Grandpa Acts Weird Towrds Daughter

You know maybe I am just as weird as you but I wouldn't let a man who used such terms towards my daughter within ten feet of him. That isn't normal! If he said this to all woman I wouldn't be as concered if he said this to every woman. Then I would think he was just a pig but if not I wouldn't let my daughter around him. Just my two cents. Better save than sorry if you ask me.

I have 5 daughters who were molested by my ex husband. You should go with your gut instinct. When my girls were little my dad always wanted them to sit on his lap. My dad ended up touching the 4 oldest ones. My dad was a typical "groomer" type molestor he brought "special" gifts and took my daughters places. If I had it to do over again I would have stuck with my original intent which was NEVER EVER to leave them with anyone. However the people in your family are not always safe. I know I had every reason to trust my dad he had never molested me, and he had never behaved inappropriately when he raised my brother and I after my mom left, so it just goes to show you that people can change as they get older. Trust your instincts NEVER let your father-in-law take your child out of your site. Please don't let what happened to my family happen in yours. Everyone thought my dad was perfect until the whole story came out. My dad got help for his problem, but I still would not allow him to ever be around children ever again. The comments your father-in-law is making are simular to comments that my ex husband used to make toward my oldest ( of course she was older than 11 months). The fact is your daughter is at great risk. I would take these steps:
1) NEVER EVER allow him to be around your daugher unattended.
2) sympathize with your husband with the fact that he loves his dad and wants to trust him, but in light of comments that your father-in-law has made you are deeply concerned and rightly so.
3) tell your husband that at any second CPS could step in and take your child from you while they investigate and they could blame you if your child does end up getting molested. That is what happened to me. Even tho I had no reason to suspect that my dad would do anything CPS( child protective services) removed my children and conducted the investigation. That was really traumatic! They also blamed me and my ex for not "seeing red flags". Just from the comments your father-in-law had made those are "red flags"!
4) This is your daughter's mental health that is on the line, even if you are wrong you are still protecting her the best you know how.

While I certainly don't mean to show any disrespect to your husband's father I just had to respond and say that I believe whole heartedly in our "little voice" that we have. If it doesn't feel right or you feel uncomfortable stick with your gut. Keep her in your sight and limit his "alone time" with her.

Good luck! :)

I would be very concerned. You're father-n-law's behavior and comments are totally unappropriate. You're husband of course is going to take his dad's side, that's natural. However, your husband needs to open his eyes and needs to honor your feelings. I definitely wouldn't let your daughter go anywhere alone with her grandfather when she gets older. Incest has been among us since the biblical times and if you look at the dynamics of it during the babyboomers generation it's disturbing. Before women's lib, women were submissive and feared their husbands. There are thousands of cases in which the husbands were molesting their daughters, and wife fearing her husband, never reported it, sad isn't it. I don't know your father-n-laws history, however, maybe he comes from a history of incest and he thinks his behavior is okay? I think you're concerns are totally justified and myself, I would talk to your father-n-law. Telling a baby girl that their body is sexy is sick and that's his granddaughter, not his girlfriend. Good luck
N.

When it comes to your daughter's safety you can never overreact. This is a serious matter and I think it needs to be confronted. It might be very difficult to bring up but you should always trust your motherly instincts.

One thing I have learned is a pedophile doesn't start as a grandpa. They start very young.
Also, think of it this way, would he bother you if he called her sweetheart?
With all this, you should still do a check on him. That is only natural. Here is the link to the NE sex offender's list.
http://www.nsp.state.ne.us/SOR/find.cfm
If he has lived other places check their lists as well. I could have been a families dirty history, like it was for me. Silently, watch your baby either way.
G.

Trust your instincts mom. He could be perfectly innocent, but that's just creepy to eroticize a 3 month old baby by calling her sexy. Even if it was innocent, it was inappropriate.

If you do talk to him, the only positive thing that will result is that he will be more guarded and careful and perhaps more sneaky. If I were you, I would NEVER let any of my children alone with him and unfortunately, I wouldn't let my kids alone with his wife, your MIL either. She might not see that this behavior is inappropriate, or she might look the other way. Could you imagine letting her babysit, and then she needs to run to the grocery store and leaves your daughter alone with your FIL? She might think everything's fine, but that could give him an opportunity to do something we don't want to imagine.

I'd keep my distance. All your daughter has to protect her is you.

Good luck!

I have a similar issue w/ my mother-in-law's husband. I am fortunate to have a hubby who understands and supports my decision to never let the kids get into a situation where they might be left alone w/ him. My in law doesn't understand why we don't ask her to watch the kids anymore, and I hate to hurt her feelings, but I refuse to risk my kids for the sake of being polite. Perhaps you couold take your f-in-law aside and tell him that your commetns are not appreciated and that they make you uncomfortable. He may not realize how he sounds. But if you just get an uncomfortable feeling from him, like I do w/ my f-in-law, I suggest you talk to your husband, and eliminate his chances to be alone w/ your daughter. Good luck, and God bless.

No matter what you have to listen to your inner voice. If you have a feeling you must trust yourself. It would be better to be too protective then not enough. If something did happen to her then you would blame yourself because you didnt listen to your gut I wouldnt want anyone to endure that kind of guilt. I would definately talk to him in a non threatening way but be very firm and clear so he knows that you are aware of what is going on. Dont leave her in any position that you feel uncomfortable with. I read a book from Dr. Phils wife Robin and it is really good and talks about all the times she heard that voice about her kids and she was right, trust yourself!

Your right to have those feelings. I think you should have a talk w/ your father inlaw / Grampa. I'd also make sure your husband is present when you talk to Grampa. You also need to try to cont. talking about it w/ your husband.

Hope this helps.

I think that you have a right to be concerned. When you take your daughter to visit him ask him to stay in the room and not take her elsewhere in the house. Don't let him be alone with her so that you can monitor his behavior with her. It might just be that you are making more of it then it really is....but a mother's instinct knows a lot. I would tread carefully...you know what is best for your daughter. You will make the right decision and your husband should stick by you for it. Good luck.

Moms have a wonderful thing called Mother's intuition. I would trust your gut and do what is best for your child. I always think it is better to be safe than sorry. I would talk with your husband again and let him know how you feel and I would definately talk with your father in law. Even if just to say that you do not like it when he talks like that. I personally think that is innapropriate talk, and not something you want a child to learn at that age. They are like little sponges. I would keep a close eye. Is your Mother in law in the picture? She might be a good person to ask also. I am glad you are such a good mom to want to keep your little girl safe!!! :)

Hun, I do not blame you for your suspicions. They are well founded in todays society. If he i staking off with hwr, making comments about her, I would be scared too. Confront him and tell him that you realize he is the grandfather but his comments aren't right. Explain that someone outside r inside the family make take them the wrong way, and you do not want him targeted and blamed for anything neyond just being a loving grandfather. My father, god rest his soul, used to say, whers my good looking granddaughter or handsome grandson and just went and had a few minutes times with each and was harmless.

I believe your feelings are totally justified!!! Maybe you can talk to him about it "without" talking to him about it....
For instance just bring up little things in everyday conversation...Persay:
I just hate it when other people take the baby into another room when they change her(if asked why...because there should be no reason why it cant be done right where she is at)
As for the name calling when he says something like sexy or girlfriend let him know then and there to please not call her that because you dont feel it's appropriate, Although you may be the villian for that visit they will get over it and respect you as a parent for doing it!!!!! Not only that but the villian others percive you as now (husband or other relatives) May end up seeing you as a hero later!!!! Good luck and trust your gut!!!
Cindy

Why does a Mama Bear follow her Cub?

You are a Mommy and you are doing the right thing by not trusting a person who makes comments like that towards your child. If you do not feel comfortable talking to your father-inlaw about it, then your husband should (it is his father). Granted it may cause shaky ground for a while, but maybe he will understand with raising children in the past. I would also make sure to have the good touch / bad touch talk with your daughter when she gets to be old enogh to understand.
All the best wishes!
M. S.

You're a mother and you should ALWAYS trust your gut instinct. Yes, he may be her grandpa, but sometimes that doesn't stop someone from doing something that they shouldn't. You should sit down and have a heart to heart with him and just politely ask him not to talk to your daughter like that....she's just a baby.

Everyone else has pretty much said what I would. But keep in mind that most children are molested by a family memeber or a family friend. Not very often is it a stranger.

I would rather over react than underact. Your hubby will get over it. Your daughter might not.

J.