I know that mother's day has come and gone, but I have to ask. If any of you did NOT get a card from your son or daughter, were you upset? I got snubbed by my son this year (no card) and it really still irks me. Never has happened before. (And for those wondering, he didn't come by or send a gift, he's an adult, unmarried, 20-something, no kids, we didn't have a fight, and he lives the next town over). So, I speak with him about it and he says its no big deal. ??? Help me understand how its not a big deal to ignore your mom on mother's day.
I wonder if it would be no big deal if you "forgot" to get him any X-mas presents next year...
Have a heart to heart giving an example of a yearly event where you celibate and give him gifts and ask him how he would feel if you just stopped because it was no big deal. Ask him is this sounds like something that should begin being implemented because to you it IS a big deal.
I honestly think it is a male thing.
If I did not remind my husband, his mother wouldn't get a thing for ANY holiday or Birthday, heck ,I practically have to remind hi to just call her. Thank goodness for facebook.. she is on there now so that also helps..
If it is really important to you, you will just have to remind him..
It is nothing personal towards you, they are just not all wired to remember these sorts of things, and probably never will be..
This is why here on mamapedia, I worry about the moms that get so upset with the men in their lives, they just have not accepted, some men just do not remember, even though they love you, they are never going to change.
Bit it is not a personal slight and it is not a test of their love, they are just different..
It is not a big deal to HIM - apparently it is a big deal to YOU.....
That is the difference.
Is he married with children?? How old is he?? Did you have a falling out? Is this the first year this has happened??
I am not really sure what to say - sorry this happened to you....
I'm so sorry you were ignored on Mother's Day. That really stinks.
I feel your pain because I, too, am ignored almost every Mother's Day. Even though my kids are still little and I'm in the daily grind of being a SAHM, my husband does ZERO for me (or his mom) by way of acknowledgment or appreciation. I have to do everything. And I'm sorry, I just don't buy the "it's not in the male genes" b.s. That's nothing more than a cop-out for guys to be lazy and selfish. I don't know how women tolerate it.
I have to have THE SAME conversation with my clueless husband every year and tell him that I am hurt to be ignored on the ONE DAY that I am supposed to be appreciated. Lord knows I don't get it all year. I don't think one day is too much to ask. I tell you all this so you know that you are so not alone!
Your son is an adult. All you can do is let him know how much it hurt your feelings to be ignored. Don't guilt him, just be straightforward. Let him know that on Mother's Day, you expect some kind of acknowledgment, be it a card, a phone call, a gift, a visit, whatever. Something - anything - to let you know that you matter to him.
Maybe times have changed. When I was growing up, we went wild on Mother's Day. My mother was not allowed to lift a finger all day. We all waited on her hand and foot, cleaned the house, cooked her meals, rubbed her feet, etc. Basically all the stuff that SHE did the other 364 days of the year! And she deserved it. Now as an adult, I wouldn't DREAM of letting Mother's Day pass without a card AND a gift AND a phone call to my awesome mom. Anything less would seem like a slap in the face. But maybe that's just me. :-/
Looks like I'm the only one.. oh well here it goes...
I think Mother's Day, Fathers Day & Valentines Day is all about the hype.
Does your son tell you he loves you? do things w/you? you have everyday of being a mother to cherish don't let the one day titled "Mother's Day" to ruin it.
I know it would of been nice to have a little something but please remember over everything He Loves you..
Since he's single have dinner dates every once in awhile with him both of you can catch up on things going on in your lives & maybe you can hint maybe dinner for next mothers day...
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY :}
Updated
Looks like I'm the only one.. oh well here it goes...
I think Mother's Day, Fathers Day & Valentines Day is all about the hype.
Does your son tell you he loves you? do things w/you? you have everyday of being a mother to cherish don't let the one day titled "Mother's Day" to ruin it.
I know it would of been nice to have a little something but please remember over everything He Loves you..
Since he's single have dinner dates every once in awhile with him both of you can catch up on things going on in your lives & maybe you can hint maybe dinner for next mothers day...
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY :}
If it weren't for me, my MIL would never get a card... it's just not in the male genes to remember. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love and appreciate you.
So sad, yes, it is a BIG deal! Makes me wonder how he was raised??? WHY would he forget mother's day? I feel for you. He must be very inconsiderate and self-centered?? Sorry...don't know where he is in life, but here is NO excuse ever for forgetting YOU...you are his mother, you bore him and it is a BIG deal! He owes you an apology, he owes you BIG TIME! I have four kids and they all remember me so kindly and it's very much appreciated...but I'd be very sad if they ever did what your son did! My husband says he is not my mother, but he still takes me out to a nice restaurant and this year he got me a new laptop. So I was pretty excited! And the cards the kids got me were pretty sweet. The gifts too were heartfelt. You need to have a heart to heart with your son and really let him know how much it hurt you and that it really wasn't ok with what he did, so it doesn't happen again!!!!
Hi,
I didn't get a handmade card from them which when i do, I really, really cherish that. I did get a card from my husband from my kids, but thats not the same. my kids are little--but I would have really appreciated it if he would have helped them make a card for me.....But anyways-- your child is an adult though, thats different. I think your adult son should have done something for you. That is unacceptable! He shouldn't have blown you off either when you told him how you felt- Hope you feel better soon. Your son should really cherish his mama! So sorry you didn't feel that way....
M
My sons (13 and 17) and my husband make me feel so loved and special almost every other day of the year, that I can forgive them missing a day. There have been Mother's Days where we all totally spaced it and we laugh about how we never pay attention to Hallmark holidays. Some years they get it; some years they don't. It's the love and attention I get on the average, plain, old, boring day in whatever-month that's far more special to me than some hyped up Sunday in May.
That's just me, though. Scripted holidays have never been high on my list. I prefer to make ordinary days special with extra love, attention, activities or gifts. I'm a master of the "un-holiday" celebration.
Sadly, my mom disagrees and I'm often a disappointment to her, so I empathize with what you're going through. Be careful what you ask for, though. You might just get it and realize it's not what you wanted after all. I think I'd rather be ignored than face a day of insincere, "I'm-doing-this-so-my-mom-won't-yell-at-me" cards, flowers or an awkward meal out. But, again, that's just me.
I guess I'll put this theory to the test in 18 months when my 17 year old leaves for college and he forgets Mother's Day!
Hang in there, mama. Maybe he'll do better next year!
I'm a single mom with 4 kids and didn't get a card from any of them. However, my 22 year old daughter called to wish me a Happy Mother's Day which made me feel special. And my 2 boys at home did all of the chores and wanted to play board games together in the evening to celebrate. How sweet is that?
I don't expect my kids to make a big fuss over me for the holidays. But it would hurt my feelings to be totally ignored. So I let them know if something is important to me, or I'll plan my own celebration. For my last birthday I took my kids out for dinner and was happy not to cook. And for Christmas, I let them know that they didn't have to spend alot (or any) money on me. I just didn't want to wake up to an empty Christmas stocking so I told them to get creative and think of something to put in there, even just some kind notes.
I understand your feelings because I've been there! For years when my children were too small to do anything for Mother's day, my husband would send flowers to HIS mom, but wouldn't acknowledge me as the mother of his children! He's also really bad with doing anything for birthdays or any other "special" occasion. In his world it really isn't a big deal ... in mine it was, until I realised that all the good he did very much outweighed his lack of "romantic gestures". I'm the kind of person who always buys birthday presents and (if I'm really tight on money) I'll make a card myself! My husband REALLY couldn't care if I give him something for his birthday or Fathers' day - but I wouldn't feel right not giving him something. I suppose what I'm trying to get at is that you shouldn't see his not buying you something on Mother's Day as a snub. He might be tight on cash right now (most of us are) and would rather pretend it wasn't a big deal rather than tell you he didn't have money this year. If he's otherwise a good son, let it go. For the sake of my marriage, I had to do the same!
