My oldest son is now 15 he is always respectful to adults obeys rules etc. He's never been in any trouble at school, I feel at times he's very mature for his age, his friends most from my experience are mature, polite, respectful. He went to the movies with a friend last night and the mother went with them, I'm good with that but at what age do I consider to encourage letting him go with a few friends and not have a parent sitting in the same movie or myself sitting in the same movie near them? My husband feels times have changed too many crazy people have made it so kids can't go without an adult present, he says well maybe at almost 17 or even 18. His reason is if some crazy person comes in with a weapon and tries to hurt people having an adult with them may help them not to panic and save their life. What do you all feel? I will add he's in High School of course I let him go to football games with friends and no parent tags along but my husband says the football game is filled with teachers, police, other parents...
In advance thanks for sharing your experience or advise :)
Knowing what others have experienced by what age they felt was reasonable to experience the movies without a parent sitting in with them, allows me to share with my husband what other parents experiences. Another parent sharing helps a parent know they aren't alone in their thoughts and that at some point its ok to let go of the reins a bit allow a child to grow. That's why I'm sure we all ask questions on this website to see what others have experienced its easier then calling up or emailing 15 friends to see what they think lol thanks for sharing. Times have changed and their wasn't people waking in movie theaters and having gun battles, I was lucky to experience, the community swimming pool, movies, roller skating rink with a small group of friends at age 12 that was the 70's times are different, so that's why I am asking. I am still experiencing parents of his friends that still want to tag along it's not me I say go, go with your friends. I just need something to share with my husband and his friends parents that it's ok to let go....I'm not the helicopter parent asking just need something to back me up.
My son was in 7th grade(age 12) when he went to the movies "alone" with his friends....one of the moms dropped the kids off and then ran some errands at the mall and then picked them up at the end of the movie.
In a year he'll be old enough to date, alone, in a car, with a girl, without any adult.
So yes, at age 15 he's old enough to go do group activities without an adult IF IF IF the place he lives isn't a crime capitol or ghetto or any other really dangerous place.
But to be honest, with all the random shootings and bombings I'm keeping my kids close to home too.
i'm a little taken aback at any parent refusing to let a teenager go to a movie alone, especially putting it off until legal adulthood. infantilizing our children will not keep them safe, nor allow them to cope with the world confidently as adults.
if the crazy person with a weapon enters a theater, will a 17 year old somehow be safer than a 15 year old?
bad things happen. but reacting to the entire world defensively creates a fearful, cringing populace. we're already seeing way too much of that.
my kids went to the movies with friends from around 10 on. i'd go shop in the mall or enjoy a quiet couple of hours with a book. heaven.
i think you, and especially your husband, need to remember that you're not raising a child, you're training a young adult to be a functioning, independent member of society. take off the apron strings.
khairete
S.
Um, jeez, a 15 year old should be able to go to the movies with his friends. He's two years away from going to college. You and your husband are WAY too overprotective.
Shootings are ridiculously common in our country, since we lack gun control laws, however the chances are still minuscule that your son will be shot in a shooting rampage, and if a crazed person is determined to shoot people, you and your husband won't be able to do much about it, even if you're present when it happens. You'll probably just get shot too.
Unfortunately, we can't keep our kids in a bubble, tempting though it might be.
When my kids were about 8 and 11 years old I started letting them go into the theatre together to watch kids movies while I enjoyed a more adult type movie in a neighbouring theatre. At 9 and 12 I felt comfortable enough to just drop them at the theatre and pick them up after. At 10 and 13 they can take the bus to the theatre themselves.
Did you know that the world is actually much, much, much safer now than it was when we were growing up? The difference is we live in a 24 hour news cycle, so we learn about so many more events. We know details of this that happen in other parts of our country. Years ago these events, at the most, would have been two paragraphs in the news paper. Now they're talked about for days on CNN. The world hasn't changed, our use of tv and Internet has.
I went to the movies with friends and no adults by the time I was 12. 15 seems more than old enough to me. You want to prepare him to be an adult at 18, not force him to figure it out when he already is one.
I couldn't live my life in fear like that and we didn't encourage our daughter to either.
I'm in the northern burbs of Dallas and our daughter was being dropped off at the movies when she was 13 with friends. She was driving at 16.
No matter where you go or what you do, there is potential for some danger.
I don't know any parents in our circle who don't cut the apron strings and give their child a chance to be independent and responsible.
If you wait til he is18, he has no experience dealing with people and situations. He needs some practice before he heads off to college and us on his own. He's eligible to drive soon as well. What are you doing about that?
At some point he's going to realize that most kids don't have the rules like you do. He will go buck wild when he gets free if you don't allow him to make mistakes and grow from them.
It's hard to let go but it has to be done so children can learn. Trust that you raised him well and have faith!
After reading your SWH, I agree that hubby sounds paranoid.
12 years old. I think your husband is doing what terrorists want. Curtail your life and live in fear. Not a good way to live. Time to cut the strings and give him some independence.
If you don't let young people experience the world even with it's inherent dangers and pitfalls you are not keeping them safe you are putting them in danger. Without a little freedom your boy will be at a huge disadvantage when he becomes and adult in less than three years.
My advice to you and your husband is to find something else to focus on. If you can't let a 15 year old boy go to the movies without excessive worry it's more about you than it is about safety.
I think the answer depends entirely on the maturity of the kid. If a gunman comes in, what in the world is the parent going to do to change the situation. These days, school kids have better active shooter training than the adults because it has been the reality their whole lives. We all are more on edge now, but I'm not going to teach my kids to let fear rule their lives. If he's ready at 15 (for us, it'll be a little older), then he's ready, regardless of parental fears. But once you have all these opinions, what do you expect to do with them? It's not like either one of you is going to change your mind based on strangers' opinions on the Internet.
He deserves the independence. In my opinion, if we don't start releasing them slowly into the world, then when the time comes (in 3 short years) they won't be equipped for life. There are crazy people, but we can't let them dictate our daily life.
My kids are 18, almost 15 and 13. All three of them have been going to movies with friends since they started middle school. 17 or 18 is too late. They're off to college at that point. If they can't handle going to the movies by themselves, how can they handle life away from mommy and daddy? You can't raise your kids with the idea that "crazy people" are a common occurrence. They'll live paralyzed with fear to even leave their house. That's just not reasonable and it's a great disservice to your kids.
My MIL is like this. Every time a story came on the news about something bad happening (carjacking in a mall parking lot, girl got run over crossing a street, someone got abducted, etc), she'd FREAK THE FRICK OUT and think it was personally happening to her daughter (my SIL). She'd call and call and call my SIL to make sure she was alright. She wouldn't let her go anywhere with friends, kept tabs on her constantly, etc. My SIL is now in her 30s and she has severe anxiety and depression and is pretty messed up. Make that REALLY messed up. It's a direct result of how she was raised by an overly protective, paranoid mother.
Don't let that happen to your kids. Take a stand on this and MAKE your husband understand.
My kids have been dropped off at the movies since they were 12. Accompanying a 15 year old out in a social situation is just absurd. Way past time to cut the cord...
I think your husband is a little paranoid. Yes, those types of terrible situations have happened. But the odds of it happening where your son is at a movie are slim to nil. Really. You can't live life in a bubble.
My son is 17, and he's been going to movies alone (with friends) since he got his driver's license at 16. (what I mean by this is totally alone-- as in driving himself there. He's been dropped off and picked up before age 16. And his younger sister, who is now 14, has also.) And now at 17, he can even go to R rated movies! Ack!
By 15, I'd be willing to drop off and pick up- assuming the theater is in a relatively safe location and not in a mall where the mall has rules against "loitering" or "unaccompanied minors under the age of 16" or whatever. I assume your son has a phone that he could call when the movie was over and let you know he/they are ready for pick-up. That's how I would do it.
But geez... tell Dad that in another few months your son will be driving age. What's he going to do then? He sounds like a good kid. Let him have a little space. He'll be fine.
Seriously. I have picked up daughter's friends and son's friends and dropped them at the movies and picked them up after. Daughter and her friends know no one goes to the restroom alone, etc. They all have phones. They stay in a group. They have to learn to "adult" sometime. Hopefully before they are able to go do what they want without having to ask permission. Gotta take the training wheels off some time.
Hey Gamma G, the Batman killer did not strike in a "ghetto" theater.
I would think that's definitely old enough to be unsupervised in a movie.
Would your husband be more comfortable if you covered how to handle these kinds of situations, or crises, with your son? They do at school, and when they did at our kids' schools, we used that as an opportunity to go over with our kids as well. You don't wnat to frighten them of course, but having him know what to do in an emergency (same as if the cinema caught fire for example) will make you more comfortable letting him go.
Kind of like a babysitting course where they go over all the things that could happen - how would you handle it. Maybe your husband would feel more comfortable if he knew what your son would do. I went through something similar letting my kids go to the park on their own. We'd had a scare in our area of a man in a white truck going up to kids. I just asked my kids what would you do if this man approached you. It gave me an indication of how prepared they were, and how aware they were.
Good luck :)
