How Many Great Friends Do You Have Any How Do You Stay Connected?

My best friends are three women I've known for almost 20 years. If we see each other more than once or twice a year, it's unusual. We talk or text occasionally, and follow each other on Facebook but otherwise, communication is pretty minimal. Nonetheless, when we do get together, we pick up right where we left off. Same with friends I've made more recently, over the past 5-10 years, through my kids. We go through some periods of high contact (kids on the same team, taking a fitness class together, volunteering with the same group) and then periods where we go months or even more than a year without contact. Then we pick right back up like we had been in contact all along.

I find that previously-scheduled get togethers, group texts or FaceBook are the ways I stay in regular contact with friends. With one group of friends, we plan to get together on the last Friday of every month and we do one or two sleepover getaways a year. And I tend to see/connect with friends more when there are others in the group who take the lead on reaching out to get something on the calendar, it's just not something I think to do.

I am so confused...one of your last questions was how you don't have time to talk to your friend on the phone and now you have to reach out at least once a week on the phone or email to three great friends? I am SO lost.

My friends know I am extremely busy. I work full-time, I have three very active kids, I am a homeowner, and I place time with my family (both husband and kids and extended) as a priority over a lot of things. So they respect that and we connect when we can. That's life. No rules as to how we keep in touch or how often we talk.

I think there's so much reliance on texting or FB messages, and it's not enough to make that connection. I enjoy knowing what my friends are doing, seeing pictures of their vacations/kids/pets or seeing what has them riled up (politics) or laughing (fun cartoons). But it's not a substitute for really talking.

I know that you posted the other day about not having time for a friend, but I take that to be a problem with this particular friend who only wants long, involved conversations, and who demands that you sit down and not fold your laundry while talking. You said that she gets angry if you only have 15 minutes, and threatens to hang up. So I think that's entirely different than staying in touch with friends who really are content with 10 minutes a week.

You may be more social than your husband, or you may have more of a need for community than he does. I know that I definitely need this more than my husband does. I think many women do.

I also didn't want my son or my stepdaughters to think that electronics make a relationship. They have to look people in the eye, hear nuance and emotion in the voice, and function in a personal way. So I felt it important to model that. I also think, if you have young kids, that they need to actually SEE you on the phone with real, live people, understand that you have relationships that don't revolve around them, and develop some patience when Mom is on the phone. We had a rule that, unless someone was bleeding or on fire, I wasn't to be interrupted while I was on the phone.

Once a week is too much for me.
Most of my friends are fairly busy; we really don't spend a ton of time communicating-- save it up for a night out or a phone call every couple months or so.

Deep friendships can tolerate time between contact- at least for me and my friends. It's not that we are too busy for each other inasmuch as we all have our lives and they are full. We do make an effort to make time for each other, but we also have a lot of grace for each other-- we make it work as our lives allow and don't take it personally when the other is not as available as we are.

I have remained very close with 3 friends from grade school for 39 years and 5 friends from work for 12 years. In recent years with kids, the contact has dwindled to infrequent phone calls, more emails and tons of texts but I think this hapens when you are all married with kids. Plus we have activities w/my kids' school friends & their parents. My hubby doesn't keep in touch with anyone & I think that's more common with men. It's harder as we get older, have families & are busy but I think some contact is better than none so even if we have to do it via email/text rather than often face-to-face visits.....then that's what life has dictated and I'm fine with it. :)

I have one great girlfriend. My bestie. We have seen each other through homelessness, tragedy, triumph, college, pregnancies, and other life issues.We have been friends for 14 years! We text every day, call once a week, see each other once or twice a month. I do not have any other great friends. It may sound silly, but I just don't have the time. I have three kids, work full time, I'm in my last quarter of college, and I barely see my husband! Once the kids all go back to school she and I have joked that we will be ladies who lunch (she and I both have Monday's off)! I can't wait!

I have 2 BFFs. All 3 of us have been really really close for more than 20 years now. However, we only actually see each other 5-6 times a year, and we rarely talk on the phone, email or text. Still, when we do get together, it's like no time has passed. These women are like sisters to me - even though we don't talk often more than every other month or so.

Speaking of which - I have a girls' night out with them planned next week. We haven't gotten together since early April. I can't wait!

i have lunch with my mom once a week. i keep connected with my friend by chatting online, on the phone and in person, we both have busy lives and connect when we can and how its convenient to connect.

Men are typically much different socially than women.

One of our marriage counselor told my husband that "he" should really want me to have girl/female friends. Did he "really" want to hear about those cute shoes I saw at the mall or the horrible dress I saw at the store or anything to do with stuff like that.

Women just need to connect with other women more.

I have a lots of friends that I consider to be great friends. I talk to many of them several times a week. I also have 2 different groups of HS friends that I go to dinner with several times a year. The one group is more local so we get together more frequently. I don't think a day goes by that I am not in touch with one friend or another.

My husband is self employed and works from home. He makes an effort to keep in touch with his friends and goes out to lunch with them a few times a month. My husband is also a Mason so he has that friend group too.

My husband and I used to get together with our couple friends a lot more frequently than we do now but that is because we have a 13 yo at home that still needs rides and my 18 yo frequently entertains at our house too so we like to be around for that too.

These responses are surprising to me. I think I must be much more social than I thought.

I would say that I have about three good friends. Each lives in a different part of the country. I speak with them about once every two to three months. We do have busy lives and other interests that take up time. My bestie as I would say lives in Quebec, and that is a passport and a few planes away but is doable once I get the passport renewed.

When I first read this post I did not respond. However, I went to Walmart in the local area to pick up something for lunch. When I came out I had a very close friend who left show up and say hello. I told her truthfully I did not know what caused the "break-up" and she stated is was from work either take this new position or be jobless in the area. So she took the job and moved. Not saying hi or goodbye -- just gone. It took several months to heal from the loss. Once she left I had written her off for good and sought out others. So now I am a bit shocked to find her back possibly in my life after a good 10 year absence. My whole afternoon was a bit upside down flooded with of emotions from seeing her. It will take time to repair the hole but it will mend in time.

As they say, time has a way to heal heartache we she see.

Just be who you are and work on time management.

the other S.

Not online, and not through email.
I actually talk face to face with my neighbor at least once a week.
I talk to my Mom on the phone about once every few weeks.

Each of my friends and I connect in different ways. My sisters are some of my closest friends - we facetime or call. Sometimes we text a lot, other times it can be a few weeks. We see each other when we can travel to get together.

My best friend and I text throughout the day. Usually silly stuff. Share a picture or if we're bored watching our kids at swim we'll just catch up for a few minutes through text. She lives away so again, we see each other when we travel.

My friends here - we text to get together.

I find life very busy with kids so we tend to do more with family friends - camping trips, day trips, chatting with mom friends when their kids come over for a swim - they will stay and we chat.

I have a good friend that is currently single and child-free (left nest) and she and I just got together for a girl's day. That was really fun.

When I used to work - meeting up with friends for lunch was a big one. Or going for walks with friends on our lunch break.

We do stuff as couples too - we just have a bonfire in backyard and invite friends over for some beers. Nothing fancy. Sometimes it's inside and we have cheese and wine.

I find it's more spontaneous than anything really planned. Usually day of.

My experience has been that I and my friends feel close even if we don't talk very often. One friend and I have been friends for 40 + years. The other for 30 years. I can talk to both of them about anything any time. We do not talk every week. We just know the other one is there.

I'm 73 and have friends come and go over the years. As life changes, friendships change. I am feeling a bit bereft because one of those friends has Parkinsons and dementia. Another friend recently died. I have made a couple of younger friends but we aren't as close as my long term friends. In part because we lack having a way of life in common.

I'm developing a new, same age friendship after asking for advice. She was a neighbor when our girls were young. Being neighbors and having girls who were friends were the only things in common back then. We've just reconnected and found we have more in common at this age.

I wonder what is your question? From your previous posts, I wonder if you don't feel connected and are thinking weekly contact would help with feeling connection. I suggest it won't. We feel connection because we have things in common and because we share love.

It sounds like you feel you're missing something. I wonder if it would help if you organized your days. Plan times to spend with friends. Your post about working from home and you having difficulty with procrastination seems to me to be very unsatisfactory. I procrastinate and would never be able to work from home. I was better organized about household tasks when I was going to work elsewhere. Now that I'm retired my house is a mess.

Perhaps if you worked out a daily schedule and focused on mostly keeping to it, as if you were working in an office would help, not only with feeling more successful at home but also in your friendships. You can be flexible while not letting anything to change what you need to do for work.

Perhaps have a separate phone for work and only answering that phone at times you've scheduled other things or get caller ID and when you're occupied only answer work related calls. Decide what hours will be work hours and plan how to help your kids not to interrupt you. It sounds like you are easily distracted. Figure out ways to keep yourself focused.

If you want to connect with friends every week, plan how you can do that. With one friend who wanted more physical connection she came to my house for pizza every week. With the other close friend we don't plan for a regular meeting but seem to still get together a couple of times a month. Same with the new friend. I've talked with friends about how I feel and they feel. For me, sharing feelings is what keeps us close.

None:(

A long time ago, I made a huge decision in my life and my so called "friend" who worked at an area hospital tried to blackmail me (I am serious) by trying to tell everyone (including family members) confidential hospital health information. That backfired and my "friend" that worked at the hospital that tried to leak my info was fired and was never able to work in health care again.

To this day those people try to contact me (somehow they got my home address-I ignore them) and get more info. They even try Facebook, family members, etc. (I am not on Facebook and do not talk to family members.)

So to this day, I trust no one...