HELP...What Do I Do When I Have Issues with Other Kids Behavior

Held my son's hand, walked him over, introduced him and then tell those charming girls that he AND YOU are coming in and WILL BE PLAYING right where they were because there is no such thing as "girls only" except in the women's bathroom.

What SN says. I have done this myself when the same situation happens. Polite but firm. I also try to tell my son to leave the girls alone if he is actually bothering them as opposed to them being just bratty divas.

You're going to get plenty of responses on this, but do correct those children next time. I have corrected countless children at playgrounds/play areas and never had a parent comment. I am always polite but firm, and it is always addressing aggressive behavior. Usually, the parents will pretend they didn't notice you speaking to their child - just like they pretend not to notice their childs bad behavior. If those parents cared about their kids behavior, they would be paying close enough attention to address it themselves. You don't really have to correct them, you can simply say "Excuse me, we are going to play here now so make room" in a don't mess with me tone.

Correct them next time... but be respectful. Simply say "actually girls this play area is for everyone so please move over and make room". and then stand there for a while to make sure they get that you're serious.

This behavior drives me nuts... and as another poster said, if the parents were on top of it to begin with you wouldn't be put in this position. It's important for your child to see you standing up to people, standing your ground, correcting a wrong, etc. in a respectful manner. It will teach him how to do so. Good luck!!

Honestly, I have had to step out of my polite box a few times since my daughter has gotten old enough for playgrounds. Some parents couldn't care less about how their kids are treating others, especially little ones. So aggravating!
The other day I saw a girl (10-12) spitting on another kid and calling him stupid at the playground!! I could not believe it! I am not normally one to "parent" anyone else's kid, but there was no way I was going to allow that to continue. I gave her my mom face and said "hey, that is unacceptable behavior. You need to stop right now or I will find your parent and ask them that you leave." She looked at me like I was terrifying and went to another part of the playground, but she noticed me keeping an eye on her and knocked it off.
If you run into this again I would maybe ask the girls to play nicely and let him through. If they don't listen or misbehave then you might have to have the all-uncomfortable "exuse me, would you mind asking your girls to let my boy play freely, he is little and doesn't understand why they are pushing him" Any good parent would be appalled (sp?) at their childs behavior and end it right then. I know I would be mortified if I was caught ingoring my kid while they picked on another, especially a young one!! Of course I wouldn't do that in the first place.... :)

I've had stuff like this happen. You just go up to the parent nicely and say "Your daughter and her friends are pushing my son away. Please let her/them know that its not right." I've done it. The other parent is usually embarrassed, and will talk to the kids. Or go up to the kids and say "you're older than he is. He's just curious and interested in you pretty girls." (Soften them up... they tend to relax, or mom/dad see and step in.) The key is to not be rude, just nice and informative.

But never hold out b/c your afraid to say something. Protect your kid!

I had one parent that I throughly yelled at. His son kept pushing mine (both about 2 yo). I'd move my son from the situation and told the little boy "No no we don't push." He moved with my son and pushed again. Then he looked like he was going to bite. I moved my son, he followed. The park was kinda crowded, but I noticed his dad watching me move my son and talk to his. He came up and said to his son "No No." Sat back down and continued playing with his iPhone. Then his son full on bit my son's arm hard. He's crying and I get him down from the structure, walk to the father and said - no wait - YELLED "You're at the park! Watch your damn child! Look what he did!! Stay the hell off your phone and watch your kid like all the other parents here!!" Other moms were stunned and happy. One came with an ice pack out of nowhere for my son and she thank ME for saying what I said.

Sometimes its for the everyone on a whole. :-)

I must have missed the sign that said "girls only". Can you show me where it is? Smile...

Just calmly tell the girls that your son is allowed to go there and to stop pushing him away. No big deal.

I would nicely (and loudly enough for the other parents to hear) say "Girls, this is a public play area and he is allowed to go anywhere in this area, please make room."

Brace yourself, if this is your first exposure to clueless, indifferent and otherwise occupied parents! It's only beginnning...

I would have walked up to the girls, and explained, nicely, that the playground was for everyone. They needed to let the little boy play there as well. They were being selfish bullies to a 2 year old. Perhaps the parents would have noticed their behavior had you said something. If I had been in their situation, I would very much welcome another mother gently exhorting my children to kindness and sharing. We need to do these things in love, not anger, but they need to be done!

I would have definitely told those girls that my son can go anywhere that he likes because all areas are for everyone. I wouldn't have felt a bit bad about it either.

Hi F.,

I definitely do understand the 'mamabear' mentality.

One clarification..... did the girls not want to let him in the play area AT ALL.... or just in the one corner of the play area where they were currently playing?

I sort of see both sides. I know I have taken my daughter (who is now 10) with her friends to the park or the pool and there is all the space and the one other little kid wants to come get right in their area because the little kid wants to be where the 'action' is.
But that means my daughter and her friend have to be extra careful and or they sort of 'get stuck' playing with a toddler instead of doing their own thing. We have actually LEFT places for the exact opposite reason - the little kids mom won't come get their kid and is just OK if he ONLY wants to play right where my daughter & her friends are even though there is this whole other big area for him to be in.

Having said that..... when my daughter was at like a mcdonald's play place or whatever I would ALWAYS tell her that as the bigger kid it is HER responsibility to watch out for the littler kids and make sure they don't get stepped on or knocked over or whatever. I would also have been upset if my daughter wasn't polite to any other kid on the playground.

My question would be.... what did you want their mom to do? If I had been the older girl's mom I would have told them to move to another area of the playground, but I also think that your son would have followed them over there. So, I'm not sure what the solution is.... (remember that everyone has their own agendas and to the older girls the solution is to have you tell YOUR son to play where the older kids aren't playing).

The only thing I think is feasible is that if after a while if they have been staying in on one particular area you can say - hey you girls have been here for 20 minutes. could my son play in this area for the next 10 or so minutes and then you can come back here - since this is a public area, it would be nice if you would share the area.

It takes a village, I would have put on my teacher voice (talk respectfully but firmly) and said something to the girls. I would want strange adults to correct my child gently, not to condone such behavior. If that didnt work I would ask their parents to "please help, your girls are scaring my little boy right out of some areas, even after I asked them politely to stop" If girls and parents continue to be rude there isnt much you can do but Usually parents will wake up and parent their child when things get bad enough.

If that were me, and the girls were that age.. I WOULD have said something. Calmly, but told them that he can go in there TOO. It is a public play area. And to make room... he is younger than they are, so they need to be careful.
If the girls then told their parents and they then came to me, I would have said "yes, I told them that, but my son wanted to play in there too, and they kept pushing him out... and would not let him and yelled at him...."
I would have just said it to them, in a calm nice voiced manner.

I have actually done that, before. And especially when my kids were younger. Now at my kids ages, THEY will actually say something, to kids who are mean and impolite. Themselves.

Or, you go discreetly to the Employee(s) of that play venue, and tell them those girls are NOT letting in any other kids. Against the rules.

all the best,
Susan

I would have said "EXcUSe Me, my son wants to get in there girls, give him some room please!"

Yes, I would have said to them, "Girls, this is a place for everyone to share. Let him play too. He's just a baby."
My oldest is 10 and she wouldn't have acted like that in the first place, but if a mom needed to tell her something while I wasn't paying attention, I wouldn't have cared.

Oh YES I would have said something! I have in a similar situation (not sure if I was too nice). My son was just 2yo, playing in a POSTED "3 and Under" play area and children obviously over 3 (like 6-10) kept running in and out and jumping around on the equipment and practically running over my son. After about the third time, I said something like "How old are you?" and pointed to the sign. One <brat> was actually reading the sign when running in and out and in circles around my son! HELLLLOOOOOO!!!!!

If I see a child badly misbehaving and their parents are sitting on their thumbs doing nothing, I have no problem stepping in and parenting the child. Children need to be taught right and wrong. If their parents aren't up to the challenge, then the burden falls on the rest of us, lest we have yet another self-absorbed adult roaming our planet.

Last week when I picked up my girls from school, there was a 7 year old boy who was going absolutely wild in the cafeteria. His mother stood nearby, chatting with a friend, listening to him hoot and holler and smash things, and did nothing.

When the boy stood up on top of the lunch table, I said, "Get down please." He just looked at me and laughed. I said again, "Get down please." Again he laughed and said in a terribly insolent tone, "Why should I?" I got very close to him and calmly said, "Because people eat food on this table and they don't need your dirty shoes all over it. And because I'm an adult and I told you to get down."

He got down. And settled down. And steered clear of me the rest of the time I was there. As annoyed as I was by that boy, I felt sorry for him. His lazy parents are setting him up for a hard life.

I would hope that a person would correct MY children, in a firm voice, if they were being rude or disrespectful. So yes I would talk to the girls and if the girls didn't budge I would go over to the parents & tell them the situation. I have 3 kids & cannot be on top of them every minute & I will assume that parents with kids that age wouldn't think there kids would behave like that.

Two years ago at the park were some young 8-12 yr old boys being disrespectful & swearing. I warned them to stop because I had my 3 young kids there & because I feel swearing in front of an adult is disrespectful. When my kids & I were leaving one boy started swearing loud enough for me to hear him. So I turned around & said I did not appreciate him disrespecting me & my children. So I told him I wanted to talk to his parents. He begged me not to but I said I was calling the police or we can go to his home. I made him ride his bike home & I followed him in my car. I rang the doorbell & his mom came out (very broken english) & I explained what happened & boy did he get in trouble. He wasn't even suppose to be at the park. His mom was so apologetic & he was crying. He will never forget that day & I hope when he is a father that I made an impression on him.

A couple years ago I was at the mall & 2 very young girls about 10-12 were dressed extremely provocative, they had bags with them som they probably changed in the bathroom. They put on tons of makeup too. I went up to them & told them that they shouldn't be dressed like that because it brings bad attention to them & that they should want to look classy instead of trashy. I doubt they went and changed but I hope they always remember me & my words.

Speak to the girls and say, the playground is for everyone! My child is MUCH younger than you and you need to act respecful and nice to him. If that didn't work, I would go and interrupt the parents and tell them how rude their kids are being. I refuse to have my kids's time spoiled when there are brats involved-and I would not let them get away with the behavior. I know it is very uncomfortable to confront, but right is right. Good luck next time!

M

These girls taking over a space and playing whatever they were playing is not that unusual. They even tend to not let anyone else in as rude as it is, and YES they are old enough to understand but that does not mean they are going to use good judgment and not do it.

Regardless, I handle situations like this all different ways. If my husband was there, I would have asked him what he thought, even if he didn't see it, I can explain it to him. I find that he brings me back to reality when I am being the overprotective mother.

In your situation, it sounds like these girls actually pushed your son and that is where I would immediately go over there and tell them "HANDS OFF". Now you are welcome to say this to the mother too, but I probably would tell the girls directly. No long lecture, just tell them that they are not to push a 2 year old - period! I wouldn't put much more energy into it than that. I can assure you these girls won't bother your son again if you call them on it. They were just being kids.

Good luck!

I know you have received a lot of responses to this question- probably enough that you won't even be able to read them all! Just in case, though, I thought I'd chip in. That is my ULTIMATE pet peeve. I have a 5 year old who is FAR TOO SWEET for this world. He just let's the kids push in front of him, run over him, say rude things, just generally be bratty little kids. And in 5 years of going to the park, postulant, whatever- I have only seen ONE parent correct their rude child. And people will say I'm biased because genus my kid, so let me also say that I have the opposite chil as well. A 2 year old who is snotty, headstrong, sometimes out of control and will pound on a 10 year old that gets in his way. Literally. And I am SO careful watching him in public play spaces because I know what it's like. Anyways- yes I do say something to the kids. And no, I am not "polite but firm"... In that case I may have been- but trust me- it gets so much worse than that. And parents just don't care, or don't want to discipline in public, or... Something?? I don't even know. But as one previous poster said- not one parent has ever said anything to me. Ever. They know it's "their bad"

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i have, and you should definately say something to the girls. your right, the play area is for everyone. I had some girls at the park hanging off the end of a large tube slide my kids, 3, 4, 6 were coming down. i asked them to please get down and these girls, about 8-10 as well rolled their eyes at me and continued what they were doing. so then i told them that i knew who their mother was and they could either move or i could tell her how disrespectful they were being to an adult. just be tactful. and if the other parents don't like it tell them they can get off their various electronic devices and oh, i don't know BE a parent. hope this helps, good luck

A controversy is raging about whether (or when and how) you should discipline someone else’s child. This issue is divisive because is it more complex than meets the eye. The factors involved include parents’ differing perspectives on:

1. parenting (risk-averse or laissez-faire),
2. what constitutes acceptable and unacceptable behavior in a child,
3. what methods of behavior redirection are acceptable, and
4. whether a child is the sole responsibility of his/her parents or if it truly takes a village to raise a child.

Let’s address each of those factors individually.

1. Some parents are risk averse. They are uncomfortable taking chances with their kids, so they inform their kids of acceptable behavior and consistently reinforce those boundaries at each opportunity provided. Their goal is to ensure that they raise kids who adhere to the expectations that the parents believe will help their kids survive and thrive. On the other hand, some parents are laissez-faire. They believe that there are times when kids need to learn by trial and error. Laissez-faire parents’ goal is to make sure they raise kids who adhere to wise parental expectations . . . while also allowing their kids occasional free choice to do otherwise and experience the negative outcomes. If a risk averse parent redirects the behavior of a child of a laissez-faire parent, the laissez-faire parent may see that as critical or controlling behavior on the part of the risk averse parent.

2. Some parents think that kids should not disagree with their parents. Some parents think that constructive disagreement is a healthy exchange of ideas. Some parents allow their kids to put their feet on the coffee table; some parents find this behavior unacceptable. On these and a host of other topics, parents should be free to establish the boundaries for their own kids.

3. Some parents believe in calm, reasoned verbal redirections and time-outs. Other parents believe that parental direction need not be explained to kids but merely followed by kids . . . thus, when errant behaviors occur, reasoning is not needed as consequences are the persuasive tools. Still other parents support the use of spanking as an acceptable means of redirecting a child’s behavior. If a parent spanks a child of parents who don’t believe in spanking, the non-spanking parents will see that spanking as a personal violation of their child.

4. Some parents feel that they are solely responsible for their kids. Other parents believe that it literally takes a village to raise a child. At issue here is whether the collection of adults around the child share in the responsibility for shaping that child’s definition of what is ok and what is not ok. If an it-takes-a-village parent redirects the behavior of a child of sole-responsibility parents, the sole-responsibility parents will likely feel that their parental rights have been ignored or stolen from them. On the other hand, if an it-takes-a-village parent redirects the behavior of a child of another it-takes-a-village parent, the parent of the redirected child will likely experience gratitude for the help in keeping their child on the right path.

But what if a child is visiting your house, is in your car, or is otherwise in your care, or if there is an urgent safety issue at hand? If a child is in your care and is exhibiting behaviors that are unacceptable to you, it is best to calmly explain to that child what behaviors are expected while he/she is in your care. You have a right to reinforce the boundaries that you have chosen for your home/car/etc., even when those boundaries are different than the boundaries that a non-family member experiences in his/her own environment. In reinforcing your boundary, however, use the least redirective method possible to communicate what behavior you expect. If there is an urgent safety issue at hand, the least redirective method may not suit your goal: instead, the quickest redirective method may be needed if the risk is one of imminent harm.

Whatever choices you make on these issues, you will not be able to win the approval of all parents. This will remain a controversial subject with no clear-cut rights or wrongs. As parents, we navigate the shades of gray daily. We make our best decisions and then try to make our peace with the outcomes, whatever they may be. So it is with redirecting the kids of others as well. Make the best decision you can in the moment, knowing that you still may offend, and make your peace with your outcome because you did the best that you could.

Well, as a former teacher, I got very used to talking to other people's kids. I would (and have, in similar situations) just gone over to the girls and said something like "this area is for everyone to play in, please let my son play here too." Very gently and politely. Trust me, even at 10, kids can get so involved in what they are doing that they forget to think about others' feelings, and gentle reminder can bring them back to base. If they get rude beyond that (had that happen too) then it's time to talk to the parents.

I would deal with it differently if your son was closer to their age, but he doesn't have the ability to negotiate, or even understand why yet, like you said, so he still relies on mom for help with these situations.

Yes the girls should know better and that is all the more reason you should tell them. If they were pushing my son, I would tell them politely but in no uncertain terms that their behavior was unacceptable. The mother and father most likely were expecting their kids to behave better at their ages and would be grateful to you if anything for correcting them.

As old as the girls are, I would have spoken to them directly, but not in a angry or accusatory way. Children need to learn that bullying is not acceptable. Maybe you could have said something funny or light-hearted, but still get your point across.

This exact scenario has not happened to me, but I have encountered other children beating up on each other or being loud and destructive. Once, at a KMart, I yelled at a girl who looked to be about 10 years old to "KNOCK IT OFF!" when she was kicking at her brother who looked about 7. I walked up to them and told her I wanted to talk to her mother. She looked like she didn't want me to do it, but led me to her mother, who was within a distance where it was clear that she could see and hear everything that was going on. I told the mother, "I just wanted to let you know that your daughter was kicking at and hitting your son." Then I walked away. I could hear the mother chastising her daughter, saying, "Do you know how embarrassing that is?" AS IF SHE COULDN'T HAVE TOLD HER DAUGHTER HERSELF NOT TO DO THOSE THINGS...

Sheesh.