Myself Going Back to Work - Milford, CT

I know for me and my husband we were pretty tight for a while but then discovered Work at Home United. Great program to get enrolled into. If interested, let me know. I would love to explain it sometime. It helps pay extra bills and can be something you do full time. E. Stewart ###-###-####

Hi Danielle,

I went back to work when both of my boys were 6 weeks old. We are also in the position with the two payments and desperately squashed in our apartment (hoping to buy a house but terrified of all that goes with it). My husband also works evenings and I work full days, and his days off are Friday and Saturday. We see each other most of the day Saturday, some Friday evenings, and just try to look forward to when he can afford to take a day job (when the kids are in school). It really stinks, but if you are both determined to make it work and make sacrifices, you can do it. My house is a wreck and I hate it, but we are all mostly healthy, we eat well, and my kids are happy, so I am learning to feel a little less guilty about not also being super-mom. Good luck and try to be creative. Keep up your sense of humor (especially if it feels like nothing in your life is funny).

I don't have much advice other than to hold off on that 3rd child if money is an issue NOW and you're husband is out of work....I hate to sound harsh but this is why people end up bankrupt and are living below the poverty level. Too many kids and can't support them all.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Lynsey

You are blessed to have been able to take the time you have taken thus far. I went back to work as a full time psychologist and part-time grad student when my son was 13 weeks old. It broke my heart, but he was fine with it, honestly. He loves "baby school" and has a little group of friends.

It does not sound like you are financially able to stay home and still have all of the things that you "want"- like the cars and a bigger house. Something will need to "give". Step back and think about your long-term finances. You have at least two sets of braces, activities, tuitions, etc to consider. It sounds like your husband may have an increased income at some point, but right now you both should be contributing.

There are other options aside from returning to a school system- you could tutor privately or work for a learning center. You could also register with the local schools to be a sub. It's per diem, but you could choose when you work. If you are going back part-time benefits are not a factor, but consider the retirement contributions.

If you decide to stay home, don't regret the things you have to give-up. Consider trading-in your cars for smaller, previously owned cars. Live with the small house and put away the extra money for a down-payment much later on.

As much as I hate to admit it, we can't have it all and as mothers and professionals we need to be okay with this. I went through this about six months ago while finishing my graduate program. My husband and I sat down and talked about where we want to be as a family in 5yrs, 10 yrs and beyond. For us, having me work full time and investing in my education was a good choice. It will provide us with a more secure future and will allow our children (we definitely want more) to attend a private school if we choose and to attend college without worrying about loans.

We make every minute count with my son and have long-since stopped feeling guilty for having him at baby school. He's learning social skills that he would not learn from spending all of his time with me. He's happy, loved and healthy and really that's all that matters. The laundry and cleaning get done when we have a few minutes, but bedtime stories are essential. It's about priorities and choices- short and long term.

Best wishes.

Lane Nemeth founded Discovery Toys 30 years ago to help women just like you. I have been happily selling these educational toys for over 14 years, since my child was an infant. Like you, I wanted to stay home with him. Many people in our company are educators or involved with special ed or disabilities because the toys are so useful to those populations. It's a way to get great products for your twins, build residual income, and help others find toys, books and games that will enable their children to thrive. Best of all, it's a family friendly business and you can often bring your twins with you if you must. Please read more about it at www.toysofdiscovery.com
Good luck!

I just want echo to the other posters who said to hold off on a third child. I couldn't agree with them more. If your goal is to stay home with your kids ft, adding a third will not help you reach that goal. Also, it seems that with your husband's work and school schedule and your living situation, you are already pretty overwhelmed. A third could just make you feel even more stressed.

Could you continue to live with your parents and rent out your place for the additional income? If that isn't possible of if you are losing money doing that, I would suggest to move back into your house and continue to save until you have enough money to comfortably move. Do not expand your current house or jump the gun and move too soon. It may be hard to live in such a small space, but if you set a savings goal, you will know that your living situation is only temporary.

Hello Danielle,

I say follow your heart!!! If you can financially afford to stay home and you don't mind living with your parents, then stay home. Kids grow up way too fast and there is no turning back. I decided to leave my job when my son was 7 months, because I worked part time but they needed me to go back to full time hours and I wasn't willing to sacrifice losing the time of being with my son. However, it did come with financial difficulties, so you need to decide what it is worth to you and your family. We had what we needed to survive, but had to cut back on luxury items, ie: newer car, bigger place, etc. My son is now 3yrs and 4mths and I started back working one day a week to help supplement our income, plus I also babysit for my sister, which helps give a little extra money. Is there anyone that you know that needs a babysitter? Then you can be home but still earn some money. As for your home, would it pay to continue to rent it out and save some of the money to put toward renovations or a bigger home farther down the road? No matter what you do you will have to make sacrifices whether it be money or time with your kids. I say do what's in your heart (& your husband, as it will effect him also) & don't let anyone else's opinion make you feel bad, no matter what you decide!!! Best of luck!!!

Congratulations on your twins. I know that deep desire to be with your children and I can definitely relate to needing the money.

Have you considered thinking outside of the box? Do you have any gifts, skills or talents that would help you earn income while be at home? You already have a background in working with special needs children, perhaps there is something you can do with that which would not necessarily require as much time or paperwork as a traditional "job".

With the limited time you and you husband will have upcoming, you may want to wait a year longer to have another child. This will give you some time to perhaps get you finances a little more stabalized and your husband will be there to provide the support you need for raising three little ones.

Do much research and study before expanding your house or moving to a bigger home. It requires much supervision and I wouldn't want you to be stretched too thin or set up for disaster. Only you know your limitations and adversity can make you stronger.

Hopefully these bits of advice are helpful and encouraging to you.

We have a lot in common. I am also the mom of b/g twins (and their big sister) and I am also a special education teacher (but I have no other option than full-time work). My comments are going to sound kind of indecisive, like the last person who responded...On one hand you are so fortunate to have the part time option. My district doesn't offer that and, sadly, that wouldn't provide enough money to help pay our mortgage. On the other hand, I really KNOW the desire to stay home and we are trying to move out of state (someday) partly so I can - if not realize that dream - at least work less and be home more. If there is any financial way for you to cut corners and make staying home possible, that would make you and the kids the happiest. I wish there was a way for me :( However, you find a way to do what you have to do. I am four days away from finishing this school year - a school year that I never even wanted to start and back in September I hoped and hoped that I would never finish (because we'd be able to move), but now that I survived, and the kids survived and they are doing well...it doesn't seem like it was "so bad." It is NOT my heart's desire, but it is not as bad as I imagined it would be either. And now I get to enjoy summer vacation time with them!!:)

I went back to work when my son was 10 weeks old - he's over two now. ITS not ideal but we need the money too - we live pretty modestly to begin with. Some days I don't mind, others I can't stand it, every day somewhere inside of me I want to cry. Some days I want to be home all the time, some days part time, some days not at all. I don't know anyone - or I should say FEW people are have the ideal situation - whether they are home or not. I have stay at home friends who envy me for being able to get out on my own, have adult conversations and do something other than the mommy thing...I think its all about balance. You have to find what works for you. You're going back part time- thats good, be happy its not full time then. I try to just be happy and do the best I can in MY circumstance and I try not to get jealous of everyone elses - b/c it seems like everyone else has it better than me, but thats not true. So good luck.

If you really want to stay home Danielle, then my suggestion is keep the small house and don't have more kids. Would that give you enough money to be able to do what you want? Life is about making choices. If you can afford to stay home by doing it, then you need to decide what's more important. Some people have corners to cut and others do not. As a busy working mom, I can tell you that having LESS to take care of sounds good right about now.

Good luck!

I think life is too short and you should follow your heart. If you can swing it, stay home. It sounds like that is what makes you happy. You will never get the time back again, they grow so fast. Then again, its only part time. I went back to work when my son was 6 months old and worked 2 full days a week. That was getting the best of both worlds and I was happy; now that my daughter is 6 months, I would not go back 2 days unless I had to, I just think with 2 I need to be here. I work from home mostly and go in a few hours for 1 day a week. So, sorry to go back and forth, but I really think you could do either way and be fine, but from what I am reading between the lines and whether you realize it or not, I think you have your answer: you really want and love to be home so if you can try to cut some financial corners, you should stay with your kids.

As for the money, I think everyone is in the same boat right now. We just refinanced to give us some extra cash to do some work on the house, and when I first took off of work, we opened a home equity line of credit (and never used it) just in case. You can always work when they start pre-school & school, which is really not too far off! Sorry if this was long or confusing! I hope it helps!

hi Danielle. It sounds to me like you do need to work. you need the money. and i can tell you that part time work won't be as bad and you think. and you may even end up liking working part time and being with your daughters part time. I think the dreading of it actually is worse than the actual doing of it. I have a 4 year old daughter and another on the way and I work 4 days a week adn really like it. I find that I enjoy getting up and dressed in "real" clothes and being around adults adn using my brain all day long. It makes me appreciate my time with my daughter so much more. I then just really focus on her at nights and on Fridays which i have off and on the weekends. Fridays are our special day and we only do fun things together all day. no housework, no errands. Just Mommy and Maddy fun. and i think that if i stayed home, there wouldn't be a day that was like that. one that felt special.

I have one more thing to say. you said that you feel you need a bigger house. I would challenge your assumption that you do. We live in Manhattan in a tiny (and i mean tiny!!!!) 2 bedroom and we are about to put a 2nd child in our small space. And you know what? it works! It is not perfect but it allows me to work only part time since we don't have to pay more in rent. for you, i think buying a new and bigger home is just goign to stress you out more. then you will ALWAYS have to work and you might have to work full time to pay for the bigger house. when truly you just want to be with your kids as much as possible. Kids sure don't care if the house is big or not. They just want to be with you. So i think if your priority is your family then you don't need a bigger house. Just make the space you have work. I am sure you can do it.

i hope this helps and good luck!!!! it will all be OK. I truly really do like working and I LOVE my daughter too.

J.