Help Dealing with the Loss of a Child....anyone near Ft. Worth, Tx?

Dear Kelly...I am so sorry to hear of your loss and also having to go through something so horrible without much support. I lost an infant son 7 1/2 years ago and so I know a similar pain. It is a long, dark road to walk and in reality, no one can even come close to understanding unless they have been there and have also buried a child. I remember people saying so many hurtful things...good intentions, but they really just should have shut up and just simply said, "I'm sorry." :-) Anyway,I would be happy to be an "e-mail buddy" for you. My e-mail is ____@____.com can also see some pictures and read the story of how we lost our son, Logan, on our website: www.thefishbowl.name and go to Logan's page.
Also, I'd like to invite you to attend a support group that I've been very involved with since his death. It is called MEND--Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death. We offer support to families who have lost a child due to either miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant death. The support group meets in Irving the 2nd Thursday of each month. There are directions on the webiste (www.mend.org) or you can always e-mail me. We also have other activities throughout each month...one being a "Food & Fellowship" on the 4th Thursday of each month. I actually head this group up and we'd love to meet you. We just meet for dinner and/or dessert and for some fellowship with other moms who have lost children as well.
I will tell you though that our group is similar in that you can't bring your kids with you. The reasoning for that is b/c for some people who have just recently lost, or who do not have any living children at home, it can be very difficult for them...and plus, its hard to get into deep conversations when your kids are there, too. I hope you understand. But let me know if you have any other questions.
Please let me know if you need anything at all. I'm happy to help in any way that I can.
~B. Fish

Kelly,
My heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my daughter 17 days before her second birthday. It has been 11 years now so she would be 13. I have had 2 other children since her death but I do still miss her. There is not a day that goes by that I dont think about her. I will tell you that is is very common for husbands and wives to grieve differently. My husband and I actually split up for 6 months about a year after her death. I just needed to be alone because I did not know if I could go on. We did get back together and we have been together ever since. I went to a support group called Compassionate Friends. It is made up of just bereaved parents and grandparents.
As far as friends go I completely understand what you are saying. About 6 months after my daughter died we had a get together and everyone was laughing and joking around but I did not feel like joking or laughing I wanted to scream dont you all remember I just lost my baby girl. Sometimes friends dont know what to say and also we are a reminder to them of what could happen. Some people just cannot handle it. If you would like to talk you can email me and I will give you my number. I promise you it does get easier. You will never forget them but after a while when you remember them it makes you smile not cry as much. I still 11 years later have my good days and my bad days. It will always be that way. You have to give yourself permission to feel what you feel and not worry about what other people will think. God bless you and your family. If you ever want to talk just let me know day or night. For me knowing there are other people out there that are just like me helped me a bunch. We are all part of a group that no one wants to be a part of. None of us by choice. All of our children have died from different things and at different ages but one thing still remains the same we have all lost a child.
D.

North Richland Hills Baptist Church has a grief counseling ministry I think you and your husband would find benificial. You can reach the church for information at ###-###-####. Ask to speak with someone at the counseling center.

I want to let you know there are those of us that care and support you even if we do not know you personally - wish i could give you a hug....regarding finding people to talk to...i would suggest searching on-line for support groups that you can dialogue with you as this seems the easiest and most convenient way to relate/feel supported by those who have been there/know what you are feeling. I had a son that had cancer, and though he didn't die, we went through a lot and ofcourse that thought of losing my child ran through my mind...and I got a lot of support from an on-line group that I could respond to in the middle of the day while still at work or in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep and got comfort that way as the saddens hits you at different times.

If you want that face-to-face connection, I would highly recommend:
Griefworks
6320 Lbj Fwy # 122
Dallas, TX 75240-6428
###-###-####
www.christian-works.org
This is a place for children and adults to come and talk about the loved ones they lost...the kids go to play therapy, while the adults talk about their lost loved one...my kids, husband and I found this helpful when my father-in-law died suddenly. I know your other kids are very small (play therapy may not be applicable), but this support group may at least encourage you to bring your kids so you can talk with other parents. If not, ask them for a referral, they are very sweet people.

~H.

I am so sorry for the loss of your little angel and the pain you are still feeling. Check into the Warm Place in Ft Worth. I have heard good things about this organization. While I have not lost a child many in my family have. My Dad's sister lost a battle with Downs as a young child and my cousin lost his battle with leighs disease at 8 years old. I am sending you hugs and love. I wish you comfort and inner peace. We have a 4 1/2 year old girl and are also in the Ft Worth area if you would ever like a play date (you can bring her sisters) :) Welcome to Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas- including love and friendship!

Hello Kelly,

I'm very far from Ft. Worth, actually I'm in the Caribbean, I live in Trinidad. You are going to be the first person I'm going to talk to about losing my daughter. For the last 40 days and nights I have pretending to smile and have had no opinion on any matter.

My daughter was 2yrs 9mths and 1 day old, she was beautiful, smart, vibrant and extremely loving. She was and still is my world, now everyone expects me to just pick up and HEAL! This is not easy, I feel completely shattered and do not know how long I can keep up the pretense of normalcy.

My baby died very unexpectedly, I read her books till she fell asleep then went to have a shower. When I came out I could feel a fear inside of me and immediately ran into her room. I found my child covered in vomit and not breathing. The doctors say that there was nothing actually wrong with her medically, but somehow she vomited whilst asleep and choked on it in the short time that I went to the shower.

I tried giving her CPR on my way to the emergency room, I can still taste my daughter's last breath in my mouth. I do not eat, I do not sleep, I break down and cry in public because I cannot cry at home. My pregnancy was very complicated and I cannot have anymore children. My fear now is ending up alone. Even if I had no friends or no family I believed I would have always had my baby.

Even though I have lost my child and we have that in common, we all feel things in different ways. I will never completely understand how you feel and vice versa. I will however pray for you, everyday I pray that God is real and then I pray for the strength to survive this. I pray that I will one day be able to eat and sleep and love and laugh. But first I have to want to! You have to want to as well!

Forget about the the people who are not being understanding of that pain you carry that even you sometimes cannot understand. They just cannot understand. And honestly I am happy for all the people in my life who do not understand this pain, I never want them to. It is not natural! It is not the way we are designed to be as mothers.

I know I am far away from you, but I will always be close by if you ever need to talk, cry or scream at someone. My e-mail address is ____@____.com and you should google my name and you will see the horribly wrong article they wrote in the local paper about the death, they never even bother to spell my daughter's name correctly. Insensitive asses live amongst us everyday, learning to ignore them is hard and I'm still figuring it out, but you have to try.

All I can say is Live! Live until you die! Your children deserve to have their mom with them completely. And CRY! Pain is not private, not matter how we think we hide it.

Hi Kelly,
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your young daughter and the struggle your family has had to endure. As if that's not hard enough, dealing with friends and family members who aren't supportive makes it worse.
I wanted to reaffirm some other answers on here. I am partial to GriefWorks ministry at ChristianWorks for Children. I worked as the Program Coordinator for GriefWorks for almost 3 years before I moved to this side of the metroplex and it makes me so happy to see someone has already recommended it to you! The people working there are awesome and I can't say enough about the volunteers. Usually, the children have to be five or older to attend, but if your daughter is almost five they should go ahead and let her join. However, I do know that is a drive and I so I also want to let you know The Warm Place is a great alternative. GriefWorks is modeled after The Warm Place and they do have more evening groups available. The main difference between them is that GriefWorks is faithbased (the only faith based children's grief support group in the metroplex that I know of). I hope that has helped! If you have ANY questions, please get in touch with me: ____@____.com. I live in North Keller if you would ever want to meet up, do a play date (I have a 2 y/o daughter), and just visit. Best of luck to you and your family in this journey in grief. I'll be praying God puts the right people in your life to help and support your family in this time. :)

Hi Kelly, its me again- (M.) although I have never been in your shoes it pains me that someone going thorough what you have been through has been met with such adversity-you should get in touch with a councellor in your area to help you . My husband lost his brother when he was 20, and I don't know how my mother -in-law would have kept from going into a nervous break-down had it not been for her church and a councellor. (pardonmy spelling!!) I hope you can find peace in the children you have. I am so sorry for your loss. <3God bless you!

You can contact me. I am in Denton.

I am so sorry for your loss. My cousin lost his 13 month old a few years back, and I'm completely amazed at how they have gone on with their lives and have even had two more children, like you. They weren't very active in their church at the time, but really leaned on it for support during that time. They have told me that the support groups and church were the only way they made it through. So I love the fact that others have posted information on other groups for you. My advice is to keep trying different groups until you find one that you're comfortable with. And if you need to have one of you attend a group first while the other watches the kids, that might be a good way to get into the group and find out from the other members who they use to help watch their children. I'm so thankful that you are looking for support on this -- too many people would keep all the grief to themselves. Good luck and God bless...

My heart goes out to you. We have lost babies in our famnily, my brother Travis at 2.5, Baby Grace at 4 days and Baby Matthew at 3 mo. Though they are gone, they are never forgotten and their time here was meaninful and touched many lives.

I am part of Mothers and More, a non profit mothers group. We just started a new chapter in Keller if they are close by. They are wonderful women from all walks of life. Though we do not specialize in loss, we do have a national email group that I hope you would find hopeful. Feel free to check out our website at www.mothersandmore.org

My name is C., I live near DFW and I truly understand how you feel.. Today as I sit and write this... It's a very bad day.. On June 20,2002 I lost my daughter in an accident, only three days away from her second birthday.. It has been 10 years and yet it seems just like yesterday.. I still don't understand and i grieve alone.. Her father and I are no longer together and he has moved on and now has a family and three kids of his own.. It seems like my world has stood still and I don't know what to do.. June 23 is her bday and I just have so many feelings inside of me.. I miss her so much. I would really like people to talk to that can truly say that they understand how I feel.. I know I willnever be the same... Having seen the accident its been very hard.. I want another child but have been unable to have one... I just want to feel life again.

Kelly,
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. My daughter was stillborn at 38 weeks in November 2006. She literally died moments before and we had no idea there were any problems. It has been very hard but I found support through my church community and MEND (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death) www.mend.org. The support group meets in Irving on the 2nd Thursday of the month. They also have a play group - moms that have children either prior to or subsquent the loss of their baby. They do different activities throughout Dallas-Ft. Worth. MEND also has a subsquent pregnancy support on the 4th Tuesday and a social night on the 4th Tursday. They have a remembrance ceremony in Oct. and Christmas ceremony in December where families are welcomed. Feel free to send me a private message. I live about 30 miles north of Ft. Worth.
J.

First of all, I would like to say that I am so sorry for you loss. I absolutely can not imagine what you and your family have been through. I would just like to extend a word of encouragement and a hand in friendship. I live in North Richland Hills and am a new mom to a 6 month old. I moved to NRH area and work in Irving so I have no friends around me either. I hope we can get to know each other better in the future.
You and your family will be in my prayers :)
M. Voth