How Do I Get Hubby to Help More Around the House?

I think others are saying the same type of thing, but my husband is oblivious to messes and it doesn't bother him at all, whereas it makes my blood boil to have a messy home. He is very smart, but is also absent-minded when it comes to things that are common-sense; such as - throwing socks on the floor rather than throwing them in the hamper or taking his shoes off in the living room rather than at the door. So I think they just need little reminders because they don't realize it. Also sit down and talk to him about it so he knows how you're feeling and that way, hopefully, you won't have to nag him at every little thing, and he might be more aware?! Good luck!!

I think my husband is great and helps a lot but I do ask him. I think men don't think about everything that women do. I want my house clean and I have scheduels for everything, but my husband doesn't think about it the way I do. If I were you, I would sit down with him and talk with him about how you are feeling and that you need more help and can't do it all by yourself. But, even with that, you're still probably going to have to continue to ask.

First of all... No. He can't just "see what needs done and just do it." Most men don't do that. They don't see the water spots they leave on a squeaky clean sink after washing their hands. They don't see the pile of clothes in the corner of the room that he just took off and threw over there. They don't see the pair of socks that didn't quite make it into the hamper. I really think most men just aren't as clean as women would like them to be. And even when the do see those things, it's not that important to them to clean it up because it's "close enough" or "the water will dry" etc. So. He may have no clue that you even feel the way you do about it. If you haven't told him what's bothering you and that you're tired too when he gets home, tell him. If you have, and he still doesn't bother to help, then just leave his messes. If his laundry is not in the hamper, it doesn't get washed. If his coat and briefcase are left in the middle of the room, clean up around it after yourself or your kids, but leave his stuff. You can even tell him that if he doesn't want to do the few things you've asked him to help with consistently, that you're just going to leave it. He probably really had no idea that it's bothering you so much. I've never had to go quite so far with my hubby because he usually does pretty well at things I ask him to do for a while. When he starts to slack off again, I remind him (non-nagging) and he steps it up again. Anyway, you really should talk to him about it. And if you have already and he just doesn't care, then it's time to show him that you are serious about it and you're not just going to do it anyway. If you keep doing things that you think he should be helping with, he'll never do it because "someone else will." Hopefully that helps some. Good luck.

My husband didn't start helping around the house until I asked. He didn't have a clue that I needed help! Just because you stay home, I think sometimes they think you have time for everything. At first I just hinted a couple of times how tired I was and needed a little help, no luck. I finally just started telling him like I did the kids. I need you to go take the clothes out of the dryer. Oh, and since you are watching TV, can you fold this basket of clothes. You don't now who they belong too, just fold them and I'll put them away. After dinner I started asking him to stay in the kitchen to talk to me. While he would be sitting at the table, and I was clearing it, I started handling him thing. I would say, can you put that away for me. Before I new it, we would have a great time in the kitchen after dinner. This actually became our time when we would talk and after we were done, we would sit down together and continue our time. The kids figured out that if they bothered us, they would be put to work so they left us alone! My hubby also figured out that I could go to bed at the same time if I didn't have anything else to do. With several kids, it often seems like nothing is finished and he was getting much more sleep then me. I have 4 boys & 2 girls. It will also teach the boys that we are not maids. When mine started hanging with their dad while I was cleaning, it wasn't showing them needed to take responsibility with chores. Hopefully, they will growup to help their wife! Hopefully! Good luck!

My husband used to have this problem. One day while we were out to dinner (just the two of us) I told him that I was really feeling overloaded with all the things I was doing every single day. I asked him if he could help me out around the house more, even if it was just something simple. I asked him why he didn't pick things up when they were laying around, and he told me that he didn't know where things went. I was confused, we had lived in the same house for two years and he didn't know where things went. I thought it was a dumb excuse, but truly that was his reason. He didn't want to put something in the wrong place and then have me frustrated because I couldnt find it. He would throw his clothes on the floor, because the hamper was full and he didn't realize we had a second one in our closet. Sometimes men just don't take the initiative and try to figure out where things go. Now my husband is in charge of certain things. I oriented him as to where certain things went, so if he sees them out he can put them away. He does the dishes and garbages every day because he knows where they go and it's a lot easier for him. Sometimes men just need a little push. Sometimes they are just oblivious, and you need to orient him to maybe just a key few areas in the house. Also, praise him whenever he does something. Give him a big kiss or hug and say thank you. And do it every time. Just like you would a child. They respond to this. If you praise every effort he gives to make the house clean, he will be ten times more likely to do it again, and without being asked. Sometimes we have to ask. The fact that he does things when you ask shows that he does care. He may just be oblivious. Good luck.

I know I am chiming in a little late on this one, but try looking at it this way...If his socks weren't on the floor, or his dirty plate wasn't left on the counter, or even his dirty laundry wasn't always there for you to do, HE WOULDN'T BE THERE. Imagine if he were to get in a fatal car accident, or got a non curable form of Cancer and he died tomorrow. You would definitely miss his messes. Next time you see one of his dirty socks laying 2 inches from the hamper, say to yourself, "I'm glad he's still here." Doing this will help your blood pressure go down. I have been doing this for months, and I am much happier to clean up my Man's and my Kid's messes.

Wow, sounds familiar lol! Its so hard because of the hours they put in working and "bringing home the bacon" seems like most requests for help are turned into a I do you do "battle". I think even the most wonderful well intentioned men have a hard time realising exactly what it takes to do what we do and that we get less gratitude for our "job". That being said... I'm not sure if I have a great suggestion.. Maybe mention to him that it would be a great example to the boys if he would pick up after himself, that he could do this with minimal effort and make a huge difference to you and all of your chores.. while being a positive influence to his boys. Also, if you don't{sounds like you probably do} let him know every once in awhile how grateful you are for everything he does for the family.. then when the timing feels right let him know that it would mean a lot to you if he let you know once in awhile how wonderful it is that you do everything you do for your home and children.. pets.. extra ..
Best Wishes

My hubby was the same way until 1 day I looked at him and said I am not the maid and there are responsibilities that need to be done at home at first he didn't get it until he didn't have any work clothes because they were dirty. He got the picture so we broke down what we do around the house. He takes care of the bathroom and the outside things. He also helps keep the living room straightened the best we can with a 21 month old. I take care of the rest. GL with the task.

One thing that I've noticed is that guys tend not to notice the subtle stuff. They may notice that dishes are piling up or the laundry isn't getting done, but since they think of that as your work, they usually won't do anything or really think about it.

I've found that most of the time you really have to ask. Maybe sit down with him one evening or on the weekend and gently explain your situation and frustrations to him. He may be willing to take on things that aren't major, but important, like taking out the trash or vacuuming.

Also, see if you can get your four-year old involved. My daughter is only three, but she knows how to pick up her own toys, throw away trash, and get some of her own snacks. Once you start giving kids a measure of responsibility and they get to do "grown-up" things, they really get into it. Or at least mine did. Make sure its things that are age appropriate, otherwise you may accidentally make more work for yourself.

I'd say quit waiting for it to happen, because it won't. Men are flawed that way. It wouldn't matter if I didn't clean for a month, my husband wouldn't notice or care. I would just keep asking nicely to do a couple things a day for you and then tell him how much you appreciate it so it doesn't turn into nagging.

I really do believe guys just don't have the eyes for mess that women do. I used to get so frustrated that I had to ask for help...I have an aversion for asking for help because I've always felt like I'm bothering whoever it is I'm asking help from...but I've learned I have to do it anyway. My husband helps when I ask. That's as good as it seems it is going to get and I've just accepted that...thank goodness he does help when I ask. Asking for help isn't nagging... complaining about things is nagging. I've also just gotten to the point that I let things slide. As long as there are clean clothes in the drawers/closets and there aren't a bunch of dirty dishes around, it's fine. I did start helping with lawn work a few years ago. It seems that when I start giving what I wish would be given to me, I get more of what I'm looking for. He's happy to help when I ask most of the time and that's just got to be good enough. Having him become the way I think he ought to be just causes me strife, which I can happily do without.