Boy Using the Women's Restroom

I wouldn't care if a grown man walked in and used the restroom. There are stalls, it's not like anything is being seen....heard maybe, but it's not any more pleasant coming from a woman.

I pretty much allow it until my kids are no long comfortable. Then we go to the mens room where I stand outside the door, and keep my ears open. Most men are good about this and understand. Some offer to wait if it would make me more comfortable...no go on in. I can hear.

As a side note, I have used the mens when pregnant and the womans is full or has a line. I've gotten strange looks, some smiles, but honestly I didn't care either way.

Before I had kids, it never bothered me when a little boy of any age came in the bathroom with his mom. But if he's big enough to go in by himself, he should probably use the mens. That being said, my oldest is 5 and I am very overprotective and I don't trust other people with my kids, so he will probably be using the women's bathroom with me until he goes off to college.

Maybe I'm the odd ne out but I don't automatically assume that every man in a public restroom is a potential child molester. If he's old enough to use the toilet, clean himself if need be, and wash his hands without assistance, he's old enough.

ADD: I find it interesting that people say how things are worse now, that things were better years ago, that there were not as many sicko's. I was inappropriately touched when I was around 10years old - and that was 35 years ago. So I don't agree that it didn't happen years ago. We just didn't have 24 hour news coming in from every country on the planet.
We need to teach our children to respect their bodies, to trust their gut, and to say no when things are uncomfortable.

ORIGINAL: My son just turned 6 and he goes to the men's room by himself when he has to pee. Depending on where we are, I will hover outside the bathroom door and wait for him. At the McDonalds we go to, I'll wait a few minutes and I'll meander to the restroom to check in. I try to be cautious without being paranoid.

I would not give a mom a hard time for bringing their boy in. It's not like women are parading around the public restroom in the nude. If the kid isn't looking through and under doors, then women need to chill out about young boys WITH their mothers in the restroom.

I'm just sad that we need to have this conversation. What a world....
My son is 8 but very tall for his age. Yes I've had women give me the stink eye when I'm in a strange place and am too weirded out to let him use the men's room. That's their problem.

Completely depends on where we are at. But there are places I will still bring my 12 year old in with me!!
If we're at a place I feel more comfortable in I will send the 12 and 9 year old in together while I stand right outside the door.
They know not to lookie loo around. They go in with me, take care of business and we leave.
I have a male family member that was raped in a restaurant bathroom while his family was there having dinner at around 10 or 12 (I can't remember right now). That's enough for me to be extra cautious!!
The women's bathroom has stalls with doors. There is nothing sexual going on. My boys aren't looking under stall doors or anything else.
I will keep taking them in with me for as long as I feel is needed depending on where we are and I really don't care if it makes anyone else uncomfortable or not. The safety of my children is far more important than what anyone thinks!

Hmm. I have to say when I see a boy over age 5-ish use the ladies room I get a little creeped out. My son began using the men's room without me at about age 5 or 6. He no longer wanted to go in to the ladies room - it did make me a little nervous - but it was at places like Target & Costco. I'd stand outside the door and tell him to hurry up. If another man entered or exited I'd ask about my son and was usually told "he washing his hands" or "yes, there's a little boy in the stall - he seems fine". A positive thing is that many Malls and newer public places are making "family" restrooms so you can bring your son in and see that he's by himself and stand outside the door.

My son is now 13 and 6'2" - if I see a little boy going into the men's room with a nervous mom standing outside I'll offer my son's watchdog services to the mom - sometimes she'll take him up on it. ;o)

My son is six and he will, for the foreseeable future use the women's restroom with me. Now, in our case my son is not potty trained(he's autistic)and he is nonverbal so obviously he cannot take care of his own needs in the bathroom department. Even if he doesn't need to use it he comes with but that also means he accompanies me into the stall.

I see no issue with bringing your child into a restroom if there is not another safe option. Now, I don't know what'll happen in a couple of years for us as I'm sure most people won't like me bringing a bigger kid into the bathroom, however so long as he isn't bothering anyone I don't see the issue.

my boys are 7 and 9 and both use the mens room alone, but it depends on wear we are and if they are together with each other at least. I trust my instincts and if it feels off then I take them into the family room with me, or if no family room, then then the ladies. If anyone takes issue then they can just deal with it, we will be gone in 5 minutes.

5 years old and going into the men's room alone! Are you ladies kidding me? My son will be 5 in a few months and there is no way in HELL he's going into a men's room alone. No.Way.In.Hell.

I agree with Geneva that, when you're comfortable that it's an appropriate age, it all depends on the restroom. But I will never in a million years forget the story of the mom in San Diego whose son was raped and murdered in the bathroom at a park as she waited outside the door. And the murderer walked right past her. I don't care if that happens rarely. I don't care if it happens one in 10 million. I'm not taking a chance on my son being that one.

I'll figure out the magic number at some point, but it is definitely not 5. Call me paranoid, but I seriously doubt it will be 7 either.

ETA: RC C. - Are you concerned about boys standing outside your bathroom door at home because of what they might hear? If not, then you shouldn't give a rat's ass about a child of 5 (or more) being in the ladies room while you're in a stall. If the kid isn't peering in through the crack of the door or under the stall door, it's absolutely no different.

Also, I should mention that the place where we take swim lessons doesn't allow opposite sex children in the locker room past the age of 3 (but they have family rooms). While I think that's a bit young to worry, I understand that women might feel uncomfortable with a young boy who will probably say something inappropriate (although innocent). But it's totally different. In the locker room, women are naked, changing clothes, open shower. It's not a restroom with stall doors.

Most restrooms are single stall so it's pretty easy to knock on the door, open it up and look around to make sure it's empty before sending him in.
If you MUST send him into a men's room with multiple stalls it may make you feel better to wait outside the door. If you feel like he's taking too long you can always crack the door open and yell out, hey Johnny how's it going in there?
I started letting my son go in alone around 6 or 7, I think. He knew to kick, hit and scream if anyone tried to touch him and I was always right outside the door.
I know all the "what ifs" can be very scary, but remember he's much, much more likely to be hurt by a family member or good friend than by a stranger.

My son was in kindergarten when he refused to use the women's restrooms. At the locker rooms in our community center they say no one older than 5 in opposite sex locker room allowed. I know how you feel though.

I just tell him the rules of going by himself. Don't talk to anyone. Use the bathroom, wash your hands and come out. Anyone touches him for any reason scream for me and I will come in. I used to stand right outside and if he was taking a while I would open the door a little bit and ask if he was okay.

A lot of places have family restrooms which are nice because it's single stall and locks. My son is nearly 9 now and I still ask him about the rules. What I really hate is when I am with my nearly 9 year old son and my 6 year old daughter and my daughter needs the bathroom. She refuses to go in by herself. So I make my son stand right outside and I hurry up. I realize that he is nearly nine but I think I will worry about my kids my entire life.

I think my boys were 18 when I stopped making them use the women's restroom.

Kidding. I don't remember, but I know they were old.

I'd say let him use the men's room. If he is in there too long, call his name. No answer, say "I'm coming in" and go.

But a talk first about what to expect and what should never happen in there are a must.

Unless there was something particularly creepy about the restroom (ie rest stop) my boys were around five.

My son started using the men's bathroom probably around 5 1/2. He was horribly embarrassed to go in the women's.

My son is five, and if my husband or a grandpa are not with him, he does go into the men's room. (he refuses to use the womens)...But I stand right out side the door and he knows if he needs me to yell and I will come in. I don't care who else is in there.

My 10 year old sometimes will still go with me. If my 14 year old or husband are with us I send them together into the mens room. Once in a while I will stand outside the men's room and let him go in but I don't think it's safe even for him. The world is a different place than when I was young and could go anywhere and not worry about sickoes. I like the places that have family bathrooms. We use those as much as possible. But no 7 is not too old!!!!!!!!!

Chicago has an ordinance that says once your child is 6 they have to use the restroom of their own gender.

They have signs up stating that at all the park district locations.

I have 2 girls, but I have to say that It doesn't bother me if boys are in the women's restroom. It would if they were past puberty though. ;)

My son will be six in a few days-- the only time he goes into the men's restroom is with another familiar male, like a same-age buddy or dad or other men in our circle we know and trust. Otherwise, I'll take him into a family bathroom if that's an option, or into the women's restroom. Heck-- there are stalls, it's not like he's seeing anyone naked and he knows how to be respectful and behave/not peek or make remarks.

When he wants to use the men's room on his own, I'll totally respect that. However, he's really been turned off to this due to kids at school-- they crawl under the stalls, aren't tidy with their pee and they say the bathroom is 'haunted'. Poor kid! It's all I can do to have him use the toilet in the boys room when it's completely empty -- the whole thing is a big ICK to him.

Depends on the setting. If it is a place where there's a ton of people going in/out I will take him with me. If it is a low-volume lavatory I might let him go in the men's, but keep my foot in the door so I could talk to him and urge him along.

ETA: My son has trouble getting his business done without playing in the bathroom--looking under stalls, spraying water everywhere, etc. If he was an in-and-out kid, I'd let him go by himself.

Seven is a bit old. My boys were six, but I was always able to hear them.
Most places now have family restrooms which does make it easier.

I don't have sons, so I can't answer to that side of it, but as to the other side...I've never seen a mother bring a male child over 4 or 5 into the bathroom with her. Perhaps it's because I live in a low key area (30,000 people). When my husband takes our oldest out (girl, 8) he doesn't take her into the men's room...he just stands outside the door and waits for her to be done. I think that's what I would do.

My son is almost 9 and he's now embarrassed to go to the ladies room, so if he can't go to a "family" restroom that is empty, I stand right by the door in the men's room and I don't care if it makes men uncomfortable, I'm standing there until he gets out and I let him know to yell if something is not right or anyone approaches him.

Mom:

My boys were 6 when they went into the men's bathroom. I have two boys so they went in together.

I stand at the front of the mens restroom and if it has a door - I hold the door open so I can hear them. I have not had a man complain about it yet.

Most places have family restrooms. So that might help you as well.

My son was 9. He started getting uncomfortable around 8y, but depending on the store, I would or wouldn't let him go into the men's room alone.
I would stand outside that door and not move!

We once were in TRU when he was 7 or 8, and he was in the mens room and taking forever! I was worrying that something bad had happened. I peered the door open and called his name. He was the only one in there, and had used the restroom only to find there was no toilet paper and he didn't know what to do! So I told him to fix his clothes, see if the next stall had paper and if so finish up there.

The exception was the Orlando Airport when he was almost 10, I was alone with my kids and I made him stand just inside the ladies room door. I didn't care if it looked inappropriate, my kid was NOT getting kidnapped.

When we are at stores, I would also look for 'unisex or family bathrooms'.

12?
That is 6th grade.. middle school!

Movies are PG13

That child is old enough to babysit, surely by 8 - 10 they should be able to handle the bathroom situations. Have your husband talk to son about situations and what to do or say.. Maybe give them a whistle.. 3 whistles is the sign there is a problem..

Well I don't have a son I have a daughter but I can tell you that you need to do what your comfortable with. I don't care what the posted signs say about age of use. I don't have any intentions of letting my daughter use the bathroom by herself anytime soon. The ladies rooms all have stalls so no privacy is being invaded by bringing your son in. Alternatively you could knock on the men's room to see if its empty or tell your son to keep talking while he's in there so you know he's ok. Whatever you end up doing I think most folks get that you are trying to keep your child safe and appreciate that. If they don't then that's their problem not yours.

I've noticed that most places have posted that opposite sex children 6 and older have to use the restroom of their sex. When that's the case you should not take him into the women's rest room. If it's not posted then it's OK to take him in but I'd be sensitive to the feelings of other users.

My grandson, who does have behavioral issues (on autism spectrum) has used the men's room since he was 6. I waited outside. He knows to come out, immediately, if he's uncomfortable. At McDonald's, he's now 9) he goes to the men's room while I remain at our table within view of the rest rooms.

So, with 3 years of experience, we have never had a reason for concern.

I'm a retired police officer and find letting a 6 yo use a men's room a safe practice as long as you remain available if he has a problem, not just or I should say, most likely not with a man, if he needs help.

My son is 6 1/2. Our rule is that if it's an area where there are a lot of kids his age (his school, our community pool, etc.), he uses the men's room. If my husband is around, bathroom escort duty falls to him. But in big public places, when it's just my son and me, I have no problem bringing him to the women's room. I will confess to finding men's rooms creepy somehow (though I think this is irrational on my part), but it's more because my son isn't comfortable entering public restrooms solo. And I think the real danger lies in teaching a child that adults have the right to push him past his comfort level -- not in random, one-in-a-billion men's room encounters.

I also wonder -- all those rules specifying age limits -- what about kids with special needs? Especially if their special needs aren't immediately visible?

As long as they aren't peeking under the stalls, who cares how old. As old as you feel safe. Don't trust anyone!! There's a lot of sick people in the world!

I think most moms won't think too much of it.

But my son is also 7 and refuses to use the women's restroom any longer. There are occasions where I have to force the issue (traveling, unusual locations), but he wants me to check the restroom and make sure it's clear of girls first.

We have talked in depth about not dawdling and safety.

I think SD was 8 when we first started letting her go to the restroom alone. DH was a single dad and til that point had used a family restroom (which is more available now than it was then) or taken SD into a stall. He would lurk outside the restroom to wait for her and then ask women going in if they'd check on her if she was taking too long. If you think he's otherwise responsible, you can try the whole lurking outside bit. I would also prioritize using a family restroom whenever possible, or keep in mind the places where the restroom is single stall. At the county pool, I think 7 is the cut off for kids using the other gender's locker room.

ETA: the county pool also provides a family/caregiver changing room/bathroom so that people with special needs can go there instead.

My boy is 7 and he goes with me to the ladies' restroom (or family's restroom if available) if his dad or brother is not with us.

well my son is 6 1/2 and he goes in with me (if no trusted male family available). i don't intend to worry about it for a bit yet.

funny story - at work a coworker brought her two year old (TWO YEAR OLD) little boy into the ladies' room. i only know because another coworker (who is in her 50's and has raised male children and now has male grandchildren) was complaining that the child was in there and she felt "weird". another person chimed in too, although she is younger and has two girls, but.....are you kidding me?? what the heck?? i was floored that they would be so snarky.

i don't know what the magic number is, but my son isn't there yet.

can't wait to read the responses on this one...

eta: after seeing a few moms mention looking under stalls - my son has adhd and i don't trust him NOT to be looking around , which is another reason i keep him with me. i can make sure he doesn't, in the ladies'....in the men's....my famously-distractable son would be a terror lol.

If no male family escort is present I think from the age of five you need to encourage boys to go to the men's room on their own. I say this with the provision that you do warn them as gently as possible that they must not speak to strangers, yell if they try, and make a quick exit to you who are waiting outside. At this age you may have already warned them about not taking candy from strangers or accepting automobile lifts from people they don't know. It also helps if the rest room is 'busy'. Predators will find it much more difficult to 'operate' in such situations.

Grandpa recently escorted my son to a public restroom and they were standing at the urinary stalls which didn't offer much privacy. To make matters worse, the last open approach doorway led side ways on to this line. Although my grandpa reported he kept staring ahead his peripheral vision and the fragment of conversation made him aware that a father was entering with his daughter. No idea of her age but he sensed she was well beyond toddlerhood. Suddenly this poor dad, confronted with this line which he would have had to pass to reach the stalls, froze in his tracks and yanked his surprised daughter out before she could glimpse the men in line. Single fathers have a similar problem too.

Totally depended upon where we were. My son is almost 15 now, so obviously, he no longer uses ANY women's restrooms ANY where.

But at least until he was around 10... if the place gave me the wrong vibe, he had the option of the women's room. And I want to reiterate that it was his option. I didn't require him to use the women's room. Once he got old enough to feel weird about using the women's room (and that age is different for different kids), then the choice was his. If it was creepy feeling, or I saw someone that seemed "off" or gave me a weird feeling, then I would ask him to wait to go in, or find another restroom. And I stood right outside the door. Usually, the only places we went only had the kind of restrooms that have NO door... you know the type... just an open entrance with a curve so you couldn't see past a certain turn. But no door. So you could hear if you stood there.

I have a girl so I never really thought about it but I say do it until you feel he is old enough/ mature enough to go into the men's room by himself. My girl is almost 8 and I only let her go into the restroom by herself if we're in a small, familiar place. And I stand outside the restroom door and wait for her. Bigger/ unfamiliar places I go in with her and stand outside the stall. Public bathrooms skeeve me out anyway and I wouldn't let her go other public places by herself either anyway. But that's what I'm comfortable with. I wouldn't care what the signs said- if my kid had to go and I wasn't comfortable with him going alone- he would be coming in the women's with me! Now that being said, I probably woud be uncomfortable if I went into a women's restroom and there was a boy like 10-11 or older hanging out in there.

It depends. In familiar places that I know are secure, my 8 y.o. goes to the men's room alone. If the men's room is a "single" with a door he can lock, he goes on his own. In places where the men's room isn't visible from the main area and the exit from the building is just beyond it, I accompany him as far as the door. If the men's room is a multistall one with more than one exit, he's coming with me. When we travel and need to stop at a truck stop, he's coming with me.

My boys stopped going into the ladies washroom at the age of five.

Depends on your son....mature, immature...etc. My son went with grampa or dad and if he was just with me, he insisted on going to the men's room and I'd wait outside. Close enough to hear, far enough to give him his space. He was 7.

I have the same concern. My son is 6, I feel like he is getting too old to come in with me, but I'm not comfortable with him going into the men's room by himself. I'm more comfortable with the ones that don't have doors to them, I feel better knowing I can hear. It may sound silly,but he helps me. Plus those usually have tiles on the wall that are reflective and I can see him. I don't think those places realize that. It's not like a mirror, but I can tell where he is.

I think 7 is too old. I'd wait for him by the door but not right at the door. That way if he needed me I could hear him. BUT he's old enough to start getting interested in peeking while he's in there. I think it's time to go to the bathroom before you go out and then if he needs to go make sure he knows to yell loudly if he needs you.

If you have to go then stop at a McDonald's that has a family bathroom so he can go in and sit by you while you go.

As long as the boy knows how to act in the women's bathroom, then I'm okay with it. I do think there gets to be a certain point where you need to start thinking about them going in the men's room, though... probably around 8 or so.