My Teenager Texts like Crazy!

What is the problem? Does it cost too much? As long as she is doing well in school and nothing risky is getting sent and received then just let her text. I do not see what the issue is.

As long as you know the riends and the approximate material texted, you're ok. Just be gald you are not the parents of a girl in Iowa who won the National Texting Championship. (Yes, there is a contest.) Later, V.

I have a 14 year old boy and he is the same way. My thought is that as long as he is getting good grades, is involved in other activites (like band), spends time outside with his friends and pets and eats dinner with us then I am not going to restrict how much he texts. I don't allow him to do it at the dinner table or when we are spending time together.

Here is my thought on it - I guess I am evil and super strict - but I am okay with that. I personally don't want my daughter to be "normal" because I honestly have higher aspirations for her!

The phone she has is OURS - given to her for her use. She has to turn it in at 9 pm to be charged in the kitchen and gets it back in the morning. If she is texting while we are doing other family things - quite frankly I take it away. She would NOT be talking on the phone during these times, so she can't text either.

I want her to communicate with her friends, but there have to be limits. She can't have it while she is supposed to be doing schoolwork, during meals, during family devotional time, at bedtime... she gets plenty of texting time!

Just my opinion - probably not so popular, but I am okay with that too!

Apparently she is a good kid with straight A's and an interest in sports and music - how many Mamas would love to have your problem! When the grades slip and the behaviour becomes disrespectful, that's when you start worrying.

If she's a straight A student and respects the parameters you've placed on her texting, what is the perceived problem? At least she's not running up your phone bill! I'm assuming you have a cell phone plan that allows for unlimited texting, of course. IMO, there are a lot worse things she could be doing.

M.

You have gotten some great advice, but I wanted to chime in as well. I agree that the texting with the kids is wayyyy out of control. My daughter has had as many as 16,000! Ridiculous. However, I do agree that the texting has replaced our hours on the phone.

Just set parameters and make sure she sticks with them. I had an incident with my own and let her know how annoying it is. We had gone shopping just the two of us... to spend some time together. She was texting her friends the entire time. After about 30 minutes and having to wait on her to walk through the mall because she can't text and walk, I said "Well, if you want to spend time with your friends, I'll just take you home and shop on my own. Either put the phone away or we are leaving." And, she did.

I also explained to her that when you are texting someone else it's like telling the person you are with that you would rather be talking to someone else and not them. How rude!! I wish Miss Manners would address texting etiquette.

I have a 14 and almost 13 yr old who text ALL the time too. This is my problem with texting, there is a "learning curve" so to speak, that you naturally get as a teenager when you start communicating, especially w/the opposite sex. You won't always be able to say to yourself..."oh that doesn't sound right" backspace backspace. You have to learn how to be witty or funny or whatever the case may be, ON THE SPOT! You have to learn how to respond quickly to keep up a conversation. I personally feel like my kids are losing that. Although they can carry a conversation on perfectly normal w/me and others, I just think this generation is losing all of that with the constant texting.
I agree we are all battling the same problem w/it and it is normal for this generation. I have set time limits on their phone so they can't text after 10:30 at night till 7:30 in the morning.

I think that "texting" is just the teens' way of "communicating with friends." So substitute that phrase in your reasoning. Is it reasonable to ask your teen to not "communicate with friends" after a certain time at night? Yes. Is it reasable to ask you teen to not "communicate with friends" in the middle of a family dinner? Yes. Is it reasonable to ask your teen to not "communicate with friends" even though she is a straight A student and you have seen no innapropriate communication with those friends? No. :)

I'm about 2 yrs ahead of you on this. What I've learned is:
Phone is on the kitchen counter at 10pm during school nights. Institute text manners (kind of like our parents did with phone manners). No texting at the dinner table. No texting while an adult is speaking to you, etc... no passwords, and you ck her text all the time.
You need to also let her know that text allows friends to say things they wud never ever say to their face.... It's the new way of communication. It's almost awkward for them to be in person with these friends without the delay text gives them. Texting gives a false sense about someone's real ability to communicate.

yes you are too strict - it is the norm nowadays. Let your kid be normal.

Dear Lilly:

My 14-year-old daughter also texts up a storm. I know who she's texting and make sure it doesn't get mean. We had a problem last year of some teasing getting out of hand and had to sit down with the girls and straighten everybody out about how teasing in person is easier to read than in print. Other than that, there has been no problem.

My daughter also is a straight A student. Our rules are no texting or telephones, for that matter, at the dinner table, keep grades up and the phone gets turned off and left downstairs when she goes to bed.

I've noticed if we don't make any comments about her texting she will on her own decide she's had enough and turn her phone off and do something else, sometimes for the better part of a day.

I'd say as long as no other problems pop up and your daughter follows your rules, don't worry about it. It's the way this generation communicates.

L. F., mom to a 14-year-old daughter, married to my best friend for almost 23 years.

If you want her to text less, put a limit on her plan or make her pay you for every one over "x" amount. This generation is not going to know how to verbally communicate with one another with all of the texting that they do! It's crazy. I have a 6 year old and I am planning on limiting his ability to text when he is old enough to have a phone. Bottom line is that YOU are the parent and it is a personal decision.If it bothers you, you need to find a way to fix it. Do what is right for YOU and your family...not the status quo. DOn't worry if others think you're "too strict". good luck!

I'm 34 and I text all the time. Not like a teenager, but quite a bit. When I have something I want to say that would be quick I send a text. With some of my friends it gets kind of long sometimes, but that way I can continue what I'm doing around the house or what ever. If I'm talking on the phone instead I don't get as much done. It's a quick and easy way to keep In touch with people :) I wouldn't worry unless she starts trying to hide stuff from you. Like the previous person said communicate with her about everything. All topics are safe to talk with you about. You may not agree with her but you won't get mad a out her talking with you about what ever she brings up.
It sounds like you have done a good job so far in raising a good girl. Keep up the good work! :)

Sounds like she's using the texting responsibly. Although it's not your favorite way for her to spend her time, I'd say to just keep doing what you're doing (checking texts occasionally, keep the curfew, etc.) and give her a little space to grow. And, I think it would also be okay to remind her, "I don't really think this is the best use of your time, but I also respect you and I know you are really responsible. You've made us proud with your good grades and staying involved in sports and music. So just remember to stay responsible and make good choices about texting."

It sounds like the two of you have a good balance. You have set good rules and she seems to be following them.

I too feel that texting in this generation is the equivalent to talking on the phone of our generation. However three major differences: 1)The conversation was stationary(Ok I was a teen before cordless phones and cell phones that everyone could afford.) 2)Parents could easily "happen upon" the conversation so it was easily monitored. 3)Telephone conversations were actually two people INTERACTING with each other.

I have a 19 year old college student at home. He has recently moved to his OWN phone plan that includes unlimited texting (we never allowed it when he was on OUR plan). Since this we have had to set up "No Texting Zones" in the house; Kitchen and Family Room. We also request that he NOT text while we are doing family activities.

Something that I have noticed with this "texting" generation. They have lost the ability to interact with people on a face to face level. I find this very sad. We have become a race that cannot interact with each other without the use of an electronic device.

Oh, I completely understand! We have two teenage daughters, so I'm right there with you! I admit, I don't like it that they text so much, either, and after a lot of consideration, I've come to the conclusion this irritates me like the amount of time I spent on the phone irritated my parents. For them, it's all about socializing. I recall staying on the phone with friends even when we didn't really have anything to talk about...just didn't want to hang up. So I've decided this is an opportunity to help them learn time management and to prioritize.

Our agreement is they have untlimited text after they are ready for school and until they get to school, and from after school until 10:00. With some exceptions:

~~We eat dinner as a family and phones don't come to the table.
~~When they are having conversations, replying to a text is the same as allowing someone to walk up and interrupt the conversation~~rude!
~~If grades fall, they lose use of their phone until I see them taking grades seriously again.
~~I check texts regularly. They know I check, but don't know when it's going to happen. If there's any conversation I deem the least bit inappropriate, there's a good chance they will lose the phone for a while.

Basically, they have free reign as long as they are being responsible and considerate. I hope this helps. Once I became clear in my mind what bugged me about it and could set clear guidelines for them, we were able to come to terms we all feel good about.

Happy Holidays!
M.

Honestly, I think you should let it be. You've already established boundaries and so far she seems to be obeying them. As she pointed out, her grades are great, which would be one of my biggest concerns. And you're periodically checking her messages to be sure nothing inappropriate is going on, which is the other big concern. This is the world our kids are growing up in so we may not understand it but it doesn't make it wrong. Thankfully my 15 year old daughter absolutely hates texting -- she's "old fashioned" and would actually prefer to talk to her friends, although they prefer to text!

If you have AT&T, they have SmartLimits and you can give her a certain amount of texts per month. Once she uses them all, THAT'S IT.

In my opinion, there should be a limit. Although, we have unlimited text, one month (before SmartLimits), my son sent 10,000 texts....."are you kidding me"....I don't think so! So know his limit is 600 per month. We fluctuate it based on good behavior and grades. There are also numbers that he can always receive texts from regardless of the limit (me and dad). AND, no texting during school hours. SmartLimits also lets you set limits based on time of day. Love it!

Tamara

Lilly,
I have read a few posts and mostly agree! I know her texting may be annoying, but at least she's not locked in her room on the phone. I am 29 and sent several thousand messages a month. I would just rather text than talk. I would just monitor the texts (like you said you were already doing), and make sure it's appropriate behavior. She is most likely too busy to talk all the time with the sports, music and school that she just texts. I personally don't see anything wrong with it, but if you think she is texting too much set limits. I can relate though...I'm too busy to talk so I just text. Hope this has helped!

I have an almost 12 year old and I have managed to keep this issue mute because she doesnt have a phone, nor will she anytime soon. But, we also homeschool so she is with me most of the time. I feel lucky that I have stood my ground on this, but I know someday this will be at my doorstep too.

Here is how I look at your issue. Your daughter sounds like a wonderful well rounded kid who is honestly sticking within the parameters you have given her.

She is not lying and as long as her attitude towards you are good (minus a few normal teenage moments), I would just let it go. I think once you start putting too many walls up, she will start putting walls up too.

At 13 I talked on the phone to friends for HOURS a day afterschool, I see texting just as a replacement of this.

She could be sneaking out, rebelling, and some kids this age are even having sex and into drugs and alcohol. I think texting, although annoying, is so much better than any alternative teenage behavior.

I think the post a previous mom wrote about having rules like no texting when you are talking to an adult or at the dinner table. Nice texting manners.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Ahh the glorious teenage years! What fun you are about to have with her.

You didn't mention but I was wondering if there is a particular reason you want her to cut back on the texting? Is it that it is costing too much in texting bills? Or is it that it just bugs you for her to do it?

If she is a straight A student, and is involved in extra activities, and it's innocent texting with friends you know, and it isn't going over her limit and costing a bunch of money then I don't see a reason for limiting it for her.

Texting is the new means of communication for our kids. We stayed on the phone for hours. I'm sure my parents remember lol. Anyway, I guess my point is that if she is a good kid and you have your finger on the pulse of what's going on...then what's the real harm?

Good Luck!

My daughter will be 15 next week. She texts all the time.

She is in all Honors/AP classes, cheerleader and orchestra. A good kid overall.

We have the unlimited plan (with ATT...we all have Iphones) and I have seen as many as 6000 in 1 month. I do know...a lot of these are like this..."hi", "hi", "what's up", "not much", etc A lot of text with NO message.

We watch what goes on but we have not limited as long as there is no texting at dinner or any family time.

This is what they are doing now and it can get out of hand fast. We just monitor closely and edit it as needed.

I don't believe it is a "bad" thing... I do know it is how most of the teens (at least ones I know) communicate.

Just stay on top of what is going on with her and keep lines of communication OPEN....WIDE OPEN for ANY topic. You should make it fine. GOod luck...We are going through it as well.

Happy Holidays

I am not a mom of a teen but I do have nieces and nephews in high school/ college. Remember your teenage days, before texting, you were probably on the phone for hours. This is just their new way of communicating.

Does seem like she's texting TOO much. If I'm having an in-depth "conversation" with a friend, I can send 100 in 2 hours. lol Like everyone else has said, she's making really good grades, she's not sending anything inappropriate, I would just let it be for now, but if she breaks any of the rules, be sure she doesn't get away with it.

Sounds like you have a good kid on your hands, good job, Mom! =)

I think parents are fighting a losing battle over texting. I text myself so what could I say. If you have unlimited text, let ask ask you a question. What does texting actually matter? Does it interefere with her grades, does it interfere with her chores? She seems to be a well rounded person with sports, music etc. To me texting is no different than the stereo typical "teen on a phone all the time" In the big scheme of things, texting seems harmless (as long as you know who she's texting) It's better than going out and drinking with her friends. I always put it in that kind of perspective. I never bribed my daughter, but it can make a good deterent if she does do something wrong. Sounds like you have a great kid there and texting at this state sounds harmless. Good luck. Merry Christmas

I am going to go against the grain here & say I don't think you are being too strict. I think our society has become addicted to texting, tweeting, internet, & we sometimes lose our manners while doing it. I do agree that each generation has something new to annoy our parents with, however, my motto is "Everything in moderation". I am in a customer service position & daily see adults texting, talking & even on their laptops while walking, & trying to have a conversation at the same time. I'm sure some of us have even texted in our cars(so bad!). Go with your gut, if her constant texting is bothering you, come up with a compromise.

Now I am really going to talk about something controversial that I saw on the news. A child recently drowned in the pool while the mom was allegedly tweeting. She had allegedly tweeted around 70 times that day. I don't know all the details so I am not going to judge & my heart & prayers go out to this family (no one should have to go through this). But this story does make you wonder, is our society so caught up in electronic devices & communications that our life is passing us by without more meaningful relationships. I'm not sure I have the answer, but I know that humans are the only mammals that question their instints.

Good luck & God Bless!