Tween Boy Phone Inappropriate Texting

If it were my son, yes I would definately have a talk with him on appropriate behavior, and as a consequence, I would call the cell phone company and put a texting block on his phone. You can do it for free. And I would then call the girl's parents and let them know what was happening. I bet her mom will be happy that you notified her of her daughter's risky behavior. As a mom, I would want to know.

I think that you SHOULD speak to the girl's parents. You don't have to be confrontational, etc. but you could introduce yourself and just say that you know the kids are texting and you want to make sure the content is appropriate. Don't accuse their daughter of anything - just let them know that YOU will be monitoring things from your son's end, and it sounds like they will do the same.
Your son must like this girl or at least feel comfortable talking with her about things, which is a GOOD thing. You don't want HER parents to think he is leading her into bad behavior or that you are not an involved, concerned parent.

I don't think taking the phone away at certain times, etc. will really help. Kids can text each other just as easily from the mall or after school as they can in the evening.

For your son to be talking about sex, condoms, etc. is one thing- doing is another. I agree that you need to have a serious sit-down with your son about 'sexting' and all the really bad consequences it can have for kids. Find some examples on the internet to show him, so he doesn't think you are just over-reacting.

Above all, don't accuse him of anything or freak out on him. You WANT him to confide in you and he won't do that if he thinks you are angry with him or will forbid him to talk to this girl, etc. Let him know clear boundaries for what you think is appropriate and what isn't and talk to him about safety, and reputation- both his and the girl's. Point out that if he really likes this girl or is her friend, he would never want to put her into a situation that could have really embarrassing or bad consequences for both of them. Cast him in the role of being a good boyfriend who wants to respect and look out for the girl he likes.

I think you're a good mom to be dealing with this and not ignoring it like so many parents do! Just keep everyone's lines of communication open and it will work out! Good Luck!

I agree that you should take the phone at night and your son should be aware that you reserve the right to check his texts/calls and photos at any time. Also, remind him that whatever he texts is in print for anyone to see. The recipient of the text could pass those words on to anyone at anytime and show that he wrote them. He needs to be very careful about what goes in print.

I would not let your son know you "snooped" in his phone. I think kids need their privacy. If you don't trust him enough with the phone without having to snoop then maybe he shouldn't have one? It's going to appear you don't trust him and in turn he might not trust you. You said you have a very open dialogue with your son - keep that going!! My husbands mother was (and is) the NOSIEST!! woman on earth and was always snooping in his business...this in turn only made him much more skilled and sneaky at hiding EVERYTHING from her ! Like the other post said, it will just make him better at remembering to delete everything!

HI. AFter looking through my daughter Ipod. I too, also saw imappropriate chatting. Does anyone know how to block these texts from certain numbers. It's not a phone that she has,it's an app. I"m at a loss to know how to monitor the situation. Thanks:-\

I would probably take the phone, maybe for good. Once you give it back he will get more savvy and probably start deleting his messages. Does he truly need a cell phone? Its so hard now because almost all kids have them. But it should be taught that its a privilege not to be abused. That said, this kind of talk is also normal (sadly) for their age. So it's a tough call. Maybe keep an even closer eye for now, make sure nothing else is going on. But sadly these kids are growing up way too fast, and parents need to try and put the brakes on. And there's nothing wrong with snooping in my opinion. You can talk to your kids all you want, but they're not going to tell you everything and if you feel there's something going on, you should find out. And obviously you were right! Of course you shouldn't ALWAYS invade his privacy, pick your battles. But for now, maybe him having a cell phone isnt the best idea. He obviously is using it for the wrong reasons, same will go for internet!

I would tell the girls parents that your son and their daughter were having an inappropriate conversation, and that you thought they should know. My son is 12, and he does have a smartphone, but I told him that it is really mine, and I am just letting him use it so don't expect total privacy with regards to the phone. I search the texts right in front of him, and ask him questions about the conversations. Now I should note that I don't read his texts all the time, just occasionally, but it still provides a deterrent to inappropriate conversations. While I don't think it will stop all the things that curious, sexually-developing kids will do, it will at least make him think about what he is communicating in writing. He has told me a number of times that his friends think it is "weird" that I read his texts, to which I respond, "oh well". My point is that if kids think they have privacy, then they will be upset if they find you reading their texts. But if they know the rules ahead of time, they just deal with it. My job as a parent is not to run a laissez-faire household democracy, but to protect my kids and be sure that they know right from wrong. And that means that parents need to be in charge.

Sounds like your son isn't responsible enough to have a phone. If you need to give him one for safety reasons then take away the texting option.

Personally, I think a 13 year old boy deserves some privacy. If you tell him you read his texts, he is going to be upset and he will just get better about deleting them so you cannot read them in the future.

I suggest that you look for a newspaper article about sexting. Print it out and have a general conversation with him about what is appropriate and what is not appropriate. Do this without making any references to his texts. Act like you are just having a general conversation about appropriate behavior because he is getting older and needs to know.

I know that if you let him know you snooped on his phone he will be mad, but you need to talk with him. I didn't think I needed to talk to my then 13 year old son and then I found condoms in his laundry basket. By then it was past time to talk with him. Chances are this is a girl who he likes and they have been deciding to try "doing it". I didn't ask my son if he was sexually active since I knew he wouldn't admit to it anyway. Instead I talked about the changes in his life that would happen if he contracted a std or got a girl pregnant. I also told him that break ups are a lot harder when sex is involved and that there isn't many 13 year olds who are with the same girl for all their lives, so a break up will happen. Sex isn't a game and shouldn't be treated like it, like kids do now days.

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I know that if you let him know you snooped on his phone he will be mad, but you need to talk with him. I didn't think I needed to talk to my then 13 year old son and then I found condoms in his laundry basket. By then it was past time to talk with him. Chances are this is a girl who he likes and they have been deciding to try "doing it". I didn't ask my son if he was sexually active since I knew he wouldn't admit to it anyway. Instead I talked about the changes in his life that would happen if he contracted a std or got a girl pregnant. I also told him that break ups are a lot harder when sex is involved and that there isn't many 13 year olds who are with the same girl for all their lives, so a break up will happen. Sex isn't a game and shouldn't be treated like it, like kids do now days.

Kids seem to lose inhibitions via text, so they talk about what is on their mind, when in face to face convo's they wouldn't say such things. The other thing is they think nothing at all of texting until all hours.

It appears that her parents are aware of it. I wouldn't go to them at this time.

My suggestion would be that you set reasonable hours for texting and that the phone be taken to your room at night. Check his texts periodically, and if you catch him at it again, either confiscate the phone or turn off texting for a pre-determined amount of time.

First of all, speak to your son about the inappropriateness of these types of texts - making sure that he knows that if he gets caught doing this in school it can (and sometimes does) equal detention, suspension, or even expulsion. I would also speak to the girl's parents about the situation. My 12yr. old daughter has a cell phone, but it is restricted. No texting or picture messaging allowed, and she can only call or answer the phone numbers in her contacts. I see no reason for a child of that age to have a cell phone other than for the parent to get ahold of a child. She's not even allowed to have it with her unless we say she can. You may want to look into doing the same so that you are able to prevent this type of thing from happening again.

Good luck to you!

Cell Phones are NOT a necessity. They are a privilege! TAKE IT AWAY! He has proven that he is not old enough nor responsible enough to have one.

And yes, I would talk to the girls mother and then have a good long talk with your son. This issue needs to be addressed. If he is sexting already, the real deal comes next. You hear all the time that kids are becoming sexually active at a younger age now. PREVENTION PREVENTION PREVENTION. You need to intervene now. It's a known fact that young kids do NOT think things through and realize consequences on their own.

Good luck!

It sounds like the girls parents have good control over her phone. At this age, 13, they are going to talk about sex. The only reason we know more about it now than previous times is that children seem to text instead of talking about it face to face where it could be embarassing. Texting is a a way of being faceless but still talking about what you want. If i was in this situation I would just explain to to you son about appropriate conversations and if you find he is still having the conversations, then advise him you will remove the texting function from his phone or take the phone away all together. Personally, neither of my children had cell phones until they were 16 and knew and understood that having a cell phone was privledge and not a right and what types of conversations were appropriate. While I still have to remind him at 16, I don't think I have near the issues as those children who have cell phones at such early ages.