How Do You Keep Perspective?

I take timeouts.

5-40 minutes of sitting outside reading or messing around on here or streaming a video.

I read this article earlier this morning and used this paragraph in another post, it's worth trying to practice:

Use the "drop the rope" theory. Imagine a rope, the kind used in a tug-of-war. If you find yourself provoked, see that rope in your hands. You can choose to continue yanking on it — or drop it. Dropping it may sound as though you're giving in or giving up, but it's actually very empowering. It's also much more effective than tugging back and forth.

Like Riley said, I also take a timeout for me. I'm in a "sandwich" situation, raising a 2.5 year old and caring for ill elderly parents, and it can get tough. Fresh air, a cup of tea and some reading, a shower (where I can cry undisturbed in really bad situations) some time on Facebook, a show on TV, checking and responding to emails, whatever gets my mind off the situation. 99% of the time I can go back and see everything with renewed strength and energy and have realized that whatever was bothering me isn't a big deal in the scheme of things : )

If you don't take time for you - you will end up having a complete and total meltdown over something even sillier like not putting the dishes in the dish washer correctly.

You NEED to make time for you. It IS essential....if that means that you have 30 minutes before everyone else wakes up then do it.

If that means dishing out chores so that the family works together so that you aren't doing it all - do it.

Take the dog for a walk by yourself.
Tell your husband "Friday night is MY night" you will be in charge of the kids...and be invisible - whether you choose to stay home or go out with the girls...as a mom I cannot tell you HOW important that is.

GOOD LUCK!

I have found very consistently that if I have less than 6 hours of sleep, my tolerance for stress plummets and my tendency towards rage skyrockets. If you are sleep-deprived (and you probably are), your judgement will be impaired.

If I am in a situation where I absolutely cannot get enough sleep, I require stimulants (caffeine) to function. If I'm depending on stimulants for more than 3 days straight, something is seriously wrong and I need to rearrange my priorities. Getting myself enough sleep is a matter of my children's safety. When I had a kid with serious sleep problems, I would occasionally flee to a friend's house to get some real sleep.

In the moment. Take a deep breath. Look at what you have been going through, check your exhaustion level. Say "I am impaired. This is affecting my reactions. My reaction is not rational. I need to walk away until I get some clarity."

Then walk away and pound your bed and cry and do whatever you need to do in the moment to express your reaction without hurting anyone.

Yep, Ditto Riley J.

I ALSO, take time-outs for myself.
I TELL my kids, and my Husband.
My Husband knows not to mess with me at those moments, because by the time I do this, I am already past my limit.
He will even tell the kids 'leave Mommy alone.... "

Other than that, well PMS once a month is the complication in it. But well, I tend to loose it, once a month.

But yes, I do the time-outs for myself.
I tell my kids Mommy has no more patience... and I lay low. I tell them, Mommy is taking a time-out.
They know, when I say this.... my cup is more than full.

My 2 kids are real active, have voices loud as trumpets... and alas, my ears are sensitive.

I work full-time and when I get home it's time to cook dinner and clean up then get the kids to bed. At times I am super exhausted and just wish that for once DH would take care of dinner, dishes and kids rather than wait for me to come home. In the heat of the moment when something isn't done that I have asked DH to do I bite my tongue and take a deep breath and just let it go. In the long run when you look back your children will remember EVERYTHING that you do for them, it's the little things that count. And arguing definetly does not get me anywhere.
What does work in my home is after the clothes are done drying and you don't have time to fold them at all, I just fold the shirts in half so that they don't wrinkle and place them aside for when I do have the time to actually fold them and put them away. So when my kids ask for certain clothes they know where to look and we call it (the half done pile) for laughs. Weekends is my only time to actually to get the laundry done, house cleaning, grocery shopping, etc.

Some days I do not.

My SD has a habit of not replacing the toilet paper roll. So this week I waited to see how long it would take her. On the THIRD roll (sitting in reach on the counter), my DH noticed and said, "Unreal!" and went into a tiff about it and I got the brunt of it. Grrrr. The girl is 17. Why should *I* have to replace it all the time, either? Little things can push you over the edge. I just took a deep breath and let it go. NO point since I knew that I was tired and he was tired and we'd just be mean and not really need to be.

Since I can't generally leave a 3 yr old alone too long, many times I check email or do something frivolous online (YouTube videos) so I'm still "here" but not "on".

I also work from home so all day long it's work, then the little one, then the big one's rehearsal got changed so gotta go get her, did the little one get a snack?, take the little one outside, what do you mean the cat puked in the hall - go get the nature's miracle yourself!...etc. Then DH comes home and he usually makes dinner, but if I'm hungry and try to start dinner he might gripe that I'm in his kitchen...sigh.

Sleep sounds good. As soon as DH can get out of the office, I want a nap!

Wine, Margarita, ... kidding (not really.) I have looked up the definition of priority on oline and shared it with my children. When they are asking me a million things and I have hit my limit, I usually start asking them - what's my prioirty? It makes them think about what is really important and it usually calms things down a bit. But again, a margarita or a glass of wine are also very helpful. :-)

It may all seem too simple, but my mantra is "embrace the madness". Fix what you can, and just accept the rest as a part of your life. Your very wonderful life for which you are very grateful. It's so hard, I know, but you'll never have this day back, and in the words of a very wise country song..."you're gonna miss this". Tonight, go look at your children when they are sleeping. It will renew you for the madness that will come tomorrow.

Chaos is something that most women need getting used to. Most of us go through life quite organized and well planned. This includes how clean the home looks, etc. I would hate how my home was never clean when the kids had stuff out of place, how I was stressed when a few toys of theirs were not put away, how the kitchen had glasses and cups all over after a couple of snacks, etc. This is a phase, they grow old they dont put things all over the place, things fall into place easily at home after this and you can go back to being the way you are. But for now enjoy the chaos. My spouse shared with me that he just did not want every chore at home to be something he HAD to do at a CERTAIN TIME (rather liked to do it when he felt like somedays). Deep Breathing helps :) take things cool. And oh yeah avoid people who make your life feel less because of cleanliness - at least until the kids grow up a bit (the effort in controlling every moments chaos is not worth the toll it takes on the body).

Of course, in the moment, any suggestions you may get will be easier said than done:) Try to walk away, take a deep breath, and try to stay in gratitude. My girlfriend's 8 year old daughter just lost her year and a half battle with bone cancer - that really puts everything in perspective. Try to remember all the things you have to be grateful for, including the washing machine that did the laundry your husband didn't fold. Many people do not have the luxury of having a washing machine in their home. They have to schlep to a laundromat and spend $5 a load to do their wash. Maybe try having a discussion with your husband and children, when you are not aggravated, about their behaviors that bother you and how they can help. You may ask if there are things you can work on as well. We are all a work in progress - learn what works best for you:)

I have a difficult time keeping perspective, too, and agree with the women who said it's important to get some "me" time -- it doesn't have to be a spa. It could just be a quiet moment to yourself on the back porch, or after the kids go to bed. I'd say the best thing I ever did to maintain my sanity was to enforce a strict bedtime -- for the kids' sake AND for mine. Plus it's good to get some Daddy and Me time on a regular basis.

But the other thing I wanted to say was that the Bible story of Mary and Martha helps me. I try to remember that I want to be more of a Mary to my children, since my inclination is to be Martha.

Also, my sister-in-law is going through a late term pregnancy loss and we are all grieving. When I look at my four little ones, right now, I can't help but remember how blessed I have been -- no matter how crazy and chaotic, it is a crazy and chaotic I would desperately miss.