Can He Use the Men's Room Yet?

Nope. I wouldn't let my 4 1/2 year-old use the boy's room by himself ever. You just never know what will happen.

I don't let my 9 year old go by himself in most places. Only in single restrooms. My thought is, is he old enough to fight someone off of him if something happens. I would say maybe i am overprotective with a nine year old, you are smart with a 4 year old.

My son is 5 years old and I still will not let him go to the bathroom by himself. When we are out as a family my husband always takes him to the men's room but I don't think I will let him go to the bathroom by himself until he is at least 7. I know this sounds crazy but I have heard way to many crazy things that happen in the bathroom.

At this age, I would say no. Only for safety's sake. I always made my older son take my younger son or had my husband go with them, and if they weren't around, I waited outside the door. This actually kept other men from going in there, but I would rather be safe than worry about offending someone.

My son is 7 yrs old and I still have him go to the women's bathroom if my DH is not around to take him to the boys bathroom. Maybe I am over protective, but I have heard too many stories of children getting raped in the bathroom or killed while mom or dad is standing outside. Better to be safe and make him continue to go to the bathroom with you. Just let him go inside the stall by himself. Teach him a bout "Stranger Danger" and that is why you want him to go to the bathroom with you. Make sure he understands that police officers and firefighters are good guys though. Take him on a trip to the firestation or the police station.

I let my son go in a bthrm at a eating place..alone. He was about 5 1/2. I had 3 kids 5 and under. I figured no big deal if I am a few feet from the door where I would be able to hear him yell and yet can see my 2 younger ones. My dh fussed when we got home. He was not able to be with us and was very adament with both of us that the boys never go in a bthrm alone at that age!

Then a week later my sis told me about a little boy that was cut up in a btrm at a fast food place in her town. She would never let her son go into btrms alone.

That convinced me. Now my oldest is 21 and no problems. ;-) But we both survived him having to wait for me to drag all 4 of us in the btrm every time. LOL And I might add, I made them all try to go since we were all there anyway. ;-)

Our mom's club recently asked this question when we had a police officer speak to us. He said that it would be ok around early grade school (3rd grade I think he said). And then, he said that the mom should plant herself right outside the door and frequently open it and shout in asking if he was still ok. He said that no guy would be offended by that even if it meant you had to run in and get your son. HTH

You have to decide this for yourself but my 5-year-old still goes in the womens with me and probably will for another year. He is pretty self-sufficient but sometimes I'm afraid he'll need my help and how am I going to help him in there? My now 8-year-old goes in by himself but I stand guard and really pay attention to who has gone in and I'm not at all afraid to talk to him thru a crack in the door (not looking in of course) to make sure he's okay. Good luck on this. Most of us Moms worry about this at some point with our little boys.

I have the same problem, and my son is about to turn 8. The way the world has become and you don't know who to trust and who not too...I don't let my son go to the restroom by himself at all. We may be too overprotective by doing that, but I would rather know that my child is safe. Do what you feel is best, and do what you feel is comfortable.

DO NOT let him go in a men's room that has more than one stall. If he goes in alone, make sure that the room is empty. It is very dangerous to send a small child in a public restroom alone when other people can come in and out too. It only takes a short time for sick bad people to do the unthinkable to a child. He isn't old enough to decide what he's ready for if he could be in harms way. Be overly cautious ALWAYS about public restrooms. I know that I sound overly protective, but I have heard bad things about men's restrooms and little boys.

I agree with all the other NO's that you've gotten. My son is 9 and I allow him in some places and not in others. It's sad that we place a label on "all men's rooms" as being unsafe, but I'd rather stand with my foot in the mens room door ready to run in than to wait 2 minutes too long. That's all it takes.
My friend said her son would whistle or sing while he was in there and when the singing or whistling stopped, then she'd ask if he was ok. It was their code.
It's always better to be safe than sorry.
Go with your gut. It's almost always right.

I also have a very independent child who is also 4 1/2 years old. I still dont let him go into the mens room alone! I am very aware of what might happen in a mens restroom alone. It only takes a split second for a child molester to get our children. Im not saying all people are bad but some of them are and its 2007 the world isnt getting any better. Just be cautious and Im sure you will make the right decision.

I'm glad you asked that question! I was going to post the same question today! My son just turned four and at preschool they tell him he has to use the boys room which is understandable. But now he wants to use the mens room in public and I have to tell him he is too young to go alone. And since dadddy is always at work we are usually the stores alone. But my answer would also be, he is too young. Try and use the stores that have family restrooms like Walmart or Target. That way it's a private room just for you and your family that way everyone can go at once and you don't have to worry about them unlocking the stall door on you while you are occupied. LOL.

NO! We have heard of children as old as 8 or more being raped in men's rooms. Definitely not!

I had my son go in the ladie's room with me until I started getting dirty looks from the women in there. He was probably 8 or 9...

It is scary having them go into a men's room all by themselves. You never know who is going to be in there, and what they might do to your little boy. So, no, I don't believe you are being overprotective.

My son is 9yrs old and I still make him go into the restroom with me if my husband is not with us. If the other stalls are full we go into the Handicapped stall and I turn my back to give him his privacy. I have talked to him about this and he is okay with it, he doesn't feel overprotected, he listens to the news and we have talked about "stranger danger" so he trust me that I am making the best decisions for him. As a matter of fact I have had several older ladies who have run into us in the public restrooms praise me for being protective. They said they would have done the same for their children if they knew then what was happening to kids in places they use to think were "safe".

Maybe if he had a male friend or family to go with him, but I'm not sure that I would let him go by himself just yet.

My son is also 4 1/2 and he is not allowed to go by himself. I go with him in the womens restroom or daddy goes in with him. The only way I let him go by himself if there is a bathroom for one person-no stalls (women and men)and I stand by the door or if I have to go too, we will both go in. I am overprotective over my kids with weirdos too. I know people are here that let their kids play outside by themselves (under than 10) but I am to scared.

I agree do not let him go to the men's room by himself. He is way to young for that just yet. Just explain to him that he is still to young and that when he is old enough he will be able to go on his own.

My son turned 4 in July and often uses the mens room in public, by himself. His mommy stands outside the door and tells him to hurry up - and he has roughly one minute to do his business before I yell , "Wash your hands with soap". If I don't hear a yes ma'am, I turn my back to the door, open it, and say it again... and if he doesn't answer, I swear I will go in after him (with a warning for the men, of course).
That said, we're from a small town - most people know everybody, and I feel he's reasonably safe. When we go out of town, he either goes in the family bathroom by himself or he goes in the "Mommy's" bathroom (by himself).

Having read all the responses to your question after I posted this - I think I will go back to family room or mommy's room only. Yikes.

Still too young ! there are alot of weird-o's this day & time, I personally would not let him go in there by-himself ! my son is 6 & he only goes in the men's room w/his dad, if not, I will take him in-to the ladies room!!

You are NOT too overprotective... does the story of that senator's anonymous gay encounter in a public restroom ring any bells? Meaning, the predator may not necessarily be looking for your a child, but who knows what else might be going on in there. Yuck.

My son is six and in first grade (will be seven the end of January). The only places I allow him to use the men's room alone are at church and school. He goes in the ladies' room with me when shopping, eating out, etc. Sometimes he gets annoyed with me, but there are too many weirdos out there!

try to scope out family restrooms... he could go in there by himself since it's only one stall...

Overprotective? Yes - but in a good way! These days we need to be a little more protective because of all the weirdos we hear about. You can never be too careful. If he's wanting more independence, maybe you can just stand outside the stall in the women's bathroom, or find the 'family' bathrooms where there is only one stall.

absolutely not! he is not old enough to go to the restroom by himself, there are too many child predators out there. my daughter is 12 years old and will not let her go by herself in public, she hates it, but i explained to her why and she understands. I do not think you are being overproctective. Heck, now a days we have to be! Sad, isn't it?

Take care
B.

NO, dont let a child go to the restroom alone. I have four boys and they want to go to the restroom, we ask them to go together. (ages 11,9, 6 and 2 but he doesnt go with them) We are a few feet away, but still, a child could be rendered voiceless in a time of need.
NEVER let a child go to the restroom alone unless you know it is empty and watch all possible entries to make sure no one enters.
Better over protective than regretful later,
M.

Hi L.,

I hear you on it being a struggle, bc you don't want to scare them. I have a 9 year old and a 7 year old and 99% of the time they go to the women's restroom with me. What I tell them is that the women's restroom for just a single women.. it is the women's restroom, but the womens restroom for moms and children becomes the *family* bathroom, thats why there are changing tables in there unlike in the men's restroom.
I do try to be respectful of other women who may not get why I am bringing them into the women's restroom. So we don't hang out long in there, one waits by the door etc.

Take care,

A.- mom to Dominic (9) and Julian (7)

Safety would be my concern. But if you wait right outside the door and he knows not to talk with strange men - depending on his level of maturity I would say sometimes ok. But if you have to go and can't wait, he should go with you. I have let mine go with me until 6 or so.

L.

My son won't go to the restroom by himself until he's 12 or 13. Too many bad people out there who are way too bold!

No, no, no! My boys are all trudged through the ladies room--sorry ladies! And will be for coming years. I figure their embarrassment is way less important then their safety.

Depending on how old he is. Your profile says 4 1/2. If he still is that little my answer would be no. Everyone is different though. My son is 8 and I still don't let him use the bathroom alone. My background is in protective services and I have not only seen but heard so much happening to young children. Sometimes we are with his cousins who are older and I will let him go with them, but even then I am usually right outside the door and he has a very short time period to do what he needs to do. If he takes to long, I open the door and yell inside for him, i've even gone so far as to walk in one time when he decided he wouldn't answer me. You can never be to careful in today's society. As far as him being independent, I'm very open and honest with my son and tell him that there are bad people out there and let him know of some of the more dramatic things that have happened in bathrooms to young children. My motto is better safe than sorry. He can still be independent in the ladies bathroom by going into his own stall and taking care of business on his own. Hope this helps.

L.-

I do not think you are being at all overprotective. Your son still being that young I would still say only go in the boys bathroom if another male adult that you know and trust go with him. Other wise I would suggest him still going with you just to be on safe side. I hate to think in a negative way but you never know and don't want to take any chances.

Hope this helps,
M.

NO way! Never stop protecting your child! There are creaps and pedofiles everywhere. My sister-in-law used to stand holding the door open and make her son tell her how many people were in the bathroom and then he had to talk to her the whole time so she knew he was ok. But I say stick to your guns, mom. I tell my son all the time - stay with Mommy. Someone could take you away from me and Daddy and I and everybody would be so sad!

I don't think you're being overprotective at all. I have an almost 4 year old boy, & I wouldn't let him do that.

I remember Rosie O'Donnell telling a story about how she got into it with her then 9 year old son in front of a bathroom. He wanted to go by himself in the men's, but she said he had to go to the women's restroom with her. She said that all these people were looking at her like she was so mean, but she said she didn't care because it's just not safe. I just thought it was a funny but true story.

UUMMM NO you are not being overprotective just very aware that there are bad people in this world. I take my son with me where ever I go and he is 9 but then again I have three. I can't just leave one outside and take the girls with me... then the girls would want to stay with him. I do understand that he want to feel grown up but just explain to him that YOU can't go in there if something is wrong and you would rather him be safe than something happen to him. If he doesn't don't take it well from you than have his Daddy let him know that he doesn't want him going there by myself just yet either. I have let my 9 y/o go to the bathroom by himself don't get me wrong I just make sure that it is a safe place and I stand right outside. I think I started letting him go at about 6 or 7.
Good Luck

Its whatever you feel comfortable with...
I let my 4 1/2 go by himself but I stand right by the door and count to 10 or so.. and if he not out I go in...
But he is always out in time... Mine little man is just as independant!!
Good luck

L., please don't think that to be overprotective. Just open any issue of the Dallas Morning News and see why you should keep a close eye on him. There are so many weirdos out there today...it's just better to be safe than sorry. I don't think I started letting my son go in the men's room alone until he was about 9 or 10. If my husband wasn't with me, I took him in the women's room with me or went to one of those "family" restrooms that are becoming more popular these days. Children want to be independent naturally, but it's our job to protect them... and you're doing that very well by even asking this question. Keep up the good work!

You are not being overprotective! How old was the child who was taken by two teenage boys and then raped and murdered?

My kids are 9, 8, 8 and 4. I let my son (9) go alone, so long as I'm standing there. I also let my daughters (8, 8 and 4) go together so long as I'm within eye sight of the bathroom doors.

You're not being overprotective and maybe it's time to explain to him that there are people out there who aren't the nicest and you just want to make sure he's safe.

ABSOLUTLY NOT!!! HE IS WAY TO YOUNG TO use the restroom unsupervised. there are loonies every where these days and child molesters often hide in the restrooms looking for a child alone and unsupervised. it is just far too dangerous a world to take any chances.

Take care, A. J

i too am the mother of an independent 4 yr old...he will be 5 in jan..this is an issue we face a lot, i am not a single mom, but my hubby does wokr nights so when we go out it is just us. we were in a restuarant the first time when he was allowed to go potty alone in the boys bathroom. the bathroom was empty when he went in. i stood at the door and waited for him...a few minutes later a male customer came up and i asked him to wait and told him why. they guy was not rude and her patiently waited for my son to come out. so now that is what we do. if he gives me resistance about going in the girls bathroom then i ask himto check out the boys, he has to wait until everyone is out. then he can go in and i will ask men to wait. i have not had anyone who has gotten rude with me...they are understanding. as far as everyone talking about all of the weirdos in this world....they are not all in the mens bathorooms....they are all around you. if you want to protect your child from the world then dont let him in the world. Also...some of them who mention the kids getting cut up, etc...how much of that is urban legend trying to put more fear into society??? if you are comfortable with letting him go and work something out with him. good luck!!

My response is the same as most moms. In public if it is a single person bathroom with a door that locks, I will let my 6 year old go on his own, however I do stand at the door, makes sure he doesn't lock it and stand guard. In a multi stall restroom, I make him go in with me and I let him go into the stall by himself and do his stuff. Usually if I have to use the restroom as well and we are in a multi stall restroom, I allow him to use the stall next to me and if he finishes before I do he has to stand st my stall door with his back to the door so that I see him and he sees people around him. I work at a State Prison and I know what kind of sickos are out there. I try to let him have his independence, but he only gets so much depending where we are at and what we are doing. And most of the time we have to factor in the fact that I have my 4 year old little girl with me too. I hope you get some good advice.

He's too little still. Better safe than sorry. He has no idea of the dirty truth. He'll understand when he's older. There has been boys older than 4 1/2 bothered in the men's bathrooms. My sister was 12 when a man went in after her at the bathroom at the circus. Luckily the cleaning lady was in there and he turned and walked out. MY my mom still cringes 30 yrs later at the thought of what could have happened. I still make sure its safe before my son goes now and he had no problem going in the girls till about 9. I know this sounds bad but I guess he was about 7 and I had to tell him the God honest truth what could happend so then he quit fighting me about it.

Don't let him go alone (especially if it's a crowded place). I have heard many horror sotries of little boys who have gone by themselves to public restrooms. If it's a small department store and nobody else is inside it's fine. I always have my kids use the restroom at home before we go out anywhere. I don't care if people think something is wrong with me but I do not trust strangers or family members around my kids. Yes, I guess I'm overprotecitve but that's just because I love my kids!

Hi L., I am a single parent with a 13yr old son and boy do I remember those days. Since he is my only one he was also very independent because of being around so many adults. Because they are a little bit more mature I gave him the talk about abduction. I didn't get grafic, but he knew how serious it is,even until now we have a password we two only know. However, sometimes there is no fighting their independence. It was only til he was 8 did I let him go by himself into the mens restroom. He is tall for his age and I even had one lady express her opinions in the Womens restroom. My response to her was,"He is my only son and if a man can take a woman like us, how much more easier for an 8yr old." She couldn't argue with that, in fact other ladies in the restroom fully agreed. When I did let him use the men's restroom this is what I did:
As my son walked in the door, I held it open and with a loud, firm voice I told him ,"Mom is right here at the door and I am not leaving, hollar loud if you need anything and I will come in!" If it was a restroom that was very little and I could see that I would probably get imbarassed by looking in, I would stand just outside the door and knock loudly hollaring at him asking if everything was okay ,telling him I wasn't going anywhere until he came out. He would respond. Sometimes he didn't like my routine, but it's worth our childs life!

Absolutely not! My son was approached by a man in the restroom at Kmart last spring. He was 8. The man was asking him how old he was, where he was from, talking about his blonde hair, etc. Thank GOD my husband came over to see what was taking us so long and went in to get my son! The man was long gone by the time my son told us what was going on.

I'm at a loss as to what age is old enough, but I'm not taking anymore chances! I'd rather my son pee beside my car in the parking lot than to go in the mens room alone!

I was also concerned abt my boys using the men's room growing up. I would go to the door with him and as he opened the door, I would say I'm right outside, and I'm timing you. I have opened the door before and asked if he was ok. (I also said excuse me to the men coming out) I didn't care, he was my resposiblity to keep safe. I wanted to let others know that I was just outside the door. I let my sons know that it was my job to keep him safe because I'm sure they were a little emabarred by me being right outside the door. Sadly you never know who or what is in the bathroom. I did have some freinds that disagreed with me and took their sons in with them until 8 or 9. All boys have turned out ok. My sons are now 25 & 21. I also have 3 girls, 23, 15, 14. Good luck

I think he's too young. I have 2 boys 12 and 9 and I'm still hesitant to have my 9 year old go alone. Behind the door of the men's room anything can happen. He has plenty of years ahead of him to go in alone.

When we were kids it was okay to do this, but I personally do not feel comfortable with my son going in alone and it will be a LONG time before I do. I think that this crazy world we live in is unpredictable, but I would rather not take my chances on my son becoming a statistic. He may upset about it today, but he will understand when he is 30!

I totally understand where you are coming from about being over protective but remember the kind of society we live in now. I personally think a 4 1/2 is still a little young but you also want him to be independent and thats good sometimes unfortunately not w/this issue. If he needs to go to the bathroom and its empty at the time he goes in what will you do if a man then walks in after. I know we cant protect our children from everything but the things we can we should. Unfortunetly you never know if theres a pervert lurking in the bathroom . Please be careful.