I am the pick-up mom, the one who picks up everyone and drops them off. I hear everything and try not to comment too much so that people speak freely in my van. With the teens, there is definitely flirting and jokes (I think) about relationships. Should I "go there"? One of the comments was about one of my kids. I am okay with mild flirting but don't want to condone any serious relationships at their ages. I am new to the teen territory and want to keep communications open. I usually don't say anything much about the crushes, texting, etc. My own kids know what I expect and don't seem to have issues. Also, there can be angling for seat together and hand-holding that I am pretty sure is not allowed by some of the other parents.
Not sure how to respond with your questions except to edit my question. My primary concern is that one of the boys' mother is very strict and he is definitely flirting it up, though not blatantly in front of me. He is 15 so I know that this is normal for his age. He has not acted inappropriately and will get in big trouble if I were to say anything. There are also younger grade-school children in the car observing all of this. I am fairly laid-back when it comes to kids but I WOULD draw the line at anything too touchy-feely. Am I doing wrong not to rat out kids' behavior to parents when it is their idea of wrong but not mine? FYI: My kids do not date yet and do not have regular boyfriend/girlfriends. Ages 17, 15, 13, 11, 8 ..... we have it all
Thanks for the suggestions. I just let the mild flirting fly. It has been a month and there is definitely some interests between my riders but nothing inappropriate. Way to call it, mamas!
Isn't it funny how you cease to exist while driving? It honestly CRACKS me up... It's like they think they're in a sound free bubble back there.
I use it to my advantage to
- stay caught up
- mentor role as needed
Notice that the boy with the "very strict" mother is "flirting it up." Do you see a connection?
It sounds harmless to me, and I wouldn't say anything either. If it is just hand-holding, I would pretend not to notice. If they start frenching in the back seat, then I would say, "save it for later," or something of the sort.
I would not tell the mother.
I don't think you need to "rat" out the kids for what sounds like harmless behavior.
Unless the boy is being vulgar and crude, MYOB. Sounds like his parents have unreasonable standards. No need for you to enforce them in their absence if what he's saying or doing really isn't inappropriate at all.
I have a son who recently turned 7.
My daughter is 10, her friends are 10 and 11 etc. They are in Middle School.
IF and when, the older kids are over and my son is around and they are saying/acting/doing things that are not "appropriate" per my son's age/development... I TELL THE older kids "REMEMBER, 'Johnny' is younger than you, you are older. YOU all need to keep in mind what you are saying/doing in front of him and keep things appropriate."
I simply, TELL the kids.
I am a parent.
Not a friend.
And I do this even when other kids are at my home or in my car.
And I have kids over at our house all the time.
I say if you don't ant something in your van, don't allow it. If you don't want your kids to be spoken to a certain way, don't allow it. If you don't want younger ones to hear certain things, don't allow it. Once the kids and the conversation exits your vehicle (unless it directly involves your child) then it's not your concern.
Nothing you've described sounds anything but harmless interaction. If the line crosses into something your aren't comfortable with, or kids start getting to handsy...simple let them know...not in my van!! If the interaction involves one of your kids, continue the conversation outside of the van.
You are very smart with not interfering in their behavior while you are all in the car together, this way they won't "feel" your presence and will keep being spontaneous with each other, which is exactly what you need. I don't see anything wrong or dirty or unhealthy, for that matter, with what happens between those teens (I was the same at that age - lots of blushing and day dreaming ;.). Unlike the previous poster I actually think that the fact that they act like that in front of you is POSITIVE, meaning they have nothing to hide and are not malicious in any way. If a teen wants to hide something, he CAN, so it's relieving that it's not the case. It's important for parents to talk to their kids about relationships, not just how sex works (to avoid it mainly, I guess) etc..., so that the children learn to respect themselves and others in every delicate situation which WILL arise sooner rather than later, since it's only natural. Teen age is the "elementary school" for relationships, it's not necessarily sex-related, so if you talked to your kids, you are OK, it's the other parents place to talk to theirs, so I would not interfere with that either.
Unless it goes overboard or gets crass, no, don't say anything. Flirting is completely natural and generally harmless! So is hand-holding and sitting next to one another.
ETA: No, I would not say anything to the boy's "strict" parents. Kids do harmless stuff that their parents may not agree with or know about all the time. It's how they learn and grow up. If they are that strict, the last thing he needs is someone making things even worse for him (coming from a former kid who's parents were ridiculously and with no reason strict)
Huh?
Ok, so, you have a bunch of teens in your van, some of them are your teens, some belong to other parents. I think I got that.
So, now you are wondering if you should say something when there are comments or actions you think the other parents wouldn't approve of?
I guess I would need to understand the environment and know the comments. What worries me is that if they are willing to say and do these things IN FRONT OF A PARENT IN A VAN, what are they doing when you are not around?
I know this is a hard subject, but in my opinion, kids should behave a certain way around a parent. Holding hands and playing kissy face isn't one of them. And I am a pretty cool, laid back parent!
Another consideration should be their ages - are these 13 year olds or 17 year olds? I assume closer to the former or you wouldn't be driving them around.
I am with you, I want the lines of communication to be left open in my home, and I already encourage that even though my children are young. But I think you can accomplish that without allowing actions you believe wouldn't be allowed by the others' parents. How are you going to feel if one of the moms calls and rips you apart for letting her daughter "fool around" in the back of your van? I would suggest talking to the other parents NOW instead of waiting for a call. While you are not their teens' parent, you are the adult supervising them at that time. See what they expect, then decide what you are willing to do or not to do.
As far as your children, you of course have to decide what is best. What was the comment made about your own kid? Did it bother you?
ETA: After your edit, NO, I would not say anything to that 15 yo boy's mother. If he is engaging in normal, innocent behavior, he is probably already chastised enough at home for things, he doesn't need to be even more so. But again, just be aware you could receive a phone call one day asking why you let little Billy do all of those naugty things in your van!!
Don't talk with other parents...you wouldn't have much to say and would be labeled a trouble maker. I agree with Kristina M...some simple reminders about young ears.
I think a simple reminder of young eyes/ears would be acceptable here and there. I also escort a child to/from school and my safety rules are more strict than her parents I guess, it's a difficult situation sometimes.
I would not speak to the parents unless you first asked them to stop and they defied you. If they are not crossing a line and you are comfortable with what you see/hear then just let it alone.
If anything makes you uncomfortable and continues after you ask them to stop, just tell the child who acted that way that you will no longer be able to pick him/her up in your van.
When the parent calls to find out what's going on, that's your time to have the conversation.
This all sounds pretty harmless to me too. It doesn't take that long to get home from school, so I'd just let them be, unless something REALLY inappropriate happens. If you say something to the other moms, their kids won't trust you. Wait for the big stuff before you say anything, and it probably won't happen anyway.
As long there aren't clothes flying off in the back seat, let it go.
didn't read all responses, from the ones I did though I have a different perspective, if this kids parents are so strict is it possible that you and your dd might brush off comments as just flirting, but what if he feels more deeply and is more interested, If it's not being reciprocated or reicporated at the same level I can see some conflict a' coming. when Dd says they are just friends and the boy is ready to buy a ring and some condoms you m;ight wish you had told dd not to encourage him. and that can happen by you being the bad guy.
That's a hard one because it's not like they don't know you are there so clearly they aren't hiding it. I wouldn't worry about it. Now, if you think it is crossing a line that the child involved is not allowed to cross, maybe you should remind the kids that they really do need to follow their parents' rules.
were you a teenage once?
How old are these kids? That would determine how I'd feel about the situation you describe.
