Good Friends

I completely understand!! I have a small handful of close friends, but most everyone else are acquantainces. My husband and I are the first of our friends to have kids, and that makes it even harder, b/c we don't spend much time with them since they have the flexibilty that we don't. Also, those relationships have changed over the years just because life gets in the way as we get older and busier (especially when kids enter the picture, even more so when most of our friends don't have kids and aren't married). When I left my job last year to stay at home with my son, I tried finding a mom's group so I wouldn't feel so detatched from other adults, but I tried a couple different groups and just wasn't impressed. I didn't feel like I fit in, mainly b/c I'm 27 and most of the moms were at least 8-10 years older than me (which isn't that big of deal, but I just felt like we were in different places in our lives and I didn't relate to them at all). Plus, it seemed like some of them were just like you described. It doesn't help that we are moving to the Ft. Worth area where I know nobody, ecxept my inlaws. We are looking for a church, so I'm hopeful I'll find some good friends there when we find one we love.

It is very hard to find good, true friends. I appreciate the few true friends I do have, and keep an open mind when meeting new people, knowing that there's potential there for a great friendship. I'm also trying to be more outgoing when I take my son to the park, or the mall to play. I'll try to start up conversations with other moms hoping that maybe it will turn into at least a playdate for my son, and maybe a new friend for me.

Good luck to you.

I have 1 best best friend and we met shortly after I moved here in 1989 and worked together. I left my job in 1991 to build a house and start family but she and I have stayed in touch, do regular lunches and have a true friendship.

We are pretty much opposite but we respect each other and we value our friendship. She is much more conservative than me, leader in her church, very involved with her job, etc. I am much more open minded than her, not in organized religion (I am Christian, I just don't care for churches and how the first thing they do is ask for $$$), hubby and I go on dates a lot.

Everyone else are acquaintainces. I live in a very nice neighborhood and we have bunco group. Bunco has been a ton of fun. I have since left the group due to scheduling and keeping up with my 14 yr old daughter's schedule but I still stay in touch with bunco buddies.

I've now found that I am making more "friends" as I am volunteering for the support clubs for daughter's cheer and orchestra. I also met a lot of people when I volunteered at the elementary school when daughter was there.

Our neighborhood has a website and it has message boards on it for people who are looking for friends, etc. Also, we have a ton of neighborhood activities that bring everyone out and about.

Best wishes to you!

there is a saying "I went out in search of friends and none could be found. I went out to be a friend, and friends were all around."

I think it is hard to make adult friendships - it helps to be part of a group of similar interest people (Church, PTA, clubs etc.) - initiate, initiate, initiate! I think we all want friends - too often we assume everyone else has "enough" friends already!

I totally understand what you are saying! I have always had this kind of problem. I have lots of acquaintances - the kind where we can get together and chat and have fun, but I've never really had a true friendship. Most of the acquaintances I've had, even growing up, seem to be the out of sight / out of mind kind of people. No one I can really count on when the chips are down. It's frustrating. It probably doesn't help that I'm extremely shy, so I am not the type of person to approach people or start that conversation. I'm not good at initiating small talk, so I know I'm part of the problem. I've tried Bible studies with women, and they are always so clique-y. I'm not comfortable in a situation where there are a group of people who know each other and I don't know anyone, so I kind of disappear into the background. Sorry, I don't have any advice for you, but hopefully I'll be able to find something on here. I know my #1 problem is shyness and total lack of assertion which I think comes off as rude in groups too. Best of luck to you and maybe we can both find advice on here!

You didn't say if you moved to a new place or not, to find friends, or if it is where you have lived quite awhile. YOu might try joining a club, or finding someone at the park playing with thier kids. but if they are someone with values, and up lifting, and not a big gossip or complainer, I would say you are just going to have to be more accepting, as I know we all aren't perfect, so if we want someone to accept us, we have to be more accepting. (up to a point of course)

Hi AA,

A good friendship is a give and take relationship. If your friendships are one sided that would be frustrating. The best friends I have found are ones that I have gone to church with over the years. I recommend inviting another family over to your house for a BBQ or dinner and invest your time into a relationship. It does take time to develop quality relationships. If you have some things in common and you can spend time together you can begin to build a quality friendship that hopefully will be for a life time. When you have close friends they are a gift from God! I have two best friends that are priceless! I have know them most of my life and I value their friendship greatly! Our relationship is a give and take relationship with lots of good memories going to school together, traveling together, mutual friendships and much, much more! I hope that you can find some friends that you have some things in common with and start investing your time into the relationship!

I think some of it may have to do with where you and your kids go. I also live in Flower Mound, and although we have tons of great neighbors, there are certain places where I find that people have different priorities or focus than I do. When I get into those situations, I also find I'm not as comfortable "being myself" which surely effects the friendship process.

First, if you go to the same parks, play areas businesses or school most of the time, expand your horizons. Visit parks in other areas (visit www.familyeguide.com, go to the "archives page" and view the Nov 08 issue for a great list of "favorite parks" in our area (FM/LV/HV)). Shop and eat at different places. Not only to you broaden your circle of opportunities, but you also get to check out a lot of new things.

If you're like me, quality is better than quantity, but it's hard to make those first connections. I think the most important thing to to keep trying and keep making new connections.

Finally, check out Family eGuide. We feature a lot of FREE and affordable activities in Flower Mound, Lewisville and Highland Village. And we have lots of really down to earth and fun readers.

Good Luck!