2 Yr Old Won't Sleep in His Room

Hi H.....

I don't really have any advice for you but I wanted to let you know that my 2 year old daughter is doing the same thing. She was a great sleeper then then over the past 2 weeks I have a really hard time getting her to bed, she is all the sudden afraid of the dark so I have to leave the hall light on for her & she is waking up 3-4 times a night. I have no idea what's going on with her & I am so frustrated! I will be looking to see if others have advice, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to sleep in his bedroom? It sounds to me that he is not secure in his room. I am curious what kind of shows that he watches....sometimes little things in cartoons can trigger a nightmare or such. I don't know. If he is scared of a monster in his room or closet - I saw it on Super Nanny or something like it....she said to take a small water bottle filled with water and some lavendar scent and spray it around the room and say something to the effect " be gone you monsters". So, with the scent of Lavendar it is nice and calming and then the fact that you are spraying their room it makes them think that it's safe for them to sleep in there. Anyway, pay a little more attention to what his actions are and his words. You might be able to figure out what is going on in his little world. Good luck. Tough one. It could be just a phase too. He is not quite a baby anymore either. They grow up so quickly.

Hi,

I'm going through the kind of the same thing with my 17 month old daughter. She goes to bed at night just fine, but wakes up in the middle of night wanting to get into bed with me and my husband. At first she would throw HUGE fits and cry for forever. We just tried to be calm and tell her firmly, it's night night time take her over to her bed, lay her down, give her a kiss and say goodnight. She might cry for a while but you need to be firm and consistent. Things will get better. With Kaitlen, she now goes to bed, wakes up crying once or twice everynight but now all I have to do is tell her its night night time, lay her down, and give her a kiss and she's ok. Hope things get better for you!

I have two sons, now 28 and 23. The youngest loved to sleep and never had a problem going to bed. However the oldest had quite a bit of energy. Our pediatrician, a very wise man, said start a night time ritual when they are babies and continue it.
Our ritual was put on pjs,(perhaps after a bath), go to the bathroom, small drink of water, brush teeth, get into bed, and mom or dad or both would read a short story...short being the operative phrase. Let them know that it is expected that they stay in their bed. The biggest things parents don't do is stay consistent. We've never had the bedtime issues other parents did. As our kids grew older and I said Bedtime, they'd go get ready, I'd tuck them in and if they were preteens, they would read to themselves for a short time. Really helps. And we started this from the time they were 12 months old...
I hope this helps

My only advice would be, if you don't want him in sleeping in your bed don't let him. If you let him sleep with you once in a while but not always then it sends the wrong message and encourages him to throw fits because he knows eventually he'll get his way. Take a stance and stick to it, be consistent. Also, I wouldn't put him to sleep on the couch and then move him. If you want him to sleep in his bed you've got to work through what ever obstacle he is having right up front (when he goes to bed). Putting him on the couch first is like trying to sneak one over on him, if you know what I mean... Good luck

Hi there!!
I am so sorry you are dealing with this! AH! I have two girls that are 5 and 3. When my 3 year old was 2 she would hear "thunder" at night. Well, it took us a year later to realize that it was our heater located in the garage just under her room. She would also hear the garage door open and close in the morning when my husband would leave for work. Again, "Thunder." Granted the garage door didn't bother her, but the heater would. When the heater would turn on, she would wake up and be scared. She wouldn't come in our room, but would rather scream until everyone was in her room. And then she would demand that "MOMMY" sleep with her. Ugh!
However, the garage door still causes our 5 year old to crawl in bed with me in the morning. (That and she had her alarm clock set for midnight. That has since been changed!)
I agree with the others that you need to be firm and make sure that you are being consistent, especially with them at this age!! And it is so hard to do in the middle of the night when you are sleep walking trying to deal with them. I've woken up several times wondering how my children got in my bed or vice versa.
Oh, is Alexander a new 2 or is he closer to 3? The dynamic of the 2's are so different and he could be growing developmentally in other areas causing him to have sleep issues. Some (Most) children regress in potty training/sleeping/talking/social skills when they are growing and learning new things or achieving new mile stones.
Just know that you are not alone in this whole issue. We're here to help you!!
Good luck and let us know how you are all doing!!
Take care
A.

We are going through the exact same thing!
I just took my son to a homeopath who had some good insight. He thinks that it is all about separation. At this age they still want to be with mommy/daddy yet they are also struggling with wanting more independence. He recommended a homeopathic remedy (Borax - but your child might call for a different remedy since they are pretty personalized). Not sure if you are interested in "alternative" medicine. We've used homeopathy when my son was an infant with colic and it did seem to help.
We are trying the remedy tonight. Hopefully we will all be on our way to a good night's sleep.
I feel your pain.

Hi H.-
I too had a lot of trouble with my boys sleeping. I was recommended a book by my pediatrician called, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It was tough because it advocates letting a child "work it out", but, true to its word, it only took about 3-6 days for them to be sleeping like champs. If you can get your husband on board (so you don't sabotage each other during the process), it works even better. Sleep is just not an issue at our house anymore. The boys know what's expected and my husband get our evenings to ourselves. Both my husband and I are huge sleepers, so it has really helped. I think what finally really helped me understand how important sleep is, was when the author said it's as important as nutrition. We wouldn't consistently feed our kids junk food, why would we give them junk sleep?
I wish you all the best, lots of uninterrupted evenings, and a bed to yourselves :o)
--L.

I have a 2 yr old daughter who just went through this. She has always slept wonderfully in her crib with no problem. Then all of the sudden she is clinging to me saying no I sleep with you. She was saying something about alligators. Come to find out the night light she has always had to have on she no longer wanted because of the shadows it casted. Also didn't like her crib feeling so confined. We bought her a twin big girl bed, turned out the night light, and slept with her for a couple of nights. She now loves her room and bed. No more problems. Also so she can't get up and wonder throughout the house we put a gate at her door. When she wakes up in the morning she says, "Mommy it's wake-up time." This is my second child. I also have a 4 yr old son. I remember he went through the stage also of being afraid of things. I just always tell them there is nothing to be afraid of because our house is filled with LOVE. Hope this will help. Also a little trick I like to pull is when she says Mommy I want you I give her a kiss and tell her ok, but I need to put my pj,s on or pick up and I will be right back to check on you. Usually by the second or third time I check on her she has fallen asleep! So this eliminates having to lay down with her and falling asleep my self!

I have a four-year old with the same problem. But she would only sleep in my bed. What we have tried is laying down with her in her bed at bedtime til she falls asleep and then we go to our own bed..we take turns at this of course being that she has a twin bed. Its a fight at first, but she got used to it. She would still wake up in the middle of the nite and get into our bed, but we just keep it up...eventually they kinda give up the fight when they see that there is no other options.

I can soooo relate!! I too have a 2 year old son and we are having daily battles when it comes to bedtime and getting him to sleep in his own bed. We have just started the "evening rituals" of bathtime, brushing teeth and talking about going to sleep in his "big boy bed" so that he can grow "big and strong with big boy muscles." It is still a major challenge with tears from both of us, but he eventually falls asleep in his bed. It is taking about an hour to an hour and a half from start to finish, and every time he gets out of bed I grab him and try not to have any conversation with him and just guide him back to his room and put him back in his bed. It is honestly the worst part of my day because it requires so much patience and time and I am so exhausted by the end of the day it is all I can do to keep it together. My best advice is to stick with it and battle through the really rough first few days because it is bound to get better!! And know that you are not alone with this problem! Good luck! A. W

I think until he is sleeping in his bed all the time you can't let him sleep anywhere else. My daughter used to do this all the time. I had to make her stay in her room and deal with the crying fits. It is a long and painful process but if you stick with it, and don't give in cause you are tired, then it will work. Good luck
M.

HI H.,

I do not think there is any set answer to this. Every child is different, as is every home and every situation. I do believe it has to do with the childs fears and core feelings. I believe you have to find out WHY. I also beleive your child is the one that holds all the keys... and answers. SOmetimes 2 yr olds do thing like this for seperation issues, sometimes, it is a power issue. They want to be in control but do not know really how to do it properly. SO first i would find out if fear or insecurity is the reason. If something tram,atic has happend to change things...... and if that was the case...... figure out how to help her. IF it is a power issue, find a way to help him understand that he is not in control of everything and he is part of a family.... not the ruler. It is a really fine line.... but what ever you do....... be consistant....... if you and your husband are not united and are not consistant with EVERYTHING...... it is very hard on the child... no matter what the issue is.
Good luck..

H. - I have a two year old too and they have a mind of their own!!! I haven't moved my son to a big boy yet, I was considering starting him in it at nape time. Anyways, I was wondering where your son takes his napes? I would suggest that when he is home he must have all his sleep times in bed, nape and night.

When he freaks out go reasure him quickly and then leave, spreading your visits to his room out each time. I would pick a time when you have a long weekend or week where nothing is going on and you can afford to loose some sleep. I bet that if you stayed consistant with this method then he would understand that this is how it is. It would be a very very long week for all three of you but it will pay off in the long run. Remember we disciple and set rule to help them become healthy adults, not because they like it. I keep telling myself that he will appriciate it when he's older.

I hope that helps, I know it's not and easy answer but nothing seems to be easy with two year olds.

R.

does he verbalize why? i.e. says he is scared? or make up excuses?

you may have to be tough and endure some screaming and crying for a few nights but you can get him trained to sleep in his own bed again. I have run into this with 2 or 3 of my kids at different stages in their lives so far.

First of all... start a routine. The same thing every night in the same order. An example would be a warm bath with lavender scented baby bath, followed by lavender lotion, warm his pajamas and blanket in the dryer, give him a bedtime snack.. warm milk and some oatmeal, read him a calm story, rub some calming aromatherapy oil on his feet then put some socks on his feet (my son loves this!), you may choose to have some "white noise" in his room - a fan or humidifier, an electric waterfall (to simulate the sound of running water) - then tuck him into bed. If he cries.. calmly put him back in bed and let him cry for 5 minutes. You may have to go put earphones on and listen to music or something to drown out his cries. Go back in after 5 minutes and calmly put him back in bed and tell him gently that he must stay there. Set the timer for 10 minutes this time. Then go back in and do the same thing.... set the timer for 15 minutes. The next 20. AFter the 20 if he is STILL crying... change his diaper, read him a story, get him a drink of water, then put him back to bed and do it all over again. The idea is he will wear himself out crying.. but learn that you will come back after a time and fall asleep waiting... or crying. It will not hurt him to cry a bit. You may have to do this for 3 or 4 nights, but you will have to set the timer less and he will eventually get it. It will be tough.. and get old.. but if you stick to it.. he will eventually learn that is where he needs to sleep.

You may also consider getting him some new sheets in a color or character theme he really liikes.so he can take new "ownership" of his bed. New pajamas or a cuddly toy that he can sleep with. If he seems to comprehend it well enough.. give him a sticker to put on the calendar each morning he has slept in his own bed all night... and after a few days give him a small reward... an ice cream cone... or a new small inexpensive toy.. then have him fill a weeks worth of days with stickers for another reward. Eventually it will become habit.

again.. it will be tough. and you may lose some sleep.. because if he wakes up in the middle of the night wanting to get in bed with you again.. you'll have to do the routine again.. but after a few nights it will be worth it because you'll be doing it less and less and for shorter periods of time. you won't have to get to the 20 minute mark.

best wishes!