How Did Moms Decide on Two or Three Children??

It's such a personal choice. I always wanted 4 and my husband wanted 2, to we compromised on 3. Good luck whatever happens!

W. Nichols-Dewey, CD(DONA)
www.birthfirstdoula.vpweb.com

I guess my only caution with money is that make sure you have health insurance. It's cruel to plan for children, knowing in advance that they will not receive proper medical care when they're sick (yes, there are people like this). Otherwise, have them and enjoy them. I had three after age 35 -- absolutely no regrets regarding my age or the number of kids.

Last caveat--by the time people are 50, 98-99% of them have a chronic health problem, very often related to bad lifestyle habits (which they will usually deny). Being in that age group, I rarely see anybody actually FIXING those lifestyle habits, so just be aware that odds are that your health will start to go downhill by age 50. Assess your personal health and keep that in mind. (I'm part of the 1%, so it's not an issue for me, but I'm very careful about my health.)

We have 3, and are contemplating a 4th. Money has ALWAYS been tight (sometimes very tight!!). But I have to say that I have never, never, never regretted the decision to add another child to our family. Our oldest was not quite 5 when the youngest came, so almost the same situation you're in. I won't pretend that it's not been tough. But when I think about one of them not being here, it breaks my heart. I love them all, they are great kids, and I don't care that we can't afford "nice" things (okay, I wish we could, but I'd rather have these 3 than lots of nice things without them).

Hope that helps.

It's definitely a personal decision, but I would talk with your husband about his feelings. Would he be willing to help out significantly and help shoulder some of the home responsibilities? I have 3 under 4 right now. About half the time, it is bliss. They interact well together, they have fun and I have fun with them. The other half of the time consists of constant needs: diaper changing (we've had three in diapers until recently), now potty training, eating, security or the house and children (my toddlers are constantly teaming up to find trouble at every turn), and I don't feel like I have much bonding time at all with #3. I would have said "go for it" a year ago, but now I seriously advise you to think about it some more. My husband has been working a lot and I've been extremely overwhelmed at times. There have been moments when the toddlers won't stop fighting and I lock one of them in their room for a half hour instead of 5 minutes because I simply can not keep from being a witch otherwise. I love each of my children, but it IS hard. You need to be able to have help, that's my biggest piece of advice.

My desire of wanting three children, overwhelmed the finacial side of being able to afford the child. Somehow with prayer, I know everything will work out. Currently, I'm nine weeks along with my third. I just hope everything goes alright with the pregnancy. My husband has a stable job, except no degree,yet. Granted we don't make a lot of money, but we are finding ways to cut down on expenses to beable to afford this third child.

We moved to Montana from Arizona. My hubby came up about 3 weeks before the girls and I did so #1 could finish school.

Apparrently my "Welcome to Montana" present was #3. I was 38 when we got here last year and I was 39 when my son was born.

Yes, it's hard. But we do it. I wanted 2 kids. I have always known that. But I guess God had other plans for me! I say that as I sit here looking at my 4 month old son.

Sometimes the best laid plans go astray - and sometimes the result is a great surprise. I can't honestly help you - just thought I'd tell you that I have been 38/39 and pregnant. Honestly, "yahoo" was NOT my response! But here I am with 3 kids and a husband who works his tush off so I can stay home with the youngest and be here when the oldest gets home from school.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

Someone once told me that you will never regret the kids you did have, but you might regret the ones you DIDN'T have. Good luck on your decision!

Not a strange question at all. I've been struggling with the same issue this year. I'll 40 in a couple of months and I have a 2 year old and 3 year old (19 months apart). I've always felt like I'm supposed to have 3. I was pregnant a year ago, but it ended up being a molar pregnancy. But for a second I started to panic because I would have had 3 children 3 and under and potentially 3 in diapers!! We decided to try for number 3 in January. The younger 2 will be older (both out of diapers) and starting school, so I don't think it will be quite so bad. I'm trying not to get caught up in how crazy the first few years will be. We can always cut back to help out financially, sometimes the things we think we need we really can do without. I figure I won't regret having a 3rd, even if its difficult, bui I think I would regret not trying. I'm not sure if this helps you, but I thought it would be nice to hear someone going through the same. But I also try to remember that I have 2 great kids, so I've already been blessed if #3 never comes.

I have similar feelings. We have 2 (4 and 1), and several months ago I went thru a phase of REALLY wanting to get pregnant again. My husband is quite content with 2 kids, but I always said "2, maybe 3", but 3 would definitely be the max. I know several people who just knew with absolute certainty that they were done - I want that, too! I've just chosen to hold off, pray about it, and see what my heart feels like down the road in say, 6 months. It's defintely a decision that I don't want to rush into, and I can honestly say that with time, the baby crazy stage has passed and I'm actually leaning toward not having another one. But I want to feel content with whatever my ultimate decision will be - so my advice is to take your time, and really think about all aspects of it, not just financial. I'm really looking forward to having my kids get a little older so we can do more fun activities as a family, etc. So there's bonuses either way! Good luck in your decision - I'm sure it will be the right one for you.

Hi K.,
I have 5 children and there was a time that I had 4kids ages 5 and under and with every new baby there was a time when I had 2 in diapers. Money was tight, still is, but I love it!! I always knew I wanted 5 kids and after #4 was born I honestly never felt like we were done yet but when #5 was born I was satisfied and I'm sure had we stopped at 4 I would have regretted it forever! You don't want to live your life wondering about the child you never had. Have the baby and hope for the best. Prep your body with iron and folic acid and vitamins now to help the baby have the best chance to developing normally and hope for the best. Learn to cut costs too, save all the outgrown clothes for the next child, shop at thrift stores and yard sales, see if you qualify for WIC to help with formula and groceries, clip coupons, things like that. Ultimatly its up to you and your husband but follow your heart. Good Luck!

C.

It's an easy question to answer & you did it yourself-I feel like I would regret... then you need to have another. You'll learn more creative cooking & budgeting, the difference between need & want.
We had 2 sets of 2-hubby has 2 from a previous marriage & we had 2 together. Both sets of boys are close in age. One of the older boys recently moved in w/us & having 3 is a lot different than having 4-to me, it's actually harder. They may hate each other's guts at times but they've always got that "fall back friend" if nobody else is around to play with. I like even numbers of kids but my kids are very different ages too-14 & 13, 8 & 5. The bigs get along great, the littles get along great. But when you throw a big & 2 littles together.. they can't seem to figure out how to make it work.
We were thinking about trying one more time for a girl but realized how much different/harder things would be with 5 kids-we'd fill the minivan, we'd always need a 4br house (especially if we got that girl), hubby would be in his mid-50s when the last one graduated high school. We decided it wasn't for us.
With your kids being so young together... 3 1/2, 2 & newborn... it might work out better for you. Now get started so they stay close in age! lol
Good luck!

You say you want three--be careful what you wish for. I said I wanted three and went ahead and got pregnant. That "third" child turned out to be a set of triplets! I consider it a requisitioning error and a practical joke from Heaven. I should have been clear that I wanted "one more child for a total of three children" and not "three kids". Boy, did I get three kids--three new ones! I went from 2 kids to 5 kids in 120 seconds (aided by a c-section)! I wouldn't send them back even if there was some sort of return policy... But oh, not what I signed on for! lol

I am your same age and am dealing with the same issue. I have two girls, one 6 and one 19 months. My heart wants 3 because I feel like the more the merrier, right? But my head says no way. I can hardly keep up with all of my chores, all the meals, all the activities, and spending one-on-one quality time with my kids, let alone do my hobbies that I love like photography and running. So the reason I wanted to respond to you is to share my experience with you to let you know you are not alone, although for me it's not about finances--it's about time. Kids take so much more attention in this day and age. We can't let them run wild like in our day. It's no joke...so pray about it and good luck!
J.

K.,
As always, we all have the answers we need to make decisions. Sounds to me like you said it very clearly...."I told myself that i would never let money dictate how many children I have...". Trust yourself.
By the way, 38 is not very old these days. If your doctor says you are healthy enough to have nother, and there are no other concerns or issues you did not share...go with your commitment to yourself. This is all assuming your husband is on board of course.
Remember....you already KNOW how you feel and what you want. Make an educated decision, based on "reality" as you say, but trust yourself!!!
Take care

I always knew that i would not be satisfied with less than four children. Because of the way our family was designed we had four kids three and under. Each time I brought a baby home from the hospital, I just knew that it would all work out.
Now that they are older, I think about the expense a lot, but I know that I would rather have them than anything. We save a lot in little ways. We have tried to teach them and ourselves to analyze things that we think we "need." We don't upgrade electronics, don't have cable, on the occasional dinner our we all drink water. I think that now they are older (13,12, 10 and one that will be 10 in October) they like the saying things like, "We don't have cable," and the discussions that leads to.

I can't speak to the age part, other than I know several women that gave birth after forty and they seem to be doing great. You and your husband will make a great choice.

Hi,
I really wanted to have 4 children. I wanted to have 2 boys and 2 girls. After 3 children I really sat down and thought about what, if anything, that 4th child would get after the first 3 children. Would I be able to send them all to private school, would they be able to go into all the activities they wanted, etc. I got to the point where I was content with 3 children. Then I started holding other babies and when I was able to give them back to their mommies I was WAY OKAY with that. I couldn't believe how happy I was to be out of that stage. Then when my twins were potty trained, I thought to myself, I never have to go through that again! So now with each stage I get excited to share with my kids. They get to go to private school, and once I get my new schedule worked out, then they will be able to participate in extracurricular programs too.

I could have written your question...I have the same dilema. My husband was pretty sure we are done and the cost and need for a bigger car, bigger hotel room when travelling, etc. seemed important reasons or factors even though I didn't want them to be. So we decided two fit well with us. Well...I couldn't get closure in my own head even after trying to convince myself so then I just told my husband I need to go for it even though it doesn't really make economical sense. I KNOW I will be done after three and I just want that feeling of complete "ok" with my decision. It is a hard one. I wish I was one of those people who definately knew what they wanted. I don't think that is the case for many of us. Good luck in your decision.