Having Babies Close Together

Hi N. -
Congratulations! I wont lie, this will be tough because the kids stages are going to be different for 2-3 years. My kids are 11 1/2 months apart. True Irish Twins! It wasn't planned, but like you since I was older, I was ok with it (after I got over the shock!!)

When you get home, it will help to have some one there, maybe not staying over but helping you out. I would also try the bassinet until you know how child #1 is going to handle the outside noise, and how child #2 sleeps (or doesn't)

You most likely will have about 2 years of hell because of the different stages that they were in, but now they are the best of friends, well, they were up until about 2 months ago...now they are 4 and 5 and are fighting like cats and dogs!

Its tough, but worth it!

Good luck!
L.

Hi N.,
You've been blessed and so have they. My first two are 15 months apart (not planned) and they are couldn't be closer. My third is 3 years behind them and at times feels left out. Not because the two older one's make her feel that way but mainly because she's in a different age group. Even through the teen years I'm amazed at the relationship the three of them have being so close in age.

My older daughter just wrote one of her college essays about her brother and struggles he's had in life (he's dyslexic)...it was very moving!!

One thing I was always careful to do was not allow them to fight it out. At a young age if they would begin to argue I would quickly stop it and teach them how to resolve it.

Often times I think parents let siblings fight it out and often times they are to young to handle it and build resentments at an early age. Everything in life can be worked out with out constant bickering.

Good luck I was blessed 3 times and still am....even through these teenage years!!
-K.
PS...all three of them shared a room for 5 years....probably another reason they are so close.

My first two sons are 14 months apart and I absolutely love it!! They did great with sharing a room (although I had the baby in the Graco in our bedroom for the 1st 3 months but that was more for my convenience with nighttime breastfeedings.) Kids are extremely adaptable and it might take a few nights, but it will all work out. I will admit that it is a lot of work especially for those first 2 years, but the joys that come from having them so close in age made up for everything!!! I would never think of doing it any other way.

Congratulations and enjoy your kids!!

H. (SAHM 5, 4 and 17 months old boys)

Hi N.,
Congratulations! You will get used to having kids close together, and people saying "wow, you have your hands full". My first 2 are 17 months apart, my next 2 are 13 months apart. My best advice is to use a bjorn baby carrier for the baby and a backpack carrier for the older. I was always wearing one baby which allowed for more hands free, even in the house while making dinner or whatever. My kids went into the back pack as soon as they could hold themselves up a bit, around 6 months i think. It was a lifesaver!
I think by having them close together you miss some of the jealousy when the new one comes along, the baby won't be old enough to be really mad, my kids got over it really quickly.
good luck!

CONGRATULATIONS!! Don't worry. Things find a way to work out and you find a schedule that works for you. Yours will be closer than mine. My oldest 2 are two years apart and the youngest is 22 months younger than the "middle child." lol You will get tired and overwhelmed at times but give yourself a break, don't worry about the things that don't matter (messy house, etc). I can tell you they are teenagers now and the two youngest are girls and they are so close. Every night they say "I love you" to each other and I cannot tell you how much your "cup will runnith over" Do not panic, ask for help when you need it and just love those babies as they will bring you a lifetime of happiness! Again, CONGRATULATIONS!!

Hi N. -
Congratulations!!!! Your kids will be VERY close! My brothers are exactly 14 months apart & shared a room from the birth of the youngest up until their early 20's. It was cool to witness it growing up - they played sports together & even though they were in a grade apart from each other in school, they had double the friends - we had so many boys at the house!!!! They are still very close now - the youngest is married now & has a baby girl & the oldest is still in the bachelor phase (dating a very nice girl though) and they still manange to stay close. It's nice.

I also have a friend whose boys are 12 1/2 months apart - and they're still small so it's alot of the younger wanting to do what the older one does - however she keeps them in separate rooms & does things separately with them. As nice as it is to make each child independent and his/her 'own person' there's nothing wrong w/doing stuff together. They love each other though & are pretty close for a 5 & 6 yr old!

My brothers however did everything the other did - but they still formed into their own person. They both played soccer, baseball, hockey, stree hockey & basketball ... the older favored baseball & hockey while the younger favored soccer & basketball. They're still 'themselves' but doing it together.

Enjoy it - really ! And don't worry about the sleeping part. Keep the newborn in a cradle/bassinet for the 1st few months in your room so the older child can get used to 'hearing' the crying from another room then slowly make the transition. That's what we did with our boys (now 6 & 4). They share a room & we do everything with the both of them & they are incredibly close which is awesome. They're still their own person but they have a wonderful bond. And my oldest slept just fine when the youngest cried as a baby.

Good luck!
God bless
C. B.

Hi N.,
I had almost the exact scenario. My two are 14 months apart (now teens!), also with an older step-brother. The things I loved the most were they could do similar things especially as they got older so were built in playmates for each other. I can't deny the challenges when they're very young, but it's all very worth it. The "stages" all seem to melt together and you get through them quicker than if you had a big gap in ages. The one thing I would change is making sure they were only one year apart in school. The way my boys' birthdays fell, they have a two year space and it just doesn't work for them or me very well. As for them sharing a room now, some source of "white noise" like a fan may help. Remember, enjoy them! It is SO true that, before you even know it, they are grown... :) L.

MY first two are 15 months appart and the first year is defintetly a challenge but it was not really that much worse than only having one. By the time the 2nd one turns one they will most likely be playing together and life becomes much easier than if you only had one. The biggest thing that made a difference for me was when I was feeding #2 I sat on the floor to be close to #1. Good luck! They really have a windeful bond when they are so close in age!

Hi N.,
I am a mom of 3. My first 2 were 15 mos apart. First I would suggest putting a bassinet in your room for the first few months. It makes things much easier until the baby starts sleeping a little better.
You are going to have your hands full for a while. I remember days that I would be breastfeeding my daughter at the kitchen table while I was spoon feeding my son. But I have to say now, they are 5 and 6, it is great. They keep each other entertained. It's been like that for a few years now. It's hectic at first, then I think it's easier to have them close. Good luck and congrats on your little one on the way.

My two are 13 months and 10 days apart, a boy and a girl. I found that it was even more important to have someone around to help right after #2 is born, so that both children get lots of attention. Nursing was rarely an issue, although there were times when my son wanted attention while I was nursing. I tried a few things -- a play yard for him with toys he didn't get to play with any other time, making sure he was set up with a snack and drink before I started. Eventually, though, he stopped really even noticing or caring when I needed to nurse his sister; in fact, he'd bring me the boppy and want to recline the chair I sit in to feed her. I will say, though, that at this point (he's 18 mo. and she's 5 mo.), they already have a bond. The first time she ever spontaneously laughed, without being tickled or encouraged by us, was just looking at her brother, and she watches just about everything he does with obvious delight. He loves to give her hugs (even more than he gives us), "share" his toys with her, and always points out to us if she's crying or wants attention.

A few more things: there will be times when they are both crying at the same time. Someone told me before my daughter was born, tend to the oldest first, because he will remember, but she won't. Also, it's no sin if they do cry while you tend to the other one, as long as you know they're safe. Accept the fact that you're one person, and you just won't be able to meet every need at the second it's expressed.

hi N.,

You already have lots of great advice, so just to give a little more support.. ;). I am also 40 and have a 22 mo old and a 8 month old, and working full time. It is crazy at times, but absolutely wonderful. They smile and laugh with each other already, my younger one lights up when her older brother is around, and he can be very sweet with his younger sister, it is so precious. Of course, there will be days when you want to break out in tears, especially the first few months. They are BOTH still babies, will both be wanting your attention, and there is only one of you. But, after the first few months, you will get the hang of it, and things will start falling into place. As crazy as it can be at times, I wish I could slow time, I don't want these ages/stages to pass to quickly, it is so precious and fun.

I agree with the baby bjorn being an essential. The baby is happy in there, and leaves hands free, and makes it easier to carry two when necessary. It is great around the house, for shopping, taking walks, etc..

Congratulations and Best Wishes!
Kim

Hi N.,
I am K. From Charlotte VT, I am kind of on the opposite side of s, in the sense that I am only 26 and got pregnant twice (when i was 19 and when i was 21)while on birth control, no trying at all:)
I have three boys who all are roughly 26 months apart from each other. We live in a three bedroom home which is small but fine:) I think having my kids close together is really wonderful, and tiring. Depending on the gender of your baby, you might find things not being just one childs but shared. My petite 6 year old weighs only a couple of pounds more than my big four year old, so clothing is pretty much shared, almost like with twins. My kids grew so accustomed to the natural needs of whoever was the newest baby in the house that the screaming baby never disrupted the sleeping of his older siblling(s). The biggest problem I have encountered so far is the jealousy bit, as my youngest has gotten to be a toddler he seems to think that he needs to compete with his older siblings for my attention and cuddles:) This is much worse with my youngest son than it ever was with my middle son. routine works great for my boys and even though my kids share most everything from bedding to undies (it is really hard to seperate who has which superhero on their butt, so in one drawer they go) they still have their own security items which are only theirs and they do not have to share with anyone else. Yep that works for me, life is a little crazy, and I am extremely outnumbered but we're happy:) I wish you the best of luck, don't worry it wont be as difficult as you might anticipate, we are moms, we can do anything.

I have two children 15 months apart. It isn't that hard, once you get past the lack of sleep. You will survive.

I would leave the youngest in a bassinet in your room as long as you can. He or she is going to wake up the older one. Then you are going to have two awake and one won't be easy to put back down.

As far as the room sharing goes - good luck. My two are 22 months apart and I had planned on having them share a room, but the 6 month old is still in our bedroom! Their nap schedules are so different and overlap that they couldn't possibly share a room during the day and the 6 mo is still getting up 1 to 2 times per night, which would surely wake up my 2 year old. I have a friend with a 1 and a 2 year old (13 mo apart) who has a very complicated night sleep situation because they don't have separate bedrooms. Our situation will stay as is until my husband finishes a room in the basement, hopefully sometime this spring! So my advice is to avoid room sharing with the baby, if its possible.
Oh, and congratulations! Oh thing things we do for these little bundles of joy.

Hi N.,
Congratulations!! It's so exciting. My two are 17 months apart. They are the complete opposite. My girl is 23 months now and really loves her little brother. Having my boy didn't effect her at all. She just went about her business. As for me, I'm tired! Caring for a baby, and a toddler is so tough. My son cries alot, and it takes alot out of me just listening to him cry. He wants to be held all the time. So that makes it hard to play with my daughter. And there nap times are opposite each other. He naps, when she is up, and when she naps he is up! I do love being a mom. There are days that are great, and others that are not so great. It is all worth it when they look at you and smile.

My husband and I had planned on them sharing a room. But my son, 5 1/2 months now, is still waking up through the night. And I can't seem to get him on a good napping schdule. He is actually sleeping in our office in a pack n play right now. I don't want him to wake up my daughter. He cries alot! We are considering setting him up his own room. I'm having a tough time dealing with him still waking up in the night. My daughter was sleeping through at 3 months. In my opinion, in my case, I feel that it will be easier on me to put them in seperate rooms becaused I don't want to deal with them waking each other up. But in the long run, I would love to see them bond better because they have shared a room. So my point is, I was all for them sharing a room, until my son was born, and I saw his personality. I feel he might need his own room. But people do it all the time. Some don't have the option for seperate rooms. And it works out. I think if you can tough it out for the first year, it will work out great. Congratulations, and good luck.

Congrats! I have 3 wonderful kids - 10,7 &6 - my younger 2 are 14 mos apart. I would echo the bassinet in your room for a while. Baby carriers are soooo important as are a nice swing in the kitchen. Alwasy easier when they are in site. The first few years will be hectic - but fun. Make sure you look at the funny things and don't get caught up in all that we think should matter. Get some relief - even an hour a week - to just go out to the store or sit in a coffee shop by yourself. It is amazing the new look on life that gives you. Maybe trade some time with a friend?? And then ask someone to help you in your house - don't be shy, many hands make for light work! OF my 2 younger ones - the older one was always giving lots of "love" to her baby brother. I had to keep the infant out of reach or under close watch. But on the other side, I didn't have to take away the pacifier from my infant - my toddler did it for me! She never wanted a pacifier unless it was in her brothers mouth.

All 3 of mine a very close - they all shared the same room - didn't want their own. Finally my older one made the break. They are still close and have lots of fun. The early years are always lots of physical work no matter how many - but it is really nice having built in playmates, they tend to get along well with others - lots of pluses so enjoy!

If you have faith in God, He will give us Nothing we can't handle without Him!

My mother-in-law went through the same thing, has 7 kids. I am very blessed to be a part of their family. Closer in age, they will prob play good together and take care of each other. Good luck!

My first two were fifteen months apart, the second and third were one year and two weeks apart, my third and fourth were 21 months between. So I had, when the fourth was born, four children four years old to newborn.
Then we took a break for nearly seven years.
Could not stand not having a baby in the house and had three more, all two years apart.
I think it was easier for the ones that were one year or so apart. Already in the swing of things, yes?
It was harder for me to get one out of diapers and have to get right back into it, then it was just to stay in diapers until the first four were done with them.
THere are parts of it that are difficult but parts that are easier.
WHen one would be getting out of a "stage" another would be going right into it. Extended phase yes, but easier to deal with.
And they were all such good friends. We lived rurally so they had each other for playmates. Worked out beautifully.
Had much more sibling rivalry with the three that were two years apart.
The very most difficult time was when we had four teenagers and three small children. The babies needed physical attention 24/7 and the teens needed emotional attention 24/7. There were a couple years that were pretty draining.
But it all turned out quite well in the end. They stayed very close and still best friends into adulthood.
Best wishes and GOd bless
Grandmother Lowell

My first two are 15 months apart and have shared a room from the time they were born. I have also just had a third child -- 22 months after my second! I have found that having the kids 15 months apart is MUCH easier than 22 months apart simply because my 15 month old paid no attention to the new baby. Right now my 22 month old and my 3 year old want to hold the baby, hug her and smother her with "kindness". ugh. I can't leave themm alone together for even a second!

As far as the room sharing--it's a pain in the neck. BUT, that being said, my girls have really bonded in that room. To hear them singing twinkle, twinkle little star together... or to hear them talking back and forth... or playing together at 5am.... it is priceless and the bond that they have gotten from sharing, i think, will last both of them a lifetime.