How Do You Know If Your Child Needs Disciplining or If He's Just Being a Kid?

Running around, being loud and making messes are not discipline-worthy UNLESS, you have told him to stop (not ALL the time, but when you need him to behave) and he refuses to do as you say. Then he could use more discipline. My kids have tons of freedom and play time, and I'm laid back in the house, but when the need to behave (meals, errands, library, company is over, it's time to settle down for the night, whatever) they are not allowed to be defiant when I tell them it's time to behave and quiet down, and they have to comply. Sometimes they can run and be wild in the house, sometimes they can't. Having him do "whatever you say" is the best way to allow the most freedom, because you don't have to ALWAYS correct him, but when you do, he'll listen. So don't discipline "fun" but do discipline defiance.

Running around all willy nilly outside is one thing, running around all willy nilly in the house is another.
House rules should be more refined than outside, horseplay rules- in my opinion.

There are inside rules and outside rules.
Teach your child about these and the rules will continue to apply to every inside or outside situation.

Inside we do not run. We walk. Running is for outside.

We do not climb on things inside the house except stairs. Climbing is for outside. Our feet stay on the ground inside.

We do not throw things inside the house. Throwing is for outside.

Inside we use inside voices. If we want to shout or speak loudly, this is for outside.

We never scream, unless part of our body is falling off or a lot of blood is squirting out of us. (hee, hee)

This why I always remind parents, not to yell across the house. Instead walk to where the person is you need to speak with.

Follow all of the rules, just as you expect your child to behave., They are always watching our behaviors.

You know that saying, "Your rights end where mine begin"? That's how I'd make the determination about where to draw the line. If his behavior is bothering you or if it would bother you if it were coming from another child, it's probably time to teach him when it's appropriate to be hyper/loud and when it isn't. You're not squelching his happiness by teaching him manners. In fact, I'd venture to guess that most well-behaved children are happier than those who are not because they are comfortable with their boundaries, get along better with others, and have happier parents.

Yes he is being a kid but he is old enough for you to start teaching him what behavior is appropriate. It takes a while. Give him plenty of time to run and shout outside and then remind him what you expect inside (be specific). My son is also a ball of energy and the winter he was 2 turning 3 I got a mini trampoline and 3+ years later we still use it. It is great for burning off extra energy when you can't get out right away. My son is 6 now and sometimes if he is acting hyper I have him jump and count (he gets to 100 or 150 usually) and he is ready to rest.

I think Laurie A. and Amy J. both gave you great advice...lots of good advice on the other posts too.

One thing I want to suggest is that NOW is the time to also be very clear about expectations regarding being in public, too. Your child needs you to let him know what's expected behavior when you are at the store, at the bank,library, restaurant, etc. When my son was younger (he's almost five) and even on some days now, we 'review' before we go into what I consider 'someone else's space' (be it the library or a friend's house). I tell him what we're going to be doing, what's expected (does the child need to use a whisper voice? stay in the stroller or cart? hold hands?) and why. I'm a firm believer that children who get good information ("We are going to sit in the booth, now, because the servers need to carry the food to the customers.") and have consistent follow-through from parents do better than kids who aren't given any prior guidance. This is also an age to begin teaching basic pleasantries (saying hello to people, responding to their attention) and consideration for others. This can be done in gentle and loving ways, but *do* practice. Letting them run amok in public now (and I'm NOT saying you are, but lots of parents do allow this) is counterproductive to where you want to be even a couple years from now.

Sorry if this is long, but this is something I have strong feelings about. This problem has been increasing over the last several years, and it isn't pretty!

Ditto Laurie A.

I used to be amazed when my son would have a friend over and they had no idea how to talk and play without BEING LOUD. No idea.
It has never been a problem in our home. Sure they can start to GET loud, but a reminder that "hey, you are inside. Inside voices..." is usually sufficient to rein in any "too loud" stuff going on. But kids who have never been taught this do not get it. And I find it makes me not want to invite those kids to my home again.
Outside? Yell and scream and whatever to your heart's content--so long as you aren't yelling something inappropriate that makes the neighbor's think you are being beaten, the house is on fire, or you have broken parts that I am neglecting.

Would you be embarrassed by his behavior if a friend saw, or if he did this at a friends house? We definitely let our guard down when we're in the comfort of our homes. The key is if you can control him. Of course, if you catch a wound-up kid as he runs around the room, it'll take a few minutes for him to relax...but if something comes up can you get him to chill out?

I agree that kids are a bundle of energy and you're not doing anyone a favor by trying to make that stop. Maybe you can find some good large muscle activities that burn off a good amount of energy for him. Haha, I'm imagining having a hyper dog in a small apartment...they just naturally need room to burn off energy.

He can still learn manners, fun/play at home voice versus public voice, he is old enough to clean up his messes and to know where he can keep is playing (like a playroom versus jumping on the couch.) You can help guide him on how to behave, if you don't start soon, he isn't going to respond to those boundaries as well.

Dr. Sears has some expert advice on creating boundaries and beginning discipline tactics that are also positive:

http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

My DD and her little pal are 3. Yesterday at a friend's house, they were jumping around and squealing. I told them that they were inside and they needed to remember their inside voices. They could jump on the floor but not the furniture. DD could do laps, but she couldn't run full out inside or chase the dogs. I think it's perfectly reasonable to allow them to play but have indoor rules.

well, they cross over, don't they? it's not like there's just one or t'other.
he's old enough to start establishing quiet times and inside behavior. ideally when he's all wiggly, wild and woolly you can take him outside and let him buck and snort and kick his heels to the sky. it really is very important for littles to have the freedom to do this.
but that doesn't mean it's squelching them for there to be times when they can't. bouncing off the wall, obnoxious loudness and messes need to be curtailed. not necessarily disciplined (although if he's disobedient that becomes necessary) but redirected. and if none of that works, a simple but firm 'you may not' is one of the best tools a mother can develop.
long explanations NOT necessary.
khairete
S.

If they are being rude to you or each other, then you draw the line. If they are disturbing others, then you draw the line and correct them to play more quiet. If they are destroying your place and not respecting property, then draw the line. You are teaching them how to get along with others. Play and free spirit, independence and tantrums go along with 3yr olds. When they make a mess during play and not deliberately, let them clean it up when done. That is also a form of discipline (guidance in doing the right thing)

In line with Laurie A's answer I have a soon-to-be 3 year old as well, and he understands what I'm telling him, and he "tests the waters" to see if I really, truly mean what I say. Boundaries and consistency are how little ones learn, they don't squelch happiness. (When my oldest was here for his grandfather's funeral last month he remarked that my little guy is a happy kid, and that I must be doing something right.) Being free to be a kid comes with some responsibilities, too, and one of them is to learn to act appropriately to the occasion.

I would say if it's bothering you, then lay down the rules and when he does it, discipline. If he's running around in the house, shouting and making messes, tell him that is outside behavior, in the house "we are quiet, walk and clean up our messes." I sometimes deal with the running and shouting as well, and I remind him to walk, and use his "inside voice." It's working : )

Hi Sally,
No matter what, a child should never be allowed to be destructive, harm anyone else, hurt anyone else's feelings, interrupt, "lose total control" (vs getting excited, or being over-tired), play with something that is NOT a toy, or put something in their mouth that is NOT food.

Both my boys understood all these concepts before 3.

And remember, "discipline" does not have to mean you flying off the handle and yelling at your baby. A good firm "No" or "Stop" in a nice, firm "Mom Voice" (you know that voice: we all had a parent or teacher who had it) gets the point across.

If the behavior doesn't stop after ONE warning: gently remove your child from the situation right away, and put them in time out if they start to flip out/resist your discipline.

Good luck!
t

With some kids you need to "pick your battles" - personally I drew the line at my son doing something which could potentially hurt him or others or damage property.

A messy home is a by-product of a healthy child! My physician grandfather used to say, "show me a clean child and home and you're showing me a sick child!" That's not to say that you shouldn't care - just that if a child is healthy enough to run around and get into things, it's unrealistic to expect "no mess"! :)

Other than that .... try joining him! You'll feel way happier if you just let loose and ran around shouting sometimes :) Ok, I'm joking, although I remember sometimes having the urge to do just that!

You need to find the happy medium between getting crazy and having fun, and respecting your environment. There's nothing wrong with having some good old fashioned messy fun, but the discipline (meaning "teach") comes in afterward when it's time to clean up.

I agree with the other mamas. Destruction is not good, but if he wants to throw packing peanuts in the air like fall leaves, what's the harm? (as long as he cleans it up afterward, that is!)

I like Laurie's answer. It's reminded me that I should enforce more indoors too. I feel bad though as we live in Wisconsin and most of the year it's too cold to spend to much time outside. Now that we are on spring break they are driving me nuts. Woke up to my 8 year old bouncing off the walls - sent them outside in 40 degree weather. ha!

My 2 and 4 year old are the same though. They also like to climb on the couch and jump on each other (roll eyes).

My kids are very active.
They are 5 and 9.
Boy and girl.

At Home:
At times, when my son is OVER-tired, he actually gets more hyper.
But I know, it is not him being "naughty."
But he does not make a mess. He just gets more hyper. And he still listens.
And no, my kids are not ADHD or anything.
But when together, they just are a real pair and at certain times of the day.

Even if a kid is like that, they can be minding their own business and just playing. Its fine. To me.
I do not scold for that.
When/if my kids are being that way, they are not being naughty. I know them.
But they get more rambunctious at certain times. I let them get out their yah-yahs. Of course not for the entire day
They are not being loud bratty or obnoxious.

If outside the home: my kids know how not to behave. And they don't act like crazed monkeys outside.

I let my kids run around INSIDE. In fact, one of the favorite activities of my daughter and her co-op friends is to run around and be wild.

They all know to clean up any messes they make. While I agree that there are house rules and outside rules, there are also CONTEXT rules. Letting your kids run the hallway seems reasonable to me. Letting them run laps around a table when there are no guest to impress also seems reasonable to me.