Help with 2 Year Old at Bedtime

Hey H.-
I have no advice for you, but I wanted you to know that I am going through the EXACT same thing right now! I think I'm going to do it all in one shot this weekend, make the conversion to the big girl bed, and make her sleep in her new room all in one! I need some sleep, I havn't had a good night sleep since we moved in! Good luck to you!
M.

Hi H.. I too am a mom to a 2 year old girl. 26 months actually. She has slept in her bed every night since birth. Every couple of months it seems she tests me with her sleeping. She'll wake up in the middle of the night screaming and I'll go in to make sure she's ok. And of course she is. I'll have to say, it only takes her 2 nights to figure out again that if she cries, I come in. so after 2 or 3 nights of going in there and there's nothing wrong, I have to just suck it up and let her cry. I rock her (every night) for a few minutes, lay her down and kiss her goodnight, tell her I love her and I'll see her in the morning when it's a new day and walk out of her room. (She's still in her crib, too) It takes about 2 nights of crying and then we're back to our regular sleep schedule and everyone's happy. I know the crying and screaming is absolutely heart wrenching to hear, but in all actuallity, they can't scream forever. The longest she's cried I think is 1 hr 15 minutes (I know some people wil lthink I'm mean and heartless.) If she's not sick or anything like that, I say stick it out. Be strong, mama. She needs to know that you're still in charge.

G.

The secret is consistency! If you don't want her in your bed every night, don't let her do it even sometimes. She knows that it is a possibility, so she'll keep trying.

We just went through a big move as well. Try a cute night light (a princess one worked wonders for us) or lights on in the hallway with the door open. We switched our daughter into a big-girl bed in the new house because she wanted one and we thought it would help the transition to have something to look forward to in her new room. We just put a baby gate up at the door, and she is fine. If she needs us, she just calls us from the gate.

In the meantime, just do what you're doing. Go in periodically to reassure her that you're there and, in my opinion, let her cry it out. Once she realizes that your bed is not an option, she'll get used to staying in hers. Good luck!

H.,
I'm H. - and I'm going through similar situation. It was cute the first time, my older son never even considered cuddling in our bed with us, but then it became every night! So a few nights ago we put our collective feet down and if she gets up we put her back in bed. She potty trained recently and so we usually leave her door open so she can go potty if she needs to but she has an amazing bladder and doesn't really need to go at night. So we put her back in bed and tried sitting with her, getting a new nightlight with Dora on it, etc. When that didn't work we locked her door from the outside and let her cry it out. The next night she came in once and we put her right back in bed and told her that if she got up we would have to lock the door again, and last night she didn't get up at all. The other post-er was right. If you don't want it to be all the time it has to be none of the time - they're too young to understand why it's okay on Monday but not Tuesday. Good luck - I know what you're going through.

Hi.

Our daughter was the exact same age when we moved into a new house. I had made the decision prior to moving ...(and got my daughter exicted about) her new big girl bedroom with a twin bed. When we finally moved she was really excited until the first night came. New noises, different shadows...etc.. What I did was buy a night light and left the door ajar every night for about a month or so. Every night about 3-4 times she would call for me and I would patiently come in and calm her down (2-4 min) then tell her I was right down the hall....this lasted for over a month...while I made my visits shorter. If I were you...I would plan to completely change her room into a "big girl" room. Different paint, buy a new bed, some shelving, and Lowes had these wall paper cutouts (princesses, flowers, etc) easy to put up. Make sure she is involved in all the planning and get her excited....then when her first night comes in her new room....comfort her and remind her she is a big girl now....nothing to be afraid of...you are right down the hall....
It will take some time...but making an event out of her becoming a "big girl" when she loses her crib is a big deal to them. You can get a safety bar for the bed if you think she may fall out...our daughter did a couple of times and we didnt have a bar...but I placed a swimming raftt next to her bed at night...and it worked.

Good Luck,
R.

If you feel that you've given her enough time to adjust to the new place and it is time for her to get back into the routine of sleeping in her own room then you need to stick with that decision. Follow the same bedtime routine you've always followed and when you put her down to sleep that's it - no more going back in, reassuring, etc. Now, this might seem harsh but the continued visits do nothing but reinforce her belief that if she screams long and hard enough you're coming back to see her. You can couple this with a reward system - chart with stickers, etc. Tell her that she needs to stay in her bed and go to sleep and if she can do that she will receive a sticker. Make the chart colorful and pretty. In the morning lavishly praise and reward her for sleeping in her own room and INSTANTLY put the sticker on the chart. Make up little games like 2 stickers = a small toy, 3 stickers = her favorite food for dinner, 5 stickers = a trip to the mall to ride the merry go round, whatever it is that she likes. At the age of 2 she doesn't technically 'need' but 'wants' her mommy's attention (and why wouldn't she - you're much more fun than going to sleep!), but more importantly she 'needs' to sleep. I'm not sure how I feel about changing from crib to bed, as I'm sure the move was a big change for her. Another break in her routine might be exceptionally stressful.

This is going to sound very unusual but as soon as my son, now 3 years old, started crawling out of his crib at 15 months old, I took everything out of his room that could potentially hurt him and switched the lock on his door so he couldn't open his door. I left some books and some smaller toys in his room and he would just play himself to sleep. After about a week he just fell alseep on his own without playing because he knew it was bedtime. I always keep a night light in his room too, which helps. I know this advise seems far fetched, but it really worked and since then I've had no trouble getting him to go to bed. I also read him a story before hugges and kisses which calms him down too.
I hope this helps you.
J.

I don't see you letting her sleep with you as a mistake ! My goodness she knows you are there for her and love her. You gave her security.

Did you consider camping out in her room for awhile? A few nights, whatever it takes for her to feel better in her room? We have always done this and it really helps. No matter what you do there will be a "habit" to break at that age. They don't understand that. But there are gentler ways than letting her scream and get even more scared of a strange room.

Heck we just moved and our newly turned 5 yr old was scared of her new room. I slept with her the first night and then after that I snuggled until she was asleep. Then snuggled until she was calm.

It takes time. Be patient....she is only 2. Just a tad older than a baby realistically. She still needs you.

Just for the record my old pediatrician told me to cry it out when my son was acting up at bedtime. My heart just didn't think it was right but I tried it. Ends up he had an intestinel infection and was in pain and because of the PEDIATRICIAN'S recommendation I was letting him scream in PAIN for almost a week !!!!!

Blessings.
M.

The "cry it out" method is the only thing that has worked for me. I would spend as much time as possible in her room during other parts of the day to get her as comfortable with it as possible. Also make sure she has a nite lite. How does she nap in there?

More than advice...I want to encourage you. Whatever you decide to do...you're a good mom. Don't second guess yourself...have faith in your decision and know that your child feels and knows that they are loved.

Best of Luck!!

Hi H.,

I have been through the same thing, allthough my daughter was a bit younger and I was pregnant, so I needed her to stay in her bed until the baby arrived. A lot of mom's are probably disagreeing with this, but it really works, it did for us. The way it sounds you are already letting her scream and cry it out. Try this, when putting her to bed, go in after 3 min (if she's still crying) and tell her with a calm but assuring voice that you are still there and that she needs to go to sleep and leave the room again (you can spend up to 2 min in her room), increase the time to 5 min and then go back in and do the same thing, then 7 min, and after that 10 min., should she still be screaming after that, go in every 10 mins. It is not easy I know, my daughter even vomitted a few times, which made it even harder, but my pediatrician told me that this is ok. It will probably take up to 3-5 nights, but after that it should be a piece of cake. This is my secret, worked for me with both of my kids. I wouldn't switch her too a "big girl" bed just yet, in my opinion that would be too many changes in such short time. I would work on the going to bed part first before switching her into a new bed. Good Luck. Feel free to contact my if you have any questions or should you try it, to let me know how it worked.

Best wishes,
Trisha