How Can I Get My Just Turned 4 Year Old to Stop "Twiddling" My Chest!

I only breast fed for 6 months, but my 3 year old still does that. I treat it the same as hitting, playing too rough, pinching, etc. I say its not nice, and he'll be in time out if he doesn't stop. he can touch my arm, tummy, legs, etc., to explain what is nice, but its not nice to touch girls boobies and he will get in trouble. I would definitely apply the same rule to herself, and maybe not give it a fun name like "twiddling" call it what it is and tell her its not nice.

I am all for extended breastfeeding, and attachment parenting (I do both). I do really question and see problems with baby talk with children. When you said "twiddle" and "nee nee" and "moo moo" I had no idea what you were referring to. You do your daughter a disservice by using this type of language (especially at this age). God forbid she was touched inappropriately by someone--nobody but you would know what she was talking about and authorities would have to take your word for it if you needed to translate. Please teach your child the appropriate terms (ie: breasts, milk, comfort, squeeze, etc) and use them yourself. She is not a baby anymore and needs to be able to use real words to describe real things. This will help her intelligence as well, as you will be increasing her vocabulary. No more baby talk! I think when you start treating her her age, she will start acting and speaking her age as well. You're treating her like a baby, so she is trying to still act like one (thus, touching your breasts for a reaction). Sorry to sound judgmental, but I think if you treat her like a 4 year old, she will act like one, and will stop the behavior you are worried about--you'll be amazed at how smart she is!

I don't think you should let it takes its course. If you try that, she may never want to stop!! You are concerned about her touching others, so all touching (in that area) needs to stop. Her laughing, tells me she's not taking you seriously. She is 4 years old, you don't have to be so gentle anymore. I'm not suggesting, that you should be mean, or use physical force. However, a tight squeeze of the hand and a stern voice, will not harm her. If she gets in your bed and tries to do it, take he back to her own bed. Tell her she can't be in your bed, if she touches you there. If she grabs you when playing, walk away. Explain to her, she can't have play time with mommy, if she touches you. If she wants to snuggle or play on your lap, no touching is allowed. If she realizes, that she can't do the other things she loves, because of this behavior she's more likely to stop.

You need to tell her that those are your private parts that belong only to you. Explain to her that she has private parts, too, and that nobody can touch her private parts without permission (this is an important lesson for her to learn even if you weren't having this problem). Also explain that it's okay for her to touch her own body, but it is not polite to do that outside of her own room. The next time she tries to touch you, tell her no, those are your private parts and she does not have your permission to touch them. In this way she can also see you modeling that it's okay to say no if someone tries to touch you inappropriately. Just keep repeating your message using the same words every time, and keep removing her hands from you. Wear overalls if you have to! =)

If my son tries to touch my breasts I tell him no they are mommies boobies. I tell him that they are mine and not for him to touch. I raise my voice a little bit and become very stern and tell him no stop. She needs to learn from you that this needs to stop. May be make a chart. For every day she is good and does not try to touch your breasts or suck her thumb give her a star. At the end of the week get her something that she likes at the store,(within reason of course.) After a few weeks she may stop altogether. Sounds likes she needs some positive reinforcement/bribery. Good luck

I don't have an answer to your problem (sorry) other than be persistent. I just have a funny story that this reminded me of.
Lying in bed with my two boys the other night and I said, "I love you" to which my 4 y.o. replied, "I love you too, mommy" and then my 2-1/2 y.o. said, "I like your breasts." Some kids are just wired that way. Good luck. Hope you at least got a laugh. :)

This all sounds bizarre to me. She's 4, why would you even let her continue doing it after she has stopped breastfeeding? It's absolutely a power thing which you have let get out of hand. If you don't like it, then do something about it, your the boss! Start putting her in a time out when it comes to touching you this way, start getting tough.. laughing at you is an obvious sign of disrespect and you need to nip it in the bud. Sounds like you are a little bit of a softy, that is the only explaination for you letting her do this for so long.
Well, at least you got her out of your bed, congrats on that.
Good luck!

Oh mama I have so been there! My daughter did the same thing (I breastfed until 2.5 years). I finally had to sit her down when she was about 3 1/2 years old and tell her very seriously and firmly that it was not OK to touch mommy that way and that each time she did it, she would have to take time for herself (time out for 5 min). I also told her that for every day that she didn't touch mommy in that way she would earn Toys R Us points (she happened to love Toys R Us and she was used to earning points for things). When I sat her down I also explained that it hurt mommy when she did it. I also mentioned that she was a big girl now and big girls didn't touch their mommys in that way. Of course once I sat her down it was still an uphill battle to get her to stop. Each time she put her hand in my shirt I pushed it away and said no very firmly and then put her on "time for herself" for 5 min. It took a good month but she finally stopped. Tell her caregivers about the situation and about the consequence you decide to give her. They will understand and hopefully back u up. As for touching herself, don't worry about what she does in the privacy of her own home-that will pass. However, if she does it in public, maybe give her the same consequence. Good luck. You have to remember that for at least half of her life your boob was hers. Your chest area is a great comfort to her and now she has to learn how to find comfort in other things (like a soft blanket or soft stuffed animal).

Sounds like you have a huge dilema on your hands. First off, just my opinion, but why did you breast feed her for so long? You have now kinda set into motion a habit in a sence. Even though its been a bit over a year since you stopped breast feeding, she doesn't understand. Good Luck on your problem. Wish I had some advice for you.
S. in Vegas

I'd tell her that it is not okay. That it was okay when she was a baby and breastfeeding but that she's not a baby anymore. I'd also tell her that it is definately not okay to do it to anyone else, period. Everyone has control over their own body - you do and she does and so does everyone else. Babies don't know this but they learn and grow. And she is big enough now to learn that our bodies belong to ourselves and they are not for other people to play with.

You could try to get her to use a blanket or stuffed animal as a comfort item instead. One of those satin-y blankies are great for this. When she comes to you, try to keep her hands focused on the blanket instead of your boobs. And when you notice her doing herself, then gently introduce the blanket.

I do not have an answer for you, but I was wondering how did you stop nursing. I have a 32 month old and I'm still bf.
Thank you for your help.

YAY to Catherine C for her response! Look at this as a learning experience for your daughter and treat it as such. You are teaching her to respect her own body, as well as yours, and what she should allow from others when it comes to her own body. "This is how we treat our bodies, and how we let others treat our bodies" is the conversation you can have with her. No punishment, no bribery, no time-outs, just good, loving, helpful conversation between a mother & daughter, about their bodies, that will hopefully continue throughout your lives together!
WRT the caregivers: ask them if she is doing this when she is with them, and if so, how do they respond. do tell them your plan of action for handling this with your daughter. Make sure you are comfortable with their response/plan of action with your daughter.
Peace to you both, B.

Wow, there are some really strong opinions on this one! I don't believe it's a "power" thing, I believe it's a comfort and a habitual thing. We're all creatures of habit, and this was her habit for the first few years of her life... it's what she knows. My son is 2 and a half and still nursing at nap and bedtimes, and the twiddling drives me nuts sometimes! I'm not sure how I will take care of it once we get to that step, but I do like Nora's response and the more "positive" reinforcement with the twiddling. I don't feel a harsh punishment is needed, especially for an action that she has always been allowed to do and obviously comforts her. Try lots of positive reinforcement, like telling her how proud you are of her and what a big girl she is... that babies need the "nee nee" and she's a big girl now. Wear tight sports bras! That keeps my son out of the "problem zone" during the day! Try to wake up when she does, and she won't have a chance to "attack" you when you're still sleeping. And keep redirecting her attention, I think that helps a lot! Don't worry, this will pass... good luck!