Do You Let Your Pre-teen Text?

I have to honest I am usually pretty laid back about a lot of things but I feel you are right about this
11 is WAY to young to be playing the boyfriend/girlfriend thing
The text of a boys stomach is starting to cross a line-
Texts on phones should not be deleted ( although they learn to selectively delete fair warning)

I only have boys but my oldest was not allowed to do the girlfriend thing at 11 I can imagine it is a whole lot scarier with girls

No, no absolutely NOT! I told my 10 year old that when she's old enough to pay the bill, she can get a phone. It's caused nothing but problems for my sister with her 13 year old.

Two things: depending on your phone carrier, you can get her text messages retrieved online. You tell her that, too, and I am sure she'll be more vigilant of what she texts.

But more importantly, this is about actually talking to her about appropriate and inappropriate behaviors, as well as consent, body image and respect.

Let's not forget that your role isn't to shield her from a budding sexuality, but to empower her with knowledge and information that she'll be able to use later on down the line.

And, truly, no worries - just because someone is of the opposite sex doesn't mean that she is attracted to them, or is even having anything but a friendship with them. This idea of everyone wanting to screw everyone else is maddening.

You need to change that phone to calls only no text because you have a girl that is headed for trouble. If she is clearing messages it is because she doesn't want you to see something. If the phone is for safety then take off the text because "Sexting" with pictures is a felony. Kids have no filter when it comes to this.

I am a "mean" mom and that phone would have been GONE after the tummy picture! In the garbage/ebayed/out the door/smashed with a hammer - G-O-N-E.
on a more serious note - too young for both texting and boyfriends.

We promised my daughter (shes 8) a phone for her birthday if she maintained an a average. I let her text because im the one who programmed those people into her phone. Plus i see every message.

Having full disclosure is a must.

My 9-year old has a phone and she texts her friends. She's not allowed to text boys or have their phone numbers. You can sign up for services that allow you to see everything on your daughter's phone, even if she deleted it. I haven't needed to do that yet, but if it ever comes to it in the future I will!

I understand the whole phone thing - everybody has one....I have friends who gave their 7 year old a phone. I'm sorry, I know this is the way the world is going now, but how do they ever learn to talk to anybody? I mean the face-to-face thing. A phone can be a good thing for emergencies but I think it's just too much. We're going to have a whole generation of kids who will be sitting next to each other in college and texting each other. I don't like it! If your child is into a lot of extra ciricular activities, it's probably a good thing ... 'hey mom, pick me up after volleyball practice at 7' sort of thing. I think we're asking for trouble! I'd rather see my kids doing homework together, playing outside together and not just exercising their fingers all the time.

It's a new form of 'keeping up with the Joneses' ..... beware!!!

My daughter had a pic of a boys abs on her phone. She is a young teenager and I hate that they have the ability to talk to a wide range of people without us knowing and are introduced to other peoples friends through facebook and so on. I will not let her have a Face book account or My Space. She does not have a cell phone but has an Ipod which she texts from. I had her write down a list of friends she was allowed to text on there and if I searched it at any given time and saw she was communicating with others, I would take it away. I don't like that they have the ability to tell anyone that listens where they are or are going. I don't like that they constantly text back and forth. Sometimes they have an over load of each other and get into arguments. When they text parents lose touch of who their kids are talking to.

My son has had a phone for a year. We were worried about all the texting, but since he's gotten it, it has been very minimal. Yes, we've already been through girlfirend/boyfriend drama. It went NUTS once the kids got to 6th grade. I actually posted about it a month or two ago. I'm told this is normal. But, we have made it clear that the term boyfriend/girlfriend means nothing. Like I told my son, "Ya gonna go pick her up in your car and take her to a movie? No? Then it's not dating." He agrees, but the label is more of just that, a label. My son has his "girlfriend's" name on his phone/text signature and I think he and his buds sit with their respective "girlfriends" at lunch, but other than that, it's just texting, really. Now, we have made it a rule that I am allowed to pick his phone up at any time and read texts. He's completely fine with it (for now). And, I make good on it, by viewing any text that comes in ,and the phone is by me. First of all, the volume is always up so loud and my son's goal, apparently, is to find the MOST annoying ringtone in the world. So, I hit view, to get it to shut up. LOL!! Most of the time, I see "What's up?" I don't mind the texting right now, because it's benign and I have not seen any "images" of body parts. But, if I were to find those things, there would definitely be consequences. I would have texted the "stomach boy" back and let him know that was not acceptable. Unless your daughter asked for that photo, she can't be blamed for it.
The only issue I have with texting, is that it prevents these kids from actually communicating with others. I'm foreseeing some problems with that, in that this generation won't learn how to talk face to face with their peers. It's easy to hide behind a cell phone or facebook. We've seen it already, with the cyber- bullying. I guess, we will continue to do what we're doing until there's a problem. This is all new territory for us, so my laid back approach may come back to bite me in the butt, but this is my story and I'm sticking to it....for now......*shrug*

Hi,

I just read your "What happened" part. Glad it seems to have worked out. My daughter will be 11 soon. She does text with certain friends. I have told her not to give out her cell to kids that she is not truly friends with. If they pressure her, then I told her to give them my cell. This way, if/when they text I see it first and she can either answer them on my phone or I can handle it.

I did just see the part about Pathway 2 Purity. I am curious as to what it is. I think I will post that question!!

As far as talking with Dad. Has he ever approached her about talk to him about anything/everything? My husband and I talked about it and as much as it is hard for him to hear his little girl talk about some things (periods, boys, etc.) he still approached her. They have an open relationship and she knows that she can talk with him about it all. He cringes after a talk and comes running to me, but he is her dad and we think it is important.

Hope this helps!

My 10 yr old has been hounding us to death to get her a phone and my answer to that is NO.

Based on the texts from boys and the picture of the boy's stomach I would either take the phone away or disable the texting feature.

My daughter is 12 and doesn't have a phone. She gets a lot less attention from boys than do her friends who have phones but I am happy about that. I told her it makes her less available, which, in the grand scheme of things, will later work in her favor. Plus, she won't be getting that attention from boys until she is more mature and able to handle it.

Just my two cents...I know what works for our family may not always work for others. A lot of her friends have phones and they are sweet girls; I just prefer to hold off on that a little while longer...

Hi F. kids are getting phones younger and younger, and it makes them feel grown, and it gives them a sense of freedom. It was on the news a little while back that children even elementry were testing their nude body's to one another, the sexting, and they made a law considering that, I think allowing phone at such a young age can have a negative affect, we all know the level of responsibilty our children have, so we have to go by that when it comes to phones and priviliges. J.

I don't think the average 11-year old needs that much communication freedom! It's too tempting and too grown-up for young minds to respect and be responsible with that kind of power. I've got an old pink RAZR if you want it.

My daughter who just turned 14 got her first phone when she was about 11. She paid for it herself and pays her plan every month. She has a paper route and lots of spending money. Are you sure these are boyfriends or just friends that happen to be boys?? I don't have a problem with my daughter texting with boys, there is nothing wrong with her having friends that are boys, the same goes for my 16 year old son, he got a phone when he was about 14 and he has tons of friends that are girls, just not girlfriends. I get that you want some control, but really , is it necessary to have so much control and want to be able to read every text? Where is the trust? I think you need to have a better balance and talk more with your daughter, build up the trust with her.

Definitely too young for boyfriends. I have an 11 year old daughter and she says many of her friends talk about "having" or "getting" boyfriends and she thinks it's kinda weird (yea!) because her idea of what it means to have a boyfriend is someone you go on dates with, etc. and she knows that's not happening at her age.

As for texting -- yes, my daughter is allowed to text but her phone is really basic (can't transmit pics through texting, etc.) so inappropriate pictures is not a problem. And I regularly talk to my daughters (also have a 16 year old) about appropriate texting behaviors and inappropriate messages and often point to real-life situations that you hear about on the news.

Not all children have phones. My son 10 still does not have a phone. Nor will I get him one for another couple of years. We do however have a cell phone that is a cell phone, so when he goes over to a friends house he can take that with him to call us or vica versa.

I have the same problems! I told my kids that their incoming and outgoing messages are all sent to our email and so we (the parents) can read them all so deleting them does no good anyways! Ocassionally I read a message or two on her phone and ask her about it so she actually thinks they do come to my email when the reality is they dont. Gosh I wish they did! I do cross check her phone numbers, times and dates of texting against the phone bills just to let her know I know more than she thinks I know :) Gotta stay a step ahead of these girls! And no she does not talk about this stuff with her dad, says he is so embarrassing..

Good Luck