How Many Hours in Advance Should an Alarm Clock Be Set Before?

hmmmm my BIL is the same way, and he lives in his mommas basement. Don't be an enabler. It's not a fun road to go down.

I'm a person who never even uses a snooze button. When my husband and I were first together, I discovered that he would hit snooze multiple times before getting up. Our bed was very low to the ground, so when his alarm went off the first time, I would turn sideways, put a foot on his hip and ribcage, and push him right out of bed. It didn't take long before he started getting up right away. Today he tends to wake up a couple of minutes before his alarm goes off.

In your case, if your husband can't or won't change...separate bedrooms. I'm surprised you haven't thrown out all but one alarm clock. I would have done that in the first week.

That is all mental. You notice he is snoozing alarms, he has to be awake to do that. He is then choosing to snooze it.

What I find funny is my children do this, or did. Once I pointed out how stupid it is they set their alarm for ten minutes before they must get up and snooze once.

Your husband is getting up at six, he needs to accept that and move on. No one will get up until they have to get up. All he is doing is disturbing his sleep and I am sure yours.

when I first got married my husband would set his alarm clock for 430 and hit snooze over and over until he finally got up at about 6 to be at work for 7. I complained about it for years. After a while I would push him til he answered me and then would say ok I am unplugging it now. and would go in and not just turn it off but would unplug it. that would make him late for work but sitll didn't fix it. I finally put his alarm clock in the bathroom so that he had to actually get out of bed to hit the snooze. then he would stay up. No way I would put up with multiple alarms going off for that long. especially when you have kids it will wake them up and even if it doesn't wake them up it makes you tired and pissed from the start of the day. just put it out of arms reach and see if that helps. if not then just unplug it the first time it goes off.

woooow.

does he realize he'd get a lot more quality sleep if he'd just set ONE alarm, and then actually be a grownup - and get up?

does he have some sort of medical condition or is this learned behavior? on first read, it just seems like he's a big kid that fights waking up. i mean, we're adults. we know, we have to get up when the alarm goes off. it shouldn't take disrupting EVERYONE's sleep - especially for FIVE HOURS. wow. you're a MUCH more patient woman than i am!

So the alarms start at 3 AM and he doesn't get up until 6 AM. So that's 3 hours of interrupted, poor quality "sleep" with absolutely no REM sleep going on. So he's chronically exhausted, and so are you. I can see a few moments (like 10 minutes) of "snooze" while a person comes from sleep into full wakefulness, but it's not efficient or restful or restorative sleep.

Then what? He gets up and goes to work or goes to the gym. So he's chronically exhausted, and he gets behind the wheel of a car. Now he's endangering other people. If he's loading up on caffeine to stay awake (which you didn't say but many people do), he's using stimulants of the central nervous system to compensate for a fundamental physical and mental deficiency, which is only achieved by quality sleep (and quality nutrition, but that means BOTH and not just one or the other).

It's hard to know whether your husband has control issues or anxiety issues, or if he's uneducated about sleep and the needs of the human body. He's also got you involved in his unhealthy habit, so now you are chronically exhausted (and probably behind the wheel). Do you have children? Are they in the car being driven by either of 2 people who are physically compromised in terms of alertness and awareness?

And of course there's the obvious strain on your relationship.

So, I agree you can treat him like a child and unplug all the alarms but the one set for 6 AM. Depending on his reaction, you'll have an idea of whether this is an anxiety issue or a control issue. He can get help for either one. But he can accept the consequences for his own inabilities to be sensible about his own health and wellbeing, and considerate of yours.

The second thing I would do is sleep in another room. Do not come back to your bed unless and until this pattern changes. Sleep at a friend's house or a sister's house, whatever you need to do, to a) get rested b) not enable him and c) convince him that you're incredibly serious about this.

If he needs help with a sleep disorder, he can get a sleep study. But I'm guessing the first thing that will happen is that any professional will tell him to remove all the outside influences (alarms, kicks to the leg, elbows in the back) and then see what's really going on.

All you can do right now is get off this roller coaster. What he's doing is not normal, and it's scientifically designed to create an even bigger disaster if he crashes the car. If he doesn't die behind the wheel, there are also health issues coming his way from stress which causes inflammation, which is the root of all diseases. Time to get serious about this.

Good luck.

I head something the other day that would be a good quote for you DH and mine "Discipline yourself so others don't have to". My DS is not as bad but geez he pushes snooze for an hour.

Tell him to sleep on the couch.

If he were my CHILD, I would come in and remove the clock after the 2nd snooze. He'd have to live with the consequences.

He is, however, an adult and you can't be his mommy. I think that he IS choosing to do this.

I would think that it's personally very hard on you having to live with this. Either it's a physical thing, which he should have a sleep study done to determine, or he needs to stop this for your sake.

Dawn

Right?! My DH can be the same way...maybe not quite as many...but he'll set a few different ones 'in case he doesn't get up the first time.'

To me, it's just like, 'what do you mean? Just get up the first time'. I only set one and it works out for me. DH has come around a bit on his too...if the alarm rings a second or third time...I also give a swift kick or elbow lol...just to help him wake up of course ;)

My college roommate used to do this (though not quite as bad as your husband). She would set it for an hour and a half or two hours before she (or I) really needed to be up, and just hit snooze over and over again. It drove me crazy, because like you, it kept me awake when I didn't want to be. Eventually I just gave in and got up the first time it rang, and started my day early ... but I don't think you want to start yours at 3! I would suggest talking to him and explaining that the 3am wake up call is really hurting the quality of your sleep and ask him if there's any way he can shorten the alarm clock dance to 30 min. Good luck.

I only hit mine once, or not at all. I think an acceptable time frame for someone sharing a room/bed with another would be no more than 30 minutes before one anticipates actually, or historically has gotten up in the past. Anything other than that, such as what your DH is doing, is not only NOT conducive to sleeping more/better, it's SUPER inconsiderate to the person they're sharing a bed with.

My suggestions? Have you had a heart to heart with him? I could see this turning into something that caused major tension and issues in a marriage. It would be a problem for me because I don't appreciate being woken up early and I'm not a morning person at all. A reasonable solution is that he acts like an adult and tosses all but one clock, in the interest of marital harmony, and sets the alarm at a REASONABLE time to get up. Either that, or he sleeps in the spare room. Or, he goes to bed earlier. Or, he gets some actual help for WHY he is behaving this way. At the end (or beginning!) of the day, he is CHOOSING to do all of this. Time to get to the root cause.

I will set mine for 10-30 minutes ahead, just because I keep hitting the snooze.
But for the record, if I'm getting up before my husband, I set it as quietly as I possibly can (Seriously, I use the "harp" sound on my iPhone as my alarm and set it very low) - and get up on the first ring. I think it's just rude for your husband to disrupt your sleep like this!

I set one alarm 30 mins before I have to leave the house, which is an hour before I need to be at work. If I'm super tired I will hit the snooze just once and then get up when it gores off again. Im quick to turn it off within the first few beeps. I don't like hitting snooze alot because my DD sleeps next to my side of the bed in her toddler bed and I don't want to wake her up.

I agree with those saying have a talk with him about it because it is one of those small things which can add up and fester until you explode. My husband and I separated once and it was due in large partto letting those little things adding up that we didn't talk about. So address this issue sooner rather them later, my husband and I are back together now, but not all marriages are so lucky. If he truly cares he will eventually see how what he is doing is affecting you. Good luck, dear.

why would anyone set an alarm for 3:00 if they need to be up at 6:00? that doesn't make any sense.

My daughter has ADD and it's really difficult to wake her up. There's a alarm clock that is connected to a light and the light gradually gets brighter and brighter so by say 6:30, it 's a full day light. It really works well for her and she wakes up is such a better mood!! It also has birds chirping and stuff like that, that your husband might not like but the light/alarm has made our household much happier!!

Oh... Just ETA....

I did a sleep study (actually 3).... For those saying he's not getting 3 hours of REM? He may ONLY be getting REM while hitting snooze.

Some people actually drop into unconsciousness while sleeping. The get zero REM until they get woken up. But it doesn't 'wake' them up. It just kicks them into REM. Also, it can trigger 'sleepwalking' when this happens, but not always. Depends on the person.

Ahem. The medical advice for this is to actually have alarms go off ALL NIGHT. Which may work for you, or may be 1000x worse.

________

My EX-husband used to unplug / reset my alarms to "teach me a lesson".

Thank GOD he's my ex.

Thing is... While I suspect you're a normal person and not an abusive prick... You share a similar attitude:

"Decide to get up".

Some people CAN'T.
As in its not a decision.

Im ADHD. There was ONE time in my entire life I could "decide" to get up. While taking 'Straterra'. None of my other meds (Adderal, Ritalin, etc.) NONE of them gave me this fantastic ability. Except Straterra. I could lay down (totally awake) and be asleep 10 minutes later. I could hear an alarm in the morning and DECIDE to get up. I cannot express how utterly mindblowing this whole time period was.

Now... Crying baby? Firefight? (Exmilitary) 5yo w/ nightmare? I can wake up out of a dead sleep, after only minutes/hours and be completely on the ball for however long is needed OR all day.

In fact... For 3 years... My son WAS my alarm clock :)

But as to your actual question?

I set one alarm 90 minutes ahead
I set the second alarm 1 hour ahead.

All in all I hit snooze 10 - 15 times, typically.

Put the alarm across the room instead of in reach?
Easy. I get up. Pull the alarm put of the wall. Go back to sleep. Wake up in a panic (4-5 hours later) thinking there's been a power outage.
Nope. There are my PJs on the floor, right next to the alarm.

Now... My ex was an abusive prick (about my alarm & everything else)... In no small part (about the alarm) because he. got. up. BEFORE. my. first. alarm. goes. off.

Yeah.

My 1 hour of music, and half an hour of beeping IN NO WAY affected him.

He just "decided" (jerk) that I "should" get up right away. Or maybe snooze once or twice.

Jerk. Jerk. Jerk. Jerk.

That's like taking your keys if you snored, or farted, or had cold feet at night!!! Making one late for work/school/Etc.

Since taking Straterra I have come to believe some people really CAN decide to go to sleep AND decide to get up.

I can't.

I've spent 30 years figuring out how to work around those two issues. And it is what it is.

Maybe your husband HASN'T tried different methods.

But if he has... Then you're going to need to figure out what you can do for yourself, so YOU (oy!) aren't being woken up eons before you need to be.

There's not a ton of options... But GOOD earplugs or having seperate bedrooms are the 2 I know most people use (who deal with snoring & alarms).

_________

My husband has 3 alarms in 3 different places in the room..one is his phone right next to the bed.. 5 minutes later, the one on the chest of drawers goes off and he has to get out of bed... Then he has a third... If he feels he is awake and ready, he shuts off this one, but if he wants 5 more minutes. He lays back in bed and uses the 5 minutes to work on waking up... Now to get ready for work it takes him about an hour or hour and a half.. Coffee, read the news, takes a looooong bathroom session and long shower....

I refused to be the one to wake him up...he used to be the person that signed on the TV station every morning at 4:30... Many times during a morning news break, he ran home to take his shower...

I set the alarm for 15 minutes early and hit the snooze once or twice but then I get up. If your husband has trouble getting up then you should set the alarm for when he actually has to get up and you can wake him up. He might be a really deep sleeper or have a hearing problem? Either way, it's not fair to you to be woken up at 3 AM. Or have him sleep in another room.

I am a heavy sleeper and I do this, although not to the extreme of your husband. I have alarms set on my phone from 6-7:30 at 30 minute increments with the snooze going off after 15 minutes of each alarm. I have to do this, because depending on where I am in my sleep cycle, I won't hear the alarm and will end up oversleeping. Since I don't go to bed at the same time each night, I can't predict when I'll actually need to have the alarm set for.

When your husband hits the snooze, is he actually waking up or is it a subconscious reaction? Honestly, if you're there to wake him up, can he just count on you to do it?