My Almost Three Year Old Still Needs Me to Sleep..

I was in the same boat a few years ago. I set the stage first and talked to them about going to sleep without me or their daddy. "but where will you be?" they'd ask. So, I answered all their questions and explained the
reason(s). It took a few weeks, but it's easy now with a few exceptions every now and then. I ask them what the best part of the day was, read them a story then say a cute little riddle as I tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. In the beginning my son would keep getting up and it was VERY tiresome to put him back to bed, some nights I would want to just give in, but I didn't and now by 8pm most nights they are both fast asleep. And for me it's been GREAT! I can have me time, take a hot bath, do some housework or actually have a conversation with my husband without being interrupted.

good luck

You are definitely NOT the only one with this issue. I have done this with my little guy is about 2 now, and I want to get this taken care of before next baby get here in the fall. One thing we have implemented is putting a gate up at his door. That way, we don't have to shut the door completely and we can hear him get up, but he doesn't have free rome to get back out of bed when we lay him down. I am still staying in his room with him, but hope we transistion soon! Good Luck!

I don't see this as a mistake or as a problem. 3 is still very young and she is still learning to understand how the world works. This is a very short period of there lives when you look at it as a whole instead of looking at what is going on right now. She wont need this very long and there will come a day when you will miss the extra snuggles you are getting with your child. Just wait until she is a teenager and wants nothing to do with you. You'll be wondering why you didn't cherish these special times with her and just enjoy this bed time routine that helps make your child feel safe, secure and loved. It may seem like a lot of hard work now but there will be benefits in the future for your child's emotional development.

Hi Lydia, I co-slept with my now 12 year old daughter until she was 6. She now takes her own showers, gets ready for bed, does her homework independently and reads to herself every night. Even though I still tuck her in every night with hugs & kisses, talk about her day as we laugh & giggle, I SO miss the days when we co-slept, cuddled all night, I would read her several books before falling asleep.

My son is 4 ½ years old and I co-sleep with him for the first part of the night. We lay in his bed and I read to him and then we cuddle, he holds my face and gives me lots of kisses and right before he says good night he will say “I love you Mommy, you’re the best mommy in the world”….we fall asleep together.

You just can’t buy this kind of stuff!

I guess what I’m saying is please cherish this time with your 3 year old. Next thing you know you’ll be in my shoes thinking about when you would read her favorite books to her, lay with her close, feel her little breath on your face and get little soft kisses right before she falls into that sweet little sleep….and how it’s all over! You WILL miss it!

Keep doing what you're doing. It's one of the perks we get as Moms!

Some kids just don't self soothe well, it's not a flaw on her part or neglect on yours.
What you are doing is what dh and I do with our boys, 5 and 2.5. My older son was 4.5 before he could consistently sleep in his own room, it was a big ordeal when we tried before that. He's just that kind of kid, very independent/confident/outgoing in many ways but extremely sensitive in others (texture issues with food, needing help with sleep/scared of the dark, afraid of heights).
My younger son didn't sleep well until we put him in his own room. And he never wanted to cuddle to sleep or lay next to me after 6 months old. I tried, but he was just restless until he was in a crib.
At your daughters age I think i'd go with something like sitting a little further away from every few nights until you are out the door. Or do the "i'm gonna go to the bathroom, i'll be right back" and leave for a moment. Then do it a few times, and/or for longer periods of time.
My older son does okay if there is a night light, the door is open and he can hear us in the house (like doing dishes). But that would keep the younger one up so we just sit quietly in the room.
She'll get there. And she is not being harmed by what you are doing now. :)

You are not alone... My daughter was a great sleeper as a baby and toddler, but when I got her into the big girl bed she now wants us to read/stay with her until she goes to bed. I ask why and she says "she needs us"... We have friends that did this, and then slowly moved out of the room. So for a week don't lie down, but sit on the bed and maybe hold her hand. Then sit next to the bed for a week. Then sit by the door so she can see you... then sit in the hallway... They say it works. I haven't tried and not sure I want to. I think I've gotten to the point that I enjoy the time 90% of the time... the other 10, I will deal with. Good luck whatever your decision.

My daughter is 2.5 and I do this every night with her by choice.

It is part of our bedtime routine and she will usually tell me about her friends and her teachers and what she did all day. Honestly, I think it's a great way to build rapport with your child and a trusting relationship in which your child knows she can tell you anything and everything that she wants. I work full time. So I cherish this half an hour of Mommy and Me time.

Yes, there are some nights where I would rather plop down on the couch, or I have clothes to wash or dishes to do... but I know that my daughter is only little once, so I choose to stay with her until she falls asleep, feeling loved and connected.
Maybe I am wrong, but I bet that it will not be long before she sends me out of her room at night so she can go to bed by herself...

Sometimes changing the way YOU feel about a situation, helps improve the situation more and actually changing your routine with lots of tears and fighting.
Good luck!

Ooh, I don't know but I can't wait to see others responses! I made the same mistake with DS, and now that I am pregnant with #2 I am eager to fix whatever I did wrong the first time LOL! For me I think it was letting him go to sleep while nursing all the time...

I still co-sleep with my almost 2 year old son so I don't have any personal advice, but I found the book the no cry sleep solution helpful for our issues of sleeping through the night. I think this book had some information for older toddlers as well. It might help you. Good Luck.

The week before my son turned 3 we moved his bed/crib out of our room. It sounds strange to some people but, I nursed him for 21 months so it was easier for all of us to be in the same room. I couldn't stand to listen to him cry it out. After that, he did 5 months in night braces on his legs. We never meant for him to be in our room that long, but it just sorta happened.

At the end of last summer we implemented a new bedtime routine. Brush teeth, read a few books, a prayer, hugs and kisses, goodnight. He would get upset and find excuses, but he started falling asleep in his bed, not ours, and on his own. He would get up 1-2 times a night where I would redirect him back to bed.

So in February right before his 3rd birthday we switched him into his own bedroom. We kept the same routine and were ready for the tears and the whining. He still has a hard time falling asleep on his own, especially when he is extra tired, but he knows we aren't giving in and relents. Most nights after rolling around for a bit he falls asleep. We have the video baby monitor up and he knows we can hear and see him even though he can't see us. He still wakes me up almost every night, but I steer him back to bed or catch him before he gets out. There are a few nights with tears, but not the uncontrollable tears, more like he's upset cause it's bedtime.

I would suggest trying out a whole new routine. When we did, I would tell him I would come back and check on him every few minutes (which I did) until he no longer needed the reassurance. Its not going to change overnight, but 3 is different than 3 months and you have to expected the resistance and tears. Once she sees you are sticking to your guns it will get better.

I have to say, I'm glad about not doing self soothing as a baby. I wore him in a baby wrap alot and he was the happiest. He never really cried and he became independant as soon as he could walk. He has good social skills and apart from the sleeping never really had other normal fears or seperation anxiety. Most parents who say their kids sleep through the night are untruthful (check the studies), and quite a few mom use it as a competition. Don't second guess what you did prior, because you have to know you did what's right for her then and you are doing what's right for her now. Happy Slumber!

Trust me you are NOT alone... I have an almost 3 and almost 5 yr old and have to do this with BOTH girls..... I have to put a movie on for my 5 yr old and lay down with the little one.. when the little one is asleep I have to turn off the movie and lay down with my older daughter...... it is VERY frustrating... If my husband is home we both lay down with one and it makes it faster.... We made the same mistake you did and are ever so regreting it now..... I can tell you that if we ever have a third baby I am NOT making that mistake again... good luck!

I'm in the same boat with my son. Sometimes I kick myself, but at the same time, I don't think this will last into the teen years LOL. It can be annoying, but when my little guy puts his hands on my cheeks and holds my face as he falls asleep, it's just lovely.

I'd appreciate hearing gentle transition suggestions, though, as I would like to get that time back for myself eventually!

I was in the same boat until a few weeks ago. Next time we will know better right?! :) But I did come up with something that worked for me and it is going really well.

I had to hold mine until he fell asleep, and then try several times to lay him down without waking him up. I tried getting him his own bed, but all that accomplished was that it was more comfortable for me to lay by him while he fell asleep. This could take up to an hour or more each nap and bedtime, and then every night he'd end up coming in my room. Finally I was just done!

So one night I did our nighttime routine of read a book, etc, turn out the light, give him some kisses, and then I told him I was going to go in the other room, but that I would set the timer on microwave for 5 minutes and I would come back to check on him and give him more kisses. I just told him he needed to stay tucked in and I'd be right back and to listen for the beep. I make sure I go back in AS SOON as it beeps and give him kisses, then I tell him the same thing over about coming back. I praise him for staying in bed and just keep reassuring him that I will be right back. I actually set the time for longer than 5 minutes if he seems fairly calm and sleepy when I go back the first time, so that after that I am usually setting it for 7 or 8 minutes. If he calls out for any reason that is real, I go back in before my 5 minutes is up- like if he needs a tissue (he has a cold). If he gets up (which he has only done a couple times, I just put him back in bed, tell him the little speech, kiss and restart the timer. He falls asleep pretty quickly on his own now instead of the half hour or more that it used to take, almost always byt the third beep. And he seems to sleep through the night better in his own bed if he falls asleep on his own. It has worked every single time, with very little fuss.

WIth yours being a little older I would start by telling her in advance what you are going to start doing. And mine does still come into my room some nights, but I am okay with that part. What really bugged me was having to sit in there so long and try not to fall asleep and not get anything done that I needed to do. If I am cranky and impatient to get out of there, it isnt quality time. Now that we have been doing it a while I can actually lay down with him for some snuggle time that is much nicer than it was ever before. I think the key is promising you will be right back, and going back as soon as the "5" minutes is up. They know you are there if they need you that way. My son can actually hear our microwave beep, so it works. If your house wouldn't work for that, you could get a little timer and set it in the hallway maybe.

Sorry so long, but thought maybe it could work for you too. I never thought I'd find anything that worked for me! Good luck :)

We went through the same thing. One night I was done. DONE! LOL. I had been mentioning to our daughter that all the other kids that we know, including her cousin that she's very close to and only separated by 3 months in age, go to bed on their own. We began talking about it and I told her that when she turned 3 (in two weeks' time) she would start going to bed on her own, just like other kids do. She began processing this and when the time came, I gave her a small flashlight to put on her pillow, and we did it. For us, it worked like a charm from the first night. Couldn't have done it before age three, I think...Occasionally our daughter will say, "But, mom, I'm not tired." I just reply "That's ok. Just lay in bed and relax and sleep will come." We also only allow one time when she can call out to us for us to come into her room. One night she kept calling us in, and I finally said, "here's the new rule. Mom and dad only come in once. If we have to come in more than that, there are no TV privileges the next day." Boy, that nipped it in the bud!

It's important for your marriage that you get a handle on this so you don't start falling asleep in your daughter's room. You've gotten some great advice about letting her know the change is coming and then gradually move out of her room. If you're not sure this is what you want, she will feel those emotions and then "need" you because you need her. Setting her on the road to independence and managing for herself will be the real foundation for her self-esteem down the road.

We're right there with you, too.

Our 3.5 year old was in bed with me by 11:30 last night - God only knows why he wakes up mid-night and seeks comfort from me.

He's never been a good sleeper, but we have plenty of friends whose children were, and regressed once they moved into a big girl/big boy bed.

I'm sure a lot of it has to do with their comprehension of what's going on in the world vs. sheer exhaustion as a baby/toddler.

Our son is deathly afraid of the dark despite having 2 night lights and his door open. He is a self-soother (sucks his thumb and has a favorite blanket). We just haven't gotten to the point that it is enough of an issue to really take on. Too many other battles to wage right now.