Four Year Old Won't Sleep in Own Bed

I had the same problem and my son would end up sleeping on the couch. What I finally did was started doing was picking him up before I went to bed and placing him in his bed. After a week or so I told him that I would stay in his bedroom until he fell asleep. After he got use to that I started moving the chair closer and closer to the door, then I started to close the door, I now only close the door to where only a hand can fit through. He does very good at night with staying in bed cause he knows that I am not far away and I can hear if he gets out of bed.

I suggest that you don't stress over it to much. Your daughter will eventually sleep in her own bed I speak from experience. Our daughter was finishing kinder when she decided that she was a big girl and had to sleep in her own bed. But for now enjoy her company because she will grow up very quickly.

All I can say is good luck!! We have an 8 yr old, a 2 1/2 yr old and a 1 1/2 yr old and when they were babies, we co-slept with them all. My oldest was 5 when he finally started staying in his bed all night, and still if my husband is out of town, i'll find him in my bed. The two little ones on the other hand, start out in thier beds, but always end up in ours. I think its a battle that if you chose to pick you have to be very consistant on even when it gets rough. We chose not to pick that battle. We get some alone time when we first go to bed and by 2am, we have a bed full. They are only little once and we love every minute of it!

Good luck and God bless!

D. Mattern-Muck
The MOM Team
Raise your income and your rugrats at the same time!
www.formyrugrats.com

My daughter was three when I had to get her out of our bed, before I was thrown out. We put a radio in her room, a soft-light nightlite and closed the door once putting her to bed. She was allowed to get up one time after being put in there (drink, potty, etc), but she had to return to her bed. We used a chart with stars, each night she stayed in her bed, she got a star, she was then able to turn her chart in for a night on the sleeper sofa with us in the living room watching movies. It worked like a charm after only a few days.

I have happily co-slept with both of my children.
DD was 14m when she moved to her own bed.
DS is in the process of moving to his own bed.
In lieu of the couch idea, we've told dd that she can grab her pillow and sleeping bag (stored under her bed) and sleep in our room whenever. Also, dd and dh "camp" together in the den once a month or so.

hth
K., mama to
Catherine, 4y
Samuel 15m

Our DD is 20 mo. She's been in our room since day 1, but in her own bed - sort of. LOL Her first cold she was in bed w/ us full time, she could only sleep sitting up. That started our downward spiral of nightly cuddles. She also had colic which resulted in us sleeping on the couch with her many nights. As often as we could we put her in her own bed, but in the end it has resulted in her usually falling asleep in my lap, moving to her bed, and sometime in the middle of the night her crawling in to bed with us. We've made several attempts to get her to fall asleep on her own, but haven't made a permanent change there. Next, we're going to start by moving her bed further away from ours in the room, as its right next to me now. At 3 am I just don't have the resolve to handle her crying when I'm desperate to sleep. If you come up with a solution please let me know!!! I just can't see going through some version of CIO now, when I wouldn't do it at just a few months old, KWIM? Why let them cosleep in the first place just to make them miserable for a time period now?

We had the same issue with my step daughter. Her mother had her in bed with her from the day they brought her home so she never learned to put herself to sleep or to sleep independently.

It took us about six months, but we WON the war. We simply did not budge on it, my husband and I. We never gave her the option of sleeping anywhere but her bed. At first she would cry/whine for someone to sleep with her but after a few months of us just consistently telling her that she has her own room at Daddy's house and that is where she sleeps, she finally realized we werent going to give in and stopped asking. She is 5 now, and putting her to bed is a BREEZE. I just tell her, "its bed time" , we go in, I read her a book , kiss her good night and she goes to sleep.

You just have to be very firm and very consistent. Once you have won the war then sure, if its a special deal or she is sick or something, make an exception. But until then, until you have made her understand that her bed is where she sleeps and she is going easy, don't give in to her.

We learned real fast to never let our son sleep with us for the same reason. First we put him to bed and promised 15 minutes of reading, playing, or whatever he wanted. We used an egg timer for the fifteen minutes and then it was time for bed. Second, we got his favorite toys or animals or blanket to put in the bed with him. Third, a nightlight of his choosing. At first it was tuff, then after the first week, we set the timer to 10 minutes, 7 minutes, 5 minutes and finally, we didn't use the timer. He was sleeping in his own bed. He felt he had made the decisions and picked the things he had wanted. We let him know that we loved him very much, but he was a big boy and he needed his bed and we needed our bed. Lastly, we made sure that he knew he could come to us if he was really scared, we would calm the fears, he new it was time for bed.

Good Luck!

Oh I know where you are at. We just went threw this with our 5 1/2 year old son, I knew I should have listened to Gramma when she told us not to share our bed.
But here is what we did, we resorted to bribery...for every two nights he stayed in his own bed ALL night he got a hot wheel. It worked and after one month we let him pick out a really cool toy and have not had to bribe him ever since. He knows he can come in if he has a nightmare or he hears thunder, but that's it. It worked for us. and now we get the bed to ourselves...after 5 years!!!

A mom I know put a sofa at the end of their bed so the kids can come sleep there if they need to. I thought that this was an awesome idea!

Good luck!

I had the same thing and solved it by reading and exactly following the advice in the Practical Parent by Geneivive Painter, PhD. It is an old book out of adoption but I found it in2nd hand books on Amazon. I love that book. It helped me with so many things. It uses practical consequences. A quick summary is you explain to the child at night that mommy needs her sleep and can not have her waking you up. If you wake up and try to come in our room tonight the door willbe locked and mommy will be sleeping. When the child comes and tries to disturb you you can not respond at all. You have to completely ignore them because if you interact with them at all it reinforces the behavior. The first night was awful. My daughter threw a huge fit and went back in her room and wet her bed. We stuck to the program and did not respond and the next night it was over. She stayed in her bed and was soon sleeping all night. They only continue if they get some sort of feedback.

Hi J.
I just happened to see something on the news last night about your issue.The pediatricians recommend putting your child in their own bed at the time you want them to go to sleep,and then comes the hard part.You have to stick to your guns and be consistant.My suggestion:bedtime ritual ya know milk,bedtime story(nothing stimulating,maybe something boring even)A night light worked for me and my brother(I had no problems with my son in that arena)Anyway whatever works for you and your family is what is best.You are a family therefore hoping I dont sound crass you have to do what works for you guys.Another idea if you cant make up your own story talk about what you two or your family did that day and or what you will do tomorrow.I mean boring Example:tomorrow mom will wake up and do the dishes while you eat breakfast blah blah blah I think you catch my drift
Best Wishes
S.