Help to Get Son to Poo in Toilet

I had this exact problem with my son. He was 4 before he would poop in the potty. What finally worked for us: He and I went to the Dollar Tree and bought seven things he really wanted. Each item was put in a basket and we put the basket in the bathroom. Anytime he went in the potty, he got a toy. Within three days, he had it down pat and we went to Chucky Cheese to celebrate!!! :)

Good luck!

My daughter will be 3 in May, and we are facing the same scenario. She will pee in the potty, but won't poop in the potty. She always ask for a diaper when she has to go poop. I've heard that some experts believe that children see poop as an actual part of them, and it's scary to feel it drop into the toilet. For me, I am just waiting until she's ready. So far the potty training has been a really positive experience, and I don't want to have her do anything that is scary for her, nor do I want to discipline her for doing something that she's not ready for when I know that she will eventually poop in the potty when she's ready. She was trained in two days to pee in the potty with no accidents after that since I waited until she and I were both ready for the potty training, so I feel fully confident that she will poop when she's ready with no negative consequences. (My nephew was the same way, and he eventually went poop in the potty when he was ready.)

I am going through the same thing with my 3 year old daughter. If she can't find a diaper or pull-up to go in, she'll just do it in her 'big girl' panties. I thought after a few times doing that she'd stop, but she didn't seem to mind. Her doctor recently said that she isn't ready. I said "but she does everything else perfectly", he repeated himself saying "she's not ready". He then explained that if I kept pushing the issue it would just delay it further. He said just take a break, let her do her thing and in a few weeks try it again. He was really stressing not to pressure her or keep pushing her about it and that she would do it when she's ready!

I'm interested to see if you get more helpful advice (like a magic pill or something) because I have tried everything under the sun - like you! I have even put a jar of jelly beans in the bathroom, showed her my keys and said that I would take her for ice cream right then, showed her pics of all her friends who go poo in the potty. She talks about it all the time, but then waits until I'm not looking and goes in her panties. We've been doing this (except during the break time the doctor suggested) for months with no success. I've come to the conclusion that she'll (like your son) do it when their ready & we just have to wait! Sorry, I know that doesn't help at all, but it's the truth. Hang in there - you're not alone!

L. - You have gotten a lot of advice, but I'd like to say that I don't feel like waiting it out is the best alternative. I have a 6 year old who still struggles to go #2 in the potty. He was like your son -- would go in a pull-up on his own. We then switched him to underwear and he would soil those, too. We tried everything - bribes, punishment, rewards, praise, you name it - but nothing changed. Finally we gave in and went to a Pediatric Gastroenterologist. Within a week, he was going regularly in the potty. It is a medical condition called Encopresis. Unless you have suffered through it (as a mother or a child), you do not fully know the stress it causes for a family. We were at our wits end, and I felt like a complete failure as a mother. With the help of medical advice, we have been able to find releif for our son (and our family). It is about begining a medicine routine and some behavior training with our son. We are not through it, but I definitely feel like we are over the hill. I wish we had started sooner. Good Luck!

There is a little boy at the preschool at my church who has the same issue. I'm not sure what they are doing to resolve it, but some of us were discussing some solutions. I would suggest not buying or having the pull-ups around for him. If it has been awhile and he has not gone. I would take a few books, maybe even some music and just sit in the restroom with him on the toilet. Let him know that is where we go to the restroom, no exceptions.
He will come around. Best wishes to you!

Oh I am right there with you. Our son is 3 1/2 and he just started pooping in the potty. We were soooo frustrated because no matter what we tried, he just would not do it. We just left it alone and stopped trying and let him do it when he was ready. It seems like they will never do it but one day, he will I promise.

My problem is opposite. My little guy is younger, only 20 months... but he just caught on to going "poo poo" in the toilet. We kept putting the "poo poo" in the toilet, after he'd go in his diaper and tell him that's where it went, but he still didn't get it. He seemed to fight "poo poo"ing in the potty. Anyway, we just had to show him one day how we did it... "poo poo" directly into the potty.. and the next day he went in the toilet!

I'm guessing this doesn't help you much, since I'm sure you're little guy gets the point, and just doesn't want to. I'd go with the undies... they usually don't want to poop in those... you'll have a few messes to clean up, but it might be worth it!

-A.

My son is 4.5- he will be starting Kindergarten in the fall. I have potty trained two kids before him and thought I had it down to a science- but we still have issues. I have tried everything I could possibly think of even discipline. I started all over and still nothing. He wants to wear undies but knows he will "mess up" spiderman. I began to notice difficulty at 2.5-3. I knew it was okay at that age and continued to encourage him. From 3-4 I became worried and have asked the opinions of his teachers, daycare providers, and other moms. I was told to wait. I know my son and I just think something is wrong. I work with two other parents who have children (one 5 one 7) who have a bowel problem and see a pediatric gastroentologist. I am the first who will not "diagnose" my child with a defficiency because of something that is part of life that they need to learn. But I have tried everything I can!!! I have an appt scheduled for next month and am anxious to see what he says. My pediatrician said it could possibly be that his rectum muscle is not developed and he can't feel when he goes. My son's name is Cooper and he starts Kindergarten in Aug. I am so afraid we will not have this problem solved by then and be teased with "Pooper Cooper". I feel bad for waiting until now but everyone told me to wait. I should have went sooner. It never hurts to seek the opinion of a professional.

I agree with your pediatrician. My 1st son REFUSED to go in the potty. He was over 4 years old when he finally decided to use the potty. It was HIS decision in his own time. The thing was, when he did it, he did it, no accidents.

One thing we did do was put his poop out of the diaper into the potty each time he pooped. I would let him flush the potty and we would say "bye-bye poopies, be free" (ok, it's gross). I refered to Nemo and how all pipes go to ocean and how his poopies go to be with the other ones (gross again). I don't know if it was coincidence or what, but it was soon after that when he started pooping in the potty.

My daughter was the same way (she's 8.5 y.o. now)and I've read in several books on the subject that the child sees the poop as an actual part of them, and it's scary to feel it drop into the toilet. The only way I got her to finally go is wait til she wasn't quite so scared, promise something she really wanted when she finally went, and I stayed in the bathroom with her, and hugged her while she went (I had to do that several times at first) and just spoke gently and with encouraging words. Unless there's some other underlying physical problem, every child will eventually go in the potty, all the time (however, there will be accidents b/c they don't want to stop playing to go.)
Finally, when kids are constipated it hurts to go (heck, it hurts us, too!) so be sure he's not overloaded on cheese and bananas and apple juice. Throw some good fiber-filled foods into his diet. Fig Newtons are awesome! And lots of water.

my daughter who is 3-1/2 just started going poo on the toilet. she loves piggy banks and putting money in them and loves stickers but when i told her i'd give them to her if she'd go poo and she said"no thankyou." well later she saw a land before time movie advertisement and she wanted it real bad so i told her i'd buy it if she started going poopoo on the pody all the time. an hour later there she was going poo! i was so excited i thought i was going to do carwheels!!! i just had to find something she really wanted to get (that's not extravegant) and that prompted her to do what she needed to do. she does it all the time now and have'nt had any problems! i hope this helps!!! sometimes boys take a little longer too so if he's not even 4 yet i wouldn't worry too much. you probably just need to find a really good incentive for him! God bless!!!!

Let me preface by saying that I'm no expert! My son is almost 3 and we've been potty-training for the past few months. He's completely transitioned to underwear except for nighttime, and accidents are rare, but do occur (just yesterday, for example!).

We did have trouble with the #2 part. For us, the solution was an *immediate* reward. Our son rarely gets treats (candy) or dessert, so he thinks it is a huge deal when he does get it. We did one m&m for telling us he needs to potty, another one for going #1, or a sucker (dum-dum) for going #2. For some reason, he just loves suckers and thought that was the coolest thing to get! I would even stand in the bathroom and with the cannister of suckers and say, if you go #2 you can pick out a sucker to have! Maybe for your son, candy wouldn't do it, but tiny toys, stickers, calling daddy on the phone... find something that he really does want. (I even considered getting a gumball machine filled with m&m's or something... he would get a penny to use in the machine if he went. We didn't end up needing it, but I think it would have worked.)

In the end, I think it was a combination of the immediate treats, and of him actually being on the potty at the right moment where he actually needed to go #2. We would take him about every hour and a half whether he said he needed to go or not and give him a chance to try, do the whole routine, etc. Eventually, we caught a moment where he just had to go #2, and that helped get the ball rolling. Also, I have to say... this is really gross, but I think it did help... to help him understand *how* to think about going #2, we would tell him to try and toot while he was on the potty. Um, to be honest, I may have even demonstrated the tooting... he thought that was *hilarious* and tried it himself. Sounds crazy, but it did help!

Also, I wanted to add that we made the switch early on from diapers to training pants... the cotton Gerber kind that are like underwear but a little thicker. (Got them at Babies 'R Us and we used the little plastic overlays, too.) We never used Pull-Ups. We made a big deal out of them being special big boy training pants (you could tell him they're like daddy's since the look like underwear). We did use a diaper during naptime and still at night. (Maybe you are already using training pants, though... I couldn't tell from your post.)

Good luck! You're doing the best you can and something will catch on eventually, I promise! As someone at church said to me in the early potty training days, "Don't worry... after all, my son is potty trained!" He's 16! Just reminded me that my son would, in fact, get it eventually!

Hi! My son is 3 and he went through the same thing- he would go peepee in the potty, but would want a pull-up on when he had to poop. He would also go hide then come out with a steamy surprise for us in his pull-up. He would go 1 & 2 at preschool, but only #1 at home. It's very frustrating because they do know when they have to go, but your pediatrician is right- he will do it when he's ready. My son just started about 2 weeks ago going poop in the potty at home, and now he hasn't had an accident yet! :) He still wears a pull-up at night, but only big boy underwear during the day! It will happen, you just have to be patient and not push him. I know it's frustrating, but I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel! :) Hope this helps!

There is a book called "Everybody Poops" and I highly recommend it. We used it for my DD and it worked wonders. It's a kids book and the theme is "if you eat, you poop" and goes on to explain that all animals and (bugs!) eat so all animals and all bugs poop. It even goes on to show the different types of poop (all in cartoon fashion of course!).
Also, we did the sticker chart for incentives. When she would go for a week, she would finally get the toy that SHE picked out. I kept it on the fridge, where she could see it, but couldn't touch it. Good luck...he'll get it soon enough!! Maybe enrolling him in a pre-school would be a help. Peer pressure works wonders for potty training!

Well just to let you know that I am having the same problem. I have a three year old and she will be four in September. She has been trying to go since she was 1 year old. She got yelled by my mother n law and she stopped going. So we are trying this again. We have done the same thing that you are doing. Promising surprises and parties and even letting her wear big girl panties. Does your son have any older siblings? That is helping out a little bit. When they go to the rest room she goes. Since it is your son you could see if your husband would let him go in with him and that might help. I have also found that if you put the potty chair in the same room as you are when they have to go they feel less scared. My daughter goes when she is in the same room as me. You can also ask him every hour if he needs to go and that might help. It works for me on a good day. Hope I am helpful. Thank You, A. S.

I had the same issue with my 3 year old. He was potty trained except he refused to poop in the potty. I hear it is common for boys. We tried everything...bribery, encouragement, transitional method to where he could only poop in the diaper when he was in a bathroom, etc. Nothing worked. He is stubborn as a bull! Finally, my husband said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. He told him that he was too big to go in diapers anymore and hid the remaining pull-ups we had. He didn't go for, maybe, a day and a half (although he did try to sit on the potty a few times). Then, he had only two choices: 1) go in his underwear or 2) go in the potty. He finally went in the potty because he knew we were serious and he had no other choice.

This may sound harsh and I was opposed to my husband's way of doing things, but it worked. I guess some boys will take advantage of any other option until the options run out.

Good luck!

When my little brother was younger (he's 15 now) he would go #2 in the toilet and sit there and yell, "I'm finished!!!" until someone came in there and cleaned him. This went on until he was almost old enough to go to kindergarten.

Kids just go at their own pace when it comes to stuff like that. The way my mom got my brother to clean himself was that she just had to leave him in there one day. He cried for probably 5 minutes when he realized that no one would do it for him, and then he just did it himself. Maybe if you just watch him for a little while, and put him on the toilet when he's ready to go, and tell him that he HAS to go in the toilet....

Hi L.,

I just wanted to say that I am in the exact same situation as you! My son turns 4 tomorrow. We actually had his party at Chuck E Cheese last weekend because I have another son that just turned 2. I told him he had to poo in the potty before we went, because 4 year olds have to use the potty, etc. etc. Needless to say, we still went. I have offered him a $300 electronic car that he REALLY wants from WalMart, if he poops in the pot, because I know as soon as he does it, he will realize it isn't that big of a deal. He just says.. "no thank you"... NOTHING works. I have hid all the diapers which is hard because I have the 2 year old, and not let him have one over his spring break from school.. finally on the 5th day I gave in.. my Dr. said to let him go in a diaper at that point. He has been using the potty to pee for over a year now.. and has been in underwear that long.. but the same thing as you.. he will find a diaper and put it on himself. I am like.. "If you can put a diaper on yourself you are too old to have one".

I have tried everything from having toys up high in the bathroom to pick out, to sticker chart, to sitting on a little potty in front of the tv.. to putting it in his room, etc. etc.

My Dr. let me give him Miralax recently to make sure when he goes it doesn't hurt him, but that didn't work either.. I ended up giving in because he was on his hands and knees BEGGING me for a diaper. I am just starting to freak because he only goes to school 2 days now, but starts 4 days in the fall..and then kindergarten in '08.

Just wanted to say that I feel for you, and hopefully, I can learn something from this post!

My first daughter did this, although she was a little younger. What we did really worked. The summer before she turned three I really focused on her going poo on the potty. What we did was buy nail polish, lip gloss, markers, books, and inexpensive Wal-Mart toys. We put them in a fun gift bag on the back of the toliet. She knew what was in there and how to get it. I often reminded her of what was in there and tried to get her very interested in "winning" something. After many failed attemps, she slowly began wanting things, even talking about what she would the next time she went. We also kept a poster board for stickers. She got to put up a sticker each time she went. After 10 stickers, she got to go eat at Rainforest Cafe. It took all summer, but it worked. My husband was concerned that she would not go potty without a gift, but it really was a lot easier than we thought. The gift appeal eventually wore off. I quit talking about it at all and would only give her something when asked. By the end of the summer, she just kind of forgot about the gifts and went on her own.

It could be a form of withholding behavior for whatever reason he just doesn't want to sit on the potty to go. Wearing a Pull-Up sort of puts him in control of his bowels. Try putting him on the potty 15 to 20 minutes after meals for 5 to 10 minutes in duration. Put a stool under his feet to elevate them. The postprandial period (after meals) is the time when your bowels are moving because your digestive systems is digesting your food. He may be constipated and associates pooing with pain. MiraLax is now over the counter and it works great. If all else fails talk to your pediatrician and if you get nowhere with him/her go and see a pediatric gastroenterologist to get your little guy to go.

my son was like that too....this sounds gross but it worked for mine...put some underwear on him..when he poos in his uw he wont like it at all...may take 3-4 times.