LoL! Are her panties on her head too?
Okay, my son is only 2.3 yrs old, but we go through this too. As the other moms have said, this is a developmental stage where kids want their independence. I know my son is younger, but what I've been doing, plus what his preschool teacher and pediatrician have been recommending to do is to allow your child to be independent and have choices, within limits.
For my son, that means if he doesn't like what's laid out to wear, I pick out 2 items and say, "Ok, then you can wear this shirt or this one. You decide for yourself,” or, "Ok, then, quick, quick, you pick out your shirt yourself." Of course, the third option he'll sometimes pick is none of the above, but that's not the option I'm asking him to decide (or he'll even stand there and ask, "Why?"). If he doesn't pick or starts to play, I'll remind him that it’s time to get ready for school, and he can pick his shirt or Mommy will (he hates that and always says, "I do it!!") That’s the first battle. Then we move on to his undies, then his pull-ups (oops, I bought 2 different brands to add to the chaos), then his pants, then his socks, then his shoes, intermixing that with actually putting them on. He can put his undies on himself, or Mommy will do it (or even worse, I’ll get a diaper!), etc. He'll even say he's putting his undies on, when he really isn't. If he starts playing with a toy, I tell him I'll have to put the toy away and he can have it back after getting dressed. If he starts running around, I’ll grab him and put him in my lap and start dressing him. These moves usually make him really miserable, and he'll sit there pseudo-crying but dressing himself. He mostly just pouts now, but he does dress quickly to get his toy back.
This took a long time at first (yes, 45 min!), and some days he would just dawdle and stall so I’d end up sitting on him to dress him while he's crying at me (yes, I have to work too!). But, I'll remind him it was his choice. I haven't had to sit on him for a few weeks now, and we’re down to about15 minutes. Just the thought of me dressing him instead of him getting to do it himself is enough now.
In desperation, I've considered rewards (chocolate for the chocoholic) and praise for him getting dressed, going potty, going to bed, eating, etc. but he's kind of a praise addict, so his preschool teacher actually is trying to wean him off of praise and says that some kids can start to expect rewards and praise for everything and that you want them to want to do the task themselves rather than just to get a reward. So, sometimes I'll still calmly say, "Good job," or "Oh look, you got dressed so quickly. That's great." but I'll run it into another sentence like, "Ok, it's breakfast time. What shall we have?" or "Ok, go get into the car so we can go to school."
This sounds so idealistic, but over the long run, he's learning independence without being a tyrant. And yes, he's only this rebellious with me. And, I'm no angel. I have yelled at him a few times, which does work immediately, but it's far from ideal or appropriate. And today, he went to the potty and dressed himself with no prompting at all. He just did it…. Ok, he chose to wear his brand new fire engine pj's. Whatever. He dressed himself, quickly. But, I did tell him he needed to wear a sweater and sweats over his pj's because it was cold.
Good luck and much patience to you!