Helping My Kids Cope with Dad Not Being Here

Hey I was that age when I had my first too!!! She is 5yrs now! Already. My hubby was in the military previously and he never went over but he was suppsed to many times and I think at 3yrs all you can tell them is daddy is going away for awhile but he will be back at six I don't know I think I may tell her daddy has to go do a important job but will be back after awhile and go from there. I hope that helps my 7month old calls...

Good Morning and happy new year M.,
I would like to give you my opinion on to how to help your little ones cope.
First off allow me to tell you about myself, I am veteran.
I served in the navy for eight years and during that time i gave birth to my son (who is now five going on forty lol). during my time in the navy , i was never sent on a deployment from him. but however as a single mom in the military he spent most of time at the daycare. honestly even though it was just several from us being apart , i always wanted him to know that i do love and miss him when we were apart.
My suggestion to you is
Have your husband spend as much fun time with them now . during this time he have him explain what is going to happen in april. as person we take our children understanding level all wrong cause we think their to young. trust they know more than you think.
secondly get two calendars one to mark down the days until he leave. and the other one is to mark the days while he is gone.
you create a personal one on the computer with their picture on the day he leaves / return make it special with like a flag or something.
place then on the fig or on their room door with something to mark them off each. allow them to email him daily .... draw beautiful pictures on the internet (program called word paint)
my main point is to always encourage them to communicate . and please let them that daddy's going away is a good thing.
hope my idea helps. take care

While my husband is not in the military, my brother was for 25 years. He went away on TDY's a lot, and he used to prepare things for his children when they were very small. Sometimes he videotaped himself reading stories or just talking to them, which the kids really loved. Another thing was that he would make an audio tape while watching one of the kids' favorite movies. For example, I remember that Disney's Alladin was a big thing when my nephew was young. His dad sat and watched the movie with a tape recorder. (I guess these days you could record to mp3 files on your computer!) He turned the volume from the movie off and just made comments on his recording. He'd say things like, "That's my favorite part when Aladdin flies on the carpet like that!" Or he'd sing along with the songs and say, "You sing, too, Mike!" to his son. My nephew loved taking out the tape and watching the movies "with" his dad. He did the same with story books, etc. He also sent pictures and videos while he was away.
These days, the technology is really cool. If you guys are savvy with the computer, you can probably come up with lots of ideas for keeping pictures and sound of daddy around for the kids. Or if you aren't, I bet you can find someone who would help you do that. I'm very active in boy scouts, too. I bet you could find someone, even a teenager from a boy scout troop who might want to help your cub scout son by setting up some cool computer things for him. And, the older boy would get service hours for that.
Sorry this was long! I know it's really hard. Good luck!

My husband just got out of the Navy, we didn't have my daughter until he was a civilian but I spent 10 years watching other families with kids and how they coped with it (I was part of a family support group--which you should look in to, they do all sorts of stuff to keep you and your kids focused and you get 1st hand info from the captains about what is going on) I LOVE everyones ideas, I have seen the video tape done of daddy reading a story that has worked GREAT with alot of the children I seen go through this, I also like the idea of helping them mail him packages, have them draw pictures and do some arts and crafts to send to him and let them help you pack the goodies as well. Another good idea is take a picture with daddy and each of the kids and take the pic and some pillow cases and go to the kiosk in the mall that puts pics on calanders and coffee mugs (I did this and they did this specialized gift for me--it was in VA beach but you can call and ask ahead of time to see if they will do it for you--I didn't have to take a pic there at the mall but brought my own pic and they blew it up and transfered it to the pillow case) and then they will have a pic of daddy with them at night. You can also make a countdown calender, that helps them know that daddy WILL be home soon--a good idea I saw was someone took some construction paper and cut it into 1-2 inch strips and made rings and linked them together and hung it up around the door frame in the living room and every day they would pull a ring off and they can see it get smaller and smaller. I know I'm throwing tons of stuff out there but after 10 years of dealing with children in this situation I have seen some really great ideas that really work. Good luck--I know how hard it is to see a love one leave and dealing with the day to day stress of them not being there. Hang in there and if you need any thing just let me know. C.

Melabie, I just saw a special on tv talking about this subject last night. Sesame Street is doing a series about this subject. Unfortunately I only could watch it for a couple of minutes (in between getting twin 21 month old ready for bed) but they suggested doing a couple of things that I will list:

(1) placing alot of pictures of him around the house to remind them what their dad looks like.

(2) doing a daddy and me board, which is a poster board full of pictures of things that they did together. You can either send it with their father,keep it at home or both. It is something they can talk to you about when they miss their dad.

(3) trace their hands amd make a hand slash or necklace for him to take with him so when he gets home-sick he can wear it. Also you can make a picture frame using their hand traces as well, and put a picture of all three of them and send it to him when they get miss daddy (this is my idea).

I hope these ideas will help you and if I can help you in anyway (or anyone else) please do not hestitate to write me.

God Bless you and your family and I will be praying for his safe return.

M.,
Military life is tough! We are AF and while we don't have deployments, my husband is gone overseas for a couple weeks at a time. We tell my oldest (6) how important it is for his dad to do what he is doing. He is very proud of his dad. Some things that help him deal with not having dad around... he writes him letters, colors pictures and talks to us about how he feels about it. You can help by reassuring them that dad loves them very much and what he is doing is very important. They understand a lot more than we give them credit for. Good luck!!

my husband spent 367 days over seas and my stepson got upset from time to time. What helped him was being able to send him stuff. And being able to see it being mailed. Like putting stamps on and things like that. My step son was the same age as your youngest at the time that my husband left.

I know what that's like. I was in the military and was married to a military person myself. Although we did not have children, it was still hard. I would just say keep them busy, have them write cards, do a video message, and plan a party for your hubby's return. Try not to stray from their daily routines too much, and before you know it, it will be time for him to return home.

Hope that helps :)

All of the advice you've been given is great! Our kids are currently 7 & almost 6 & we've gone through several deployments through the years. Each one is hard, but sticking together & staying busy has always been key for us. We do special things together like I started a movie night on Fridays to celebrate getting through another week. I would take the kids to the video store & let them pick out whatever they wanted & we would have a "picnic" on the living room floor & watch the movies until they fell asleep there. We all kept journals for Daddy while he was away so he could look over them when he got home. One year when they were maybe 2 & 3 I made a construction paper chain with the same number of links as days Daddy would be gone. When he first left, it was hung off of every curtain rod across the whole living room. Each night when we got home, we would rip one link off so by the time he got home it was done (I added about a week's worth of extra links in case they ended up being late from flights, etc.) More recently he's been stationed places where he was able to go online & talk to us almost every day so I got a webcam (they're really inexpensive, I think I got mine for around $20 at Staples) & that way the kids could actually talk to him & see him almost every day. That was a huge improvement from other deployments where he might be able to call once a week or less. Keep your heads up, look into support groups (as much for yourself as for your kids) & just know that it won't last forever. Best of luck to you all & a safe return for your husband!

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/headline/entertainmen...

This is something you may want to consider looking for. I dont have a husband thats in the army or anything, but i have had friends whos husbands/wives are. I found this site and thought it was very interesting. Check it out and maybe some of the ideas will help your little ones.
God Bless you and have faith.
M. C