Doesn't Want to Get Dressed

Explain to him the night before, that if he doesn't get dressed, he's going in his nightclothes. The next morning explain again, if he doesn't get dressed he's going in his nightclothes and his friends will see him like that. But have an extra set of clothes ready for the car. Then give him 10 min. to get dressed, or he's going in his nightclothes without breakfast. Follow thru. If necessary, pick him up & put him in the car in his nightclothes. It only takes one time.

Thoughts off the top of my head:

Have the fight the night before. You can get him dressed in comfortable clothes that he can sleep in and then go to school in the next day. All you have to do is slip his shoes on and go.

Can you dress him asleep before you wake him?

Bribe him! What does he like? Think about rewards that would motivate him.

See if you can make it a game. Tell him you'll race him getting dressed! (Seriously, wouldn't work for my kids, but it does for some!)

Give him a little control - let him help pick out clothes the night before. My guys like to pick what they wear. They throw a fit if I try to make them wear what I pick out!

Good luck! I hate morning fights too...

My 4 year old daughter has this issue after her bath at night. I refuse to battle with her. She can run around naked all she wants, but she doesn't get anything she wants until she is dressed. No snacks, no stories, nothing. I'm sure it's more difficult in the mornings, but you could refuse him something that he expects to get or even ignore him completely and get ready yourself. I walked out the door once when she refused to put her shoes on, and she came running to the car in less than a minute! Don't reward him for his behavior!

I am sorry but you are letting your 3 year old run your life. If this is how he is behaving now. What will he do when he is older? Disipline Disipline, Disipline. I know it sounds easier then done but really you are the adult and he is the child and he already knows how to push your buttons and get what he wants. There are no "will you get dressed", "can you get dressed". Instead "it is time to get dressed" Don't ask him to do anything, tell him what is expected of him. If you must have him choose between 2 things. "Do you want mommy to get you dressed or do you want to do it." Or "Let me get you dressed or you can't go to the park later." Also allow plenty of time for this to be done. Don't expect a 3 year old to be able to get dressed and ready to go in 15 minutes. I have an almost 3 year old as well and it is almost 30-40 minutes to do our morning routine of getting ready. Good Luck and I hope you stay strong. He needs a strong parent.

As a single mother, you have my sympathies. I have a two year old girl, peridically she will refuse to get dressed in the morning and it is so much stress. I cant imagine going through it every morning and still be a patient parent!

When she refuses I try two things. One is to remind her of what our ritual is in the morning and that if she doesnt get dressed then she cant get oatmeal(she loves oatmeal). Then I give her a few seconds to reflect on that. Normally she wants to get dressed at that point.

If that doesnt work I just continue with my personal routine and I tell her that we are running late so I dont have time to play. Usually once I go on with my own tasks, she comes around to wanting to get her clothing on.
Good luck.

S., don't stress out over this behavior. It is common for kids to develop a sense of independence and a desire to be in control of what they do and what is done to them at this age. The thing that you can do as a mom is decide whether it is worth the battle or not. When you get him up in the morning, you can give him 2 or maybe 3 wardrobe choices (unless he must wear a uniform to daycare/school) so he can 'decide' what he wants to wear. Try making a game out of getting dressed. Maybe you could dress in the room next to his and tell him whoever gets dressed first will get a special treat that day or will get to pick out a video to watch together (creating some snuggle time for later in the evening for you both). If this doesn't work, you can always tell him he will be wearing his PJs to school if he doesn't get dressed and that the other children will have on their regular clothes. He may not care or he may go to school in his PJs and decide he is getting laughed at by his peers and get dressed the next morning without any problem. The main thing is to know that this too shall pass. It is a right of passage and one that you will survive. If he kicks or pushes you, though, you do need to deal with that lovingly yet firmly. He needs to know his boundaries, and you need to enforce them. Good luck and let us know what happens!

Have you tried making him go to school in his PJ's? You could let his teacher know ahead of time and maybe even take clothes with you in case he decides later that he would prefer to be dressed. Although I think that one day in his PJ's at school may drive home the point and he would be making the decision himself. It sounds like a control issue with him so let him think he took control even though you actually did! Good luck!

Giving him choices can help, but it doesn't always work. We have a similar problem here. If I find something she really wants to wear it sometimes works, but she really doesn't like to get dressed. The only thing that works for us in the morning is time outs. A quiet corner where she can't play or do anything. Usually it takes a few minutes, sometimes longer. Usually I can get dressed or get ready in the mean time.

I use to have the same problem with my three year old. He is four now and I am happy to say we don't fight about getting dressed. Here are the two things that worked for me:

1. Let him dress himself. Explain to him that he is growing up and isn't a baby any more. You think he is responsible enough to get himself dressed. Let him help you pick out his clothes the night before.

Then the next morning....

2. Don't fight with him, just explain to him you have xx number of minutes before you are leaving and if he is not dressed, he will be going to school in his p.j.s We never had to do this one, but I made sure to put P.J's on him the night before that would be okay for school, i.e they didn't have feet in them, so we could put his shoes on.

I hope this works for you. Keep us updated.

Battle of the wills and your son is winning! You've gotten some good advice so far. Yes, let him pick out his clothes but only 2 choices of shirts/pants/undies and no more. You didn't say when you are getting him dressed-right when he wakes up, after breakfast, etc. So try to let him wake up a bit and give him a time warning-it will be time to get dressed in 5 mins, it will be time to get dressed in 3 mins, etc. No, he doesn't understand how long 5 or 3 mins are, but you are giving him a heads up as to what is going to happen. Ok, now you are in his room, he made his clothing choices. Do you let him try to help take off his PJs and put on his clothes? Let him take off his bottoms and put his undies and pants on. Teach him to find the tag and put it too the floor so he knows which way is up. But the battle begins you say?? Ok, he gets 1 warning to stop and get dressed. You wait a bit (no more than a min) and give him another one but tell him he will go to time out next time if he doesn't stop. Still not getting dressed, put him in time out for 3 mins. Set a timer so you know, afterwards explain to him that it is time to get dressed and he will not behave like that. If he battles you off the jump now, put him straight to time out. And so on. The reason I'm suggesting time out is because you didn't say what you do besides physically battling with him and no one else did either!

You can also try a chore/behaviour chart. You can put on there get dressed and he gets a sticker for every day he gets dressed without a fuss. If he gets all 5 (for Monday through Friday) or 7 stickers for the week, then he gets extra time at the park, a kiddie cone at McDonalds or what ever type of small reward. You can put on there pick up toys, getting in PJs, brushing teeth, helping in house, etc.

Most importantly, stay strong and don't toss in the towle. Children can smell fear in an adult and will run you over like it was nothing!! It doesn't have to be a battle and the more you make him realize you are the adult, you are in charge and you mean business, the better off he will be!

Good luck!
S.

I know other people who have had this problema nd onr suggestion I have heard often is getting them dressed the night before and letting them sleep in their clothes. It may be appealing to him to do somehting different and he may get dressed willingly, if not at least you can have the fight with him at night time and when he wakes up in the mroning he is all dressed and ready to go. It should be easy to do at this time of year especially when they are just wearing shorts and t shirts anyway.

OMG! I am so with you, Sister! My son used to be so easy in the mornings, but my 2 YO has suddenly become like a surly teenager in the mornings. How many times have you heard yourself say, "Why do we have to do this every single morning?" And "I'm not going to do this anymore!" And I'm only 4' 11", so I know what you mean about not being able to physically handle him much longer (I'm a single mom, too, so I can so relate!).

Things have gotten a little better. I think there are several reasons for this: 1) He's finally figured out that he has to get up and ready whether he wants to or not, and 2) I've started the whole counting to 5 thing, which has made our lives a lot easier all the way around.

Every once in awhile he'll have a bad morning (like this morning!), but overall he's doing better.

So...

Chin up! This too will pass.

Hi, Sounds like he is getting some control value out of what he is seeing as a normal ritual. Have you tried letting him pick out his clothes - give him a choice of 2 outfits only and dressing himself? Only help if he asks for it. This will give him the 'illusion' of control and may get him to do what you want him to do without forcing. Let him pick out the outfit for bedtime - make a game of it, he may pick out school clothes to sleep in and save you some time in the morning.
Thanks Pam

Have you tried picking out two outfits and letting him pick out which outfit he wants to wear? Maybe get him up early pulling out clothes, leave them on his bed so he can pick which he wants to wear and let him do it. If he dosen't get dressed then he looses something fun. or if he gets dressed he can have something like choose what he gets for breakfast or which shoes he wears or a pack of fruit snacks while you are getting ready etc , you have to get creative with 3 yr olds 3s are worse than 2s.

You need help right away!! Sometimes kids just have to do what the parent says without question. He is old enough to do this I would think. My youngest (of 4) is almost two and going through that "No" stage--he thinks it is funny--but it is NOT tolerated. There are times when it is a matter of life and death if they do not listen to you. This is not one of them, but you need some help to gain control again and keep it.

I would like to suggest to you that you try and parent him a different way. It is hard, because kids do not come with instruction manuals and they should.

Dr. Kevin Leman has a good book called, "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours". ALSO Foster Cline and Jim Fay, have an entire series on what is basically "Love and Logic Parenting".

Amazon will pull it right up for you. There is the basic idea and then broken down into age appropriate suggestions for putting the theories to work. They are very, very good.

It is a way to allow the natural consequences of decisions to happen, and your job as a parent is to make them see that indeed the consequences were caused by decisions the child made and your role as the parent is just to love them through those real world consequences....teaches great decision making for LIFE...all of LIFE and I would recommend that you start with those..tonight. Usually the library carries them, if not amazon has new and used. It allows for the most control when the child is young, and you gradually allow them to make more and more decisions, so that when you no longer have as much control {say, the child now drives! SCARY!! ;o) } at least you have taught them the consequences of bad decision making....it works!!

S.,
Two things to try...Reverse psychology - Tell you that you do not want him to get dressed. See what happens. Or Let him go to school without clothes. Let the teachers or his peers let him know that clothes are essential! I have not had to try either, but I hear that they do work.

We just started using the love and logic method mentioned by the other moms for this very reason. our biggest battle was getting dressed and it seemed like the bigger the hurry i was in to get out the door, the more my daughter would fight getting dressed. I haven't actually had to take her to school yet in her PJ's because giving her choices of what to wear helped a lot. To totally resolve the issue, she and I made a "getting dressed" chart one day together. We took a posterboard, added different colored squares with velcro inside, and cut out foam shapes of different pieces of clothing (socks, shoes, dress etc) with velcro on the back. After she puts on an article of clothing, she puts the corresponding shape on her chart. When she fills all her squares, she gets a treat (gummies, which are her vitamins). Worked like a charm! Now we don't even have to use the chart because she knows how proud I am (and she still gets gummies) when she gets dressed without a fuss. Good luck!

I think you have 2 choices you can try:

1) Stop fighting him. Just say, "Okay, you don't have to wear clothes today." Then, put him in the car naked. He'll probably start begging you for clothes.

2) Start a sticker chart. For every day that he gets dressed without a fight, he gets to pick out a sticker to put on the board. When he gets 5 stickers, he gets to trade it for a new toy, money, icecream cone, candy, etc. Put together a box of cheap things (like a Treasure Box) that he can choose from. The sticker chart works well for most kids. You can also threaten that they will lose a sticker off the board if they are mean or misbehave throughout the day. It's worked for my kids.

Good luck!

I have a 3 year old son, and have problems sometimes too but I think it's about control. I always give him two choices so he can pick. Sometimes he wants to go and pick the clothes out himself. If he's watching a cartoon, I put it on pause (love the on demand) and tell him he can't watch again til we get dressed.
Finally, I have let him wear his jammy top to school and bring another shirt w/ me. He usually wants to change it once we get there. Those are my tricks. Hope this helps!

Yes! There is hope and a remedy! Before I tell you the remedy...The first thing that I would do while you are with your son is give him lots of choices. Just two to pick from that you are okay with. Someone already mentioned giving him choices as to what outfit...that just might do it right there for him. Have it pulled out and and ask him which one. Which shoes..which cereal to eat for breakfast...do you want to potty in this potty or that one....do you want your hair brushed with a comb or a brush....silly choices, yes, but he will feel like he is gaining more power, while you are actually getting the control back.

Okay, I use Love and Logic to parent...love it! www.loveandlogic.com. I remember this very struggle in the younger book. It has dialogue and everything. What you'll do is talk to his school about your struggle and what you are going to do the very next day, so they need to be prepared and meet him at the door.

This is what you'll do. You'll have his bag of clothes all ready. (REMEMBER, LESS WORDS, MORE ACTION...I think you've seen that more words doesn't help) You'll ask him once to settle down and get his clothes on. He doesn't...that's okay. You put him in his car seat with PJ's or whatever he has on. (Our kids don't need to see us struggle and we need to keep calm...he is seeing that he is controlling your frustration and having a darn good time of it. :D Hey, he's a normal kid!) You go to the school and this is where they meet him at the door. They'll tell him that they only allow kids that are dressed in the school. So, he'll have to get dressed either in the car or right there at the door.

Don't give him the option of not going to school. Always give choices that you can live with or are okay with both choices that he chooses. So that way, either one he picks is OK.

At the love and logic site, you'll be able to watch a few video clips to get a feel for it and there are a few articles you can read for your child's age group. The CDs and videos are pure comedy. L&L make parenting fun, in my opinion. Good luck!!