How Do I Encourage #2? - Portland,OR

I bought several new Thomas the Tank Engine trains, showed them to my son and told him that we were starting a poo poo for choo choos reward system. He would get to pick a new train every time he went #2 in the potty. Darn if that didn't work IMMEDIATELY! This kid became the most "regular" kid in town!

M.,
I could have written this letter! I have a three year old son who did exactly the same thing. He drove us crazy. He would go pee on the tolite but poo, no way! I would ask my son why and he would just say he was scared of the poop. I finally decided no more diapers. I knew he could do this. I talked to his doctor about the problem. He told me to give him Miralax to soften up the poop, so when he sat on the tolite he wouldn't be able to hold it in (Miralax is just glorified prune juice - very safe). Well by the third day he still had not gone. I talked to nurse again. She assured me it was ok, & he would go by the fifth day. My husband just wanted to give in and put the diaper on. But I felt it was torturing my son to get him to a point, then give in. We had many arguments about it. The fourth day was Christmas Eve and while we were opening gifts he was doing his usual hop around dance trying to hold in the poo. Finally he couldn't hold it any longer & started to go in his pants. I hurried and put him on the toilet. He went in the toilet! He confessed it wasn't bad. I thought yeah, we are over this. I was wrong. Next time, same thing as before. He would hold it, do the dance, making everyone miserable. But I refused to put a diaper on him. It has been a long process. He still tries to hold it but now he lets me put him on the toilet without much struggle. He is going on the toilet, but it's not to the point where he goes naturally. I have to still encourage him & sit with him. So hang in there.

I didn't even mention the rewards because I am sure, if you were like me, you promised him the moon to go on the potty.

My daughter did the same thing - she'd hold her poop all day, then let loose shortly after we put her to bed. We were sure that part of it was a comfort thing - she relaxed in bed, and that's when the poop came.

We had her sit on the potty w/ a book every night before bed with some success. We also let her choose whether to wear a pull-up or big-girl undies to bed (she's NEVER had a middle-of-the-night accident unless she's been really sick). We also talked about how poop belongs in the bathroom, and by using her bed to poop, she was turning her bed into a bathroom, and does anyone really want to sleep in the bathroom? This combination was successful about 75% of the time, but we still had occasional accidents in undies, or deliberate "I choose the pull-up 'cuz i gotta poop".

What finally turned the corner was a day where she was at her best friends' house. The kids got soaked playing in water, and she wound up borrowing undies from her friend. She didn't want to take them off at bedtime. Five minutes later, she announced loudly, "I gotta poop!" and ran into the bathroom. Success! When we asked her why, it was because she didn't want to dirty up her friend's underwear. I did laundry every day for a week so she could wear those undies at night... and she hasn't missed a poop in the potty since.

I had the same problem with my almost 4 year old. She would go #1 on the potty, no problem, but was very secretive about going #2, she would hide while going, and then lie about having gone in her panties. I tried everything: rewards, punishments (making her clean her undies when she went in them), discussion about "why not??". I couldn't put her in pull-ups or disposable diapers because she is allergic to them. Finally, she went on her own after some friends teased her about going in her panties like a baby. I didn't want it to happen that way, but it worked. We were at wit's end up til then, but now she's very proud of herself and tells everyone that she's no longer a baby.
Not sure if this helps, but you are NOT alone!

My little girl did the same thing, and also had issues around not consistently peeing in the potty too, until a bit past 3 years old (sometimes we still leak in our panties because we don't want to take the time to go to the bathroom in time!). And, they say girls are easier to potty train than boys...hmmm! LOL. It's personality. I would say he's just not fully ready yet. What's the hurry? Don't make it a negative experience where you are frustrated and forcing him to the potty. He'll get it. How many preschoolers do you see in diapers anyhow? Also, kids use this for control and independence - don't take that from him. It's his private domain let me come around and do it on his own accord. Show him you trust him to figure it out. Encourage him and you can just leave the pullups on as long as he's still going #1 in the potty. You probably tried rewards already, if not that may work for you. I used to give her a gold star on a chart each time she went in the potty. After 5 gold stars, she got something special (whatever is a motivator!) Also say something like "Ooops, I see we didn't make it to the potty for #2. Let's clean you up and try to go on the potty next time." If he will not complain pick him up when you see him "in the pose" and place him on like one of the other moms said. Then, when he does do it on the potty, make a HUGE deal out of it. Silly Huge. ALSO brag to your friends and let him overhear you (e.g., tell someone "I am so proud of XX he went #2 on the potty all by himself. He's really growing up!" ETC. You get the point. :)

I just remembered -- there is a great book my daughter loved called EVERYONE POOPS, author's last name is GOMI I believe.

I dont have an answer I just wanted to say you are not alone. My almost four year old does the same thing. My pedi. told me that if he comes and asks for a pull up to go poop in, first try and put him on the potty. if he cries or makes a scene about it turn the timer on. then if he still hasnt gone give him the pull up and then dump the doo in the potty to show him thats where the poo wants to be. That is sort of working. We are also having the trouble where he will only pee at home on his potty...which is a problem in itself!! good luck with your little potty boy!!!!

Hi, your post makes me feel not so bad because my just turned 3 year old has been having a lot of #1 accidents, and a couple of #2 accidents in his underware (at home). I figured out if I can make him go #2 before school in the morning he seems to do better so even though he tells me he doesn't want/need to I told him one day I was going to count to 30 and I just wanted him to sit there and try - and it worked. So now I do that every day. Good luck!

M.,

Yay!! for potty training. When my son was there about a year ago I got some great advice. What finally worked for him was a two part thing. 1) I had a conversation with him about the potty and learned that we had monsters living in out toilet that tried to get him/his poop when he went potty. 2) taking advice from this site I set up a step for him so he could squat on the toilet so he could see below him to tell the monsters to go away (and get away from the splashing as the poop fell). From the first time he tried going potty that way he was fine.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

HI M.,
I would personally just encourage him to do it in his own time. As he is holding it in until he can go at night in his own comfort is a clue he is not ready to let it go in the toilet. It is hard and frustrating for you, but it is important to encourange him. It is not good for him to fecal load. My daughter is still going poop in diapers, although she has autism and it is harder to toilet train them, and she is just about 5. She is completely smart enough to go, but for some reason will not. What she does do is tell me she has to go and then gets a diaper. Maybe you could offer him a choice at this point. Have him poop in the diaper in the bathroom, then next time try it with a diaper on and sitting on the toilet! Hope this helps