Help Turning down the Volume on My Toddler!

I am dealing with the same thing in my three year old son.Let me know if you get any good responses on this one.Thanks a bunch!We just call him a ''Drama Queen''.

Do you talk to her in a lower calm voice when she yells. The happy squeals probably I wouldn't do anything that is all girl. But the mad yells and screams, I would try putting her in a time out spot and tell her she can come out when she decides to talk not scream. And yes, she is old enough to understand! My son is a screamer when he gets mad and this is what I do, He stops as soon as he is put in time out!

She has two sets of voices...well more but two will do for a start..lol..inside voice and outside voice.If she wants to scream inside she can take it outside..alone.After awhile being alone will get boring and she will quit.She is wanting attention any which way she can get it...good luck
S. B

kids learn by repetition. I would just keep telling her to shshshshshhhhh..... and then explain there is a time and place for screaming and in the house is not one of them. Then if you go outside with her tell her it is ok to scream there.
I am really not sure how to handle that one. Mine screams... not constantly and we just tell her "not so loud" or "not in the house" or " that is enough" but we also allow it at appropriate times.
Good luck.

My daughter was a screamer too-- happy, sad, or just for the heck of it. Finally, at age 2, we had had enough. I had tried lemon juice in her mouth -- but she liked it. Finally, a friend who has a developmentally disabled child told me to use a spray bottle with cidar vinegar and that worked. She is almost 3 now and she controls her screams. I let her scream outside when she is playing and running around but otherwise she does not scream anymore. We only had to use the spray once and then it was just threats to use the spray. I know that sounds barbaric, but it worked and we are much happier because of it.

Mel

Hi Karen. I hope this finds you and your family well.
Having a "high pitched" toddler can be somewhat of an aggrivation. I know first hand. My daughter just turned 3 and the more excited she gets the higher her tone goes. My husband and I used to be horrifed in public because others would stop aand watch.
At first, we played back and held our ears and made funny faces. This turned her interest to more of an entertainment and mildly defused the situation. Once we had her attention we would play the whisper game. She fairly preceptive to this. Of course, the attention span is about as long as a millimeter, so we played these games consistantly. Now we just tell her we have play the whisper game and her she tones down a few margins when she is excited or exasperated over something.
However, we have still not managed to find a way to devert her attention when she is very upset, angry, or just plain not getting her way. As if the temper-tantrum isn't embarrassing enough, having to throw her over a shoulder and haul her out of a store, the mall, or a restaurant has been the worst. Talk about "the walk of shame". We have however found that the minute she becomes restless and defiant, immediatley taking her out of the situation helps tremendously. She may not agree and we may have a serious argument with her over it but she gathers herself together much faster, and it lets her know that we are still in charge, have control, and it keeps her from getting her way. She is slowly, but surely, learning that pitching a fit and screaming....doesn't get her what she wants.
Another thing that helped her understand and appreciate the whisper game was taking her outside when she got "over excited". Beleive it or not, I would stand in our backyard and scream right along with her. She thought it was funny and of course, got louder. The point I made was that when we are outside it was okay to get loud and really have a good time, but when we went inside, I immediatley brought my voice to a whisper and we also played the tip-toe game.
I guess what I am getting to is that whatever angle you take, turning it into a game seems to help the toddler learn it faster. You may find that you are able to reason with her easier.
Let me know if you try this and how it turns out for you...of course, we have been working on these games for a long time.

You mention "at last check, her hearing was fine." Was this the pediatrician checking, or a specialist?

My daughter and I were deemed to have "normal" hearing, but we tend to get too loud at times ... found out our hearing is TOO good (our brains are wired a bit screwy) and we hear this too well (we cannot block out background noise, so we hear it as well as everything else) and we tend to be louder than normal, in order to hear ourselves over everything else.

If you haven't taken your daughter to a speecialist to have her hearing checked, I would recommend that first. Then if everything is truly normal, I would approach it as a behavioral problem.

I know you don't want to hear this but "THIS TOO WILL PASS". My son went through that and most of the things we tried did not work. I did keep reminding him to use his indoor voice or his big boy voice. I think alot of kids do this and it's just because they can. My son did grow out of it eventually.

HI Karen,

I bet a lot of that noise making she will eventually outgrow... but maybe not just yet. Until then, some things that might help occasionally...

Immediately change the mood to whisper time for 5 to 15 min.

When possible completely ignore her when she screams. (I always ignored my kids totally when they initially tattled or fought. To this day they never tattle unless it's very important, & fight very little.) You will probably have to do this for many times to break an old habit.

When she gets older & comes home from school, declare 5 - 15 min of silence once they are in the house. It starts the house in a state of calmness for the afternoon.

Or put her in her room when she is mad for long periods of time, baby gated at the door. Then ignore her. Later when she is calm, show her loving kindness.

Wear ipod or phone ear plug speakers that she can see. Let her know in advance that you cannot hear her when you wear them. Again ignore the screaming when you wear these ear pieces.

When shrieking for glee or talking excessively loud, with a big smile remind her to use her indoor voice. You will use this statement for many years to come.

All else fails, maybe a relaxing glass of wine... for you!

D. M. Focht

"Shaklee -Creating Healthier Lives & Environment"

click on: www.Shaklee.net/Focht

______________________________________________

My mom had a trick and I used it with my little girl when she got mad one day and got LOUD. She was screaming and I just told her in a low voice sorry mommy can't hear you, you are talking too loud, she quieted right down. When mom told me that she used this on my nephew when he was younger and it worked, I just laughed. I was like, right. But it did. Who knew? It might work for you. Good Luck.

Hi Karen,
First, take your child to an audiologist and have her hearing tested. I work with deaf and hard of hearing kids and I know from experience that some kids are very, very loud because they can't hear themselves. Don't depend on banging pots behind her head or seeing if she responds to your voice because you need to know if she hears all frequencies (pitches) and at what levels of intensity (loudness). It's really important that you do this while she is very young or it could have a major impact on her language development.

If her hearing is normal, I would contact a Occupational Therapist about the possibility of Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). There is lots of information about SPD on the internet and I encourage you to read it. Not all Occupational Therapists know how to work with very young children and not all are knowledgeable about SPD. There is an excellent group in Lexington:

Kraska & Associates Inc
437 Lewis Hargett Cir
Lexington, KY 40503
###-###-####

If you are not in Lexington, perhaps you could call Kraska and see if they know of any OT with SPD background in your area.

In the meantime, when your daughter is not upset or overly excited, I would work to see if you can encourage her to copy you when you speak at different levels of intensity. Have her echo a whisper and then tell her, "good girl, you are whispering." then have her imitate a normal conversational voice and give her a name for it, "that is you everyday, indoor voice, good!" and, yes, even shout and have her copy and say "yes! that is what we call yelling or shouting and that noise is very loud...it hurts my ears and should only be used outdoors or if you need help"

Please do not wait a long time to explore the hearing and SPD issues. Both can be worked with and overcome much more easily if support is started very young.

Best wishes,
V. R

If the screaming is getting attention, you'll just have to stop giving it to her (attention, I mean). When she's loud in a negative way, totally ignore her. (ALMOST impossible, but still possible). NEVER let her get what she wants when she's yelling, as it may simply be a control issue (as in 'we'll do anything to get her to be quiet' deal). When offering her something desirable, speak in the softest voice that she can hear. This might help teach her that importance isn't designated by volume! LOL Some friends of ours used to babysit our oldest daughter who acted as if she couldn't hear them when they spoke to her. They went into another room and started speaking softly about 'candy', etc. and she came running, proving that her hearing was NOT impaired. Make sure you DO pay attention to her when she does have a valid need for attention. Try to find what her 'love language' is (Dr. Gary Chapman, the 5 love languages: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service) and make sure her 'love tank' is filled with plenty of her particular need. I wish my mom (and I) had known these when we were younger . . . We usually 'speak' the language that's most important to us, and if our child has a different need, it goes unmet.

Happy parenting (and grandparenting! It's GREAT!)

I wish I could help but have no way of resolving this just wanted to let you know you're not alone... my oldest was an angel as a baby and now is 27 months and is a screamer... she is soooooooooooooooo loud... and my 4month old is a screamer now so you can imagine i'm going nuts... i guess its a stage some get out of the way young others later ...whatever it is i hope it ends soon lol... good luck

try getting her in your lap or laying on the floor next to her, and whispering in her ear about anything. my daughter did the same thing. i would whisper do you hear that dog barking or what ever just low enough that she had to shut up to hear what i was saying. once she was quit we talked about the problem.

Hi! I'm a Music Together teacher for children ages 0 to 5, and I know how annoying these high-pitched screams can be. Here's an article about high frequencies and children that might give you some perspective:
http://www.evekodiak.com/downloads/article2005.pdf

After reading the above article, if you feel like the sounds your daughter is making are more of a control issue/testing boundaries, etc, and that she's capable of speaking at a more moderate volume, try to stop responding to her screams in an emotional way. She may have decided it's fun to watch mom/dad/sis wince when she screams. And children are so good at finding the right "buttons" to push. (My own son is 2.5) First, make sure your daughter understands the difference between a "regular voice" and the screaming. Kids this age love the contrast idea. When she's in a cooperative mood, have her practice both, and do it with her. If you don't think it will scare her, you might go ahead and scream yourself (though not in an angry way) so that she gets a feeling for what it's like. Have her practice using her loud voice and then her quiet voice. Keep it in really simple terms, and don't use too many words.

Then, when the inappropriate screaming begins, remind her about using her regular voice, and if she continues to scream, you can tell her gently that you love having her with you but that when she screams, it hurts people's ears and that she'll need to be in her room or outside (if you have a safe fenced yard or porch) to make noises like that. She can come back and be with you when she's able to use her regular voice.

I used to work with children with difficult behaviors, and I highly recommend the Love and Logic series of books (some are geared to parents of toddlers, some to parents of older children and teens, some are geared to teachers!) to help you solve behavioral issues. The general concept is to use loving and logical phrases and actions to teach and establish boundaries for kids and let them learn the consequences of their own actions. It puts a lot of the thinking and "work" back on the child. Plus, they're fun to read. They also have books on tapes or CDs.

Good luck!
K.