you have that option. And dont forget the grass always looks greener on the other side but usually isnt.
for one thing, money isn't "everything", but I do agree it helps! My hubby and I make a decent amount of money but pay cash for everything. our friends don't make as much as us and I swear they are always going on some great vacation, remodeling (again), buying a new car, etc. But I know they are putting it on credit cards and paying up the ying yang. We choose not to do that although we would like to do all those things as well. I guess what I'm saying is you really don't know how "happy" they are. We don't really know about peoples lives behind closed doors. Its as simple as if you are not happy with your life, make changes. Because life is passing you by and its really too short to spend it being unhappy. Good luck!!!
I focus on other things that I have that they don't-- like a great husband, fabulous brood of kiddos, etc. My one friend who makes double what I do just got jilted by her jerk-off fiance after moving from Illinois to Texas, giving up her high paying job, etc. -- ONE WEEK BEFORE THE WEDDING. She has since moved back to IL and got her awesome high paying job back...but still, she wasted 4 years of her life with that jerk. I also get jealous of my sister because my parents do EVERYTHING for her -- I mean did her yard work for years, redesigned/renovated a house for her, etc. But she lives very close to them and I chose to live 12 hours away...so I suck it up and realize she also is going to be the one left caring for them when they get old -- so she will be paying her dues.
That said- being in a contract position is not always great with a school district -- I know someone whose contract was not renewed for next year simply because the new principal wanted to get rid of her. Contracts are for a term -- once the term is up, or the person isn't living up to the contractual obligations, the person can get let go.
I also dislike my job most of the time, but I try to focus on its good points -- like job security, flexibility, and letting me come and go as I please most of the time. Generally works for me!
