I am positive questions like mine are so very common...but here it goes-
I am heavily contemplating a third child. I have an eight yr. old daughter and a 3.5 yr. old son. Kind of perfect according to many and even my own thoughts a lot of the time. However, I REALLY cannot shake the constant debate with myself, my Lord (I debate and He is listening and laughing), and my Husband. Does the baby 'want' really ever go away, and will having the third cure that desire? Also, are the 4 yr age gaps between my children too many years? Will my eldest resent the fact that there hypothetically is someone holding her back from her big kid adventures? One more...I promise...will my little son loose his spotlight and become (dare I say) the middle child with a syndrome? Thank you in advance. I am so torn.
Happy to report that after spending some time bouncing all of the reasons why and why not around, my sweet husband and I have decided to revel in the culture of life and say 'yes' to the calling that God has put in both of our hearts, God is not fear, and all of our 'why nots' were fear based. It is so easy to get caught up in the cuture of darkness and death that we are surrounded by. We practice NFP and will continue to be open. W will be dealt nothing beyond our means. Thank you for all of the comments and feedback, even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear I certainly appreciate the opinions.
I have the same question but am now leaning towards no, as for us it would be financially difficult and I am actually a little pleased to be out of the baby phase.......!
I never had the choice to have a third child because my husband was not on board with me. It took while before I finally stopped thinking about having a baby again. I'd say it took me until my twins were in first grade. I wanted to try for a third child when my twins were two. So... I had baby thoughts constantly going on in my head for 4 years, but it felt like 10 years!
I at first prayed that my husband would turn around on this matter, but after awhile I prayed to God to take the desire away from me and put all my compassion for it into use in a different way.
I felt the same way after having our first two (now 5.5 and almost 3). We got accidentally pregant with number three, now due in two weeks. For me, I think the "desire" to have more will be really over this time because things will be SO CRAZY for me staying at home with all of them with no family around to help and no nannies or housecleaners. BUT we can't waitt to meet our little guy--a boy after our two wonderful girls and we already can't imagine life without him. But after the craziness is over and even the baby is more indepedent...sure, I"ll get belly envy. I'll be an 80 year old woman one day looking wistfully at pregnant gals and reminscing. That's why old ladies fuss so much over pregnant ladies and babies-- because the maternal instinct is pretty dang strong. Thank goodness I am getting my tubes tied this time. LOL. ;)
Go for it!!! You don't say how old you are but at any rate your bio clock IS ticking. When I had my second I thought I was done. Am now 44 and really wish I would have had another when it was safe.
And really don't worry about the middle child thing. If anyone gets the screw in MY experience it is the last. I am amazed at the different treatment from parents I know towards their last-very forgotten. They are all about their older children and their activities/social lives and the 'baby' just kind of gets dragged along for the ride. I have a tough time arranging get togethers for my son's friends who are last children because of this-their parents really don't care if their youngest gets to do anything with his friends-and it is a HUGE hassle for them to invite the youngest's friends over.
Only you and your husband can decide if you want another child, then it's up to God as to whether you'll get another child :o)
I have 3 daughter, fairly close in age (all within 4 years) and the youngest filled a void I didn't even know was there. She's only 3 months old and life is just *better* with her here, you know?
I'm the oldest of 3 and we're all 4 years apart; so I'm 8 years older than my youngest sister. Let me just say that, I don't know her. Yes, she's my sister and I love her. But we've always been in such different phases of life that, aside from being sisters, we've never had common ground. As it is right now, I've been married for 7 years (on Monday!) and have 3 children. She's just recently graduated high school, is working part time saving for college and still living at home. Perhaps once she becomes a mother we'll have more in common, but it's really tough to relate to each other right now.
I'm not telling you this to sway you one way or the other. Just to offer my perspective. Good luck in your decision!
Keep praying on it. I think siblings are gifts to thier brothers and sisters
(at the risk of being obnoxious) dont forget to consider adoption, there are so many children in the US foster care system and in orphanages around the world who would be lucky to have a mom like you who clearly enjoys being a mom and has a happy home. My youngest brings such joy to us and usually I forget he is adopted but sometimes I look at his shining happy face and try to picture him in an orphanage :(
I have three children and huge age gaps so I don't think your 4 year age gap is very large. My oldest is 15, my middle child will be 6 on Sunday and I have a 9 month old. And yes this was planned and yes they are all by my husband. You would be surprised at how many people ask. And someday I hope to have a fourth child. I like my spacing. My oldest can help out at times. My middle LOVES being a big sister now. We have never had jeolousy issues. My youngest thinks her big sisters are hysterical and laughs all the time at them. We spend time making sure each one of our children knows they are special and have a special and unique place in the family. And even though we have a large spacing they still do things together. For example tomorrow my oldest who is on her school's dance team is hosting a dance clinic for younger kids. My middle child will be attending. She attended another one of their dance clinics last November and loved it. She told everyone there that her big sister was on the dance team. She loved being there and being included with her big sister.
If you want a 3rd baby go for it. He/She will fit right in.
Lisa
I can't speak to the first few questions there, lol. You know the dynamics of your family, we don't. WILL having another "cure" that desire? Will your oldest resent the youngest? Will the age gaps be too big? Only you can really consider those things knowing the members of your family.
But as to the LAST question, tee hee: "middle child with a syndrome"...
I actually think that we ALL have some sort of syndrome. I mean... either you're the oldest, or the "middle child" or the "baby" or whatever. We all have a different life experience and birth order is just part of that. I don't think "middle child" should be considered negative any more than being first or last or 5th.
I am the oldest of 6 children. I am very close to all of them, even my younger sisters who are 7 and 8 years younger than I am. If you want another child, can afford it and your husband is on board, then go for it! I do think at some point you will think "my family is complete."
i say no, for all the reasons you listed, the baby urge can be met in different ways, and like you said, really propably won't go away. Not popular but just my two cents. It seems like big families are coming back now a days and i just don't it is always the best idea. Of course, do what is right for you and your family, I just would personally recommend stopping and being content with the family you have.
- Are 4 years too many? Why? For THEM? They won't know any different, and when college comes... that means paying single tuition. For YOU? Depends on how much you loathe diapers and waking up at night.
- Will my eldest resent...? How would she know any different, already having a sibling?
- Middle child with a syndrome.? Have 4, or just make sure not to ignore your middle child.
<grinning> DO realize these answers are from a mom only medically allowed 0 more children (having 1)...and are therefor "easy" for me, not having to face them myself, although I do come from a large family, so can speak from a child's perspective; whatever one's family IS is "normal" / "right" to THEM. Adult concerns are often meaningless to kids, because we neither know, nor understand, the alternatives.
I have no answers and only questions (and the same debates on a daily basis) of my own re: #3. But why oh why is it so hard for some of us to decide! LOL I "searched" this topic and found more posts than I could read in an evening! Looks like we're not alone!
Oh, and just wanted to add...one thing that really keeps me coming back to thinking about another one is the fact that we're older parents (mid 30s) and we'll be gone from this Earth sooner...and would like for the kids to have more than 1 sibling to share their lives with even after we're gone. (Maybe it's because I have 1 brother and I am not close to him at all).
Children are a heritage of the Lord. Children are a blessing. I say go for it and trust God's words. When your dead and gone your kids will have more family to rely on and they can help each other out in tough times. Think about that! I only have one and I want to have as many as God will give me. My husband and I aren't rich and one day our child is going wish she had more siblings to be close to and help her out in times of need and encouragement.
