Staying Home with 5 Year Old

This is how the conversation goes between other moms and me:

Working Mom: "So, A., what do YOU do?"

Me: "Oh, I've been blessed with a man who makes enough money so that I can stay at home and take care of important things like my family." (I smile and say this very politely and with great enthusiasm)

I never get bothered again. :)

Please do not let anyone try to make you think that you have to get a job!! Taking care of a 5 yr old, a husband, and a home is a full time job. I am in the exact opposite shoes. I am an RN and I work fulltime, my husband went back to school to get his masters after teaching and coaching for 9 years, and we have 2 great daughters that are 3 and 2. Every day it breaks it my heart that I have to drop them off for someone else to take of them. I wish every day that I did not have to work but the one thing that keeps me going is I know that once my husband does graduate I will not have to work fulltime and I can devote myself to my 2 girls. By that time my oldest will be starting kindergarten and my youngest will be in pre-k but I am looking forward to taking them to school and helping with their school activities!!! Please do not feel "inferior", you should feel very lucky!!

Most mothers I know that stay at home get busier when their children get in school. They are the ones called upon for parties and pta. Without them, schools would have great difficulty. I work at a school and rely on sahm often for help.

Simply put: Be encouraged. I'll be 40 in two weeks; I have a 17 year old, and a 16 year old. I've been married for almost 19 years. Out of those 19 years, I worked outside our home for 2 weeks! That was it. I ADORE being home when my kids get home! They adore it even more! I love to have the dinner waiting when my husband gets home! My husband and I CERTAINLY aren't "well-off", as some may put it, and money is sometimes scarce. But there has not been ONE day that we've gone hungry. There hasn't been ONE day that we haven't eaten or that our kids haven't been clothed (and I mean with some of the BEST of clothing and shoes--njo boasting EXCEPT about what GOD does)! Our bills are always paid on time, and EVERY DAY, GOD provides our "Daily Bread"! We get NO other income except that which my husband makes and I won't even bother to tell you what that is!! But ma'am, God takes care of us! I love my husband and our children. Peace is in our home--not because we're rich, not because we have everything we need all the time, but because GOD IS GOOD, and He IS in control! Let NO ONE dictate to you what your life should be like BUT God! Some wives and moms HAVE to work--I understand that perfectly! But for right now, I rejoice in what God is doing for MY life. Do likewise! I don't know what tomorrow may bring, but I bless Him for THIS right now! Be encouraged.

Dear A.,
Technically it's none of anyone's business whether you stay home or work-you don't have to Tell them that, just REMEMBER it ok :-D.
One thing I found in dealing with my family (they all love me they are just terribly Nosey :-)-I tell them something like "wow I didn't know you cared so much about my personal life" and "I'm doing what I think is best for this situation in My life"...
Sometimes it takes a few comments like that but they usually get the point-if you can't say anything nice...
If it Doesn't work and sometimes with strangers/acquaintences you can just tell them "thanks for sharing your opinion" and leave it at that.
For Friends-you can just tell them something like "Aren't you glad you don't have to live anyone else's life for them :-). Seriously, I'm doing what's right for my family-and _______(your sweetie's name here) agrees so..."
If they don't get the point then, I'd just try and change the subject if they bring it up again.
Most people are critical of situations they don't understand AND they MIGHT be a bit jelous b/c you are staying home and your child is in school. I'm a teeny bit green myself-I have an agreement w/ hubby to go back to work when our little one goes to school :-S :-).
I think the best thing for you is:
1-Stop being around/alone with people who consistantly give you yuck about your choices (they are YOUR choices to make and the only other person who matters in the decision making process-as far as input-is your Fiancee' if the 2 of you are fine with it that's all that matters).
2-Try and NOT let other's insensitive comments bother you. I know easier said...but if you think of your Son and the future kids you will have...I think it will help alot.
I hope this helps. :-)
Good Luck,
C.

A.,

Anyone that gives you a hard time about being at SAHM has OBVIOUSLY never stayed at home. It's a lot harder than it sounds. Just because you boy is in school now, does not mean that your job is any easier. You may not have a job in the typical sense, but you do work 24/7, 365 days a year AND you don't get paid for it! You could tell people that your job is raising a wonderful son, or my friend (SAHM to an 8 year old) calls herself a Domestic Engineer!

Hi A.!
You are so blessed to be able to stay at home and please don't let others make you feel otherwise. My son is 11 and if I could still be a stay at home mom, I definitely would!! Your son's childhood doesn't end when he begins school-he still needs you. Think about all of the perks! When they have anything at the school during the day that parents can attend, you can always be there! When they have parties for Christmas and Valentines, you can make the goodies to take to the class-and the kids will love you!! (I would love to take homemade goodies to my son's parties at school but I am often guilty of taking the storebought stuff). We have several moms in my son's 5th grade class that are able to be at home, and let me tell you, the moms (and the snacks) are definitely popular with the kids!! :-) If you serve on any committes at the school or become a "room mother" you will also have the advantage of getting to know your son's classmates. I fortunately have a working relationship with my supervisors that they will allow me to attend anything going on at my son's school and I love that!!
Maybe while your son is at school, you can use that time to pursue a hobby (I know it's busy, believe me-I used to be a stay-at-home mom and I was never at home!) but maybe take a scrapbooking class once a week or something else that interests you. It will allow you to do something that you enjoy and meet other people since you are living in a new place.
Also, we are also trying to adopt a child through the state and I wish your family the best of luck!!

This is your life do what makes you happy!!!If this is what makes you, your hubby to be and your son happy that is all that matters. People need to quit being so nosey!!!!!!!!Your life is none of their business!!!!!!!!!!! Welcome back to 50's were that is all we had to do. Was stay at home, clean house and have babies or adopt.Have a great life your way!!!

I have adopted. It does take time and legwork to get paperwork completed. You're also getting married soon. If you wish, you can just say those two things are occupying your time. My sister stayed home for many years, including years her children were in school. She was like you in that she felt it was best for her and her family. If you feel that strongly, try not to let others make you feel inferior. You're making sure your family has strong roots in your new home. You could also ask them to tell you more about what they do, as you can explore other options for the future that way.

You should NOT feel that way! Just look around at all the troubled kids today who are not getting enough parenting (I bet there are some right in your neighborhood). If that doesn't do the trick, join a support group, or just a supportive group, like a club for SAHMs or adopting moms, a group from church, or even a play group for young kids where you can chat with the moms. I believe it is possible to work and parent well, but very hard. As a homeschooling mom I meet TONS of SAHMs, and they all feel very good about what they are doing and especially about how their kids are turning out.

A., I too am a stay at home mom of a great 9 year old guy!. My little guy is adopted and we have had him since the moment of birth. I get the look and the oh, comment at times but who cares. I know that I am doing what God has planned for me and I am doing what is best for my family. Get involved in the PTA of your little ones school and you will find other moms . Volunteer at his school and read in classes, work in the office etc. This will give you a chance to meet other moms and dads and get to know all of the teachers etc at his school.
If you don't have a home church that offers bible studies, call around to churches in your area and ask about bible studies or mom's groups that meet during the day.

As for having another baby, Consider Crisis Pregnancy Outreach in Tulsa. They are a great organization. They take super good care of the moms and the adoptive parents. It is very reasonable and most of all THEY REQUIRE A STAY AT HOME PARENT FOR AT LEAST THE FIRST 5 YEARS.

When people ask me what I do. I usually say " I am trying to fullfil God's plan for myself and my family". OR I say, "I am spending all of my time and efforts on my first priority, My son and husband. They ususally just so OH and change the subject. Good luck sweetie, D.

A.,

I think it is GREAT that you are able to stay at home. My husband and I are working towards that for me too. Just because you stay home does not mean you are lazy. It is a fact that any woman that has children and works a full-time job -- they are actually working TWO full-time jobs. Just ignore the people that make comments. They are most likely jealous that they can not do that. You could get involved with your son's school. Talk with the teachers and they would probably love to have some to help them out on a volunteer basis. I know I really had a lot of fun when I would go on field trips with my son's classes. (I had to take a vacation day to be able to go.) I don't regret it at all. However, I do wished I had been able to stay home to be readily available for him instead of being a Mom with a full-time job. My husband and I work things out now, he may go on a field trip the first of the school year and I may go on the field trip close to the end of the year. However, our son has reached the age of 12 (going on 20) where it is not totally cool to have Mom or Dad on the trips.

Any way, I sugguest that you just ignore any comments made about you being a SAHM. Keep your head up high that you are able to stay home. One day I will be able to stay home too. I have a lot of crafts (wood work, ceramisc, painting and other things too) that keep me busy and it is great to have Ian (son) get in on doing the crafts with me.

Keep smiling!!!!!!!
L.

I am also a SAHM but I work from home. Those are just jealous comments and they wish they where in your shoes. I have friends who probably think I am lazy also even though I work from home. I have 2 year old and a one month old and that is a job in itself. I have to balance everything and still be me. Enjoy your life with your family. May you continue to receive many more blessings. And ignore people who cant be happy for your blessings.

Hi A..

So sorry to hear of your friend who was shot and killed recently. I, too, had an old friend who was recently shot and killed senselessly. He lived in MS. Is that by chance where you live? It's quite possible we have the same friend.

As for how you feel about staying at home, You are entitled to feel whatever it is you feel. No One can make you feel anything differently, unless deep down inside you think the same about yourself. Think about that for a second. How do you really feel about yourself wanting to remain in home while your 5 yr old is in school? If you truly feel fine with your decision and your spouse agrees, then I see no problem.

Analyze your situation, your lifestyle, the desires of yourself and your mate, along with your motives or reasons for wanting whatever it is you want. Then if you feel comfortable with your decision, allow no one to tell you differently. THEY CANNOT MAKE YOU FEEL ANYTHING! Take control of your own thoughts and feelings. STand your ground with your neighbors. Usually when people have negative comments to make regarding the living arrangements/decisions of another, it is because they are jealous of that person. Think about that for a moment! How many mothers out there would have preferred to stay at home while they children were in school? I know I would have given almost anything to be in a position to be in the home when my babies arrived from their schools daily. IN order to support my 3 children I had to work (single mom of 3 when they were little). It was our way of life. I held no anger, jealousy, nor spoke negatively against any other mom who was fortunate enough to be a SAHM. But not all people are this way. There are many who envy those who appear to have it easier or better than they. And yet, most of the time those envious people know absolutely nothing of the life of the other person!

I suggest you put out of your head what everyone else thinks about your choices and simply enjoy living your life!

CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU A.!

sincerely,

D.

I agree with all the pro-stay-at-home-moms. There will come a time when the kids are older and away. Why not save work away from home- then. (If you financially can). Then the empty place will be filled in your life. Right now- it sounds like your familys place needs filled by you being there. There's a time and place for everything. Just say,"Right now, my place is at home full time".
When people are about to die- I'm sure they don't say: I sure wish I spent more time at work.
Good luck. And do what you feel is best. They dont have to answer to your life and decisions.
J.

Hi!I am the mother of a wonderful 19 month old son and work full time outside of the home. I am also expecting our second child early next year. I would love to be able to stay home with my family if we could afford it. I think you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Taking care of a family and home IS in fact a hard and full time job. I loved being on maternity leave and being able to cook, clean, and take care of my family. If anyone says negative things to you about it, then they are probably just jealous of you. Don't listen to them and keep your head up! May God Bless you and your family!

A.
I'm not sure if you are a religious person or not but honestly why do you care what anyone but God, your fiance and possibly your family think (if your not religious then just worry about what your fiance thinks!). I think people get to caught up in what other people think. If your happy and your family is happy then that should be all that matters. Honestly, I'm jealous that your able to stay home. I would love to ditch my job and just take care of my 5 year old. So my advice and encouragement is Just be happy about your choice and don't worry about what "everyone else thinks!" Everyone else needs to worry about their own lives!

A.--Don't listen so much to what others say or think! Most likely, the women that are working a full time job and taking care of a family, make little snide comments because they wish they could be in your shoes! I am a mother of 4--2 of my own and 2 step sons; prior to meeting my current husband of 9 years, I worked my entire life and went to school and raised my kids. Over the past 9 years, I have had the opportunity to either work or not; financially, I don't have to. So, I have taken years off at a time to stay home, or to further my education. I do work right now, because I do have a "profession" and my youngest is 15. My 18 year old daughter just moved yesterday, into her very first apartment, and, trust me, I wish I had all the years back with her that I was either at work or at school!!! (I started young, I'm 37 right now) I choose to work now; for my own independence and for no other reason; just a weird quirk that I have--don't like being dependent on my husband's finances only.

At any rate, by all means, if you can afford to stay home while your kids are growing up, then that is what is best for your family! Being a SAHM is a full time job! And anyone that would judge you for that, well, frankly, they are being selfish and inconsiderate! Trust your heart--sounds like you've been through it, with all of the family members you have lost recently. It takes much energy to work and to take care of the kids, the husband and the house! Trust me, I know! I can tell the difference in my house (as for the cleanliness, and I've only been back at work for 3 weeks!) so, even my house is suffering and my kids are grown! So, if you were working, even though your child is in school; you still wouldn't be there to keep the house clean, cook, do laundry, be home when your child gets home from school and on and on.........so, disregard the other moms; and if someone is very offensive, I would just ask them why they are so bothered by the fact that you stay home or just tell them to get over it--it's your family and your life!

Good luck & God Bless,

S. Woodall

I am a stay at home mom of 3 - all 3yr or younger. It sounds like you have alot going on emotionally as well as being busy as a homemaker. Being a homemaker isn't easy. First focus on you. It may sound selfish but, it isn't. If you aren't where you need to be emotionally or spiritually, you can't "feed" anyone else's needs. Example, many pregnant ladies journal their pregnancies. Do the same with the adoption. Write down the frustrations in addition to the hopes and dreams. Write down memories of your family that has past. If you pray - right down the prayers. If you aren't involved in a church, I encourage you to do so. My faith has gotten me through and sustained me throughout every challenge that I have ever faced. Set aside a time to just get focused on what you want. Make a point to tell the people you love that you love them. I am so glad that I wrote letters to my family that I have lost. I knew that I wouldn't have my grandparents forever so I wrote them letters and sent cards. The whole point is to be the best person, mom, wife (in a few months), that you can be. Don't let anyone discourage you from the profession that you have chosen. As with any job- aim to be the best. Get involved with your son at school. Make it a point to take a walk or do one thing fairly active. Keep the positive juices flowing. It won't be long until every person that said that you were lazy will be eating their words because you will be the busiest lady around. Some of the busiest people I know are retired. As I have told myself over and over- you don't get a second chance at your kids childhood. Enjoy it. Enjoy life. Make it count for you as well as those you care about. I hope that this helps. My love from one mom and woman to another.

Hey, A.! I completely understand how you feel. When my oldest son started school and I didn't have any others at home I went to work. Every day I got off at 5 or so, had to pick him up from day care by 6, take him home and do dinner, bath, and bedtime. There was no time for us! On weekends I did the laundry and cleaning the house. Yet again, there was no time for us! I thought it was ok because that's what everybody else does, but it wasn't. My child has problems and he's now 15 years old. He ran away from me 4 times, then went to live with his dad and ran away from him continuously. He ran away from his first group home twice, and is currently in another group home which he's already talked about running away once and changed his mind. I know it's only a matter of time, though. He's been in front of the judge more times than I can count. I've seen my child in an orange jumpsuit with handcuffs on his hands and feet. So the next time someone makes you feel inferior because you stay home and are there for him when he returns home from school, just picture him in an orange jumpsuit w/ handcuffs. You know you are doing the right thing and you are blessed to be able to stay home with him! I have two little boys now, 5 and 2. I do stay at home with them, because I don't want them to turn out like thier older brother. My mom stayed home with my brother and myself until I was a teenager. Apparently that was when I needed her around the most, because that was when I got myself into the most trouble! I also want to commend you for adopting. Having been through the process myself, I know how hard it is. After three boys we wanted to adopt a daughter, but have currently put things on hold. The process was very difficult for us. Good luck and you are not alone.

Hey A., i am 50 years old, have raised 2 amazing boys and have 2 grandbabies, 4 & 2. My husband is the love of my life and i work for a great company. FOR ME, i couldn't have stayed home with my boys, it's just not who i am. BUT if i have 1 regret it would be that i didn't stay home with my boys till they started school. A., each of us has to do what's right for us. i admire women who can stay home and raise babies, it's just not me...keep in mind, that these other people who make you feel inferior can only do that if you allow it to happen. in my opinion, raising our next generation is the most important thing parents (not just moms) can do. i think a lot of the issues we have with the younger generations is that they were not parented. Parents (not just moms) are so busy having a career, making money, buying things, going places that the kids are in activities or on the computers or in front of the TV and aren't taught the values, work ethic, etc that should be carrying from generation to generation. i see it all around in the younger work force. i could go on and on about this but i won't. A., be solid in who you are and what you want for your life and your family. if you and your husband are good with the situation then it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Enjoy your family, good luck with the adoption. R.

Don't worry about what everyone else thinks or says, as long as you and your husband can afford to have you stay home that is your business. Now if it was a situation where it would put undo stress on him which would put undo stress on your relationship then maybe you would need to work. I also hope you are getting counseling to deal with all the people who have died in you family. That can start to take a toll on you, take it from someone who knows. Keep putting your family first.

Well Start out as don't worry about what other people think about what you want to do in your life. Some times them words of some one telling you Don't worry seems not enough. {SMILE....} But always think positive in your own self. On this Earth and World we Do Not live for what others want us to be or what they expect us to be in there own eyes. When they constantly nagging at you it just shows there jealous of what they wish they can do.or setter feelings for other feelings of people and there wishes. Me myself was a stay home mom. till my kids hit teenagers than i didn't work at all times just in between. If it wasn't for the prices on a lot of this life now a days there would be more stay at homes mom's and dad's. but i think to myself thats why kids get in trouble some times because theres no one at home taken care of them. now im not saying to the rest of mom's that they need to stay home or putting them down. but i have heard stories from other kids and some of them say because why they get in trouble. there answers are no body at home taking care of them and they can do what they want till there parents get home.so be that person to stay at home. as your kids grow up you and your kids can exchange good stories while you was a home taking care of them it will be the good times that you can cherish the rest of your life.because you was there with them as they was becoming a grown person. And good luck on Adopting. take care K.

More often than not, when people make those comments to you it is because they are jealous. Those women that try to make you feel inferior for staying at home are most likely working outside the home because they have to, not because they want to. And they probably feel resentful for it and thus take it out on you. Just keep that in mind next time it happens and give them a smile- just be happy that you are where you want and need to be, and that your family is very appreciative of you being there.

Why be stuck in a job you don't like when you are able to keep one that you love-and that happens to be the most important job you will ever have. Please don't let other moms who work make you feel like they are harder working or better than you just because they work outside the home. I know many moms who would love to stay home if they had the opportunity. If you feel like you want to do something else, try selling Tupperware or Pampered Chef, Partylite--there are tons of those kinds of busisnesses out there and can be a way of meeting new people and a lot of fun! Don't worry about what other poeple say-you are doing this for YOUR family-not theirs!

It is awesome that you want to be a SAHM! Your child will benefit from that! I was not able to do it, but admire those who can and do! Congratulations!

That said, there are ways to work from home-IF you want to. One way that many people are using is a business that will allow you the flexibility of being a stay at home mom. You work on your own time, when it is convenient for you. You get to choose your own schedule, be your own boss, and enjoy extra income while still being able to spend the time with your son that you want.

Check out my website to learn more: www.drtina.gomangosteen.com.
Feel free to e-mail me for more information, and good luck to you!

T. Theriot, D.C.
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I would tell you please do not worry about what others say you make the right choice for you and your family that is the big thing. Beside you have be thought a lot in a little while and it will take time to adjust to it alll. When you can handle more you make found yourself back in the work force. If you must tell people something tell them you are a domsctic egemgic. I know the spelles off but maybe you can figure it out.

Hello A.,

I am sorry that people imply that you are being lazy. Stop and think about this though. They are simply jealous of the fact that you DON'T have to work to make ends meet like they do. And that you do get to stay home.

You are not being lazy. In fact, you are doing what is truly expected of a wife/mother. You actually are the sole support for your family. In other words, they all are able to rely on you for their daily needs AT HOME. Your
husband "brings home the bacon" so to speak, but YOU still have to "COOK" it!!

It really bothers me that many women look down their noses at women who are SAHM. I have been one for over 9 years now and I am very proud of that fact. - My husband is old fashioned when it comes to the wife. He believes that I should be staying at home to take care of the child as well as the household. I am not expected to work a public job because being a wife/mother/teacher is a full time job as it is.

I support you fully in your choice to be a SAHM! It is really nobody elses business as to why you chose to do this. Don't get discouraged about other womens opinions. Be proud of the fact that you stay at home. I personally feel that it is a privilege to stay home.

I am here if you need me for any further support.

Sincerely, P.

Now that your child is in school you will be starting the hardest job of your life! Everyone thinks we "stay at home" moms have nothing to do all day. Therefore you will be expected to pick up the slack for all the "working" moms by volunteering your little heart out for every school function and extra curricular activity. On the other hand we get to have all the fun with the kids - which was the point of having them in the first place. Don't sweat it we are the lucky ones!

i love it when people say i 'just stay at home'...thanks alot! i know the stigma attatched and i deal with it all the time. my neighbors, for example, must think i lay on the couch all day long because they continuously ask me to do things for them, like move their sprinkler every hour, intercept the ups man, tile guy, ect. that is really getting old, but it is a small price to pay to get to be at home and have my home, meals, yard, children, hubby the way i have always dreamed. have you thought about volunteer work? at your son's school or the local hospital. if most people are working then there may be a real need for volunteers. if you feel you need something more than that you could care for 1 or 2 kids during the day. there are licensing requirements, but this is a very rewarding line of work. just food for thought. all my best, don't ever feel guilty or ashamed for taking care of your family and living your life the way you want to.

It may be a great time to get involved in a local women's group or pursue a hobby or sport you want to learn, maybe even take a few classes. If you don't want to go back to school to pursue a degree, maybe take up a cake decorating or cooking class. Cake decorating is something you could do out of your home if you learn it well. Another idea is to volunteer for an important cause. Larger churches usually have womens groups that work on fun projects together. What a great oppoutunity to do something fun and really positive. Maybe just go back to work part-time for a few days a week in something non-stressful and fun with adult interaction like a bookstore or Starbuck's or something like that. Good luck.

My, oh, my! The things women will do and say out of jealousy! I personally was losing my mind being a SAHM, so I got a hostessing job (which turned into a job waiting tables) 2 nights a week...adult interaction..Yay! With the mindset where I live, wouldn't you know, I was made to feel like I had to give excuses as to WHY I have to work...surely my husband makes enough money, no???? Wait tables? don't you have a degree???? I had to work through being embarassed about something that I WANTED to do! It is FUN...and NO responsibility to take home with me. Actually, at first we didn't need the money, but now that EVERYTHING has gone up from the rise in gas prices, we do.

My point is... no matter what you choose to do, someone will criticize you. If you are comfortable and your fiance is satisfied that you are not bringing in any money, ENJOY YOURSELF! Everyone is different, and we should not be made to feel uncomfortable for doing what works for us individually. It's easier to criticize you for staying home and look down their noses at you than it is for them to scrutinize their own life, wishing they had the opportunity to nest. Good luck with your adoption, and just tell people that you're doing what works for your family right now, and if that changes, so will you. (then stick your tongue out and do the thumbs in the ears wave after they turn and walk away - heh)

~K.

People can't make you feel inferior, it's a feeling that comes from within. If you are comfortable with your decision to stay home then stand firm. People always have their opinions, that can't be helped. You need to understand that most comments come from a place of jealousy rather than love. Let it go. You know you are doing what's best for you and your family. Don't feel the need to justify your decision-you don't have to. This is your life and you only get one to live. Enjoy your time home, I know I do!

Do what is right for you and your family especially if it works and you and your spouse agree on your decision. Dont worry about what everyone else says. I work and have a 2 year old that I would love to stay at home with but right now that doesnt work for us and actually my daycare has special therapists he needs so it really is better for us this way, but I still get criticism. Stick to your guns and do what is right for you not what others think or say, they have no idea what you and your family needs! May God bless you and your family.

A., I think you are great for staying home with your son. My mom quit work before I was born (32yrs ago) and never went back. It was a great comfort to my brother and me to know that mom would be there when we came home from school. I have also chosen to stay home with my daughter. I work from home with Discovery Toys. When people ask me what I do I tell them that I help moms find great educational toys for their children. Basically, I get paid to stay home and play with my child! Whatever work best for you and your family is what you should do. No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. The other ladies who look at you strangly or think you are lazy would probably love to be home with their kids and would just never admit it. Love your son everyday, enjoy every moment and good luck with the adoption. Every child deserves a great home and it sounds like the one that comes into your family will be getting exactly what they need.
J. :) www.toycubby.com

My name is K. S and I would not worry about what other people think because time is valuable. I do suggest that you do some self help CD's to inspire you and to grow mentally and emotionally. There are alot of great ones by Shad Helmstetter and Jim Rohn, etc. I have learned so much since I have been involved w/ Arbonne as far as self development. When the time comes that you want to do something as far as a job look at Arbonne. Also, they have great products for your family that are all natural. If you want ck out my website www.successfromtheheart.myarbonne.com and/or give me a call ###-###-####.

Oh-A....You are going to get ALOT of responses for this one! (haha) But for and to the good!
First I want to say; Bless your heart. I am so sorry you have lost so many people so close to you in such a short time span. But give yourself some credit for being the person you are and being strong. Even in the midst of challenge and chaos, God granted Moms the unique ability to still function even when we feel we are under attack.
Can I just say, 'don't worry about the other people where you live!' I know that can be hard and easier said than done but you need to voluntarily surround yourself (ie; Momasource, etc) w/people who will support you where you are at and will be willing to bring out the best in you, not condemn you! You have to look past it and rise above it, as my Mom used to say..and say to yourself, 'these people are not paying my bills and they do not have my best interests!'
You know what you want and what works best for your family. And more times than not, folks saying things like you 'should work, why don't you try to work?' What business is it theirs anyway?! I would have to partly assume they might be a little jealous of your position. And a very important one at that. You do what is best for you. You can't trade the time w/your little one when it gets later in life. He and you will have those memories and times that no one can take away.
As for the adoption part: I would take one thing at a time. I do not know if this is the platform with which to bring up religion and I do not know your beliefs, but I can only tell you what I'd do and have done and that is to pray to God for that opportunity if it is in His plans for your lives. That is really the only thing you can do right now and watch for the signs that He places in front of you to continue or go another route, or sometimes, just wait. Tell him the desires of your heart. ;) He already knows them, but tell him. It sounds like you are a wonderful Mom and have your thoughts going in the right place. I will pray for you today and each day for the direction with which things are to be taken. Best Wishes.*

Dear A.,
I am a stay at home mom of three children that I adopted. WE adopted two girls and a boy (a seven year old, a five week old, and a four day old) They are now 13,2, and three. Adoption is the best! It is a long process but so worth it. I cannot conceive children but I'm so glad because I would be lost without my three. The adoption process is long and stressful at times. I encourage you to do what's best for you. I personally think staying at home is great. It gives you the freedom to go back and forth to school for your child/children and also at anytime if the adoption agency calls with questions or a child you can be there.

Good luck,
Sincerely,
A.

P.S. People will talk no matter what, you just have to learn that you were not put on this earth to please others, you and your family and what's best for ya'll comes first. And your happiness is what's important.

Why don't you just say that you stay busy volunteering, planning a wedding, taking care of your family, and preparing for a new baby. You are "emotionally and mentally pregnant" by going through the adoption process. That my sound kinda silly but in my opinion it is just as silly to think that a SAHM is lazy.

You are doing what is best for your family and that is all that matters. I never dreamed that I would be a stay at home mom. I always thought I would be working, when my son was 9 months one week old I was able to leave work. I turned into a daily emotional basket case at work. I have seen it from both sides. My son will start prek4 in August of 2009 and yes I would like to go back to work, but it will be difficult to find a job that will allow me to work the hours that he is at school. Then I will have to be off during the summer and the days he is not at schoo. At the same time I want to be very involved with every aspect of the private christian school we will be sending him to. I know we will need the money for extra help to pay for school. I am hoping to eventually get a job with the school so I can be there the same time my son is. Not to sufficate him, but for something that will benefit our family. I remember thinking how wonderful it must be to be a SAHM and I never could understand the women who fussed about it, now I know what it is like to be a SAHM and even though I get very stressed out sometimes with my 3 year 8 month old (going through the potty training twilight zone) I am very thankful for this chance to be home with him. My mother in-law was watching him during the time I was working and it was very hard, because she tried to make it into a competition of effection. Even though my husband could not see it, her daughter who's children she watched got it all the time. I do work as a contract employee with the State about 3 days a month and yesterday was one of those days. When we left I was so glad he was not being watched all the time there. Not that they do not love him, I know they do and they are VERY good with our son. He has a very good time there and she is very involved playing with him all day. But when we got there the first thing she had him come up and say to me is that he wanted to take Nana's sweet tea home. Well! I only give him tea as a treat when we go out to dinner or on occasion at a special meal at home. I do not let him eat and eat all day to his hearts desire and I do not sugar up the truth to make her sound better while watching him. I feel like I am in a competition when we leave. One thing that always irritated me, as it did my sister in-law is to hear, "Everything taste batter at Nana's" I had to hear that yesterday, and my skin was about to crawl on the walls. I came back very quickly and said well he eats all the same things here that he does as home. She tells me that he eats fish sticks that he use to love about a year ago, he has stopped eating chicken and is stuck on turkey dogs. Anyway, when my husband was outside with his father he told him they had to just about force him to eat them between bites of banana. So why does she do that? Why does she lie to me? I know she would love for us to buy the same exact fish sticks and fix them for him only not to eat them at home only to hear, "Everything taste better at Nana's." UGH!!! I am sorry, I did not mean to vent about me. I just think that you have t do what feels right in your heart. if you being at home right now is what you and your husband really want then that is what you need to do, especially talking about bringing another baby in the house. Finding a job will always be an option, but your child is only this age once in their life. You do not want to look back and say I wish I would have done... That does not say that women who choose to work or who have to work that something is worng with it. We really would do better with a second income, but the jobs that I could get as an office worker or something would not be enough to pay for daycare, gas, and all the other things. There are times that I wish I could get out there and be around people my age, but the contract work and writing on this website helps me with that. Plus, I am in the womans bible stucdy at church. My son does get social interaction with other children there to help him when he gets in school. Well I hope you find the advice that will help ease your mind. Well my child is ready to play so I better go, do what is better for your family. Maybe some of those moms who are critical probably wish they could have the life like yours. Think about that. Good luck!

What is the issue with your life at this time? Dealing with people who think you are lazy because you decided not to go back into the work force? Everything else sounds like life is the way it should be for you. You didn't mention financial problems, so I take it everything is good in that area. I sympathize with you on losing family, but whether working or not working, time will heal the loss. Adoption is not an easy process, and you seem to be aware of that, and it sounds like something that you are willing to take on, so I can't seem to figure out what you are dealing with. All the people who think you are lazy and should be working are the ones that wish they were in your shoes. Take care of yourself and your family, when you decide the next step in your life, it's your decision. Don't let haters get you down.

Staying at home is fine and great! You are there for your family when they need you. If your little boy is sick and gets sent home from school, you can go get him without making sure it is okay with your boss.

I stay at home - have been a stay at home more since my oldest child was two (I worked the first two years of his life) and I highly recommend it!

A.,
It's funny you say this, because I work and almost all my friends stay home! I almost feel bad for working! But, like you, my husband and I feel that this is best for us right now. Someday I'd like to work part time, but I don't really have the desire to stay home full time. Don't let people stress you, just stay confident that you know that this is best! And I don't think it matters one bit if your kid is in school. I know a girl who had no kids up until just a few months ago, and didn't ever work for the 10 years she was married just because work stressed her out too much. Hey, to each their own! Don't worry about it!
Good luck!
W.

Enjoy being home and taking care of your family, home and YOU! Because of your age, you probably worry more about what others think of you than you will as you get older. You will start to realize that if you are happy and taking care of your mother/wife responsibilities, if won't matter what anyone thinks. If others ask you what you do for a living or during the day, tell them proudly that you get your child off to school in the morning and then take care of family needs so you can be with him in the afternoon. Also tell them if you get everything done ... "It's all about ME!! I can just relax, read, exercise ...!" Many folks don't have a choice about working because of financial demands and others just think it's necessary to be BUSY doing something all the time. If your bills are getting paid and that's not a worry, it is your choice to stay home or work, make your decision and be confident in it. If you want to do something outside of the home but want more flexibility than a job might offer, volunteer at a local hospital, animal rescue organization or nursing home.

I applaud you for being a stay at home mom. I am fifty seven and quit a very good job to be daycare for all my grandchildren. I have never regretted that decision. I missed the money a little, but I have found the more money that you make the more you spend. Don't let other people make you feel inferior. You are doing what is best for your family and you should feel very proud. I will keep you in my prayers. C.

You are under no obligation to explain your life choices to ANYONE. What you and your husband decide to do in arranging your personal family matters is between the two of you and God. Lots of people have ideas about what other people ought to be doing with their lives, and obviously I'm no exception because I throw out advice all over the place! But each person is different, each family situation is different, and most people make harsh judgments of other people when they don't know all the facts (and sometimes even if they DO), so don't worry what other people think. They don't live your life, and there is no need to feel inferior or like you're not measuring up.

I think culturally we tend to think we have to be frenetically running around doing something all the time or we're lazy, and that's not true. There's a lot to be said for quiet unhurried time. If you have time alone at home, I say cherish it! Remember how you longed for this when you were dealing with a toddler! Enjoy the free time to read library books, or develop a new hobby, or to take walks in nature, or visit museums! Enjoy the unstructured time! And, when your child is home, you will get to enjoy unstructured and spontaneous time with him, which are the times I think kids love the most. Good luck!

Stay at home as long as you want, it is your life. I have 2 kids and i work for the post office so i never know if i'm going to get called in on other days then my reg. Day. I had my son is daycare because of this and then he was kicked out in may (long story) but i would have to try to find a place for my little girl. People looked down at me for sending blaine to daycare and me being home but oh well that was what i decided to do. Now i'm try to get my son under control and see if i can get both into daycare. One thing you can do if you get tired of being at home is in mississippi a person can keep 5 kids at home with out saying you have a daycare in your home and you can check with your state and maybe you can keep a or some babies at home, it is so hard to get a baby into daycare and there might be a mommy that really needs a sitter.

A.,

I say--good for you! If you fiance can afford for you not to work and bring in additional funding---then stay at home. I think it would be awesome to be able to volunteer at your children's school, church, etc. I work full-time with two children and a husband. I feel stretched so thin. I feel like my house is a disaster, and I miss so much of my children's lives. Not to mention my poor husband. I am thankful he is so understanding when I do not give him the attention that he deserves!

You don't owe the neighbors or anyone else an explanation. If anyone asks you why you don't work, tell them you have a full-time job, and it pays in ways that you can't put in the memo section of a check.

Don't let anyone else's opinion of what you do affect what you know is right for your family. Point out that you and your fiance decided together that it would be better for your family if you stayed home for now. Enjoy these years with your children, step or full. No one else has to live in your house or with your family. Remember that, and hold your head up high. Lots of luck and best wishes.

First, don't let all the women that work and take care of a family fool you, I promise, they don't have it as "together" as they let other people believe. Second, do what is right for you and your children, if other people have a problem with that, the problem is theirs, not yours. Unless the person that is making the comment is extremely important to you, who cares what they think about your life, it is yours to live the best way you can, you don't get a second chance to live it.

A little about me, I am a 38 year old, working mom. I am recently divorced, but have always worked. I have 3 beautiful children, that suffer because when I get home from work, if I don't have a lot of house things to take care of, I am still too tired to go to the park and other things they would like to do. My kids are 16, 14 and 5.

Hi A.-

You have no reason to feel inferior. It is what you and your fiance have decided to do, period. You do not need to explain yourself to everyone. I have friends that don't work outside the home although their kids are in school either because they don't need and/or want to. I don't question that, its none of my business. Generally, many moms want to go back to work or out of financial obligation need to go back to work after the kids are in school and that is a vast majority of us, myself included. However, it really sounds like these other moms are jealous and insecure just because maybe their circumstances require them to work. I wouldn't worry about it, those judgemental women can just get over themselves!!! Staying home even when kids are in school is not lazy, I would say that it is a great window of opportunity to get the house clean, catch up on rest and be ready with open arms for the rest of the family when they get home. One day, I hope to be there! :-)

Another thing I wanted to mention is that you can get networked with other moms in similar situations through a website called meetup.com. I don't think there's a fee, but its also been a few years since I have utilized it. One of the groups I was involved with was the SAHM group until I started working again, but it is definitely worth checking out. It sounds like you need to make some friends that you have common ground with in the family area.

I wish you the best as you go through the adoption process. I was adopted and I know that it is just as special of a time as is being pregnant and giving birth to biological children. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, I hope everything goes smoothly for you in the planning of that, especially with all the kids around! :-)

I guess you don't want to say MYOB (mind your own business) so you need to feel better about yourself. First-- you have a job. It's the most important job in the world-- rearing your child to be the best individual possible in this crazy world, and that's BIG. I live in Bentley so I know what you mean about working, but in this economy and this area, it's hard to make it on one salary. If you can, bless you. Plan for more activities as a family. Join a church. Come clean with me. (LOL) Second-- don't wait for others to ask what you do. Tell them you're a SAHM while your son is young and still likes you. Third-- appreciate who you are right now. The fact that this came up is a factor in liking yourself. Don't let anyone make you feel inferior. You are a special person if you want to be a mom. Many women end up with children and don't like being a parent, and it shows. I'm proud of you, and I don't even know you. God bless you. L.

I am also a stay at home mom who has felt inferior to other moms who were able to juggle family and a job. My oldest son is 10 and I couldn't wait for him to be in school so I could get a job but then I got pregnant with my second who is now turning 5 next week. He is now in Pre-K this year and I have found that I love being the stay at home mom who can go to the PTA meeting and do the parties. Some mothers work, some stay home. We choose to do what we feel is best for our family and our own situations.
Good luck with the adoption!!

A., I think it is great that you enjoy being at home. Life is too short not to enjoy it. I would add one note of caution here. Be sure that you and your child will be taken care of financially if something should happen to your fiancee, since he does have children, too.

J.

Hi A.: I am a working mother...really, I was forced to go to work because of financial reasons. I never thought that it would be so great getting out of the house, but I do miss my kids. I have two kids: My oldest is in 1st grade. My little boy is 3 and will be in pre-k next year. If you have the money to stay home and that's what you want to do...I would have a sit down with the people that are giving you a hard time and tell them that they are not welcome in your life until they can accept and respect your decisions as a person and a mother. It's just not healthy for them to put you down about that decision. However, if you are struggling to make ends meet, I would say, get a job.

The point is, that you are doing what YOU want to do, and are doing what you feel is Best for your family at this time. You cannot be sure the comments are not coming from pure old jealousy...Being a mother, good wife and homemaker is the most sacred calling that God ever issued. Be sure they know your efforts and desires are centered around just that, be sure they know that you not only a sahm, but the BEST SAHM in the area. To be have the opportunity to give your total time and attention to providing a loving, safe, secure well kept home and environment during these critical years to your child and your soon to be husband is like laying a strong foundation for building new house. It is essential, and I am very proud of you! If this is a financial option for you, the YOU GO GIRL. You are exactly where you want to be, doing what you Want to Do, and I believe God will bless you as a spouse and as a parent. So, in that respect, does it really matter what anyone else thinks....? Hold your head up high, keep that wooden spoon in your hand, and wear that apron like it was a Vera Wang exclusive!!!!! I am a Ma and GrandMa who knows!

Hi A.,

It seems like you have your life already in order at such a young age. You have set your priorities for yourself and your family and you have also realized that life is short and your should value it to the fullest and taken time for who and what is important in your life.

If you have chosen not to work and your household is not suffering from it, than please do not let what others think or imply bother you. 90% of the time it is only jealousy speaking and they really want to be like you, so they reverse it and try to make you feel bad. Be very careful of friends and family who are not supportive of your choices. You should probably choose not to get too close to them, it could cause alot more hurt and pain than what you could imagine.

May God Bless you and your Family

All I can say is I think you are great! Some moms would love to stay home, but can't and others work because they want to and enjoy it. I stay at home and my last child entered 1st grade this fall. I enjoy a little time to myself, but I really like being able to participate in their school activities - field trips, volunteering, etc. without having a conflict with work. It is a choice that I have made. I have a college degree and could be working somewhere. When people ask me where I work? I just say, "I'm a MOM!" You spend that time with your family and if a job comes up later that is right for you, you can take it. It really doesn't matter what others think. There a lot of others like you out there.

A., do not let others make you feel guilty for the shoes that you wear. YOU are the one that walks in them. You don't have to make excuses as to why you are a sahm. I am old enough to remember when all moms were. If people look down on you it is probably jealousy in the fact that they can't do it. Hold your head up, life is short and you are blessed enough to be able to take precious time with your family.

I totally agree with your decision. As a matter of fact I plan to do the same thing I feel like I work a little harder when they are in school there is never a dull moment :) I think you shouldn't worry so much about what others say they are probably just jealous they can't do the same. Goodluck! M. J

First of all, god bless you!! I am like you i don't have a problem per say with working mothers, i just don't understand how they do it!! My little boy is turning 5 next month and is in mother's day out three days a week for the first time this year. I had my own shop for 15 years and things just got so bad that i had to close it, but even then he had his own room in my shop and i only worked it part time and he went with me. I believe that god gives us our children to raise and i wouldn't have it any other way. I felt just like you do when i first closed the shop, even though, i was no longer making any money, women are supposed to have a career right?! I felt very inferior, i also hold three degrees that say that i should have a huge career!! However, i just thank god everyday that i am able to stay home and raise my child and take care of my home and family. After all this time now, i don't feel inferior, i feel like the luckiest woman in the world!! Of course, there are financial sacrifices to not having two incomes, but to me they are well worth it. I have an eight year old grand am, no fine fancy new car for me!! But, i love my little car and wouldn't trade being at home for a brand new mercedes. Pat yourself on the back, enjoy your home and family and if anyone dares to ask you, do you work, say yes i do i am a wife and mother!! That usually shuts them right up. I do now have a successful ebay business that i work on when my little guy is at school or when he and his daddy are busy doing their guy things. So, i guess i can say that i do have a job now, but my first and most important job is my family!! Be proud of yourself and enjoy!!
Have a fabulous day and god bless!!

If you are able to stay at home and your fiance is okay with it, then do it! You don't need anyone's permission to do that. You can fill your time with family and with your child's school. When I was able to stay home after my son went to kindergarten, I was able to be his room mother and organize the parties they had at school. You can also find organizations to volunteer at in your community if you find yourself getting stir crazy. If not, enjoy the time you get to spend at home. I envy you!

My response is that I am a temporarily retired...(insert your job here). And that we are so blessed that I am able to stay at home right now when my children need me. Pay no attention to their jealousy!

I am also a SAHM of 3, soon to be 4. I do work part time at home, but my "real job" is taking care of my kids, it takes up far more time than that part-time job. My husband recently mentioned that I might be able to continue to stay home after the kids are all in school, and I am extremely excited about that. All those things that I can't get done now - pictures, scrapbooks, organizing, I will get to do those things when the kids are in school. You have plenty to do without heading out the door in the morning - don't feel like you have to work outside the home just because someone else thinks you should!!
I do think that volunteering is a good idea, or maybe a class or two just to keep yourself involved with other adults and to add to your resume when you DO decide to return to work. I would love to go back to school, but that is something I can do later. My kids are more important now. I'm sure your son feels very lucky to have his mom home every afternoon with her full attention. He will need it more when the homework begins to get heavier.
My mom stayed home with us, she always wished that she had stayed home thru our high school years, there were problems with my sister that she thinks that she could have avoided if she had been home instead of at work.
You know you are doing the right thing for you - don't let anyone tell you different.
Good luck with your adoption and engagement!!!

My husband stays home with our daughter (she just started Pre-K), so he has the situation you describe PLUS the added stigma of being a stay-at-home DAD. You can imagine how hard that is. Don't worry about everybody else. Do what works for YOUR family. I guarantee you that most of the people that criticize your choice are just jealous and would LOVE the opportunity to stay home as well. If I could stay home and focus on the family... I'd do it in a heartbeat! Keep your chin up, and remember that you're doing what's right for your family!

BTW... I LOVE Amy's response! :)

You do not need to justify your reasons to anyone. God knows where you are and why. If you are in a Bible believing church, you will find others who share your desire to raise your child and take care of your home. Sounds like from the recent losses in your life, you don't need to add to the stress. Be grateful and thankful every day that you do have a choice. Some people don't.
God will bless your desire to adopt. He has a very special place in his heart for those who care for widows and orphans. Why don't you just get married now? It will help in the adoption process for sure. When you do, you might try the foster children program in your area. I know several in my community who have ended up adopting through that.
Prayers to you.
An Alabama Gramma

A.,

You are not being lazy. You are smart enough to know what works and is good for you and your family. You are not inferior. Please do not let anyone make you feel that way. If someone does try to make you feel that way, they are probably jealous. I have done both, stayed at home with my son til he was 3 and worked while my husband stayed home with our daughter.

Staying at home is HARDER!!!!!! Don't let anyone tell you differently.

That said, even though I know it is harder, I would rather stay home. At least there I know all the personalities, I know if someone is trying to pull the wool over my eyes, etc.

You stay home as long as you want. I work with Law Enforcement folks and that is a stressful job for them and their families. Your being home with your child has got to make your fiance feel better.

As long as it is okay with your fiance and you, stay home!

I am sending a big fat razzzzzzzzzz-berry to anyone who says different!

People are probably jealous that you can afford to stay home and keep things under control there and take care of your family. You ARE contributing and you should not feel inferior. Enjoy this time at home!

Each family has to decide what is right for them. I have been a SAHM for many years now. We have learned to live on less with one income. There is nothing wrong with a SAHM mom if it works for your family. I have also been a school mom since 1984 - and now two grandsons of whom I have custody are in 1st and 2nd grades.

Since your son is in pre-K, I would urge you to volunteer at his school several hours a week. Or if he is in a private pre-K, find the elementary school he will be attending and go there and volunteer several hours a week. They always need volunteers to shelve books in the library among other things. You will meet other volunteers, some of whom are SAHM moms also. If you are contributing your time and energy to help a public school, no one can accuse you of being lazy - well, they can accuse you, but they will be wrong :) Also, the school will be so grateful for your help and it will benefit your son in the long run when he is at school - as the schools love parents who volunteer.

Being a SAHM doesn't mean you don't work - it just means you work at things other than an hourly job. Volunteer work will make you feel productive and give you joy from helping others and help you keep busy while waiting to hear about your adoption.

Bless your heart. You owe no one any explanations to anyone for how you choose to live your life. You need time to heal emotionally and grieve your losses. Forcing yourself into job situations (if it not necessary)will only create more stress on you and consequently those around you.....it's a vicious cycle. Busy yourself with with things you enjoy and make you feel worthwhile. Crafting is fun...gifts for friends and family. Sewing...I avoided this one for 50 years thinking it looked so boring, boy was I wrong. Try new things to challenge your talents and your mind and the successes that follow will do wonders for that sagging ego. YOU GO GIRL and God bless.
A.

A.,
The only advice I can give you is to maybe distance yourself from these people in hopes of not hearing their comments. You are still grieving and dealing with a lot right now. However, not being around these people won't deal with whatever it is in your mind that makes you feel inferior. That has to come from within. How can someone else make you feel inferior for doing something you feel is right for you and your famiy? DId you ever think they may inferior to you because they don't have the option to stay at home??? Don't waste any more time, energy or effort on these people. I'll be the first to commend you for wanting to stay at home and do what I consider one of the hardest jobs in the world. I was on maternity leave for 2 months with my first child and honestly I could not wait to come back to work. I'm not cut out to be a SAHM,and not just for financial reasons. But you best believe I would not let a SAHM make me feel bad about working outside the home, just like you should not let working mothers make you feel inferior about being a SAHM. Focus that energy, time and effort on your new addition to your family and hold your head up.

First off, I believe if financially you can stay at home than do it. I worked when my older kids were younger where we could have health insurance. Due to circumstances of my husband being terminally ill, I have been able to stay home with my younger children. Trust me you are not lazy. Any one who thinks a SAHM mom does nothing all day, needs to try it. It doesn't matter if your child is in school or not. You still have a house to clean, clothes to wash, dinner to cook and errands to run. After I quit my job and starting staying at home, I wondered how I managed to get it all done while I worked. I never stop. All of my children are in school. But the laundry doesn't go to school, the dusting and vaccuuming doesn't go to school, the bills doesn't go to school. So don't let anyone ever make you feel inferior or lazy. You are a strong woman that God loves no matter if you work outside of the home or not. Your job title is not SAHM, but a Head of Domestic Engineering. Be there for your child when he/she comes home from school, that is wonderful. Now I personally understand that some moms have to work, I had to do it for many years and will return to work someday. Finacially I need to work now, but I also need to be here for my husband.

Take your new title and run with.

All I can say is YOU GO GIRL!!!!! If others are making you feel inferior then you don't need them in you life...people should respect you for your choices. I would give anything if I could stay home with my daughter. Good luck with the adoption process!!!!!!!

Hi A.,
You don't owe an explanation to anyone! To work outside the home or stay home is a personal decision, and if you are able to stay home, GO FOR IT. I was lucky enough to get to stay home with my 2 kids and I enjoyed every minute of it. I was able to be the Brownie Troop Leader for my daughter, and home room mom for both my kids. I volunteered at their school and was able to be available for them when they were sick and needed to stay home, or when they went on field trips and needed parents to go, etc. I can't tell you how many times I heard the phrase from other moms "I wish I could, but I have to work." You are in a very lucky position to be able to do these things for your child, and you don't need to make excuses to anyone about being a stay at home mom! Enjoy it! :)
C.

Hi A.! I am a SAHM of 4 kids. 2 of them are in school and 2 are at home. But even after all of them are in school, I will continue to stay at home. I don't care what anyone says, running a house is a FULL-TIME job! Even when kids aren't there, you have dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, and the list goes on. Thats not mentioning the job you're gonna have soon with doing stuff for your sons school. There are field trips and christmas parties and all kinds of fun stuff you'll be able to play a part in. A mommy that works can't always be a part of those fun times. Please don't be down on yourself or let anyone else get you down either. As long as you're doing what feels right, then you truly are doing whats best for your family. Sounds to me like you are right on track! So anyways, hope I was able to encourage you a little. Hang in there. Oh, and good luck with your adoption process. That will be such an amazing time for your family.

A. K

You should not feel inferior with the decision to be a stay at home mom. My mother has been one all my life and I am 30 years old. She has done some subbing at the school when times got tight with money but that is all. A stay at home mom is a full time job to me. You cook, clean, take care of all the shopping, run errands that are needed to be done, go to the doctor with children, and most of all are there for your family whenever they need you.

I woman who works is so busy and stressed out all the time. Trust me I am one of them that works full time, takes care of the house, kids and husband. We also have our own business I help with. I would love to have you job.

To be honest with you I am very jealous of you. Keep you chin up and be proud that you can afford to stay home.

Since this is a different era, if you don't already have a degree you may consider getting one. SAHM truly doesn't last forever in the 21st century. Not placing yourself in the workforce will hinder you down the road but I applaud your reasoning. I also envy your financial stability but your generation needs to have an early financial plan for college and savings. Maybe a part time job to keep you sharp and you can just put that money in a saving for your kids. Just a thought. I would hate for a situation to arise where your family would need to depend on you and then you have no current work experience or solid work background where you can easily slip into the workforce.
B.

A.,

You do NOT have to justify your choices to anyone! I continued to stay at home even though my youngest started school and found plenty of ways to keep busy and enjoy my family. I was/am very involved at his school including art moms and PTA board. No one ever questioned my choices. I have friends who work part/full time and friends who choose to stay at home and would never think of one way as the better way. If anyone makes a comment just tell them at this time you choose to be at stay at home mom, and leave it at that. As women we should not judge what works best for another woman. I now run my own business part time and have stayed very involved in his school and feel like I am at the best time in my life so far, but it has taken me a few years to reach the point of being to balance it all. So you just enjoy this time in your life and don't worry about what others think.

mancinisouth

You are very fortunate to be able to be a sahm. However for some reason you seem to be unsecure. Why is it so important what other people think? Enjoy your family!

Congratulations on your engagement!

God Bless

Honey, I would not even give it another thought. I have always had to work, even when my 5 year old daughter was a baby. But I would give anything to be in the position you are in. You are there when he gets home from school. You are able to bring him and pick him up. You are able to go on field trips, help in the classroom, volunteer, do housework, get all the errands done, etc. It really is a full-time job to run a house and family. That is why mine is so messy and disorganized! I would give anything to be able to be there when my daughter comes home, or pick her up and ask her how her day was, or bring her to the park after school, go get ice cream, etc. I know plenty of women who don't work at all because their husbands make a bunch of money, and they don't even have school age children in the home. They stay at home and look pretty. They spend their time at the gym, getting hair/nails/facials/massage/plastic surgery/ whatever done. Some of them volunteer, which is good, but many of them just shop. I would not worry what anyone says to you. You tell them that you do work, just inside the home!

Hi A.,
You have allot on your plate. You probably aren't thru grieving for your mother, grandmother and friend.
You have a wedding to plan. You have your son to take care of.
When people ask why you don't work, they are probably jealous.
Tell them that you feel lucky to have this time at home.
Let God take care of the rest.
Good luck and have a good life.
J. P.

Hi A..
Don't worry about what other people think. I know, easier said then done. You are doing something very valuable, and it upsets me when people cannot see that. In my community, your choice is quite common. My mom stayed home with us (her 6 kids) until her youngest was in high school. We were all homeschooled too. I have never heard her say she has any regrets on this choice, even though I'm sure we could have used the money she could have earned.
Since I've been married (for 8 years now) I have been mostly at home as well. There have been some part time jobs I've done at points I felt that it was right for our family, but there were always hard things about it too. Right now I am homeschooling my 5 year old, and I work part-time on our family-owned business. Most of my work I do from home. It is hard to keep up with it all though.
To be completely honest I have dealt with guilt and uncomfortableness about my recent decision to work part-time on this business. Because I always expected to be a full-time stay at home mom. But I believe that you need to make the decisions that are right for your family and for you at this time. Especially if your fiance supports you in this right now, that should give you more peace about your choice.

Good for you. I dream of the day I can stay at home with my family. There is no reason for you to feel inferior. I stayed home for 2 years and took care of my family. Most people are unable to afford to stay home with the economy as it is. These days it takes two to make it work. I say the folks that make you feel inferior are jealous. Hold your head up high because you do work. You work everyday on your happiness, your family, your home, you don't have to have a 9 to 5 job. I used to tell people I was retired. While they had to be at work all day I was able to play with my kids and spend time with my husband. There is nothing better than the freedom to take care of the life you have. Forget what people say. Be proud that you have time to take care of those things that are the most important to you. And when they comment tell them you are having the time of your life. And when you finish the things you want to get done each day, go ahead and be lazy there is nothing wrong with that. Life is fleeting, people don't live forever so we have to make the most of the time we have with the people we love.

A., you have decided as a mom to stay at home and that is great for you. But you have got to stop "defending" yourself to these other women. If they cannot respect your choice then that is their problem. It has always amazed me that the "stay at home moms" never judge the "working mom's" but the working mom's have no problem judging the stay at home moms. I am a working mom that wishes she could be a stay at home mom but because of finances i can't. My one advice to use is to not rub it in anyone's face that you do stay at home. Becuase deep down i think all working mom's wish they could stay home. keep doing what you are doing and be proud. Good luck with the adoption. I know that can be tough.