Has Anyone Had Experience with Pre-marital Counseling?

Yes, we did, and I am glad we did. It has helped us through some difficult times. We have been married almost 6 years. It helps you with any unanswered questions you may have before going into the marraige and gives you tools throughtout your marriage. Hope that helps!!!!

My husband and I are catholic, so we had to go through counseling. Loved it and it truely had paid off. The first year of marriage really isn't a honeymoon, it sucks, even if you've lived together before hand. Certain things that you remember from counseling will just hit you after an argument and you'll be like okay, we can get through this. You will also find that you already know everything about your future husband, but there are a few details that you will learn that will just help things make sense. I strongly recommend it. Loved it and it really has helped us. We've been married 3 years now. We have lots of tools to fall back on now.

We loved it and I agree with Kelly G. It just gives you some great things to talk through before hand. We thought we knew each other great, but there were somethings that we hadn't talked about and it was fun getting to know each other. We learned that the thing you love most about the person is most likely also related to the thing that drives you the most crazy about them. For example, one may love about the other how laid back and easy going they are about everything, but it may also drive the opposite partner crazy that they are always late, etc. Our "mentors" were an older couple that we respected and knew held our same values (we are deeply devoted to our Christian faith). He was in business and had compatibility tests for his groups of employees to help them work more cohesively and gave us a test like that to take. We got to compare how we would work together in stressful, as well as normal day-to-day interactions and it was very interesting. It was more of a clearer understanding for us to realize how we would relate and communicate with each other. We also pledged from the get go, no matter how hard it got, or how mad we were, we would never threaten or consider divorce to one another. We were not worried about that, but I think just having that being said, was another verbal agreement we had. Maybe you could find an couple that you look up to, share values/similarities with, and your fiance would agree to go so you can interview them and get their perspective on marriage and what it takes. Ask them to give you pointers and to "mentor" you through your engagement, new marriage process. It doesn't have to be a formal class, a couple that have been together with a happy marriage for many years (if they are willing and excited to help) would be a GREAT resource. Best wishes to you, you little one and your future spouse. I will say a prayer for your family and your future together and Congratulations!

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. I would strongly advise you to seek out some source of pre-marital counseling. This is my second marriage and though I was married in the church the first time, our (my exhusband and mine) pastor did not think that we needed counseling because we had already been together for 3 years. How I wish we had! We then would have at least realized some of the issues that come about in a marriage that you do not necessarily deal with as a dating couple, even one that lives together. My husband (now) and I do attend a church and the pastor (who is a friend of ours) requires EVERYONE whom he performs a ceremony for to do some counseling with him, even us who he had known for a while and was our close friend. I am not sure there are any services outside a church that would offer this, however there are many pastors that would do this as part of performing your ceremony without you being a member of their congregation and without pushing you to join. Let your fiance know how you feel, and let him know that you are already thinking of how to give your marriage the best start you can.

I think it's a good idea. I did it, it was required through our church.
It helps you realize some issues you could face in the future and makes you really think if it's what you want to do.

My husband and I participated in premarital counceling, and our pastor kept telling us that it was almost a waste of our time because we had already discussed all of the topics covered in the counselling. However, (and that's a big however), he pointed out that most people often don't think to talk about some of the big things ahead of time. If nothing else it gives you specific topics to make sure you've thought through how your life will change when your two families become one.

Even though we weren't meant to have answers for all of these things, it was so we would talk about them (and we didn't have to discuss it in front of the pastor). Some examples of things we covered are:
Kids - how many, how far apart
Parenting - styles, responsibilities, discipline
Housework - who does what and how often
Holidays - how to celebrate, how to alternate families if you can't attend all holidays with both families
Financial stuff - how to plan a budget and stick to it, how to understand your spouse's spending style and work out compromises
Sex - what each expects, understanding sex lives change, and how to deal with temptation outside the marriage

If your goal is protecting your marriage, communication is the key. If you can calmly discuss issues, that will go a long way. Just food for thought - I saw a statistic during our premarital counseling that stated 1 in 1250 marriages where both spouses read the Bible every day end in divorce. Interesting. . .

Hi A.!

No it may not make or break you, but I do remember that our counceling (which was required by our pastor) was one of the best parts of our engagement! More inportantly, my husband would agree! Amist all of the planning hubbub that was going on, we had three, if i remember correctly, 1 hour sessions with a marital councelor. During these times we really revisited why we were together etc. I remember one specific question that was asked of both of us..."Why did you fall in love with each other?" It was nice to talk with each other and put back into perspective what was really important about that time in our lives!

Good luck - and it may not be as bad as you expect! liek I said - we loved it (and it was hard to get my husband to agree)!

A.

My husband and I did not have any pre-marital counseling, but we have older, happily married friends who have given us good advice and recommended good books to us. One I recommend to anyone is "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. The author is a Christian, but the book has personal stories and concepts that relate to anyone. Best wishes for a happy future together, and don't take any marriage advice from people who are unhappy in their marriages!

I also am getting married soon. We have not attending any kind of couseling. I think it really depends on the couple. Do you have any problems with communication? I really think that as long and you make time to remember why you fell in love in the first place and keep all lines of communication open, you'll be fine. The one thing I will tell you is that the last month is horrible! I'm planning a do it yourself wedding and I'm so incredibly stressed out. Not to mention, I have a 6 month old daughter that I'm trying to raise. When things get stressful, just let him hold you. It really works wonders! Congratulations and many happy wishes for your marriage.

Before my husband and I got married we went through some premarital counseling. It's not bad. It can actually be fun and interesting. We found out about each other (who's the extravert, who's the intravert, our ideas on handling money, house responsibilities, kids?, how many, our thoughts on what the basic husband/wife roles were, discipline styles, etc... It's not long hours of talking all serious. It can actually be fun and you get to find out something about each other you didn't think to ask or talk about before. About your fiance...just ask him to go once. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to go anymore. Chances are he'll enjoy it. Good luck.

M.

Some churches make you have pre-marital counseling before they will marry you.

If you are not part of any religous organization I would say its not going to make or break you two. My husband and I was going to church every Sunday and went to pre-marital counseling. that has been almost 9 yrs ago. Do I think thats what has kept us together??... NO. I really don't see any need for it if you don't feel you need it.Married couples are always going to have ups and downs and I think that it's all on how you handle the problems. GOOD LUCK! and CONGRATS on getting married!