His Image Is Still Encripted Deep in My Mind

My dog died three weeks ago Saturday. I didn't have the chance to sit next to her and hold her, or pet her as she left this world. I didn't get the chance to do anything for her. I went to bed not knowing anything was wrong with her, thinking she was getting better. I woke up the next morning to a daughter screaming hysterically and dead dog laying in her crate covered in her own waste.

Your last image of your cat is a peaceful one. Mine is not. Your cat was old, and died humanely. My dog...God only knows what happened. My dog was 2 years old. The vet thinks it was Parvo...and now we're on high alert watching our other dog to see if she's next.

Please know that what you did was the most humane thing you could have done. If you continue to grieve like this, you might want to seek professional grief counseling. This is not healthy.

Honey, you need to possibly see a grief therapist. You've been posting about this for three days, but you aren't really processing the responses, you're just dwelling on the same things. It looks like you are depressed. Depression with grief is not unusual, but we are not really qualified to help you deal with this. You can probably find a grief counselor just by looking in the yellow pages or doing a google search in your area. This person will help you work through your sadness and your regrets so that you can come out the darkness.

Good luck.

ETA: I don't think you're trouble. I just think your level of distress goes beyond the help an anonymous message-board can provide. I think perhaps you need a person who can help you untangle your emotions. A support group is another good idea. I am sorry that you felt I was scolding you - that was not my intention.

Good luck.

I'm sorry about your cat. :(
Pets are part of our families. You are experiencing grief.
This site might help: http://www.petloss.com/

Have you read The Rainbow Bridge?

Perhaps "Baby's" doctor could clarify things for you? It doesn't sound like there was ever a cat more loved-were I you, I would focus on the loving care you gave your precious friend during his lifetime and accept the possibility that his illness was too extensive to treat. Take care....I am sorry you are going through this loss.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

First, you aren't trouble. (I wish people would have a little sympathy.) At some point, most of us come here, because there isn't many other places to go. Do a google search for grief support groups in your area. Specifically, groups that are for people who have lost a pet. I think it could be very helpful for you to speak openly with people who are going through, and have gone through the same thing. If there aren't any in your area, find one online. I think we all feel terrible for you and will give you all the encouragement and experience we can. However, I think you could get additional support from people going through this right now. You can never have too much positive support, during a very painful time!!

I do want to say this one more time. A drip would not have saved him. It would have prolonged his life a bit, but he was suffering. It would NOT have stopped his suffering. The only thing the drip would have accomplished, is making him severely suffer even more. The WRONG thing to do, would have been to give him the drip. The RIGHT thing, is what you did. I hope you can allow yourself to accept that.

when my lovely Jordan passed several years ago I was heart broken. He was my 130lb 4 legged love. man i loved that dog! he had cancer & i had to put him down :( ............. i'm telling u it took me a week before i didn't feel numb. it was a thursday and i went back to work on monday. on monday i was still going through the motions. after a couple weeks i felt semi normal. even up to a year i would still cry. i still miss him. be soooo thankful that you had such a special pet(not everyone has had that special bond, but I did, and I totally get what you are going through). it's been almost 6 years i've been without Jordan and i have 2 new dogs. love them to death but Jordan will always have a special place in my heart. i held him when he was 4 weeks old, on my chest and he opened his eyes and stared into mine ....... it was love at first site!! and it lasted almost 10 years!! my point being, i was depressed just like you (almost exactly). i know it sounds cliche ,but time will heal. xoxo

I have to say, it warms my heart to hear your story. I have read a couple of your posts recently, and its touching to hear how much you cared for your little friend. What you are going through is part of the stages of grief. Even when it is for an animal. They have been apart of your life for a long time, and it is just as much of a loss when they pass.

Please know that you did the right thing. Keeping him on fluids wouldn't have erased his medical condition, and it would have made him suffer even more. It's a very painful process, and what you did was a very selfless thing. Sometimes we have to make the right decision, even though it's extremely hard.

My parents had a wonderful Shepard named Sam. He was 12 when he passed. They took it extremely hard. They are both nurses, so when his kidney's started failing, they knew it was only a matter of time. For them, they knew what they had to do. So did Sam. Animals know when it is their time to go.

They took his passing extremely hard. My mother especially. I had to check on her each day for a week afterwards.

It is important to express your feelings, however, it is equally important that you remember the good memories. I made an album for my mother of Sam. it comforted her. Maybe you could do the same.

Very sorry for your loss.

A grief support group might really help you a lot.

Honey, it's ok to be sad. But you are beating yourself up over this and it's not something you can change. Your cat was sick and you did what you could.

We put our dog down on Saturday and the first thing we did when we got home was box all of her stuff up and put it away, so my husband wouldn't have to see it everywhere he turned. Maybe that would help you. You don't have to throw it away, but put it somewhere where you won't have to look at it every time you turn around.

Maybe seeing a counselor would help more than strangers on the internet seem to be able to.

i am so very sorry for your loss :( dont think of the what ifs and just try to remember all the wonderful times you had! you will be in my prayers!

grief is very hard. of course his image is still fresh in your mind.
but over time it will become more bearable, and the images of his last moments will be replaced by happier ones. you had 12 years with him, they count for more than that last, hard, difficult day.
be gentle with yourself, hon.
khairete
S.

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry but you did the right thing.
Sometimes we think of prolonging our pets lives but that is for us. For our own love. It's more selfless to let our pets go and no longer suffer.
You did the right thing. You helped your pet go so didn't suffer or have agony.
He looked into your eyes to tell you "thank you" and that he loved you.
It was his goodbye which not everyone gets. It's special and healing.
Saying goodbye is hardest on those left behind not on the one that goes.
They are peaceful and without pain.
Nothing else could have been done. You spared him.
He is happy now. You miss him but he is in a better place. Let him live on in you memory.
They (our pets) come into our lives to give us love & leave us w/memories.
It's to be looked upon as a good thing. Harder for us thant for your beloved pet as he is no longer suffering.
Keep him in your memory. He will always be in your heart! Hugs.

I cried for many days.. and even wrote in my journal when my family dog, Keiki died of old age. It was truly heartbreaking! Really thoguh, there is a point when there is nothing you can do but make their last few days comfortable. With renal failure, there is no cure or anything to help that. Giving your cat fluids and pain meds and such would only prolong the suffering. Give it some time and the pain and sadness will get easier.

C.,
It is normal to grieve. Our pets are a part of our family and when it is their time we will mourn for them just as we would for any other member of our family. I can't stand to think of the day I will have to say goodbye to my kitty- she's been with me through so much and I absolutely adore her. I can't imagine her not around. So I get it.
Please try not think about the what ifs. It will only make a difficult time that much harder for you. You did the right thing for Baby.
This is the place for you to get out your feelings. Ignore the people who do not understand. If you need to get out your grief here- do it. And don't feel bad about it. We all grieve different ways and at different paces. One of my mom's dogs passed away over a month ago (he was her best bud too) and she still gets sad when she thinks about him (and she thinks about him a lot). She's grieving in her own way and in her own time. Seeing pictures of him makes her tear up. Eventually she will be able to think about him or see his things or a picture of him and remember only good times and be able to smile at his memory and the same will happen for you. Let yourself go through the grieving process at your own pace and if someone in your life doesn't understand that you need to do that- that's their problem. Don't let them make you feel bad or guilty or anything for grieving about losing a member of your family.
Hugs to you and I'm sorry that you are going through this. Please know the pain will pass.
***********
And Jennifer- hugs to you and your family too. My heart goes out to your daughter. I hope your other dog is okay.

Can you go off for a few days and take a vacation? You need to get out of the house.

It doesn't help you to keep dwelling on this, C.. If you don't try to soldier on, it's not healthy.

You can do it - honestly, you can.

If you have a nice picture of your cat, go get it enlarged, buy a frame, and put it in the kitchen. That will help get the other picture out of your mind.

Dawn

They will always.
We had to put down our fur baby 8 yr old Sheltie Ty. Almost 2 years ago and it still haunts me how before took him to the vet he almost couldnt stand up and when we go there and were going into the room he pulled back hard tryign to get away. But by that point he was in pain, he'd stopped eating, stopped drinking and was in full kidney failure. But he didn't want to go in that room. I cried for weeks and still break down because I miss him so much.
I should have let him get on the couch , I should have ignorned the smell he was giving off and cuddled with him. I should have let him do what he wanted to do instead of always the "right " thing. I am terrified of when my other fur babies time is up. I just can't handle it.

Awwww . . . I'm so sorry for your loss! I think you're doing the right thing just letting out your feelings.

You helped me today. Just this morning I was getting annoyed getting up with my 9-month old puppy. She is the most perfect dog I could ever imagine - EXCEPT that she likes to get up with the sunrise LOL. It's fine most of the time, but when we're on vacation it's a drag.

Thanks for reminding me to enjoy every moment with my sweet angel.

<<hugs>>

Our animals are a true gift from God. They love so unconditionally and even though they cannot talk, they sure do know how to communicate with us. They are such wonderful companions. Losing any living, breathing creature we love dearly is always hard and this will hurt for some time. Let yourself mourn and don't be ashamed of it. My mom gets very attached to her animals and has experienced something similar before. It was actually her internist that told her when the time was right, the best therapy you can do for yourself to get over something like this is to get another pet. Not to replace the one that has passed on, but for that companionship. We had a black toy poodle, female. After we lost her we ended up getting another black toy poodle, female. We've had three black toy poodles over the years. While each dog had their own distinct personalities, being the same gender, color and breed each of them had similarities that reminded of us dogs we had had in the past. It was comforting to remember them in this way. Good luck and God Bless!
HTH,
A.

I know what your going threw.

On July 4th was the anniversary date of my dear dear Spikey
passing away.
He was our family dog.
He was my first baby. ( Yes, my dog. )

I felt / still do feel just like you do.

I wish I could tell you that all you need is time but I would be lying to you.

Just take it one day at a time.

Take Care.

Dear C.,

I am sorry for your loss. Right now it is a very raw spot. Your friend is gone and you are thinking of all of the "what I could have/should haves". You did what you could do and your buddy knows you did what you could do.

I lost my best buddy about seven years back. I still don't have another dog but I have a rescued cat. I think the dog came back in the cat's form. There are days I mourn or yearn to have her back but know that she is in a better place. I couldn't be there for her last hours but I asked and prayed for her to be alright and to hold on until I could get to her but she just couldn't. Later that year we had to put down our Daschund because of a back issue. I held her while the vet gave her the shot. My daughter stood with me and we cried. I cried twice for the first dog and then the second.

You are not alone and I am now getting tears in my eyes as I type.

Over time it will get better but there is a special spot for your fur baby. Nothing will take that away from you.

The other S.

Have a good weekend and if you have to cry do so and let the family know that you are hurting so that they can comfort you in their own way.

I lost my son 2 years ago in a car accident and the "advice" of getting past it or over it is a way people say "I'm tired of hearing about it" Shame on them. When you lose someone you love so deeply, you are going to mourn, there isn't anyway around it. What you are feeling is normal and it shows your deep love for your pet, so don't put any thought into those who don't understand. What worries me is that you are finding yourself in the hole so much that you are closing yourself off to everyone and that you are second guessing yourself. What you did was a selfless action out of love for your pet and even if you could have prolonged his life, would it have been a good life left? Would he have had to spend it in the vet, alone and scared? Sometimes the choices we have to make are the hardest of all and to make a selfless one instead of a selfish one shows a sign of maturity on your part. Yes you will miss him and will think of him always and you will get through this one day at a time. It may be months down the road before you feel you can adopt a new pet or that you even want to go out with friends, but you will feel it again. It has only been a few days without him and you can't expect to just be over it so give it time. If a few months down the road you are still feeling this way then you may need to get some grief counciling to help you out of the depression and loneliness. Bless you and keeping you in my prayers