A.:
I'm so very sorry to hear about your dog. It's never easy to let go of a loved one, regardless of whether they are human or not -- and it's especially hard when you are the one faced with making the decision to let go.
My husband and I made the same decision just last fall, because our 6-year old basset/shepherd mix was having serious joing problems. He was having trouble just doing regular things and his personality became downright aggressive to where he snapped at both of us and also our young son. We're fortunate that nobody got injured -- but we knew it wouldn't get better. The vet agreed and we spent some time trying to place our dog with no-kill shelters, but nobody could take him because of his temperament.
It sounds like your dog is having a lot of problems as well and, as their human care givers, the decision to euthanize is one we must take responsibility for. They can't stop the suffering themselves, and when there are conditions that meds won't really assist, it is the most humane thing we can do to help them stop hurting. It hurts like hell for us, but it a decision that we make because we know it is the compassionate thing to do. I believe that is part of what we agree to when we have pets in our homes and our lives.
Once we made the decision to let our Brutus go, the week seemed to fly by and I dreaded the day that we had scheduled taking him to the vet. But I made sure we had lots of fun during the week he was still with us, I took a ton of pictures and gave him as many treats as he wanted.
I also wrote an "obituary" for him and e-mailed it to our friends and family the day before we took him to the vet. I originally thought I wrote it for him, but I really wrote it for me and it helped me with the grieving process. The responses we got from friends and family was so helpful, and we knew people were praying for him and us, and thinking about us when we were letting him go.
I hope your vet allows you to choose if you want to be present or not. We had a private room and were able to be with him after they gave him some sedation and we hugged him and petted him until it was time to let go. We didn't want to see that final portion of things, so they took him from us at that point and we had some time to just sit and cry about it. It was sad but, at the same time, so beautiful.
One of my friends sent me a link to a cool website about The Rainbow Bridge and, though I still cry when I read the poem and watch the slide show, it was very helpful to think of Brutus in a place where he could run and play the way he wanted to. Here's the link if you want to check it out: http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html.
There are also some great books that I found at Amazon.com that helped me through the process. There are quite a few about The Rainbow Bridge, but the one I actually liked was called "When Only The Love Remains: The Pain of Pet Loss" by Emily Margaret Stuparyk. Here's the link to that one: http://www.amazon.com/When-Only-Love-Remains-Pain/dp/0968...
I will tell you that time does help the pain of letting go lessen. I keep a screen saver of Brutus on our computer so I remember what he looked like and on occasion I'll even say "good morning" to him or something like that. ;-)
We've since adopted another dog and that has helped with the pain as well. The quiet dinner times and the walks without a leash were just jarringly unusual to us, so we opened our hearts to the possiblity of a new animal who needed a good home. If you're not ready, don't do it -- but know that it's okay if you want another pet. It doesn't mean you didn't love the first one.
Thane, our new dog (chocolate lab) reminds us somewhat of Brutus in some of his habits -- and brings his own quirks and personality traits with him. I still miss Brutus and think about him when I'm trying to get Thane to do a trick (Brutus did some really cool stuff; Thane is a bit thick-headed, lol) and I cherish those memories.
Make your last days with your dog special, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you are human. It's humane to help and it's human to hurt.
Peace and blessings to you . . .
J.