How Do You Keep the Connectionwith Your Kids

For Me:
It is not about what I am 'doing' with my kids, like in activities.
BUT, it is what I am 'giving' TO my kids... that makes for quality time AND 'connecting' with them.
And you can do this at ANY age.

I... often just chat with my kids. Them on my lap or laying down by them.
They like to chat. They tell me about everything and anything. I give them my 'ears' and I listen. I give them... my opinions or tips when they ask. I... tell them stories about my childhood.
I give them, me.
They love that.
And it bonds them, to me and me to them.

This is my kids' FAVORITE thing to do with me. And they get all close and cozy with me this way.
Sometimes, BOTH of my kids, are squeezed onto my lap... and they are just draping their legs and arms over me... as we talk. Mind you, my kids are TALL kids for their ages and they are almost as tall as me.
My kids are 8 and 4.

THIS is how I keep connected with my kids.
Giving myself to them.
Just chatting and listening and exchanging ideas and thoughts and confidences and imaginations.
This works for my kids.
Even for my son... for a boy, he really loves this. He will fully express himself/his feelings to me.
This is "connection" with kids.
To me.
And for my kids.

I talk to the girls, 13 and 16. I go into their rooms and am silly and snuggle with them. I bounce on their beds and shower them with kisses. I talk about the nothings of life.
I give them advice when they are calm and just hanging out, or when they bring up subjects on the context of Jenny is doing this.......
Neither one has a ton of friends and we live so far out no one comes over very often. Neither has FB, they do have email accounts that I have the passwords to.
My husband is completely involved in there lives. He takes them fishing and camping. He devotes himself to the kids. He is the Webelo leader this year for Cub Scouts and is himself a registered Girl Scout. He tries to come to as many events as he can.
My 22 yo lives 3000 miles away but calls us pretty much once a week if not more just to chat or recently to ask financial advice.
THe lines of communication have always been open, and nothing is taboo. I will bring up subjects like sex and drugs, boyfriends and annoying little brothers, bossy big sisters and get them out in the open.
I am involved in my daughter's life at school. I am a swim team mom and will do anything for the coach and she knows it and tells Coach that he can call me and count on me. I have gone to bat for her in principal's offices but held her feet to the fire with teachers.
YOu wont' lose her. Always make family time important, Sunday dinners. Sometmes our dinners are Drive thru ChickFilA while rushing to another actvity, but never on Sunday.

My oldest son is 13 and plays hockey so 8-9 months a year, we spend several hours in the car a week where it's often 1:1. A lot of good conversations happen there. Sometimes he brings a friend or two along to watch his games and even those are nice times to connect - I usually end up bringing the gang to get something to eat and the boys are genuinely good kids and tell me jokes, talk about girls, etc. I hear a lot of "don't tell my mom I told you this" lol. I also make time to drive him and his friends to the skate park, the movies etc.

My step-daughter is also 13 and although she moved in with us earlier this year, we don't have this connection because my husband likes to bring her to her activities and social events because it's a good way for him to spend 1:1 time with her in the car. So although I don't get that connection with her, at least one of us does and that's what's important right now.

We each have to do a better job with carving out this 1:1 time with our younger boys, who are often on the same schedule so the other boy is almost always there.

Listen to her. It's helpful if their friends like you.

I'm at the same spot you are but to keep the connection, I am spending an afternoon a month with them. During that time, we will go eat, and spend some time doing something they want, each child separately. We also spend time each night talking before they go to bed. I think it's just being available. I'm no expert but that will be MY plan. Good luck!

whatever you do remember it is all about balance. she is getting bigger and the whole point is that we raise them to be independant, mature, capable adults. she's only 10, i'm just saying, keep in mind it's our job to prepare them NOT to need us. but spend time with her doing things she is interested in. as always, it's not about us. just like when you played peek a boo with her when she was a baby, play barbies with her now. or whatever it is. you stay connected with people by being interested in THEM. good luck mom :)

My daughter is 16 and we are very close.She has her own little life with her friends, but she always makes sure to also spend time with me,she still wants to cuddle,and tells me her problems ( I'm sure not all of them).
Just be who you are, honest, not to overbearing,trust,be a good listener, be funny,show emotions,apologize when you mess up, show interest in her life, I think those are the things that keeps us close...just for you thinking about it now, shows you should not have a problem.
I also always tell them stories, from when I was a teenager..they love it.
I had a pretty interesting life growing up.

Not there yet...But here is what I do & will continue to do I speak with them daily several times actually they are in my life around the clock & I treat them with respect let them know they are heard & will be heard,ask questions, respond to them,eat together,make them their favorties every so often,plan a day or even a few hrs together.The bottom line is communication

Oh trust me she will hit a point during her teens where you want her away from you. They just get ugly. The nice thing is they are as nice to their friends parents as they are mean to you so it is perfectly acceptable to swap daughters every now and then.

Then they go away to college and come back with that close bond again. :)

I wrote a blog post about connecting with our kids recently. It's here, if you want to read it:
http://susannasapron.blogspot.com/2011/07/connecting-with...
Mine are teens and a preteen now, and we have pretty good connections. But it can be harder as they are becoming more independent. Hope all goes well!
L.

My kids are all grown and all different, I have 4. My oldest, a girl, doesn't like to shop, so we connect in other ways. Mostly we talk on the phone or on line daily. Right now she is raising an autistic daughter and a lot of her time is spent dealing with therapy and her daughter's issues. My #2 is a boy and has a daughter half time and he coaches her soccer team so he's busy but we still talk a lot and he lives only 5 blocks away. My #3, a girl, loves to go shopping especially for shoes so we connect on a lot. My #4, a boy lives right next door and currently needs me to get him to work so we talk in the car.
I am totally tied down taking care of my Mom who is on hospice and not expected to live much longer. They all pitch in when I need to go somewhere. The important thing is they know I am here if they need me. Last night for example, my younger daughter had a friend in trouble, my younger son stayed with my Mom so I could go help my daughter. I think the most important thing to do is be available. No matter what is going on always answer the phone and be ready to talk them through things.
I have talked to my younger daughter and told her I really miss going shopping with her because we always have fun even if don't buy a lot.

I've always liked chatting at dinner time when we're gathered at the table. Even though my daughter doesn't live with me, when she does visit, we either go out to eat or make dinner together. We just make sure that all the cell phones and ipods are put away:)

I have an 11yr old and an 18yr old daughter
We have a great communication with our children it is not easy but necessary even if there is nothing in common talking to them and being sincerely interested opens doors that you would never believe

I worried/worry about this quite a bit, but my oldest is now almost 14, and he and I are still very close, so I'm feeling better. :) I also teach high school, and I'm close to my students, so I feel fairly confident, though it's always different with your own kids.

If you have a good relationship now, you're off to a good start. Never stop talking, or listening. Like others have said, it doesn't matter what your doing, or where you are, just keep those communication lines open. My son and I talk, and LAUGH all the time. He spends a lot of time with friends, but he still enjoys spending time with me too, and I love spending time with him. I feel so lucky. :)