How to Explain but Not Explain a Parents Absence

I have to totally agree with Emily B. Though it's hard, I think being honest is the most important thing. I think you should be proud of your boyfriend, which it sounds like you are. This is a very humbling time for him as well and the fact that he is taking the steps to improve his life and the lives of those around him is definitely praiseworthy. If your family and the ex are going to judge him for doing something that is good and is for the betterment of your family, I think the problem lies with them, not you or your boyfriend. You'll feel better for having it all out there, because the little white lie will just eat at you for the next couple of months. I would just be open and honest up front and leave it at that. And I would be very firm and make it clear that there's really no room for discussion after it's out there. A simple, this is what's going on, this is what we're doing about it and call it over.

As for the situation with the ex and daughter, I really don't have much to offer on that. I don't know the law enough to know what rights the ex has in this situation. If your boyfriend isn't there for his given custody responsibilities does she have to leave her with you? I guess my thought is that kids that age will talk without even knowing they are divulging something that you wish they wouldn't. A simple, "Daddy wasn't there tonight" will prompt the ex to call you to find out what's going on. If your boyfriend isn't in rehab yet, I would suggest that he work that out with his ex before he leaves. And if he is already, is there no way for him to contact her to work it out?

Good luck.

Is it possible for you guys to say that he is going away for work? That's one way...

Or how about to visit a sick family member.

I don't know your situation, or how close you are to your family, but I can understand family judgements - they bite hiney. For the sake of saving anger, sometimes the white lie is ok... Try for him going out of town for a temporary job - or temp transfer, etc.

Good Luck

not sure what to tell your stepdaughter, but make sure you get yourself in al-anon. It's a lifesaver!!!

It's shamefull isn't it that our families have to JUDGE when they should be hugging and helpful instead. KUDOS to him for getting himself together. I hope it works. Addiction is a hard habit to break. I think it is FANTASTIC that he is getting help and I am so so sorry that your family or his (if that is the case) wouldn't help.

Regarding the child. I think that she should know that daddy is going away to "fix himself" and take responsibility for a problem he has. While she won't understand now, and she doesn't NEED the details, it is OK for her to know that part of the truth. There are counselors at schools and child psychologists who could/would help explain it in a way she will understand. My son was not quite three when his daddy went away the first trip to Iraq. I took him to Dr. Gumm off Precinct Line Road. He was very helpful in managing my saying/doing the right thing for my son.
If her mother is active in her life, or she lives with her mother, then she needs to be involved in what will be told to her daughter.
UGH... it's such a sticky situation.
If you LIE to everyone, you are doing HIM a diservice as he should be PROUD of himself. Everyone has problems... we do our best fo fix them. And you are also making a bad situation worse. If I found out my child's father was in Rehab and I didn't know... I'd be upset. Plus, how will visitation be handled while he isn't home? Will you even see her...

UGH

When you refer to your stepdaughter--are you talking about his daughter? If it's not his daughter, just say he's out of town for a while, if it is his daughter, maybe her mom should be the one explaining things to her. Good Luck!

all I can tell you is that my ex and I separated when the kids were 2 mo and 16 mo. One of his many problems was alcohol. I always told my children the truth about their father - that he made poor choices....but I told them about those choices (never all the details) as was age appropriate...I cannot stress enough not to lie...even though his rights were terminated I still never talked 'bad' about him but truthfully about good and bad choices and consequences. Their dad passed last year and they met one of their cousins who was much more detailed that I ever was. My kids are now teens and are grateful and trust me that much more for not lying.......6 years olds are smarter than you think.....if she was around him she knows he has an alcohol problem.....hth

I new here and the only thing I can come up with is maybe tell your step daughter he is going out of town for work for a little bit and it will be hard to contact him where he is going at first or dont even give that much detail. I mean my kids are 8 and still blurt things out so I think the truth wouldnt be good for her. As for your family, if they are that judgemental I am sorry I can understand but be glad he is seeking the help he needs for you and his daughter. As far as X's go if you arent married to him she may can keep you from her since he is gone and she would have to be told as to why he isnt taking his visitations or when the little girl comes home and says daddy wasnt there he is away. But he needs to be the one to tell his X not you. And that maybe while he is away could you still pend time with her? I know you may not wanted to hear any of that but I hope some helps you and I wish you all the best of luck. Trust me I have an X in almost 14 years we still dont get along I get along better with his wife. LOL.