How Do You Handle the Meltdowns?

I've had this difficulty with my grandchildren. I found that if I stopped trying to put them in the seat and just held them for a bit and talked to them in a soothing voice that often they would then get in the seat. My sense was that "things" were just going too fast for them.

If they wouldn't let me hold them and were screaming, I shut the car door and waited them out. I stood next to the car so that they could see me. Treated it like a temper tantrum.

Breath!!!! Don't feel bad, I have had to use quite a bit of force getting my daughter in her carseat once or twice before. Those little buggers are strong and determined when they want to be!

Just stay calm, get through it, and then drink when you get home. :-)

When my DD and I were at the mall and she would not get in her car seat and I wasn't going back into the mall, I shut the doors and sat there with her. I told her we weren't going anywhere til she got in her seat and we'd just sit here, no radio, no nothing. I figured since *I* was in the car, she wasn't going to overheat and wasn't in any danger. She was 2. In about 5 minutes she calmed down and got in her seat and we went home.

It can be very hard sometimes, but you just need to find a "zen" place where you try not to care that he's screaming and you try not to worry about other people. Seriously, whenever I hear a kid crying in the store, I really feel for the parents because I have been there.

Also, try not to time the carseat for when he's overtired or hungry or anything like that. I was once in a dressing room with DD who would not put the dress on, would not put her own clothes on and wouldn't calm down. Salespeople came in to the area and I just started talking, "DD, I know you're hungry. Please eat. You'll feel better...." I knew she was hungry (I lost track of time) and when I finally got her to eat, she settled. I think in your case he was overtired and just couldn't handle it. It happens. If you try to be proactive, you will have fewer incidents. I keep a sippy cup and snack cup with us almost all the time.

I hear you...it's so frustrating :'( My guy is 26 months and STUBBORN! He has been doing the not wanting to get into the car seat behavior for about 2 or 3 weeks now. The harder I tried to put him in the harder he'd fight with his arms and legs, hollering and screaming.

With him I've learned that explaining and diverting his attention seem to work best, at least for now, so I started telling him the the car will not go while he's standing, that he has to be seated and strapped into the car seat. I tell him, "Let's go back in the house, we can't go now," and he'll say "No, I go." I'll repeat to him that the car won't start, and usually the 2nd or 3rd time he relaxes and I can strap him in. I keep talking while I'm doing it, tell him he did a "good job" by sitting down and letting me strap him in, and talk about what we're going to do, and always try to make him giggle or laugh so he forgets he was upset.

He seems to get rebellious more when he's tired, or doesn't want to stop doing what he's doing. When we were leaving his birthday party (we held it away from home) a couple of months ago he cried, screamed, & whined until I found out that he wanted to go back to the party. I explained that everyone went home, and that he could play with some of his new toys at home. He did calm down and I let him play a bit when we got home, and he relaxed and went to sleep early, the day had worn him out.

Consistency, firmness, love and understanding of our little ones will hopefully get them through their tantrums and the "terrible twos" and on their way to being well-behaved individuals. If we're smart we'll videotape a tantrum or two to show them when they're older...my nephew cringes when he sees one of him ; )

Pack a stroller in the trunk and take him for a stroll... seems like it worked pretty well this time. My daughter LOVES going to the store (just threw it in b/c you said types of situations).. she's so curious and loves to see the world. I do not like her grabbing stuff off the shelves and bolting away from me so I now put her in a cart (started a few months ago). If we go in walmart or whereever if she starts having a meltdown I get down on her level and go baby do you want to get in the cart or go home? If she just continues I grab her towards the middle because she locks out her arms and goes all noodle and carry her to the car and go home. Then we try again the next day. It works now. She doesn't have the meltdowns. With him, it sounded like in that case he was overtired.

Did he fight with you when you tried to put him in the seat? I have had my daughter scream and not wanna get in her seat so I pick her up towards her middle (on her sides) cuz she goes all noodle and put her in her seat. Then I talk to her about how I know she's upset about (insert here) but we have to go (insert here) and I put on a fresh beat band song to cheer her up.

My daughter doesn't have issues with the carseat, but she has meltdowns when leaving somewhere fun (library, children's museum, party, etc). Now, when we're going to one of these trigger places, before we even leave our house I tell her that she needs to be happy and leave when it's time to leave or else we won't be able to keep going back. For her, that works beautifully. Not sure if it will work for your son or not. Other general tips on meltdowns - you're entering the age where these will start happening sometimes. Try to NEVER be in a hurry to get to the next place. If you're in a hurry you can guarantee that he'll have a meltdown. Plus, the best way to handle the meltdown is to just let it happen. Sit back and say "we're getting in the car and going to X now. we'll go when you're ready." Not to mean that you'll leave the party when he's ready to leave the party, but when you're at the car and he's melting down, just let him meltdown. It may go on for 30 minutes, but keep asking "are you ready to get in the car now?" Don't say anything else, don't try to distract, don't give attention. Eventually he'll get in the car, and next time the meltdown may be a bit easier and shorter because he knows that nothing else is going to happen. Good luck!

He was probably, over-tired and over-stimulated and/or hungry....or was feeling all of those things, at the same time.

The party, was at night time.

Over-tired/over-stimulated kids/babies, scream/tantrum/have meltdowns sometimes, in order to 'shut-out' all that overly stimulating things. They don't have succinct, ways to communicate nor even know their own feelings, yet. And at this age and even in 3 year olds, they do not have fully developed "impulse control" either, yet.

As you said, he fell asleep, once you took him away from the party, for a walk in the stroller.
That is your answer.
He had had, too much and his patience was nil. By that time.

He's 19 months old.
They cannot 'say' how they feel, or what they need, or if their patience is nil, or what they want. Hence, they scream/cry or tantrum. They don't even have the words to explicitly 'say' how they are feeling.

Know your child's cues.

When my kids were very young, I did not take them to parties at night, unless I had to. And I made sure they had a nap, during the day, before the party at night.
Then, at the party, we would not stay all night. When my kids, that age, were tired, as I knew their cues, we left the party.

My 21 month old began fighting me around the same time. I started asking him if he wanted to climb in on his own and then also buckle himself as well. It works b/c he feels he is in charge. :) Other things are to give him a bottle of water, snack, toy (anything) as he gets in. It also sounded like he was probably have a great time (didn't want to leave) and really tired since he fell asleep so fast...giving him warnings 10-15min before leaving and then paying attention to the time (if possible) so that he doesn't get to that point (overexcited/overtired) may help. :( Good luck...it is part of the territory so try to take it in stride....and if you can't, remember we all experience it at one time or another. :)

Breathe deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth. I deal with this regularly with my 21 month old. If I get worked up, he gets more worked up. I often have to climb into the car and put my knee between his legs to get him to hold still long enough to buckle him. He still takes a pacifier so I keep one in my pocket and give it to him as soon as it's time to get in the car. Sometimes that will calm him down enough. Sometimes I even give him my phone then take it away once he's buckled. Whatever I have to do to get him in. We're in and out of the car at least 3x a day. He acts like this even when he's not tired or hungry. He's a very strong-willed, stubborn and physically strong boy. When he doesn't get his way, watch out. At least I've dealt with this before with my older two, so I'm used to it. I used to get way more upset and stressed out. I know from experience that eventually it will get better. Hang in there!

In my experience most kids really want to go places so getting in the seat hasn't been an issue. In general though, if I have any problems with any of my kids or daycare kids not following my every order while in public, then they just stay home for awhile and are grounded from going places. They hate to just stay home. 19 months is not too young to be told why he's not going anyplace. My grandson is the same age and he does understand most every consequence we give him. But of course, he gets emotional and has meltdowns. We put him to bed until he gets his emotions under control or until he sleeps.

act like ur leaving without him.

Dont' feel bad, his behavior is normal, and your feelings are normal. You CAN stop this.

We had a no tantrum for any reason rule in our house and used discipline to attain it. The kids are only allowed to cry and rage if they are hurt or genuinely sad. Once they control their temper FIRST, we talk it out. But random meltdowns? Nope. It is so worth it to have 3 kids under 5 I can take with me anywhere. I have staved off more than one birthday party sugar exhaustion meltdown with just a warning, and since the rule has been consistent from birth, the exhausted, slightly sobbing child, was put gently into the car seat with no seamonster Supernanny shenanigans.

You have to decide if meltdowns are allowed in your home or not. You have to be consistent to the proportion of your child's nature. For my first it took almost no discipline. For my second it took a few more episodes, for my third rager it was a BATTLE but at 2 she's past it.

Simply making sure the stars are always in alignment for your son to feel fine is not a real life possibility. If you want him to control himself, you have to control him first so he learns. This doesn't impede his control as the shrinks say, it improves it. And it's sour grapes for people to say, "It may work to discipline, but you're harming your child for life." This is for parents who were born after 1980 to believe. A great book for tantrums and respect in general for this age is Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. Follow the advice of people who have succeeded in stopping this instead of ones who think you should allow it if you want it to stop.

19 months is the perfect age and not a moment too soon to nip this!

is the car seat getting to tight. might be time to graduate to a bigger one. When my son did that it was cause it was getting to tight. went to a bigger car seat no problems since.