Thank You for Responding to My Question!!!!

Wow. I'd be upset too.

My son-in-law is a teacher and cross country/track coach at a large metropolitan high school. He makes excellent money, has a wife who is a teacher and makes great money and they have summers off so they travel every year.

I think it's a great career choice.

Updated

This is probably somewhat a repeat, but it bears repeating! The only thing I (and my DH) ever tell my children is to choose something to do with their lives that will make them happy and fulfilled (and, in order to become a responsible adult, that there should also be enough money to support themselves in that career - I say this as they get older, I would not bother telling a 5 year old that!). I make it a point to stress that they should never choose a career based on the amount of money they might make -- that only makes for a miserable life in my opinion. Better to love what you do than be rich. Hey, if you can do both, that is great, but first must come the love for the job. My oldest is a teacher, absolutely loves it (she looks forward to work, loves what she does, has a lot of fulfillment) and makes decent money, although she will never be rich in the material sense. How much money does a person really need? Right now, one of my girls wants to do social work (she is in high school) and the other wants to be a guidance counselor (she is in grade school) -- no money in those jobs, but I am thrilled that they might go down those paths and would be extremely proud of them (no matter what they do). My son is studying theoretical math in college - he loves it, but he will never make much money.

And anyway, kids change their minds all the time about what they want to do (even if they are in college!) let alone 5 years old LOL.

Sigh, sorry about your dumb husband.

But yeah, in my opinion a TEACHER has the second most important job on the planet, second only to parenthood.

Furthermore, teacher salaries are FINALLY starting to improve (although respect is a long time comin').

He won't be wealthy, but he can certainly support himself and have a meaningful career and change the direction of the world!!!

I would WAY rather have a housefull of teachers than lawyers!! (no offense)
tehehe

:)

I read the responses, and generally agree with the thoughts but....
HE IS FIVE PEOPLE!
My five year old so far as told me she will be a fashion designer, a doctor, a firefighter, an astronaut, a teacher, and a rockstar.
How many of you do now what you thought you were gonna do when you were five?????

Encourage your kids to work hard for what they want and as they get older encourage them to do what they are passionate about.
But for now, just let them be kids and dream as big and as far as their imaginations will take them!

Success is not measured by money!
Without teachers, there would be no doctors!!
This reminds me of a great story. I dug it up for you. Enjoy! :o)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Discussing Life
One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, “What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?” He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: “Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.”

To stress his point he said to another guest; “You're a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?”

Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, “You want to know what I make?” She paused for a second, and then began.

“Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor.
I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental. You want to know what I make?"

She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.
“I make kids wonder.
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.
I teach them to write and then I make them write.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them show all their work in math.
I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know in English while preserving their unique cultural identity.
I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.
I make my students stand to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, because we live in the United States of America.
Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.”

Bonnie paused one last time and then continued. “Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant. You want to know what I make? I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make?”

THERE IS MUCH TRUTH IN THIS STATEMENT:
“Teachers make every other profession.”

Oh yes become a doctor! Get 100,000 + in student loans and get paid 55,000 a year and get to work 90 to 100 hours a week (and never see your kids or wife!)! SOOOOOO much money! Teachers are paid better than that in Hawaii but sure, be a doctor!

(I am married to a doctor... believe me it is a calling... and under Obama care it looks like it is going to be less pay and even more work... yippie!)

Next time he says it remind him of all the charming parts of being a doctor, like high rates of mental health issues, being in school for up to 10 years after undergraduate, and the typical $250,000 in debt they have when they are done. Everything has a down side... and I would continue to encourage your kids to be whatever they want to be. Life isn't all about the dollars :)

SHOW your Husband.... all of these responses.

Your Husband, is doing your son, NOTHING good. Nothing loving.
With that attitude.

A child should be happy. Not be a 'money maker' just to please his Dad.

A child, should have their OWN identity.
A child, should have and be allowed to have, their own talents and interests.

A child, should be happy with themselves.
A child, should have their own, self-awareness. Not be a blind sheep just doing things because his Dad is telling him to 'be' a certain way.
A child, should not have to be a "stereotype" just to please his Dad or parent.
A child, should feel good about themselves. Not it being about only based on money.

My Dad, A self-made Man and was very successful monetarily, would tell me that, I can be whatever I want. Even if I am a garbage collector or my Husband is, so what. All that matters is that I am happy, and like what I am doing.
My Dad, measured 'success' not with money, but WHO he was as a person.
That is golden.

A child, should not be discouraged, from being what makes them happy.
A child, needs support from their parents.
A child, should not think, that 'love' or 'acceptance' from their parent is only based on how much money they make or the 'title' of their profession or interests.
A child, NEEDS to be ACCEPTED for "who" THEY are. Not according to a parents stereotype of what they are.
A child, needs unconditional love and acceptance.
A child, NEEDS to know, that 'Gender" has NOTHING TO DO WITH what a person wants to become or be or study or do for a living.

Many kids, then become unhappy adults, because they were never truly ACCEPTED for 'who' THEY are. Love bestowed upon them was only determined by 'what' they became and what job 'title' they had and how much money they made. So that, their parents can "brag" to others, about 'what' their child, is or became.

How, pathetic and sad. For the child.

I know of someone that become an Attorney. She was very unhappy. She was very smart. Graduated at the top of her class. She became an Attorney, because that is what her family desired. Not her. She eventually QUIT being an Attorney. And all her parents could think about was how much money they 'wasted' on her, for college to become an Attorney. They almost, disowned her. They NEVER thought about "HER" as a person... only about her job title and how 'prestigious' that looked to others, and how much money she made. She FINALLY stood-up to her parents. Is now doing what she loves. And is happy. Despite her parents controlling her. All that time. She, became what SHE wants to be. Not what her parents, convinced her to do. Just for money and title.

all the best,
Susan

My husband and I are both teachers, and while we are not wealthy, we make enough to raise a family, have great benefits, and a great schedule! My mom did not want me to be a teacher, and encouraged me to go into a "higher paying" profession. So after a week as an accounting major in college, I walked over to the office and changed my major to education, then called my parents and told them! Now they are proud of me and happy that I love my career! If I were you, I would definitely encourage your son to be whatever he wants, which will probably change many times over the years. When your husband chimes in about money, just reply with "If you're happy in your career, you won't need to be rich"!

My grandmother who ironed clothing and drove a bus for her church, for a living...and loved every minute of it...always told me, to be what I want. She said, "If you want to be a ditch digger, learn to live on a ditch diggers salary." So...I've always done what I wanted and learned to live on what I earned. When we got pregnant I decided I wanted to be a SAHM and we learned to live on my husband's not so large salary. We are VERY happy. I have always been happy with what I've chosen to do and not one of those things made very much money. You know what? I am a well rounded, educated person and I have many many unique experiences to share with my son. I have lived a very fulfilling life, that isn't focused on what will make me the most money. I would never change the way things have gone. I wish my grandmother could remember who I am, so I could thank her for the awesome life lesson. I am SOO happy I decided to listen to her.

When my cousin's daughter was 5, she wanted to be the girl who worked the drive-thru window at Wendy's. She knows better now (she is 9).

That being said, your son will probably change his mind 100 times before he actually settles on a career. I would encourage him so long as it is something that he loves and is passionate about, and stands a chance at making a reasonably decent living at. Teachers may not earn as much as doctors, but that does not mean they don't earn a good salary. And it's stable, not something that is based on sales commissions, etc.

If we were to follow your husband's argument that we should aim for the highest paying salaries, that means we should all be movie stars, pop singers, and professional athletes. But we all know that is not going to happen for 99.9% of us.

My cousin and his wife are both college professors, so that is being a teacher too, and they are very comfortable.

I'd rather have my son be a teacher who makes a modest salary but enjoys what he does and does it with honor and integrity, than the CEO of a company who makes a million dollars a year and later gets busted for some kind of scam or breaking the law. Look at Bernie Madoff.

When I was in veterinary school, I had a classmate who had been an orthodontist - he owned his own practice and made great money, but at 40 years old he gave it up and started school all over again to become a veterinarian. I asked him what made him decide to do that and he said he always wanted to be a vet, but everyone talked him out of it at the time, citing the same reason - they don't make that much, being a doctor or dentist will earn you more, etc. So he went to dental school, specialized in orthodontics, and was very comfortable. But he never felt like he was doing what he truly wanted to do. And that is why he went back to school to become a veterinarian. He doesn't make as much money now, but he is happier - he feels like he is doing his true life's work.

Let children have their dreams. If something is not feasible (like being Batman), reality will intrude soon enough. There is so much in life that may not work for them, or may not go the way they want them to...why discourage them from being something they would love?

Kids should be free to pursue any carer they want to! To chose any path in life, as long as it makes them happy!

Here's my take on it.....
The kid is 5.
He could very well say he wants to grow up and be Superman.
My kids changed their minds at least 100 times A WEEK about what they wanted to be when they grew up.
I would just say, "That sounds interesting and exciting. What do you think would be your favorite part about that job?"

Let them have their imaginations and their aspirations. Especially when they are really young. For heaven's sake, there is no reason, in my opinion, to begin telling them all the reasons they CAN'T or SHOULDN'T be whatever pops into their heads when they're that little.
My daughter was fascintated by Presidents too and when she was little, she always said she wanted to be President.
I didn't ever consider telling her that was likely never going to happen. By virtue of the fact she would likely change her mind.

To me, there's just no point in being so serious about the aspirations of small children.
When they start applying for colleges, that's when you might consider having those conversations, but at 5?
Seems silly to argue about it or try to change their minds.

Best wishes.

I feel I must comment on several points...

First of all, there is no reason to discourage our children from anything, particularly at five years old. He will change his mind hundreds of times before settling on a career (even high school seniors applying to college know that they're still an open book). However, condescending attitudes - about careers, body types, genders, even the cars that people drive - are easily picked up at this age. Is there any way to discuss this with your husband in a way that will help him to see that?

Secondly, I hate that the attitude that your husband has is pervasive in our society. I recently went back to school to become a high school teacher after 10+ years of career advancement at a Fortune 500 company. The looks and comments that I've gotten would make you sick - Obama is right that we need more teachers, and we them to be good ones! I can think of nothing more important than educating our children, but it seems like only moms know that :( If everyone took it more seriously, maybe we could improve the pay situation so that it wouldn't be looked at as a fall-back job for people who aren't qualified to do something "better" like medicine!?!?

Thirdly, I think we should all encourage our children to be the best that they can be. In my opinion, that means using their skills and talents to do something that they love. We are not all cut out to be doctors or lawyers, and thank goodness for that. However, we should encourage our children to work hard - academically, athletically, spiritually, artistically - so that they have lots of options when it comes time to decide... or change their minds 20 years down the road

Lastly, I do think we owe it to our children to help them to understand the trade-offs that they will make in their lives. I don't mean telling a five-year-old that his career choice may limit the options for his children some day, but I do mean that we should help them to understand how we got to where we are in our own lives. As they are able to understand it, we need to explain the choices that we've made and why - how we balance finances, family, charity and everything else that's important in our lives. They shouldn't be surprised to find out that they're less financially well-off than us someday, nor should they be disappointed with a career choice that requires long hours away from loved ones. Open lines of communication will help them to prepare to make choices down the road that will lay the groundwork for who and what they will become...

Sorry for the long response, but I guess your post really resonated with me and the things I wrestle with as a parent. Good luck with hubby~

Man, I would hate to go to a bitter and pissed off doctor who only chose the profession for the money and the fact that his parents pushed him to do it. When I was 6 or 7, I wanted to be a lawyer and help people. I made the mistake of telling that to a family friend who went on a rant about how lawyers are only crooks. It made me feel shame for wanting to be something that an adult hated so much. No matter how young you are, the words of adults DO affect you. Especially when you want to please someone as important as your dad.

I'm with you! Your husband should keep his trap shut. It doesn't matter that your son is 5, your husband will still have the same mentality when your son is 10, 15, 20, etc. Luckily your son has you to encourage him to choose whatever profession sparks passion in him.

I know your husband has your son's best interests at heart and wants him to succeed (his view of success, anyway) but his chauvanistic view of teachers being mainly women is disturbing. Hopefully he doesn't project any more gender limitations on your son.

Keep on being the encouraging mom that you are! Hopefully your husband will learn to be more sensitive.

It bugs me how much your husband completely overreacted!! Your son is only 5 years old! He doesn't know about how much money certain jobs make. He was taking the President's advice! How incredibly sweet! Does your husband think that your son is going to start college next year? That is what it seems like. His career choices will change at least 100 times before he goes to college, so your husband needs to relax! Now, if your son was a senior in high school and said he wants to be a teacher, I would strongly encourage him to become a college professor (as opposed to an elementary teacher, for example). I think college professors make a lot of money. You do want your son to make as much money as he possibly can, he will probably have a family to support one day. But at age 5, ANY profession he says he wants to be is super cute! I agree with you - sheesh!

J. I am totally with you on this-- I encourage our boys to be what they want to be. I know a lot of people my age who went where the money was, but I don't want my kids to choose money over passion. My oldest wants to be an artist; he loves to draw. Lol, well of course I'm picturing some starving artist living in Soho barely making ends meet, but maybe instead he'll be the next Picasso. The truth could be anywhere on that spectrum, from dirt poor to filthy rich or just average. But I want to encourage him to do what he wants to do, not stifle him. My son and yours will probably change their minds 20,000 times before they are 18, and even then they'll declare a major in college and switch it 2 years later :) I think your husband should have been encouraging to your son, and maybe ask him what he thinks a teacher does, or why teachers are important. It's just a starting point for a whole discussion about what each of us can be and why. When the focus (especially for a 5 year old!) turns to salary, that's losing the entire point of why we want our kids to dream and think about what they want to be.

Best wishes!
J.

Some teachers don't make a lot of money. My 4 friends who teach privately in CA make over 90k a year each (different schools). Which isn't something to sneeze at. My friend who took a 2 year stint in AK got her 80k in student loans forgiven in addition to her 50k per year salary, and my friend in NY ditto on forgiving the loans working inner city, and now she makes 150k per year at a top school. Again, nothing to turn one's nose up at. In general, however, teachers make more (and work about 1/2 the hours) as military personnel. And that's not including professors (base at about 60k and up FT). I've found homeschooling that I can teach ONE class (2 hours once a week for 12 weeks) for quite a substantial sum. I know many other parents who teach part time or full time on their own (not connected to a school pub or private) who are making significant money. (6 figures)

But that's not exactly your Q.

MY feeling is this: Whatever your passion or interest you can make a pittiance or make it pay, according to your inclinations.

Take a kid who's good at mechanics and wants to work on cars. They could grow up to work for $8 an hour at JiffyLube, or get some major advanced training and work for Nascar, or specialize in classic car circut, or go to school for engineering and DESIGN cars.

Take a social worker. They could work for the State, or hospital and make about 30k a year pulling ridiculous hours. Or they could go into private practice and make $200 an HOUR.

Take a kid who likes video games. They could become a video game tester making minimum wage playing video games all day. Or they could become a video game designer making 6 figures playing video games all day.

TAKE ANY INTEREST... and you can make it pay. To me, it's not about encouraging a child to find a job that pays... to me it's about encouraging a child to find out how to make their interests/passions turn into jobs that pay.

Are you kidding me??? Your son just wanted to be a teacher because the president said it was important...why does your husband want to confuse him?? Who knows what your son will be when he grows up?? What if he doesn't want to be a doctor? He should be exposed to all types of careers and when he is older, he will choose one that suits him best. Kids say they want to be all kinds of things! Also, your husband's comments are not really accurate. I know lots of teachers who make 6 figures, not to mention the pension and the health insurance benefits. Just curious...is your husband foreign? I only ask because some cultures seem to think that either you are a doctor or you are a loser.

Oh my, he is only 5 and your husband is shooting down his current dream over a salary/a concept that your child does not even grasp. Most likely he will change his mind about what he wants to be hundreds of times before actually pursuing his adult career. I think you should do your best to be positive/support each and every one of those dreams.....especally at this young age. It is not like he is already in college and changed his major 10 times. My 3 year old is obsessed with trucks. As of right now, he would love to be a UPS driver when he grows up but I expect next month it will be something different. I am over 35 and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up :-)

I will definitely encourage my son to be whatever he wants but in defense of your husband, men tend to think differently when it comes to careers and money than women do. My husband and I actually had a conversation about this awhile ago. I asked what he would do if my son wanted to be a teacher or something not as high paying and he said that he'd have an honest talk with our son about how money affects your quality of life in the real world. The fact is men still feel very responsible for bringing home the bacon and given that there are still a number of SAHMs, its not hard to see why. As a man, your husband probably has a deeper understanding of what types of pressures your son will feel as a grown man, especially once he gets married and has children, which is why it's easier for him to pooh-pooh your son's teacher dreams. Having said that, my husband also said that after that talk, he would leave my son to make the decision he makes and if our son still chooses to be something lesser-paying b/c its his passion and it makes him happy, he'd stand by our son and support him 100%. So I guess, my advice to you would be to talk to your husband so you can be on the same page. Hopefully your husband wasn't trying to squash your son's dreams and was just thinking practically.

Of course I would rather encourage my child to be whatever they want to be! My 6 year old wants to be a runner! She loves running! We laugh about it and say how awesome it would be to have an olympic runner in the family! We don't care what she wants to be, just as long as she is happy! Money isn't the only thing in the world!

My parents encouraged me for whatever I wanted to be...I went to college and got my degree. And after them spending a ton of money on a private college for me, I'm a stay at home mom because that's what I wanted to be! And they couldn't be happier!

My hubby and I are both very encouraging to our daughter...she will make little comments that she can't be a policeman because that's just for boys...my hubby(me too) gets a little upset by those comments and makes sure that she knows she can be whatever...girls can do anything boys can do!

Well....he's 5 so this call to vocation is gonna change a billion times. BUT, what I usually do is say "That would be cool. Elem or high school? What subject would you like to teach the most? That would be good, because you rock at math...." etc. I say encourage everything.
This might apply in your house. I call my husband The Dreamcrusher!

He will most likely change his mind many times over the years so I would certainly not make a big deal about this one way or the other.

I do agree with you to encourage your child to be what they want to be. Being what others want just makes us unhappy anyway. Tell hubby to relax.

All I can say is that I would be very proud of my son if he told me he wanted to be a teacher. As far as the money goes, my SIL is a tenured elementary school teacher here on Long Island, and she makes more $$ than my husband, who has a 9-5 job as a construction project manager. Plus, holidays, summers off, pension, etc. Not a bad deal, in my opinion! Besides, money is something, but it isn't everything. I would never discourage either of my children from doing something they loved!

A DOCTOR? "Hi, I work 70 hour weeks, get sued and miss all major holidays"

A TEACHER "I taught that doctor how to read and write. I get the summers off to spend with my family and I am always there for Christmas with my family"

MAN ON HIS DEATHBEAD "I wish I had made more money, it would mean so much in my heart right now. Has anyone seen my kids?"

My son wants to be red spiderman when he's older. My cousin wanted to be a strawberry picker. Don't worry too much about it, I'm sure he's going to change his mind about his future career 100 times before he even goes to high school.

But about your question- I would encourage my kids to be happy, even if that meant making less money.

If you do what you love you never work a day in your life . . .

Please don't discourage teaching. I sometimes feel I "missed" my calling in life because I went into a different profession (my parents felt the same way about teaching).

Luckily I homeschool now so I still get to be a TEACHER! :)

I would be deeply disappointed in my husband if he made those comments because not only are they stifling your child's dreams, but they are also sexist. Of course one should encourage their children to pursue their dreams. As an educator, I can't tell you the number of students I've encountered who have been miserable trying to fulfill their parent's dreams of becoming a doctor. Trading wealth for happiness and fulfillment is not worth it.

Haven't read your other answers, but given the cost of a college education, yes, I do encourage my girls to consider professions where they will make a decent income. That's not to say that teachers can't make a decent income (if they go on into administration, or get a Master's Degree, become a Master Teacher, etc), and that their contributions to society aren't extremely worthwhile and necessary, but let's face it. It would be very hard to support a family on a teacher's income. I think your husband's stance is reasonable.

My older daughter, who is at the top of her class in terms of test scores and reads many grade levels above where we would expect, was on a kick for a while about how she wanted to be a stay at home mom. Which is totally fine if that's what she ends up doing, don't get me wrong. But in and of itself, it's a lifestyle choice, not a career aspiration. I told her in no uncertain terms that she needs to have a Plan A and that SAHM can be her Plan B, should she be so lucky . You have to direct your kids toward a career path of being able to support themselves and their families should the need arise. I come from a family of many teachers, but as my mom (a 25+ year teaching veteran) says, it's a good thing she had my dad around to make the money so she could teach.

How sad that your husband responded like that.

My parents pushed me to get work in advertising because I wanted to be a writer but you can't make a lot of money writing books. I got my degree in advertising and I worked the field for 10 years and HATED IT!

Now I make barely any money as a cheerleading coach and I LOVE MY LIFE! My degree isn't totally useless, but I would have been much happier earlier on just doing what I wanted to do.

I have nothing to show for 10 years in advertising, even though it was "good money."

I have many things to show from coaching. In fact, I have over 30 kids right now that I'm so proud of!

I'm sure you're husband is being "practical." But being practical doesn't always bring happiness! And neither does money!

You know, I wish I was one of those mama's here who wrote long, eloquent and convincing responses. My ADD keeps me from such long windedness unfortunately.

If you have a FAX line, I would LOVE to fax you a letter I just received yesterday from my 22 year old daughter. She is currently serving the US Peace Corps, living in Guatemala, serving as a Food Security volunteer. Essentially, she deeply thanks me, her mom and step dad, with all her being for raising her with the ability to be independent and the freedom to choose her own course and plot her own future. We come from a long line of highly educated, ivy league medical doctors. Yes, being a successful doctor has it's advantages. But I could tell you dozens of sad stories where parents pushed their children into this line of work and the personal results are disastrous, for both profession and patient.

Age appropriate encouragement and perseverance later on are the important keys here. When my daughter was just 3, she announced after watching a Sesame Street program that she too wanted to make straws just like the ladies in the manufacturing plant did. For her age it was a totally appropriate and healthy response. I did respond that maybe she would rather own the straw factory and she could always help with that job.

In short, I am deeply saddened by your husband's response to being a teacher. It is where we all start. It is the most important profession of all. Like the car bumper says....If you can read this, thank a teacher. Or if it's musical notes, thank a music teacher.

I hope your son has the freedom also to develop and choose a passion for himself one day. Being a doctor is a good one. But we cannot all be doctors, lawyers and Indian Chiefs.

And, my sister, a teacher in SoCA, makes about $85K per year. Not bad for having a fantastic summer holiday and all school breaks.

For me, as long as my children grow up happy and healthy I really don't care what they do for a living (legally! lol). Teacher, doctor, ditch digger - if it fulfills them and brings them joy, then who the hell am I to tell them it's 'not good enough'???

Our kids change their minds constantly. My daughter right now, 4, want to be a baseball player so she can 'hit home runs for the whole family'. Seriously, how cute is that! But we don't tell her that only men can play baseball or that it's not a real job or whatever. What purpose would it serve except to crush her little dreams? And that is NOT what parents are for.

Sorry, but I would LOVE to slap your husband! He has no guarantees of what his children will wind up doing, much less how much money they will make. Many people take an education degree and go on to create software programs, become training coordinators for corporations, etc. and actually make a ton of money. We NEED good teachers! To douse a child's desires at such a young age is ridiculous. Your child will change his mind a million times by the time he's in college, but if he still wants to teach -that's what he'll wind up doing. Plus, in the scheme of things, he could do a lot worse. Teachers do have great benefits and retirement plans -unlike tons of people working for corporations.

I wanted to be a teacher from childhood on -as well as a veterinarian, a marine biologist, a lawyer, and a number of other things. When I decided to major in education, MY parents said they didn't want to pay for that because "I could do more" -meaning I should be heading to law school or something. So, I graduated with my English degree, decided I definitely did NOT want to attend law school, worked for IBM for 2 years in a crappy job and went back and got my teaching degree. I made more money with far better benefits than I did at IBM, but I'm sure your husband would think working for IBM sounds much better.

Your husband also needs to get off the money thing. Yes, money is very important and we all need to make it, but teaching your young child to focus solely on money instead of personal satisfaction and happiness is horrible. More than learning how to make tons of money, people need to learn how to MANAGE the money they DO make. Those are the lessons to teach your son, so he can live on $40k or $140K.

I see your son is 5. My 4 year old (5 in March) would LOVE to be a garbage man. Riding the back of one of those trucks or driving one is the coolest thing to him right now -that and firefighting -oh yeah and he loves animals, so maybe a veterinarian. Guess what -I've told him he'll just have to wait and see when he's older what he wants to study or learn to do. I've never said, "Garbage men don't make any money and don't have to have an education." I've never said, "Firefighters don't make enough money," because unfortunately they really aren't compensated nearly as much as they should be, and I've also never said, "You should definitely be a vet, because they make a lot more money than the other two." As far as his idiotic comment regarding gender -is he 80? Does he think this is 1960 instead of 2011? Hello, genius -many men are teachers and careers are no longer gender-specific! What if your son became a teacher, and then decided he loved his subject field so he got a Ph.d and became a professor and was chair of a department one day with a number of published articles and books at a college or university? Is that still to menial for him?

Finally, google how much medical school costs, how much malpractice insurance costs, how competitive medical school admissions are and how long it takes to become a doctor. Let's not forget that you REALLY need to not only want that career, but have the stomach, science and math aptitude to do it. And make sure you let your husband know that more women are currently in medical school and becoming doctors than men, so by the time your son is old enough, the profession may be to "girly" for him...

Geez, I can't even think of a more noble profession than teacher (maybe serving in the military). It's one of the toughest jobs, and the good ones really sacrifice a lot for their students (time-wise and money-wise). And the BEST teacher I ever had, the one who influenced me more than any other, the one who taught me to LOVE learning, was a man. My girls both have male teachers this year, and they are FANTASTIC! I think your husband is very misguided in his belief that money= happiness. And what about those doctors who choose NOT to make all that money, but go to third-world countries to help instead? He wouldn't be too happy about that either, would he? This world needs more people with YOUR attitude and less people with your husband's attitude.

Funny-my kids were watching it, too, and when my 11 yr old commented about teaching the same thing crossed my mind about the money. You have a 5 yr old, so the fact that your hubby said anything other than "that's great, I'd bet you'd be a fantastic teacher" is beyond me. I told my 11 yr old that people become teachers because they love what they do, not for the money. My son's take on it is that he thinks the females who become teachers do so because their husbands make enough money to support them so that means that they can be teachers and not worry about the money.

I think it's important to encourage them to follow their talents.
His talent might be in something entirely different then Dr or Teacher.

He will prob change what he wants to be a hundred times before he actually gets to the point of choosing he is only 5.
But yes I'm with you encourage him to be whatever he wants to be .

Well, I'm hoping your husband is a doctor because of his comment. But, not all doctors are honest, competent, and trustworthy, just remember that. I figure as long as it's an honest profession that people admire and trust, and you are happy doing the job, than go for it, and if that includes flipping burgers at a local burger joint, than what "uppity" person has the right to say it's not a good job. I say, if you are honest, trustworthy, competent, happy, stay out of trouble with the law, and can provide for yourself, than great for you and your lifestyle.

Sheesh is right! All children think about being various things when they grow up and need to be encouraged to do so. The time to discuss the pros and cons is when their brain has matured to the point of understanding the concept of pros and cons. At 5 your son needs to be encouraged to think of all the possibilities there are in this vast and magnificent world. Get excited with all his choices. He's going to have many over the years.

When it comes time to encourage him in a specific direction give him information both pro and con for the careers he's considering. Ultimately the choice is his and he'll choose what he wants even if you try to influence him. In fact he may choose the opposite because he wants the choice to be his.

I would encourage your husband to back off and let his son be interested in whatever he's interested in at the moment. At 5 he's only interested in the idea and is not able to appreciate the differences in salary or other details.

I would be concerned about my husband's sexist attitude and would find a way to help him to experience a broader view of what the sexes can do.

At age 5 I beleive we should encourage a child to be whatever they want to be, even if it's a minimum wage job. At this age a child really doesn't understand the concept of money, other than you need it to buy things.

As a child gets older you can start adding on the realities that come with a career choice.

I tell my kids if you want to grow up and work and McDonalds that's fine. As long as it makes you happy and you make enough money to live the lifestyle that you choose.

Whatever happened to "money can't buy you happiness"?

I'm all into doing what you love!!! My husband and I don't make a lot of money, but we do what we love (not to mention those dreaded student loans) No boring desk job, no job that requires a decade of learning after high school... no job that is complained about day after day... It had nothing to do with our intelligence (we have great scores and high IQ's), we are just the creative type (he, a musician, I, a painter...)

We DO get by: own our 3300 sq ft house in a very nice neighborhood, fully own (no payments) two cars, and we support our FOUR children. We make (I'm a stay at home mom, I paint as a hobby) about the equivalent, if not less, than what a teacher makes. just FYI...

What your husband said is very silly especially to a five year old(at five i changed my mind from astronaut to fire fighter to teacher to veterinarian... and I'm NONE of those!!!) So, I'd say he was wrong on three levels: a teacher makes enough to live on, you don't say those kind of discouraging words (and sexist: AND DO WE NEED MORE MALE TEACHERS!) to such a young kid, and your child is most likely NOT to become a teacher anyways:) silly.

You can pass on the info to your husband of how a salary such as ours can still afford all the things we have. We just use our money very wisely:)

I want my kids to ENJOY what they do for a living. I am an attorney and dislike it a good portion of the time. I decided I would NOT push my kids into law. Teachers have great hours, wages grow considerably as time goes by, summers off, some have great pensions, etc. I am jealous of my sister in law who is a teacher. I wish I had those benefits and she makes nearly what I do after having taught since she was 22 (she is now 42) -- I have been an attorney for only 6 years. But I would never tell my kids to not do something just because of the money. Especially at such a young, impressionable age!

Wow. I would encourage him to be whatever he wants to be. Last week DS was going to be 'a person who builds space ships', this week he is going to be a paleontologist. Last year he was going to be a chimney sweep who also flies airplanes. Am I worried about how much money chimney sweeps make? Am I even considering that he will become any of these things? BTW, he just turned 5. Also, depending upon the school system there are teachers who make just as much as pediatricians and family practitioners. DS also does know, he will become one of these things after college (which he thinks we are going to with him).

I would encourage my child to be whatever they want to be. Money doesn't make one happy. Your husband can voice his opinion, but he should support your child(ren) no matter what profession to choose.

Teachers start off with less debt and get more time off work than doctors. If your son were a doctor he would miss much of his kids lives as opposed to a teacher he would more than likely have the same days off and the entire summer off. Wish I would have went to school to be a teacher. :(

I'd encourage my children to become a well-rounded person who values knowledge *and* character traits such as compassion, honesty, empathy, and perseverance, and maintain an ongoing dialogue with them about what kinds of careers might interest them and remind them that plenty of people try out many types of jobs in their lifetime so they don't need to worry about picking out "the right one" the first time. And rather than encourage/discourage specific professions, I'd talk with them about what interests them about a particular job, encourage them to read books about people in that particular profession, and know that it's quite likely they'll change their minds several times before they even reach middle school :-).

And as for teachers - we're blessed to be at a school with numerous excellent teachers, both male AND female, and IMO it's great that we have both because that bit of diversity enriches the school community.

I would never say "you don't want to be that" because your child is told that he shouldn't trust himself, just believe what others tell of you.

"a teacher huh? lots of work. that would be great. doesn't pay as much as it should, but i could see that being fun"

he's 5. really.

I believe that kids should do whatever they want to do in their heart.
We have 2 public school teachers in our family, it's true they don't make a ton of money, but they have a very rewarding job. They feel good about what they do, but have faced some hardships with educational cuts. Most every job has hardships though.
I was an instructor at a Vocational School, teaching adults. I wont lie...it was super rewarding. I felt good when one of my students would really understand something. BUT my brain was constantly torn....how do I put soo much time and effort into a job that isn't paying me much? The pay, wasn't worth the stress of the job.
I think every career path has bumps and pot holes in it, but thats just life.

My husband is a teacher and obviously he is a man. He is actually and administrator now but the reason he went into teaching is because he loved it. He still misses it as an administrator. And yes teachers don't get paid a lot and they work very hard but they do it because they enjoy it. You should be encouraging your child to do something they will enjoy. You can push your child to be a doctor and put them through medical school but when they get out there they could hate it and end up doing something else. Keep encouraging them. And even though he says he wants to be a teacher now, that doesn't mean when the time comes to pick a career that's what he'll still want.

You need to remind your husband that if this world didn't have people who chose job fulfillment and helping others over personal financial gain - - then we would never even HAVE Drs.

Encourage your child to follow their hearts, dreams as well as personality strengths.

I haven't read all the posts, so sorry if it's a repeat.

I think at this age it's about encouraging them to be _whatever_ they want to be. It's not about money or time or anything. It's much more the idea that you believe they can do _anything_.

If your son said he wanted to be a rodeo clown at age 5, I'd tell you to say "wow, that sounds awesome!" the same way you would for a doctor, teacher, band leader, tap dancer, neuroscientist, etc.

It's about fostering dreams. Good luck.

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Happiness! I encourage my boys (3 boys) to be whatever they want that will make THEM happy. He could be a teacher and evolve into a high paying professor at an ivy league college for all we know. What ever his decision is you are correct, support and encourage him. Of course it will probably change 5,000 times before he actually chooses a college major but he will remember the support he had in his youth and be a better man for it. Want a laugh...my 9 yr old loves the burgers at Applebees and thinks this one waitress is super cute so what does he want to be when he grows up....a waiter at Applebees because they have pretty girls and good burgers. Of course he has also wanted to be an artist, professional baseball player, a banker and many other occupations but his current one is not very aspiring however maybe it will turn into a restaurant owner????? Good luck and yes, tell your hubby enough about the money!

I got that same response when I went to college to become a teacher - you don't want to do that, they don't make any money, etc . . . now I hate the career path I chose and I'm actually looking into going back to school to do what I originally wanted to do. I say encourage him to do anything he wants but also let him know he has lots of options to explore. He's only 5, he can say he wants to be anything right now, doesn't mean it will stick but we shouldn't squash their enthusiasm . . .

It's sad. Teachers work hard even if they don't get paid enough. It is done more for the satisfaction of watching a child understand. You keep encouraging your son. Especially that he is 5 y/o he will change his mind thousands of times before arriving at his decision. Your husband is not going to have a good relationship if he doesn't just stop to listen. He doesn't have to respond to everything your son says. Just listen.
I would also ask them who taught them to read, write, and function academically.

I didn't even read your responses, but here's my experience. My parents are both teachers. As we kids got older and had to seriously consider our career path, my mom would gently discourage teaching, but didn't just flat out say the reasons your husband did. It was more of an explanation of how hard teaching has gotten because of the limits they have with discipline in the classroom, the pressure put on them because of testing, and yes, the low income they tend to make. But it was always made clear that if we really wanted to teach, there was nothing wrong with that, just to be aware of what we were getting ourselves into and to think of all the pluses and minuses before declaring a major. The thing is, your son is FIVE. He will want to be many things before he's old enough to really make a decision, so at this stage I say encourage him to do whatever he expresses a desire to do, and then when he's older and closer to really making a decision, you could have conversations that lend themselves more to considering all sides, such as can you support a family on that income, if not, what are some similar areas you could pursue where you can do what you love but make a better living, etc.

Parents should only want their kids to be happy. You think that being a teacher will make your son happy (Or a rock star, or a farmer, or a doctor... Whatever he truly wants to become when he's older). Your husband thinks that money will make him happy (Or at least make his life easier).

Personally, I agree with you. Kids should be who and what they want to be... Not who or what their parent's think that they should be.

my 14 year old has said for years that he would like to be a teacher, or a chef. I tell him whatever he wants to do he will be great at. At first my DH said the same sort of thing yours did but as my son gets older my DH just says " then watch your grades because you have to college for either one" Not really a pep talk but he is getting better.

Adults so thoughtlessly say things like this and easily squash kid's dreams. It is my pet peeve! When I was in elementary/middle school I really wanted to be a veterinarian. So many adults squashed this dream that I gave it up. And guess what? I ended up being a marine biologist - a much harder profession to get into! If adults would just encourage encourage encourage kids to follow their passion...that is the best thing in the world we can do for our children when it comes to what they do for a living.

Updated

Adults so thoughtlessly say things like this and easily squash kid's dreams. It is my pet peeve! When I was in elementary/middle school I really wanted to be a veterinarian. So many adults squashed this dream that I gave it up. And guess what? I ended up being a marine biologist - a much harder profession to get into! If adults would just encourage encourage encourage kids to follow their passion...that is the best thing in the world we can do for our children when it comes to what they do for a living.

Sounds like you are needing to know how to best deal with your husband on this issue. You have a difference of opinion on this topic and your parenting styles seem to be different in this way. Did you know that your husband's views were this conservative? How did he react when you shared with him how you felt?

I would suggest sitting down at a time when neither of you is upset to talk about how you are feeling. Perhaps you can point out that you are trying to teach your son that he can accomplish anything he puts his mind to, instead of focusing on the teacher issue? I would point out to him that his strong opinion of what your son should and shouldn't be, could have a negative impact on what he feels he is capable of.

Hope you find some peace with how you are feeling.

I agree with you. While it is nice to make lots of money, it is more important to do something you love and for your son that may be teaching or being a doctor. I am, also, a little offended by your husband's lack of respect for the teaching profession. I am a former teacher and I feel I had a great job. I had a very nice work environment, awesome coworkers who I learned so much from, a good salary, good insurance and the rewards of a job well done were too many to name.

Your son will change his mind lots of time. But your husband needs to change his attitude, or at least not be so negative about it.

Money is A consideration with a career, but not THE consideration. Enjoyment and satisfaction are the keys to success. Check out the book "Do what you love, the money will follow" and have him read it, too. I would rather encourage my child to do what they love than push them into something they don't truely want to pursue because it pays more.

How sad of your husband to burst the excitement of his son! When I was younger, I wanted to be a ballet dancer and professional dancer. I'm not talking about a pole dancer! I'm talking professional...the kind of dancers you see in music videos, the kind of dancer that choreographs a concert. My mom discouraged me from following that dream by saying dancers need to be tall and skinny. Imagine that! And I was by no means fat or even close to having a weight issue. Instead, my mother pushed (encouraged) me to pursue the things she had always wanted to do but I wasn't interested in those things. Long story short, I gave up my dancing dreams and discovered my hidden talents later in life: writing and photography. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong in allowing a child to dream. My 4 year old son wants to race cars. Probably will never happen, but hey, he loves cars so let him dream. Money should never be a motivating factor to pursuing happiness where a career is concerned. Do you have any idea how many people have gone to school to earn a degree in something but are doing something (career wise) totally different? It's true! You're husband is....I don't know what to say he is but he is wrong to discourage your son. He's only a child anyway. Dreams and life's ambitions change with age, with school experience, and exposure to this thing we call "life."

I'm with you. Children should aspire to be whomever or whatever they want to be. If you aspire to make lots of money, you DON'T aspire to be a good father/mother/friend. Making lots of money means working very hard and spending lots of time away from those most important in your life. Yeah, you have lots of material things...but so what! Wouldn't you rather be a person who is confident, happy at their job, and have a loving family and friends that you are blessed to spend time with?

Interesting question: What does your husband do? Does he make Lots of Money?

A few of the very best people in my life have been teachers, and two of them were men. I'm 63, and I still remember them by name and with deep gratitude. No, they don't make much money, but there are all sorts of rewards in life. For me, money's a small one, and I've earned half or less of what the average teacher makes for the last 28 years. And I LOVE my work; I illustrate science and math activities that my husband creates. We live "richly," but only in a metaphorical sense.

You don't have to come to blows with your husband over what message to give your son. He's got plenty of time to decide, and the neat thing about kids is that they often choose to do something different than what their parents have lived. Just live the values you believe in, and be happy doing it. Our children learn much more from what we do that what we say (and sometimes, what we do acts as a warning to them not to follow our paths, especially if we are unhappy).

There's a lovely book that teaches parents how to bring out the best in our children: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. I can almost watch the blossoming of comprehension and gratitude for the respect it gives the child, without ever surrendering the authority of the adult. This book is a gem.

Remind your husband that money doesn't buy happiness. Some people are teachers and love inspiring kids, love their lives with less money and are wonderful role models for kids. If your son became a teacher he could possibly change childrens lives! Of course he is only 5, let him dream!! From the time my bro started college at 18 until now 20 he has changed what he wants to be 6 times!! Tell hubby to just be excited that your son has dreams of being something great one day!! Doesn't matter what it is! Im a SAHM and by being that our family makes very little money. Complaining about not having enough money was a normal conversation for my hubby and me. Then one day sittin in the living room watching my 2.5 year old get upset bc my 11 month old was climbing on his high chair trying to steal food ( I was laughing hysterically watching this battle) I realized that if we had money we wouldn't be sitting at home and would miss out on so much fun, laughter and memories. All the things that we sit at home and do as a family is so much better then having money to get a baby sitter and go out on the weekends. Not that you can't make memories and have money but sometimes the memories of being broke and just making it as a family are so much better!!

I don't care what anyone else says--- I will encourage my kids to do something that they LOVE. That they have passion and joy around--- Think about it, you will be in the environment the majority of your day, every day, every year etc. You want it to be something that you enjoy and can suceed in. I encourage my kids to do what they love and they job that fits that description will follow behind that. Don't let your husband steal your kids' dreams---- there are enough people in the world who will try to do that, don't let your husband be one of them!

P.S. Take care, and take your child to meet some male and female teachers so they can really see what teachers do and have some live role models.

Molly

Well you can tell your husband that if things continue the way they are going doctors will not make much money either. Besides, without Teachers, who will TEACH the future doctors?

I agree that we should encourage our children to be whatever they want to become. The exception would be the kid that is in HS and aspires to be a professorial sports player but is not very good. I would definitely encourage them to have a "plan B". After all, one wrong fall or tackle and the sports career is over.

I have been in the classroom 12 years. I knew when I was 13 that I wanted to do something with my life that made a difference in the lives of children.

Teaching wasnt what I had in mind, but teach I have done. I have made a difference in the lives of children, and I have had the ability to be home with my children during summers, breaks etc... and now, I am trying to make a change in profession. Why? Read on:

Unfortunately, teaching doesn't pay very well (as mentioned). More than that, teachers arent very well protected or respected by lawmakers. Instead, we are treated like lazy, uncommitted, thoughtless people who have to be regulated and penalized to "perform". I didn't realize being an advocate for children and being a loving, positive influence was "performing"... (for most teachers, those are the bigger picture of why they are in the classroom) but thats another soapbox.

In reality, Our job is actually about as valued and appreciated as construction workers... everyone wants good roads, but all they do during the process is whine, moan, and complain about the men out there doing the work. You know, in the blazing heat and frigid cold for $10.00/hr

Also, how many billboards have you seen that say "Want to be a lawyer? Have a degree? (In Anything) call 1-800BeALawyer" etc... The teaching profession has now been flooded with alternative certified people who have no training in how to teach children...but our President is recruiting more... all the while making making HUGE cutbacks in education... where does everyone think those cuts will come fromwhen 85% of the money is in people??

If your son grows up and has a true "call" to teach then he will be a great teacher I am sure. However, it shouldn't be because or inspite of the pay.

Well, you have a lot of responses about the teacher stuff and encouraging your child to be what they want. Well, when I was a senior in high school, I really wanted to work for CPS to help children who have been abused or neglected. I love kids. My plan was to get my degree in social work. My dad flat out refused to pay for my education if that was my degree. He went on to say some pretty rude things about social work and talk about the lack of pay. That was probably the most mad I've ever been at my dad in my entire life. I was mad, disappointed in him, and just hurt. So, I decided if I couldn't be a social worker I'd help kids by being a teacher. I'm a teacher and I LOVE IT. Honestly, teaching and social work are still pretty close. I'm still helping kids. I unfortunately still see students abused emotionally and/or physically. I do not care about being rich, I care about helping the kids achieve their dreams and be what they want to be to their BEST ability. I'm there to love them, teach them, and support them. I encourage them regularly to be what they want to be and LOVE IT! On another note, I'm also a foster parent helping those very kids that I dreamed to help. I work with CPS regularly with our foster kids. So, I may not have taken the route of a social worker, but there is no way I could survive in a business 9-5 job in a desk either. Some people love it, but it would crush me. I'm sure most people couldn't survive my world either- 20 1st graders, who all read on different levels & have lots of energy. If you truly love your job, you can do it. I believe that whatever job someone has, it should be because they really love it. I can't imagine doing something just for money. Even teaching, I see teachers sometimes who are just there for a pay check or for their summers. What a disservice to the kids. You have got to LOVE kids and teaching because everyone is right, the money would never be worth it. ;)

At 5 years old, I think you should encourage whatever interests them b/c it WILL change as they get older. Now, when he is ready to enter college and he says he wants to be a musician or teacher, etc. I would have an open talk to him about what his goals are in life, what type of house, does he want his wife to stay home with the kids, etc. Then explain how the career you choose usually involves some sacrifice. If you are a teacher, you won't make a lot of money, but it is very rewarding. If you are a doctor, you spend a long time in school and then usually work odd hours. If you are a CEO, you work long hours and sacrifice time with your family, but make a lot of money. He needs to determine what is important as he chooses a career, AND determine what he LOVES to do so he will always enjoy his job.

Maybe your son could one day teach medical students - then he would be doing both!!

my son wants to be a writer but is doing hvac until he can get a book written. not all kids are college material not all kids are doctor material. he needs to excel at what he is good at wether it be a doctor a mechanic a writer or what ever welder pipefitter. it doesnt matter the money helps but doesnt make the man. I am not doctor or nurse material and never would be even if my dad had tried to force me into it.

I also am not teacher material I dont have enough patients. I couldnt be a model cause I wouldnt wear the cheesy clothes that they have to put on. he needs to be who he wants to be not who dad wants him to be mine is taking hvac at school to be able to make enough money till he gets a book published but he is definately writer material this child has a very wild imagination. his writing is very thourough. and he spells better than me :)

but I have encouraged him to be a writer but I will not get mad if he doesnt dissapointed yes but not mad he has to make his own decisions and live his own life. but I can understand the reasoning for going to hvac school. he is being logical but not giving up on his dream. but its his life his choice and dad literally has no say. dad may get mad and not approve but techinically you cant make a kid be who they dont want to be and dad will get over it.

My daugher told me at that same age she wanted to be a salesperson when she grew up. She admired the clerk at the department store. I told her she was smart enough to do even better than that. Well, she grew up, majored in accounting and she's a banker---but banking is also in sales, so I guess she got what she wished for. Of course, she does make a whole lot more money than the lady in the dept. store. Kids will change their minds a million times. It's important to set the bar high, but not to throw their dreams in the dirt. So I agree in part with you, and I would have changed the wording of your husband's response. I did tell my girls to major in something that would guarantee a job when they graduated. Art majors have fun, but they don't usually have jobs when they get out of college. Accountants do. Just my thoughts.

Huh. I am a social worker. People think that we are underpaid. That is probably true in many settings, but I work in a hospital. If I worked full-time I would make over $70,000 a year (iactually work half time so I can be with my kids) I don't think that is too shabby! Teachers actually make decent money depending on the school district nowadays. They are union so there are rules about salary and benefits etc. Also, don't you often get summers off? That said,I don't know if I would encourage my kids to become social workers or teachers because it is stressful-but then so is being a lawyer or doctor, right?

Take it from me, my father basically pushed me into the medical field. I have been an LVN for 10 years. His argument was that "I would always have a job" which I have and that I could "support my family" which I have. But I have a very strong desire to be a teacher. I enjoy parts of nursing but because I am only an LVN I am limited in the rural areas as to what I am able to do. For the last 3 years I have been a "glorified babysitter", but in August the child that I care for started school and that is when I realized I am in the wrong field. I would encourage your child to persue whatever career path he wants. He is only 5 and his decisions will change from year to year. But in the end it isn't how much money you can make at a job but to find a career that you truly love. Teaching is a calling. Not a way to get rich, but a way to enrich the lives of the next generation. Thank God for inspired teachers that teach because they love the profession and not because they are in it to make money.