How to Get a Two Year Old to Fall Asleep by Herself

Hi A.,

What we did (and still do) for my 3 year old son is this: I read him a story or two, then we cuddle in his bed and talk about our day and what we will be doing the next day, etc. Then I give him a hug and kiss and tell him that I have to do some laundry and/or dishes, and that I will be back in a few minutes to give more hugs and kisses. He cried at first, but since I had a younger daughter who was already in bed, I explained to him that if he cried, he would wake up his sister, and then I would have to take care of her and would not be able to come back in his room for more hugs and kisses. This always got him to stop crying. I would then go back in the room just 2 minutes later, and the next time I went back was in 5 minute increments. It did not take long before he fell asleep. Now, I go back into his room after 5 minutes (instead of 2) and then return in 10 minute increments (but he is almost always asleep before that first 10 minutes is up.) Oh, my son also sleeps with his lamp on. A lot of people would disagree with me there, but hey, whatever works for us, right? Good luck!

A.: I recommend you look into the book and CD "Sleep Loved One Sleep," designed to help young children fall asleep quickly while reenforcing positive self esteem in them. Check it out at www.lifeinharmony.biz. Many of my friends have been using it with great success, and pediatricians have been recommending it to their patients. Bedtime can be very challenging, and this book is designed to make it a harmonious experience.

We always read stories and sang on the floor in front of the bed so when it came time to say goodnight we weren't "leaving her bed". You could try that and then sit on the floor with her in the bed while she falls asleep, maybe holding her hand or even resting your head on her bed if necessary. Eventually my husband worked his way across the room and sat next to the door, reading a book with a penlight while she fell asleep. So basically just work your way further and further from the bed over time.

Good luck. I remember how miserable bed time drama can be. My son is 12 months old so I know we'll be there again soon with him all over again. It won't last forever, though, so hang in there.

You probably moved her too soon. It's scary to be in a bigger more open bed! She is still very much a baby, I never moved my kids to a toddler bed until they were 3 and ready to sleep in a bigger more open space.

If switching her back to her crib isn't an option you can use a timer for cuddle time at the ending of her normal routine. Set it for longer periods and then reduce, put it under a pillow to soften the sound when it does go off. Explain to her that when the timer goes off it's time for you to leave & her to sleep and she'll start associating the timer chime with your leaving. I've only read about this, haven't tried it, but thought it was worth mentioning. Good luck!

My two year old daughter did the same thing. We would have to lay down with her every night untill she would fall alsleep. MY aunt who also had this problem suggested that you start the first night by her side, night two farther away and farther and farther every night till your out the door. it gets them gradually used to you not being right there. it worked for us and theres no harm in trying it. Good luck

There are lots of ways to address this problem that so many of us parents deal with. You have been given some good advice here. What I did was gradually reduce the time I spent laying with my children. I didn't use a timer (although you could). To start with I stayed with them until they were really groggy and then told them I had to do something quick (go to the bathroom, check on younger sibling, etc) and if they were good I would come back. If they were good, I would come back, but eventually it took me longer to do whatever it was and they would fall asleep waiting for me. Then after that I started setting a time limit and then told them I had work to do (isn't there always something???!!! - dishes, etc) and that I would come back and check on them. I always did check on them but I waited until I was sure they were asleep. I still sleep with my 5 year old because I enjoy that quiet time with him, but it is only for 5 or 10 minutes (any longer and I fall asleep which is bad news!) This is one of the many challenges of parenting - either you go through a lot of grief for a short time or it is a long, slow process.

I have a 28 month old too. You really just have to be firm. Tell her she has to sleep by herself. Mommy and daddy sleep in their bed, baby in her bed and her in her own bed. Ask her if she wants to sleep with a baby doll or stuffed animal. Maybe even bribe her with mommy's pillow. My kids will always get excited about sleeping on mommys pillow. Then when she comes out, just put her back in. It might take you 10, 20 or more times. But it will work. Have you ever seen supernanny. I've seen them do this with little ones who won't go to sleep on their own. It works usually after 1 or 2 nights. Be firm and consistent, that's what will work in the end. Good luck.

first, i don't think you moved her too soon. we moved ours at 20 mos and similar issue happend (but we only let it happen for one week)...anyways... your child NEEDS to feel comfort. So, does she/he have a paci, lovey, cuddle blanket, or something that helps her soothe herself? You can always "take it away" once she's in the routine of sleeping by herself again. i also concurr with Dawn's suggestions... and most of Debbie Rs (just make sure you don't lie to your kid since they DO remember those things and TRUST is crucial in the relationship.) we let our daughter "cry it out"... the first night was 13 minutes, second time -during a nap was 7 minutes, then the next few times to follow she fussed for about 3 minutes...before the week ended, it's been smoothe sailing since! good luck!