How Did You Know You Were Done?

I don't know if the "days where I feel that I don't know what I'm doing" will ever go away. My kids are 10 and 4 and I still have those days! DH and I went back and forth between going for a 3rd kid too... and went back and forth for too long that now, with my age, and the ages and activities of the two older kids, starting over with a new baby seems not a great idea... so we're settling at two although both of us are still wistful over the thought of what the 3rd would have been like. If I could do it over (and have the same kids because I love who I have right now!) I would've gone for the third earlier and maybe gone for the 2nd a little earlier too.

I felt my family was complete after #2, but #3 came along anyway! We are happy he is here, and he was the most easy going baby anyone could ask for... but now that he is 6! UGH! What a challenge!

My friend used to say that when yo do not get all gushy for a baby, then you are done. I no longer get all gushy for babies. Or toddlers. In fact, I have found that I have incredibly short patience with other peoples children (and, at times, my own). My boys are so PAST the baby stage that I do not want to see it again!

I knew while I was pregnant with my first, nearly 40 years ago. Lots of factors, not the least of which was a deep concern about overpopulation (which troubles me even more today – will a child born today even have a future if the population doubles again by the time they want to be parents?).

I have never regretted my choice, and had the most wonderful experience mothering an only child. As Denise P. says, a family is what you make it.

You have plenty of time to decide what's right for your family. I have one friend who was sure she was done at 2, got surgically fixed, and then when they got a bit older she had feelings of having missed out on not having more. I also have friends who couldn't have more children and mourned the loss of those children they didn't get to have. One friend had a son, then a daughter, then had twins that were a difficult birth. She couldn't have more and they had wanted 6. She still misses that opportunity. It really depends on your lifestyle and what you want, in your heart.

I honestly believe people should have as many children as they want, they will always find a way to take care of them, and that if a family wants to be small that is okay too.

We have an only child and from day 1 after her birth, I felt complete. My husband and I knew that we were done.

Daughter is now 15 1/2, and we have no regrets. We love our small, very close family.

I knew O. was enough right after I delivered. Wouldn't change a thing. A family is what you make it.
Sometimes I think a lot of people who think another child will "complete" their family, really don't feel complete as a person yet themselves.
You know best in your heart what's right for you & your family. God Bless!

Our kids (boy & girl) are 15months apart. I always thought I wanted 4 kids. But after having our second child, I knew I was done. My husband was also done, he got a vesectomy 3 months later. I don't remember how we got through the baby/toddler years. Thank goodness for pictures. Now that they are in 2nd and 3rd grade, I don't regret stopping at 2 kids. Some days, I still feel like I don't what I'm doing, especially when I'm PMSing.
Consider your feelings and how they affect your kids. That's what really matters. I hope this helps!

Peace,
A. E.

You'll just know. Give yourself some time, your little one's only 4 months old! I didn't know until my youngest was about 3 years old. It has to be something that is completely up to you. I was pregnant with a third and lost the pregnancy. It was my 4th pregnancy to lose and that was when I said to myself, enough is enough. I have two beautiful children that fill my life up plenty!

K.,

I am also not sure about where I stand on having another. We have a 19 month son and 4 month daughter, so life is beyond hectic right now and I can't imagine another. Then, when I'm cuddling up to the baby, or when she rolled over for the first time...it just doesn't seem like it's the LAST time I want to experience that feeling or first milestone. I know in my heart we'll know when the time comes, but now is not the time for another - it may never come and I feel ok with that. I'm 33 and my husband is 39, so we feel we need to decide soon...good luck! I LOVED reading the other responses, you got some great advice. Mine would be to love your kiddos and get thru the first year and re-visit this with your husband...that's our plan right now:)

GOOD LUCK!!

I kind of feel the same way as you, we always planned on 3 and currently have 2 kids, age 2 1/2 and 8 months. I've decided I probably want a third but not definitely, and I'm just going to wait until it feels right, if ever. Right now money is tight and my husband worries about providing for one more kid. All I know is that I don't have to decide right now.

I have wondered the same thing until recently. I had always imagined myself with 3 or 4 children. We have a 6 year old and 3 year old. Just recently, I have been feeling done. I feel a little overwhelmed and also have decided if we had another child, our children would suffer to some extent (I say this based on the personality of one of our children). Lastly, for whatever reason, I am feeling at peace with this stage in our lives. For the first time, I am not missing having a little baby to care for. My advise is to wait it out a bit and your gut will probably give you the answer. Also, definitely wait until your oldest is closer to 4. In my opinion, 3 is a trying age.

Wait until your 4 month old is at least a year, maybe 18 months and you might feel differently. Right now, having an infant and a 3 year old is overwhelming and probably not good for decision making. Your 3 year old should become more independent in the next 12 - 18 months and your baby will become a toddler and not so overwhelming. I know I was terribly overwhelmed the first year, and then things got easier. So my advice is to give it some time before making a life changing decision. Good luck.

Yep, you just know. I finally have that feeling and I knew it when I saw a lady at the mall holding her newborn and I was soooooooo happy that wasn't me ha ha ha!!

I know that I don't want to be pregnant again. I just don't feel that is something I no longer want to do. But from time to time I feel that I would like to give love or that I have love to give to another child. I know that sort of sounds strange. So, I've considered becoming a foster parent but my husband was not for it.
But, I no longer have the urge to have children anymore.

We contemplated another after our daughter was born. (she's 3) We gave ourselves a 2 year window....we are just too old for another. We say that if we were ten years younger...?.....maybe...
People often give me the "men and women can have children till their 40's+ speech"....I know that my husband and I CAN have a baby, just dont want one now....what child in middle school wants a geriatric father? "hey, Johnny!! is that your Grandpa?"..."No, he's my Dad..."
Personally, I dont think its fair to kids to be in your 60's and 70's with a pre-teen.
M:)

Given that your second is only 4 months, allow yourself some time to figure this out. Spend time adjusting to having 2 and how that dynamic works in your family. We had always talked about three but when we had 2, I realized at some point 1) I did not want to go back to diapers again, 2) I don't deal with life after birth well either, 3) I have a hand for each kid and that's what I can handle.

When and how you will know, is different for each person. Get through post partum, enjoy your baby developing his/her personality, and see how things go. Allow yourself the next year or two or three….your family will reach a point where you are able to say: Yes , one more or No, we are good the way we are.

Good luck and congrats on your family.

T.

I so know how you feel. We'd tried for 3.5 years for baby #2, and were told we couldn't have any more children w/o fertility treatments, etc. We both knew we weren't up for that- emotionally or financially, so we'd settled on the idea it would just be our son and we were fine with that although we'd always debated 2 or 3 kids. We convinced ourselves it was good- we could go on big trips sooner, we'd have more money to spend on him, etc. Well, surprise! We got preggo shortly after and now have a beautiful 7 mo old baby boy. We decided we were done again, though hubby didn't get the baby girl he's so wanted since our oldest son. No more kiddos. I'd had a rough pregnancy & we didn't want to go through that again- hubby was actually looking for a doc to get a vasectomy.
The joke was on us again... now I'm sitting here typing, 5 mos preggo with #3, our baby girl. We are definitely done this time! That was the first discussion when we saw that magical word on the stick (after the huge freak-out of course) & at the first dr appt this time around.
I still don't know how we're going to handle it, as the post partum was hard for me with both boys, and had PPD with both (worse the 2nd time around). I still get overwhelmed when I've got both the boys by myself (hubby & I both work full time), but I'm sure we'll make it work. It definitely feels now like we are complete- never mind our house overflowing at the seams considering we'll have a 6yo, an 11mo old & a newborn come mid-Dec!
The first 2 times, it seemed more that the decision was made for us and we just agreed to it due to circumstances. This time we feel complete. I was happy with either a boy or girl this time around- I could see the pros & cons to both, but hubby is definitely complete with the idea of having his baby girl. I think you just know in your heart when it's right.

I knew I wanted a girl, after 2 boys I thought about finances and rooms in my house and heart and we tried 1 more time YEAH we had a girl, Thank the lord, and now I am done, If I were rich I would have more, but I am not so I am done.

The only thing I an say is financially only you can tell, I would not go out of your means, but you will know when you are settled enough.