Help, My 3Mo Old Daughter Won't Let Me Put Her down or Stop Entertaining Her!

I don't know much about babies, but in older kids.... Did you leave her alone with someone just before this started? If so, that might have scared her. Ask that person if something might have happened to scare her when you weren't there. The worst case, perhaps that person is not trustworthy.
Just my thought.

Dear Karine,

I am also a new mom....my son is now 8 months. He did the exact thing when he was 3 months old. I went online and found a lot of other moms with the same experience. I bought a carrier so I could keep him happy and get something done.

It lasted for sometime, but after he was able to move around more on his own, he became content to play on the floor (as long as he could still see me!). Now he crawls all around, and the time I had to spend holding him all the time seems like a distant memory. In my opinion, it did not cause any bad habits whatsoever to hold him as much as I could in that stage.

Don't let her cry...you'll make her more clingy later on. She is starting to become aware that she is separate from you and that is scary. Get a front carrier and have a better time with her. They do outgrow this stage and faster if you don't cause them more anxiety by ignoring their very real fear. Good luck and congratulations!

Try a sling! You can hold her and do what you need to do. She'll probably even go to sleep there. It's good for them to be held and this is a way you can do it and have your hands free at the same time. :)

Relax and take a deep breath - there is no such thing as giving yur child too much love and attention! Babies need to know that when they need something - someone is there to respond - if they don't cry = how else would they figure this out?

Try a swing or something similar so that when you put her down she can still easily see you. Eventually she will realize all is well and move on to other discoveries! In the meantime just love on her as much as you can and try to not to go too crazy! :)

If this does not improve you need to take her to the doctor. There is a possibility that she could have an ear infection and that would explain why she does fine until you lay her down. I had a child that never ran a fever or had any other symptons, except he cried when I laid him down. When I finally got so tired of the crying I took him to the doctor and he was upset with me, because the infection was so bad. How was I to know? Anyway, your daughter could have the same thing going on.

Hi Karine,
You write with real sensitivity to your little one and I'm glad you're going with your instincts to hold her. You're not enabling bad habits but just answering her developmental need to be held ( probably comforted by your beating heart rhythm, hmmm!)Being in your embrace is just what she needs to feel secure at this time. You get to do alot of things one-handed and it may be frustrating a bit. Have you tried any of the baby slings to keep her close but give you 2 hands free?

If you would like to use some more nurturing touch for you baby girl, you're warmly invited to my infant massage 3 or 5 session course. Learning to give her baby massage time may help the two of you with special closeness time that helps her relax and may give you a little relief too. Email me at ____@____.com or call me at ###-###-#### and we can talk about which class would be best for you. Sincerely,
Helen Moses certified parent educator

I've heard the "can't spoil a baby" thing too and I just don't know if I believe that. It might not be spoiled in the same sense as an older child--but I think it is definitely establishing preferences. A book that really helped us (and was recommended by friends with three children) was On Becoming BabyWise. It was a lifesaver! It gives a lot of suggestions on establishing sleep habits. There is some controversy around this book, but I always think it is good to read what options/suggestions are out there.

Get a sling, you'll both be happier. You really can't spoil them at this age. She'll be squirming out of your arms before you know it, and you can't get that time back. Besides, they cry for a reason. Until they can communicate better, crying means they have a need. And the need may simply be closeness. Remember, for 9 months she had your closeness 24/7. Cutting back on touch time with mother takes some getting used to. Best of luck. And congrats on your baby girl.

My son did the same thing and I kept waiting for the "phase" to end. It never did. He still wants to be right next to me all the time. Anyway...what I should have done when he was still small is put him in a sling. You know, Baby Bjorn or one of those. Every time I see a new mom with two free hands and a content baby strapped to her chest I feel a twinge of regret. Seriously...why didn't I just get one? I never used one, but I wish I had. That's my suggestion to you.

Best wishes.

-T. Q

It is perfectly normal and natural for a 3 month old to need you to hold her. Please read Dr. Sears book, "The Baby Book" and "The Continuum Concept" by Jean Liedloff. These are two books that will help you understand infants and what they need and what their cries mean. You do not need to constantly "entertain", you go about your work and carry her in a sling if she needs you. It is healthy for you and baby. I have three children and have used a sling for all of them, it is a life-saver, especially when we are home alone without other mommmies, aunties and grandmas.

If it breaks your heart to hear her cries, there is a reason. It is nature's way of telling you that she needs you. Trust your instinct, it is there for a reason.

Email me if you need ____@____.com

I too am going thru the same thing right now. I have three kids, the youngest three months. I find my self needing to take care of the older two and my baby wanting to be held (what seams like all day) Really now... you are a mommy now and things have greatly changed, and its gonna be hard...(and it's only gonna get harder) but take your time and enjoy what seams like an annoyance now, cause you wont get this time back. She will one day not want to be held. For them this is security. In my opinion three month old kids don't need to work their lungs. You will find your groove. Ask for help when you need it. You are doing great, she is changing every day. You can imagine what kind of entertainment she is going to need at 18 months (smile) Love her like you know how... cause thats all she really needs. Congrats to you and your lil one!

Karine, I know this is hard on you, but the fact is that babies that young have very basic needs. Food, sleep, clean diaper and your love/touch. Doctor's and all the books say that you can't "spoil" a baby that young, it's just one of their basic needs to be held. It gives them a sense of security. If they are deprived of that at such a young age, it could mean they are super needy down the road. I have 3 young kids who are all now very independent and here's why, when they were infants,I held them when they wanted love. Now, they know that I'm only a step away, so they are secure in that. Cherish this time that you sweet little one wants your touch and affection, before you know it, she'll be walking and never look back. Best of luck and congrats on your baby girl!

I love my Baby Bjorn at that age and at least I could keep hands free to get something done! :)

Also, does she like to swing? My daughter loved it at that age and found it very soothing.

Good luck,
K.

I am a working mother of 2, 11 yrs & 14 yrs. In my opinion is is NOT cruel to let her cry, I think it is good for her lungs and vocal chords. I understand she is only 3 months, but my opinion doesn't change. You are a mom and you know the difference in her cries.

is she possible teething, all mine cut there first teeth the first week they hit 4 months old. had them all in including their 2 yr molars by 15 months. if not could she have an ear infection. if not and she's comfortable then i'd say get her a swing or a bouncy you can put near you. movement tends to sooth them even when they are sick. i'd check the general reasons why she's fussy. then again she may have reflux and it hurts. if it just started take her to the ped and make sure there is nothing wrong physically then make a plan from there.

I heard there was no such thing to spoiling an infant. Your daughter just wants you close. She feels very secure and confindent knowing that you can fill every need. This may just be a phase, and may only last a couple weeks.
I recommend purchasing a wrap or a pouch that you can carry her in. I like the maya wrap. Carrying your child has many advantages. It frees your hands, helps socialize the baby and stimulate her. Your child will be hearing and seeing everything that you do. Wearing your child will also help her talk sooner. If you need to get out, I would rec. the wrap and take a stroll through the neighborhood. Here is the website for the maya wrap.
http://www.mayawrap.com/

Does she have any other symptoms? pulling at her ears? Fever? My Dr. said a good indication of an ear infection is that when I put my baby down to sleep she just screams. The pressure on the ear when flat is too much for them to take. There must be an underlying issue for her to just not want you to put her down??

I'm a hippocrtie in saying this but after you check all you bases and make sure she is ok fed, clean diaper not too hot or cold, not sick, and comfortable. You just have to show put her down and learn that even though you are still there for her, you can't hold her all the time. Now I'm a hippocrite because the second my son cried and still cries I'm still so fast to coddle him and he is 15 months old but with that said I am learning to say no and so is he, but the are only that little for so long so use your best judgement and trust yourself to know when it is or isn't right. When my son was that age though he was only especially needy of holding when he wasn't feeling well. So check all your statistics, sunken soft spot, tired eyes even though just woke, fever, stool, clamy, teething, it can't hurt any the first time I didn't realize he was sick until it really sunk in and I felt awful because I could have been doing things to make him more comfortable had I realized he wasn't just cranky.

You are not instilling any bad habits. This is common and just be there for her as often as you can. Definately try a sling, that works wonders. The only time you need to figure out is while you are cooking. Never cook with your baby in a sling on you. Either get take out or try getting different playmats. When my son was that age, my husband and I had all these "stations" we could put him in. Thhree playmates, swing, bouncy chair etc... She will get out of this, don't worry

Hi,

The advice about slings is right-on. You are building trust by holding her when she cries, and it's hard or impossible to know exactly what could be upsetting her. As an example - at 3 months or so, I remember my daughter suddenly being able to see better. She'd focus on something as we walked through the house (a picture, a plant, a door), focus on it and cry from the sheer novelty of it. It could be anything... I just let it ride and carried my baby for the first year (and still do often at 17 months).

Hi there. I personally do not think you can spoil a child at this age. I had a Baby Bjorn with both of my kids and I would just put them in there and cook and clean house and they loved it. Before long they will be like my 2 yr old and won't want to be held so enjoy every minute you can. It goes by way too fast.

Hi,

Yes, definetly get a Bjorn or sling. My son has been in the Bjorn since he was a few weeks old. He is now 9 months old. An added benefit is that it is great exercise for you while you're loving your baby. I will agree that it is hard to have a baby that always wants to be held and not put down. But, I keep reminding myself that this time will pass and before I blink he will be a teenager and wanting his mom to drop him off around the corner so as not to be seen with the "parentals". You aren't spoiling her. You are meeting her need to be close to you. What a beautiful bond us mommies have with our babies.

Best,

S.

My three month is doing the same thing and I found out it is because he is teething. If that is the case, try teething tablets, those work great. That or tylenol. Either or. If that isn't the case then maybe you should invest in a swing or a bouncer or jumper. They all work well. We just bought a jumper today for our three month old and he loves it. I just need to put him in there a few times a day to get him used to it and used to himself jumping. Good Luck. If you ever need any other suggestions I am hear for ya.

It sounds like you have great instincts, Karine! This may be related to your daughter's stage developmentally and is very normal. She is becoming more aware, more attached to you, and yet still has very limited physical skills. While we place an unfounded emphasis on independence in our babies and young children in this country (as if any baby could be independent!), it is normal biologically for her to need constant contact. Other cultures around the world know this, and so mothers generally wear their babies most of the time. You are right to not let her cry! There is a wealth of research taht demonstrates that responsive parenting reduces crying, fosters healthy attachment, and lays the foundation for later independence and emotionally healthy relationships with others.

I would suggest getting a sling so that you can meet her needs for closeness and still be able to move around and do some things you would like to do. There are a number of different styles so it is good to find out what others are wearing and get their feeedback. Are you nursing your baby? la leche league meetings are a good way to learn about baby slings, as well as get support for responsive parenting. Even if you are not nursing, you can call a league leader and get some ideas about slings. Any books by William and martha Sears, I would highly recommend! You can get them at La leche league meetings to read, or try the library.

You can go to store.peppermint.com to get information on lots of different kinds of carriers.

Good luck and keep on holding and cuddling that baby! You won't believe how quickly she grows up...

J., mother to five grown children,and la leche League leader

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old who both went through many phases of needing extra holding and loving. What helped me the most was using a sling so that I could carry the baby but still have my hands free. The baby bjorn was helpful for awhile, but wasn't so comfortable or able to be used in various ways like a sling is. Just google baby slings to find lots of options. I have had good luck with hotslings, but there are many similar styles out there better priced, and ring slings are nice too because you don't have to worry about sizing.
Good luck and love that baby. She will be running before you know it. The housework will still be there!
E.