I have two daughters. They are 13 and 9 years old. The problem is all they do is fight with each other. It is so bad that my parents can't take it ( they watch them when I work) The youngest wants to do things the older one does. But gets yelled at from the older one. So the youngest one hits her. I have grounded them and talked to them but nonthing works. Any ideas?
I found it helpful to read the book "Siblings Without Rivalry".
http://www.amazon.com/Siblings-Without-Rivalry-Children-T...
Good luck with this! My kids are only 8 and 5, but they drive me crazy with the fighting too.
when ours fought (that is past tense!) we used to make them hug and say "I love you" (like they meant it)
I'm probably going to be going "against the grain" but I tend to think it's a double-edged sword. Yes, they both need their own space, but it wouldn't hurt to have them also doing things together - some sort of team building exercise sort of thing. Saw something about this on Supernanny recently where the siblings were about the same ages as your daughters, and the just "hated" each other. They both wanted nothing to do with the other. BUT they did want attention from the parents. SO - there were activities planned for the girls to do together - activities to get the father more involved in the family, and for the mom to do with each of the girls. Things seemed to get better after that.
Good luck!
They need to have SEPERATE working/playing corners at times and times when they play together. Acknowledge and "reward" each of them for appropriate behavior and/or helping the other child. The young one can step up and the older one needs to learn how to be a big sister and help, teach, etc and not fight.
Make charts, if you want or have to. Let them EARN something they want. I don't think kids always need to be rewarded for good behavior, but at this point, they need to understand there ARE benefits of good behavior. At some point, you gradually back off on the rewards. The reward is self gratification and confidence in a job well done and helping another.
"Siblings without Rivalry" is a great book. They need space apart and know that life is not 'fair'. {Joke: Fair is something that comes to town once in the Spring] They earn different priviledges at different ages and they are individuals, so you and your parents will try to give them what they need at the time they need it. Do not allow hitting or yelling (but they learned it from the adults in their life, right?). Reward good behavior and kindness to each other. They have to like each other before they can become friends.
Hi L.,
Wow..when I was younger my little sister and I and even my older step sisters went through the same thing. And its much easier to deal with when you have experienced the things our girls are going through nowdays. We are experiencing the fighting with our girls,except my girls don't see their grandparents or any other relative often. My girls fight all the time at home. We really don't agree with violence between them..we have 3 daughters (12, 10 and 2) My oldest one is like the little nerd (LOL) not trying to be mean, but she is so smart and funny. She pretty much keeps to herself and she's started wearing makeup and dressing herself up and all that good stuff, and since she's been doing that my 10 year old wants to do the same things as well. They get mad at each other, but they respect that the fact is that they are both girls and girls gotta be alike at times. We make sure that each of our girls get treated for their differences. Like I said, My oldest is the nerdy one, my middle child is the popular one and my youngest is THE BOSS!! So we tell the older ones that they have to set a really good example for the younger one..and she wants to always be like her older sisters. The two older ones do do things together, play games, dress up and read or play other games. They are pretty close to age anyhow and that helps. Now they have a problem with my younger one wanting to hang out with them, do things with them, play with them. She wants to be where they are always. It frustrates them because they can't do certain things that they wawnt to do. When they go swimming, they like to do things by themselves and get rough, when she's around they have to mellow out a little. I can understand where they are coming from, but I can see where my littlest one is coming from too. She don't have many friends and the friends that she did have are all gone away or too young for her age. Sort of speak.
So as what I am saying maybe one is being given more freedom or more attention for her age and that is why they are having major differences! I've noticed that when the grandparents give my older one attention, because she is in sports and is a little older (young lady treatment) my middle child kinda gets the little girl treatment and that's when they have major problems with each other and fight. So when my oldest gets makeup for christmas or birthday, we go and get my other two makeup and treat them equal, than we never have to deal with the ugly green eyed creature! And my girls are best friends all over again.
I would say that your oldest needs a little space! It sounds like she wants to be an individual and separate from her sister a bit. Try spending separate quality time with each child and see if it makes a difference.
