How Old Is Old Enough? - Windsor,CA

If you are in CA, I think there has to be a child at least 12yr. I picked up a DMV handbook for my 15yr step son and I was flipping through it. It is in the same section as the car seat laws. You might be able to look it up online with the DMV. I leave and lock my kids in as long as I can see them and no more than 25 feet away. Good luck

Hi T., I don't think you are over protective at all. There is a legal age to leave them home alone...I think it is 12. I never let my kids be alone anywhere. I was always with them at the park, movies, whatever until they were at least 10. I always thought I was over protective. My kids are now grown and still live at home. I still expect them to call me by 2a.m. to let me know where they are at. Good luck

I agree.I never leave my kids,who are 7 and 11, alone. Probably everything will be fine, but kids are kids, and if something does go wrong,then will they be able to handle it? And if something does go wrong and they weren't able to handle it ,how will they feel for the rest of their lives? That is an awful amount of responsibility to put on a child.
P..

Hey T. -

It's hard to answer this question across the board -- kids are different and mature at different rates, and we live in different environments. Each situation they get left in is a bit different. And, local norms are different as well.

According to most state laws, children should not be left unattended before the age of 6 (some states say 7, others 8 -- California doesn't state a specific, but talks about learned behaviors and the environment).

With my children, I started leaving my son alone for a few minutes at home when I ran to the store when he was 8. Over time, this got stretched out to an hour, then two by the time he was 12. I never left him a public place until he was 10, and then only with friends. My daughter, on the other hand, is more mature at this age -- now at 6, she prefers to stay home when I run to the store for five minutes (and she knows not to answer the door or phone unless it's me and knows what to do in an emergency -- we also have good friends/neighbors next door and across the street). I certainly wouldn't leave her in the movie theater when I go out to get popcorn yet, nor would I leave her in a park -- in an open environment, more stuff can happen.

NOW -- a different topic. There are so many posts here about the increase in crimes against children and how scary the world is now, and how our children are somehow at more risk than they ever were before.

The data simply does not prove this! I want to make sure that we all understand that hearing about more crimes does not mean more crimes are being committed. We live in an age of Media Blitz, where every teacher who gets fired for fondling a child makes national news.

Ladies, for better or for worse, teachers (priests, neighbors, moms and dads) have been fondling and sexually abusing children since the dawn of time. There is no data, no sound research, that I have been able to find that categorically proves that crimes against children have risen in the last few decades. And, I have looked.

What HAS changed that may put our kids at risk -- circuitously -- is the fact that those who commit crimes against children can more easily find victims through the internet. In short, you can lock your child in her room thinking she's safer than playing at the park with friends, when in fact, she could be making plans to run away with a 30 year old male. That is a different story -- and to protect our kids from that new type of situation requires training to NEVER become involved with ANYONE they don't know on the internet!

Gettin' off my soapbox now...:)

PS Are people aware that public urination is cause for being placed on sexual predator lists in California under Megan's Law? While I think Megan's Law is great, and I use the database myself, do be aware that not everyone on the list is a 'true' sex offender -- you have to carefully read the chart for each offender -- if it states 'public indecency' or 'public exposure', you may have some drunken fool who peed outside a bar, not someone who went after a child.

Hi, T.. I don't think you're over protective. I feel the same way, I would never leave my kids (2 and 7 yrs.) by themselves anywhere. With today's society, it is very scary, you hear news about kids being abducted at their home. Don't want to make you paranoid, but we just live in a different world. My sisters who have much older kids (13-16yrs.) are never left alone by themselves, always with adults they know or with other members of family or friends.

In reading the responses, I am saddened by how AFRAID everyone seems to be. Parenting out of fear is a very disfunctional strategy. While no one wants to put their child at risk, there are reasonable opportunities to allow your child a little independence. Children do not get kidnapped or molested in movie theaters or even shopping malls during the 5 minutes that you might be in the bathroom. You certainly need to have established that you child just won't wander away, but if you say stay here, I'll be right back, there's no reason to expect that they'll be in any danger.
Our kids are so over-protected and over worried about that they never get a chance to gradually spread their wings. I feel like its better to let theem do that little by little as they are growing up rather than setting them off into the world with no experience in looking out for themselves or making any independent decisions.
For me, I started when my daughter was about 10 allowing her to walk to a friends house in the neighborhood or walk around the mall with a friend for an hour or so without me. I was still in the mall and we arranged for a specific time and place to meet back up, but it allowed her a little freedom in a relatively safee environment. (kids really don't get kidnapped from malls)
When I was growing up I was babysitting for other people's kids when I was 11. A lot depends on the maturity of your child, but at some point we need to let the leash out a bit. You don't want their first independent experience to be going off to college. Being afraid all the time is exhausting to you as a parent as well.
Just my two cents.

Hi T.!

All parenting styles are different. My boys are 6 & 12 and I am JUST letting my 12 yr old go to the bathroom with me standing outside. I refuse to take any chance at all when there are 15 yr old boys getting abused in public restrooms!

I just know that each parent is different, and my boys are not allowed to go with those families that are lenient with leaving their kids alone in public.

Use your instincts on this one.

~N. :o)

you know in these times its better to be safe then sorry. My oldest is 7 I would never leave her alone. I wait for the bell to ring at school and I am waiting in the parking lot 30 mins before she gets out of school. I would never leave her in the movies, because that 5 mins could be what someone is waiting for. You are not being over protective at all. I dont trust anyone.

CHild Welfare Services for the State of CA does not have a specific law but does have guidelines. The guidelines state that a 10 yr old child can be left home alone for brief periods of time (I believe it was up to two hours) if that child is not supervising a younger child and has access to a neighbor and phone numbers that can be called in an emergency.

That said, its hard to know how much more mature your child will be. I have been very surprised at how much our son has matured lately, takng great leaps from 7 - 8 and then again from 8 to 9. SO, things I couldn't imagine allowing him to do at 7, are starting to look ok to do soon like riding his bike to school.

I've always heard that you can become a certified babysitter at 12 years old. (They teach CPR among other things). So, if a child of 10 or 11 is home alone, during the day, for an hour, it probably wouldn't be awful, depending on where you live. I don't leave my 10 year old alone, not because I don't trust him, but I don't trust my neighborhood. I do let him go to the restroom at Target alone (I wait outside) and in restaurants, I'll stay seated at the table. My 7 yr old, I can't imagine leaving alone anywhere, but then, she wouldn't want to be alone either.

You are not being overprotective and I don't agree with the moms that say you are. Times are not the same as they were when we were growing up as you can easily tell by the amount and level of the home work that is given to the children starting in Kindergarten and all we did was color when I was little. Anyway, even 8 is too young but I do agree that it depends on the child. You can leave them in a movie theater to go to the restroom but not to buy popcorn! Also never the park and never home alone. Someone could be watching and you never know. This world is not the same as it was and it is your job to protect your children. Yes, you teach them how to be independent by letting them go across the street to make sure they look both ways every time etc. but I would not leave them alone until their tween years and even then I would always know who their parents are and how they parent themselves. I always have a mom calling my house looking for her 8 year old son because she doesn't know where he is. That is crazy!!! Good Luck and Best wishes to you.

T.,
You raise a very good question. I think it also depends on your circumstances. For example, I have one daughter. And I think that I am very protective of her. She has to cross a highway 35 (aka Skyline Blvd)to get to school. I walked or drove her to school through elementary school. She is now in the 8th grade and I let her walk with at least one other friend home from school or I pick her up in the car.

I have seen other elementary school aged kids walk home alone(yes, across Skyline Blvd).

As a teeenager, I let her go to the movies with just one other friend, and they movie hopped. Since then, she needs to have one adult with her at the movies.

The way it was explained to me is you give them a little rope and if they blow it, then you pull in the reins a bit. Then later you give then a little rope and maybe then, you can give them a little more rope. Or if you have to --pull the reins back again. Eventually, you need to let go of the ropes and hopefully, they'll be adults, not only in age, but also in character.

S.

T.,

It is NEVER wrong to be careful (don't let other people try to make you feel like you are being "silly"). The world is a lot different out there and even a gated community isn't a good reason to let your guard down. I have a 10 month old and a 15 year old. I make sure to meet all the parents of her friends and she doesn't get the privilege of going off with them without supervision until both parents feel comfortable (to be honest I still hang out at Border's while they are at a movie across the street). I see these little kids on the street on scooters with no parent in sight...... I cringe when I see them. It isn't that I don't want my kids to be independent.... I just want them to be equally safe.

Just my two cents..... :D

It is my understanding that leaving your child alone before the age of about 13 is illegal. I would never leave kids your ages at home or in a car alone.

Also with the way things are today, I would, most likely, be at the park watching them. A 9-year old watching a movie would probably be okay.

I think its about comfort level and your child's personality. I live in an area that I would feel safe letting my kids at that age walk to the park for a little bit at a time as it is a block away, but it will depend on my kids' personality at that age. Some kids are the type that would have no problem walking somewhere alone or with a buddy. Although I do think at 5-7 yrs old a buddy is a good idea.

I'm naturally nervous and over protective about these things too, but I'm trying hard not to over do it.

My opinion is that my children will have to learn to do things on their own, and I'd like to help them gradually have more and more independence as they grow. I don't want to hold them so close that their first time alone is when they go off to college.

My kids are 5 (girl) and 7 (boy) also. I will let them look around in the library or in a very small store while I do my own looking around. Our latest thing is for me to let them stay in the car (not hot, of course) while I run in the grocery store to redeem the recycling receipt, but only if the parking space is close and the line is not long. I will let the 7 year old go to the restroom on his own while we girls wait outside. He is so proud of being able to get to the men's room and back on his own while we wait at the table in Denny's or Hometown Buffet. I occasionally (but not usually) let him wait outside while I take his sister in to the restroom--even though he is embarrassed to come in, sometimes I have him stand just inside the doorway. I'm not ready yet to let them play in the neighborhood or at the park without me or leave them at home alone.

But all this came with a lot of instruction and practice on how to behave when they are alone. They know never to leave a store without me (not even to go out looking for me, because I will never leave without them) and what to do if they need help in a variety of circumstances.

I do get very nervous when they're not with me, but I think being on their own is a skill they will need to learn, so I think starting in little steps is a good thing.

I think it all depends upon you and your children. I have an 11 yr. old stepdauighter that I would not leave home alone, or at a park, but will let her sit for a few minutes in the car if I need to run in and drop something off. We are just now going to allow her next year, she'll be 12 to walk to school. I would not let her go to the movies by herself either. But that is because of her personality and that we have had major trust issues with her in the past.

With my two boys, 5 and 4. It's hard to say right now what I would do. By the time they are 5 and 7, We live close enough for them to walk to school, but I won't even think about that until they are 7 and 8 and see whether or not I will allow it.

A friend of mine, who has boys 5 and 8, let them go to the park down from their house all the time by themselves, and she see's no big deal with it. Another friend with boys 6 and 11, let them walk to school by themselves.

So I guess, it all depends on what you are comfortable with. And if you're not cmfortable with your kids being left alone, then don't allow them to be left alone.

There's no right or wrong answer it just all depends on what you feel is best for your kids.

Lisa Belkin's blog at the New York Times has a whole section on "how old is enough" where people chime in about how old they think a child should be to do something. Go check it out!

Old enough is when you feel okay about it.

Read what you can and gain knollege about laws but at the end of the day, listen to your gut. My youngest two are 7 & 8.5 I still take the 8.5 year old boy with me into the womans bathroom in some places. He is old enough he does not come in my stall any more. The easiest solution for me is to go places with another adult.
:-)W.

In the car - Never.
My daughter is 11 and last year I started leaving her alone for short periods, at home, while I went to the store or was across the street. I always have my cell. In public there is usually her bff along, so they are on the buddy system. I let them go to the restroom alone, however they are not allowed to leave each other's site. 5-10 minutes at the park is okay if they understand the rules of a buddy system and know what to do if someone gets hurt.
Hope that helps! C.

Lots of responses saying the same thing - it's all in how you feel. My 2c for you: I used to stay home alone for short periods since i was five, and to take my sisters to the park when I was 9 and they were 2&3. I continued to babysit them and take them to the park until I was 19. In fact, until they went off to college, mom still preferred taking a day off to chauffer them to letting them drive or (heavens forbid!) take public transit. I suppose here are two extremes for you to consider.

I think legally the kids have to be 12 to be left alone anywhere.

The answer is: WHEN YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH IT. Don't do anything you are not comfortable with, period. And if your husband or anyone else is comfortable with leaving kids alone earlier, too bad. I think men overall are more comfortable with kids doing things alone that women are.

One time when my two youngest were about 7 or 8, and my oldest was 12 or so, we visited some friends in Oregon. The woman took my kids to a park and then left them there, and came back saying, "now they are occupied," or something like that. I knew my oldest would not watch the other two, and I wasn't comfortable at all, so I went and picked them up. My friend (who had parented her one child at a time when it was a little safer), kind of rolled her eyes or something but I knew she was wrong. Unfortunately you just can't leave 7 and 8 year-olds alone in parks these days.

When my oldest was 12 I began to leave him to "babysit" his siblings while we went to a movie, but I would be slightly nervous and call 3 or 4 times during the movie.

So if you're like me, I'm guessing 10-12 is about the age when you will probably start to feel comfortable with some things.

Well call me over protective too, BUT.. I NEVER ever leave my son alone in the car much less anywhere else outside the home. He is 7 and I can't imagine until he is "possibily" a teen , leaving him alone.. my mom was never this way, at 7 I was already playing at the park all by myself, but looking back, I think YIKES!!! what was she thinking..
nope, I think it's good that you DON'T and WON'T leave your child alone.... there is a time and place and AGE and I just think that 7 and 5 are still too young... other moms may disagree... :) but not me..

good luck to you!

I live in Mountain House across from a little park and I am shocked at how many kids go there alone or with a few friends the same age. It's a nice neighborhood - but if you look it up on a Megan's Law website you'll see that there are plenty of registered sex offenders around the community - just like anywhere else. Maybe the parents aren't home or maybe they hope the parents that did get off the sofa and go to the park will watch all the kids??
I know legally you can't leave a kid at home until they're 12. And leaving a 5 year old boy alone in a car is asking for trouble! My nephew got out of his car seat and put the car in Neutral and it rolled into a tree!
Anyway - I think you're right - your kids are too young they need you to be there. YOu know their temperment better than anyone else - you'll know when it's o.k. to leave them in the car while you dash to the mail box.
John Walsh let his son go down a toy aisle in a store while he shopped one aisle over. Adam was gone. They found his skull a few years later. John Walsh is the host of America's Most Wanted - it's why he started the show.
Polly Klass was 12. Need I say more?
We can't tell others - especialy family how to raise their kids - but you can do the best you know how and listen to your heart and your gut - throw in some common sense and logic and you're a great mom in my opinion. Just don't ever serve liver and swiss chard in the same meal - I'm still in therapy for that one! ;)

Hi T..

I actually called Sacramento about this a couple of years ago. They said in California, there is NO legal age. They did suggest that you wait until they are 10, but only if they are well aware of what to do in an emergency, with phone numbers posted by the phone, they know not to answer doors, they know not to use fire, etc. This is just to stay at home. When my oldest was 10 I would allow him to stay at home while I ran to the store (1/2 hour max). However, they did specify that he could not watch his younger brother at that age. He's now 12 and we've been practicing for a couple of years. He is able to stay alone for a couple of hours at a time now or when he is sick and I'm working, I will go to work 1/2 a day and he is ok. We always have the phone to communicate. My 8 year-old walks home from school, but it is right down the street. He, again, will not be allowed to be home alone until 10, even though he is more mature than my older one.

I agree that it is scarey out there. I do allow them to go to the park, again, right down the street, but I also decided this year to get my 12 year-old a cell phone with parental controls on it. That way I can tell him when to be home or he can tell me if he's running a little late. We do have to allow them to start growing up, but is is a very scarey age to live in.

I don't think you are overprotective at all. In this day and age so many dangers are out there, and it only takes a minute for someone to snatch your child. That being said,you should teach your kids about "stranger danger" and what to do if someone approaches them, or if another kid is bullying them, etc. My kids are 9, 6 and 4 - I still wait at the elementary school until the bell rings, although I wait mostly in the 1st grade area (where my 6 year old is). My 9 year old is very responsible and feels comfortable being dropped off at school, etc. but I would not let her walk home alone OR be at a park, etc. by herself. But I have left her sitting in the movie theater for a few minutes while taking my younger boys to the bathroom (with explicit instructions - move for no one, if someone comes up to you and says "mommy told you to come with me - don't do it", etc.). I would never leave her anywhere alone in a park, mall, etc.

T.,
I'm sure youv'e gotten lots of responses from the mom's here but I had to add my two cents....
What may be okay for me, doesn't mean it needs to be okay with you.
Only you know when you will "feel" safe letting your kids stay alone for a few minutes or an hour.Or when it's okay to let them see a "pg" movie instead of "G". Or let them cross a street for the first time,play in the park, etc.....
You have raised your children & know what there maturity level is. Some kids handle things differently than others. There were plenty of things I was more comfortable letting my oldest son do than his younger brother, and vice versa. Our younger son didn't panic in stress situations (like a toilet overflow, or the lights going out) but our older son did. However, the older son was also much more mature in handling things or knowing what to do in a emergency.....it was kinda funny really.....one knew what to do, but would panic,the other one didn't panic but was never sure of himself in what to do.(anyway that was just my kids, my best friends kids were totally different & they were raised in the same house).
Once our daughter was born(there are 10 yrs difference between our son's & dauhgter) I let the the boys babysit her when they were old enough, yet I NEVER left the boys with anyone except parents or friends. So it really depends on you & the child.....And only you & your spouse know what your kids are capable of...Do they know how to dial 9-1-1...or even what that stands for...& when it's okay to call(in an emergency)& when it's not(like when the cat gets out)
Some kids think that an emergency is anything a parent might be mad about later (like letting the cat out).
I just wanted to add my two cents.....DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU WHAT IS OKAY FOR YOUR KIDS!!!!
GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS

Each kid is different. The trick is...the best thing is to base this on what the kid is ready for NOT what you are ready for. Being allowed to do things alone is a big step in learning responsibility. Thinking back, I know my mom spied on us from the background where we didn't know it with some of the major "leaving alone" milestones.

In general, we're WAY overprotective as parents, compared to when we were allowed to go places alone, or do a lot of things. In some cases, busybodies have managed to get laws passed, so we have no choice (I used to make VERY good money babysitting when I was 12, but today's 12-year-olds can't legally do that anymore a lot of places, for example). In other cases, we are guided by fear, driven by today's pervasive media. In truth, such things as kidnappings and child molestations happen LESS often now than they did a few decades ago--but each one is smeared all over CNN, so it seems like there are more.

So go with what you think your kid is ready to handle--and feel free to spy on them the first few times to reassure yourself that you were right. Feel free to let people you know tell you what your kids were up to when they weren't under your eyes, too. I grew up in a small town. Even as teenagers, we knew that if we wanted to do something we should not, we'd better be at least 30 miles from home to do it, or Mom would find out somehow or other. If your kids are convinced that Mama has eyes in the back of her head and spies everywhere, you won't have to worry about their conduct.

JMO but it depends a lot on the maturity of the child and the situation/environment, but personally I don't forsee leaving my 7YO's alone any time in the near future. We live on a quiet cul-de-sac and occasionally our kids and the neighbor kids will all play out there while some parents are gardening or keeping an eye on them through the front window, but even that took some getting used to for me

Jan T - thanks so much for your post! I was sure I had heard this before, but not sure enough to put it out there. Thanks for having done the research for me!

To save you all from scrolling down - Jan pointed out the fact that there are no more kidnappings, murders or assaults on children now than there were when we were kids. Just a lot more instant media coverage of it so we all know about it.

But, like so many have said, it all comes down to each parent's comfort level. I have NO idea what I'll be doing with my now 11-month-old - but I assume I'll be following my gut instinct. SO much to worry about as a mom!!!! It's a challenge to find balance...

T. W - Thanks for starting this thread...

Cassie

Hi T., As everyone else had posted so much of it depends on the child. My son and his best friend are both 9. School is 3 blocks away. Just a few months ago I have began to let them walk home from school 2 days a week. Of course I am here waiting for them to arrive. Also about 6 months ago my friend and I began letting them go into one movie theater
and us moms go into another. They love it!!!! We do not go to the big huge 16 movie cinemas - we do a much much smaller one. Of course we have to plan it so the movies begin/end within minutes of each other and they know exactly where we are should they need us. They come into ours if theirs is out first. Also without them knowing it twice during the movie one of us peeks our head in their movie to see that they are OK. Again though this all depends on the child!! It has worked out great as it allows us to see something we want to see and give them some independence. It can be difficult to let them have some independence without worrying our heads off that is for sure!!!

I believe in a little healthy independence :). Check out the website freerangekids.com.

I have hosted child safety from predators events through our local Mom's club and here's my take on it ...

I think it depends on several factors including the child's training. Here's two great FANTASTIC resources and one good one to help you and your children get information and trained in this area. Of the many products, I've come across so far, these are the best I've found:

1) KidPower out of Santa Cruz gives classes both in their area and out of their area. If you want to make the effort, you can even arrange for them to teach in your area or get certified yourself as a teacher. Check out their board of directors ... one is the notable author of the Courage to Heal books. They also have e-newsletters and a book, etc. If you think you can't afford the classes, they'll help you with that too. I don't think they turn anyone away. Their website is web: http://www.kidpower.org . I can't say enough about this organization ... they teach parent-n-me classes for each age group teaching boundaries and safety from predators and bullies without scaring you or your children. Fabulous.

2) DVD for parents (with a segment for kids) titled: Abduction Prevention Pack by Kidz'n Power. Every parent should see this DVD. Although a similar name it is totally unrelated to KidPower mentioned above. I had our club donate one copy to the local library too (another great thing to do in your own area). This one has 3 incredible sections titled becoming aware, taking action, and internet safety. The first two segments are 90 minutes each, the third is 40. An incredible amount of information ... I can't say enough about this DVD. A must watch ... must have. Our mom's club also showed segments of this one at a local church where our club meets and the church dude who ran the projector for us was amazed and thrilled and said he wanted the church to start showing it too because he said, "every parent should see this."

3) For kids, a DVD from the creator of Baby Einstein and the guy on America's Most Wanted called Stranger Danger. Our club had donated this to our local library too but in VHS format and I just noticed it isn't there any more. Check your library for it or request it. This one is wacky and silly and teaches kids the difference between people you don't know and kinda know and the few people who are on their "safe" list and things to do to help keep them safe ... and kids seem to love it. If you imitate the main character ... it also gives parents a good example of how to approach the subject with children without projecting your own fears onto them.

These will definitely empower you to make knowledge-based decisions ... from the leading experts in our country. Let us all know if you do follow up on any of these and how you like them or if you find other products that are your favorites.

Also let me know if you and your friends want to host an event or public showing of these ... I can walk you through the steps of how to invite the public, network with local agencies and clubs, etc. since I've done it 2-3 times now for this topic and I've done it for other topics.

I agree with the posts saying it depends on the maturity of the child. However, the world we're raising our children in today (as opposed to the world we grew up in) really scares me. My brother and I used to walk a mile to grade school with 3 younger foster siblings in tow. Now, I can hardly consider letting my 10-year-old daughter walk the 3 blocks to middle school without an adult.

We (as foster-adoptive parents) actually researched this from a legal standpoint when the law about leaving kids alone in the car took effect. The statutes do not state a specific age for leaving a child alone (at home or in the car), but the general consensus from the law enforcement community seemed to be that the community standard was 12 years of age.

Now, will I leave my daughter home alone with her younger sister 2 years from now? I don't picture that happening either.

HTH.

As mentioned before, 12 is the legal age that you can leve them home alone. Any time beyond that depends on your child. That age also goes for sitting in the front seat of the car.

Hi T.,

Here is a link that shows (by state) what the legal ages are for a child to be left alone... however, most states (Including California) do not have a specific age.
http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm
Now, having said that. I agree with most of the other posts from the mom's who say they are over protective. Call me what you will...but I think in today's day and age, you can never be too careful! My oldest is 9yrs old and we just moved 2 blocks from his school and I still won't let him walk to and from school. Many of the kids his age (even kids in his class) walk home or ride their bikes home, but I just can't take that risk. My son also has ADHD and is still pretty immature, so part of it is that I don't know that I can trust him to come straight home without getting side tracked or walking with a friend to their house before coming home. I don't see myself letting my son walk anywhere on his own until he's 12 or 13yrs old, but I'm not sure as I will have to judge based on his maturity. Currently at the age of 9, he does not even stay in the car by himself. If I am going into the store, he goes with me. If I have to go to the public restroom, he has to come in and stand on the inside next to the door. I don't make him walk all the way in, just far enough to where I could hear him if something was happening. If he has to use the public restroom, I let him go into the mens... but I am standing outside the door waiting for him. I do not leave him anywhere in the store by himself either... if he wants to look at the toy isle, I go with him. I know I sound very protective, but like the other posts say... it's too big of a responsibility to put on a child, and if something DID happen, you'd hate yourself forever for making the wrong choice for your child. I love my children dearly and I will do everything I can to protect them and keep them safe.

I am also a home daycare provider for other children and I provide transportation to and from schools. When I load the kids in the car (I have 3 infants), I pull into the garage first so that I don't have to leave anyone out in the driveway by themselves. I'm sure it looks really strange to others who don't know my reasoning for pulling into my garage for a couple minutes and then pulling back out only moments later... but at least I know that my kids as well as the kids in my care are safe!

Good Luck in your decission.

Hi T., I don't see you as over protective just cautious which is unfortunately necessary in this day and time. I was the same and still am. I used to make my daughter take a walkie talkie to play in the front yard. She is 14 now and I still don't let her walk home from school by herself. She is told to always have her cell phone on so if something f=does happen they can follow the signal. I did leave both of my kids home alone at about 11 yrs old but it just depends on their maturity or how responsible they are and if you feel confident that they will follow simple rules like not answering the door, using the stove or telling anyone on the phone that they are alone.

You are NOT over protective! The only time I have left my kids in the car (6 and 8) is when I am using the ATM and I park right in front next to it or if I am dropping off something to someone and I can see my kids from the porch, and no I do not enter their home with my kids left in the car. I DO NOT let them play in the front yard alone and I do not let them go to the restroom in public places alone! they have enough time to get the reigns loosened, but not now! My neighbor on the oterh hand lets her 6 year old play outside with other kids with no adults outside, even has the child riding in the front seat of the car on a regular basis. I am sorry, but not much shows me that thereshould be alot of trust of others when it comes to my children!! They do get o go to friends houses, after I meet the parents and feel comfortable. Our kids are our prized possessions and are irreplacable! ONLY do what YOU are comfortable with!!!

I believe in caution in today's world. Even the most savvy of young children and those prepared by well meaning are cognitively not able to make safe choices (trusting someone at a park..not physically able to defend themselves against the will of someone intentionally hurtful and they have no power or authority in the world. To put that responsibil on them is not alright with me. It is more labor intensive to make safety work (Take all kids to the bathroom, bring a friend or babysitter to movies...but it is worth it. I think that each layer of independence is diffferent depending on the kid but you can never be too careful, even with teengage kids.. I do not like it when people say, you have got to let them go..is that what poor Natalie Holloway's mother was told before her beautiful daughter went off to her trip. There are many abduction rings, kid trafficking from Arizona to Mexico..Russian..hard to fathom but these are real concerns. I remember in high school, I told my father all the kids were going on a trip to Hawaii and he said, not all of them. Later, many years later, I heard more details about that trip and am so glad I did not go. I know there are many arguments for giving children their autonomy and as someone who did travel to eastern europe 2 decades ago on her own and lived in urban areas in what most people would consider dicey but I considered artsy...I get it. I just think that there is a need for more caution today.

T.,
For me, there are too many risks. I wouldn't leave my kids alone at a public park, even at a gated community. Or at the movies...also we are very careful about who watches our children. I am not sure about an exact age. See the website below for some very good tips...my kids are 6 and 3 - I never leave them alone and watch very closely when we are at playgrounds, etc.

Focus On the Family has some good information and advice about this. (www.focusonthefamily.com)
Hope this helps.
M.