Having Trouble Convincing Myself to Go Back to Work

As a mother of twins, now 18 I can definitely relate. I had the opportunity to stay at home with them because my husband and I added up the cost of childcare for 2, afterschool care for their older brother and the cost of transportation to take them to childcare and pick them up in addition to going to work. It would not have been worth it. I would have been working just to pay childcare.

Fortunately with my husband working overtime once or twice a week and me being very careful with the budget we were able to get by.

Now in 2008 there are better solutions. I wish I had the advantage of a home based business and the internet back then. I know lots of women now staying home with their children, making extra supplemental income AND saving on their taxes with a home based business.

I would love to share the benefits with you. PM me and I will send you my informaion. No obligation .

Double blessings to you! You will look back on these years in 18 years as I am and ask "where did the time go?"

G.

I absolutely loved staying at home with my son for my maternity leave and did struggle with the idea of going back to work. I've been fortunate though because I can work from home two days a week eliminating the waste of time that is commuting on those days. I also like what I do, which makes a big difference I think.

It's hard to say. In a perfect world I would prefer to stay with my son, but the situation I'm in is not so imperfect. I am delighted every evening to come home and play with him. The whole day I think good thoughts about him. Truth be told, I'm probably a bit more sentimental about him because of the time apart.

When I look at the situation, I have no regrets about going back to work. It is a constant juggle, but it works for our family. It also really really helps that I love the daycare place he is in. The women are really friendly and motherly. And he just loves all the kids, all the commotion. I can tell, he's delighted by the level of activity that I wouldn't be able to sustain at home with him.

Pros and cons no matter what you do, but I do think with the proper support (daycare, spouse) you can manage both career and loving relationships with your children and be happy with that decision.

And keep in mind, no matter what you do, you're going to be a bit wistful about the path not taken - and that's ok. Just try to find the fit that works best for your family - SAHM, part-time work, full-time etc...

It sounds like you had an amazing experience staying home already! If you can afford it, then I think you should go for it! I'm a SAHM, and I feel so lucky. None of my good friends can afford it, and most of them really want the satisfaction of their careers anyways. Why not try it, and then change your mind later if you want to?

I loved my job before (teacher), but I have to say- this is the time of my life! It's way more work, and way more fun.

It sound likes working part-time may be the solution you're looking for to give you a balance.

Dear J.,

I was a stay at home until my kids were in high school. I have absolutely no regrets. I missed nothing in my childrens lives. I made all of their sporting events, was class mother, and did all of the wonderful things that come with being a mom. However, there were times when I was stressed out from being home all day and didn't have any adult interaction. I think if I could have changed one thing i may have worked a small part time job. This would have given me my own spending money as well as adult interaction and probably on the days I was stressed outbeen better for my kids. I will tell you don't let anyone fool you staying at home with your children is the most rewarding, and at the same time the most difficult job you will ever do. I say we have to live for right now. If right now you want to stay home with your kids do it and if 6 months you change your mind then thats 6 months you got to watch your children grow. Noone should put down any mom for her decisions on working or staying home they have to do whats right for them.It also makes a difference if you can afford to stay home. Lets face it you can always find a job, but you can't get back these precious years. Maybe you could get a part time job and have the best of both worlds. Good luck!!!

Hi J.
my sugestion to you would be to stay home with your kids as long as you can. If you feel antsy i suggest maybe taking on a job that you can work 10-15 hours a week while your kids are in day care or at a sitter. I have a 5, 6, and 10 year and I work 40 - 50 hours a week and its killin me. I hate not being there when they get off the bus and if i work the night shift I dont see them till the next morning. So as long as you can afford to I say spend as much time with them as possible, they grow up wayyy tooo fast.

S. :-)

Hi J.,
I was reluctant to return to work last year after I had my son. I had always wanted to be a SAHM, but I knew we couldn't afford it. Luckily, I have great bosses who made arrangements for me to work part-time. I'm at work 3 days a week, and home with my son for 4 days. I feel that it is a nice balance. I don't LOVE my job, but sometimes I feel that I really need a break from the "mommy world." The days I work, my son goes to my parent's house and he absolutely ADORES my mom.
In the end, I get to spend more time with him then I would if I was working full-time, but I still feel that I am contributing to our family financially. Whatever you decide, best of luck to you!

HI J.,
You sound just like me a year ago. I had twins in July 07. I am a teacher and knew that finacially I had to go back to work. My school system was amazing and worked with me and I was able to go back part time. I HATED EVERY minute of it. I loved my job don't get me wrong, but it broke my heart that I was caring for someone elses children and aching to be with my own. My mom was watchin gthem for me so that was a huge relief but it still wasn't enough for me. So then began the struggle... I shared my feelings with my husband and we made some changes that would allow me to stay home. The crazy thing is, when it came down to me actually commiting to it and saying the words (that I wasn't going back to work) I struggled!!! I thought I was crazy!! I wanted to be home so badly but couldnt commit! I felt like I had worked so hard to be a teacher and loved what I was doing so it was tough. Eventually I knew I just had to do it and I have not looked back. Now that they are 14 months old and doing so many amazing things I KNOW I made the right decision. Even though I doubted myself so many times before I left work. Just the other day my son went over and kissed his twin sister. I looked at my mom and said "this is what I don't wat to miss". So I'm just sharing my experience. Whatever you decide is your decision and remember that nothign is permanent. You can always go back to work down the road or if you think staying home isnt for you in the end. You can also do what I did and go back to work and then if you hate it like me, you can leave. Actually what I did was take a 1 year leave of absense to leave my options open after the year. I'm rambling now!! Good luck to you and enjoy those twins...it is so amazing!!! If you ever need to talk twin talk feel free to e-mail. I hope you make the best decision for yourself.
Danielle

Its hard to go back to work after experiencing that I know. I have two older boys that I was not able to stay home with. In fact I worked a full time job and went to school at nights and dragged them in tow. So their younger years were spent at two day care centers all day long and traveling with their mom from work to school. Hearing about all the things they were learning and doing from someone else was upsetting. But that was my life back then. They are 15 & 14 now.

Then I had my daughter and it was a time in my life I was able to stay home. Being able to stay home with one of them was amazing and I wouldnt trade it in for anything. It was a change for me to get used to and it took a while. If you have the opportunity Id say take it. Be sure to join some mother groups to interact with others.

Currently my daughter is 5 and just started Kindergarten and I was home doing nothing for two weeks while they were in school. I just couldnt get myself to do anything without the kids being home! lol... So I found a part time job, totally flexible and I leave after she gets on the bus and return with time to spare and get her off the bus. SO I have the adult interaction and have a few dollars along with it.

I am a huge stay at home advocate... but after moving away from friends and family to a rural location my husband and I decided would be a good move, I became lonely. I have found that getting involved in something meaningful- not necessarily an income-generator, but meaningful work in the community- has met my needs for interpersonal relationships and allowed me the time I need to be with my kids and make my house homey and peaceful. I was able to get an in-home babysitter for 2 days a week while I pursue interests that generate some income- not necessarily more than what will cover the costs of the babysitter- but give me some outlet into the community to prevent feeling isolated and stir those creative juices. Would you be able to create a similar situation for yourself? You can still view yourself as a person who is "working" toward goals (instead of setting aside skills you have that are in addition to your mothering/homemaking skills), which may make you feel as if you have not lost a "career" or the ability to enhance and develop your talents and gifts.

If your worries are financial, you can definately make things work on one income with a bit of self-control and some creativity.

What length would you go to have your husband at home with you -or- Build a legacy for your family? that is both willable & sellable. While resting assure you get paid daily & the work you do one time will grow to the point of being able to go on vacation and come home to a check!

Wanna learn more?

Click on : www.urkey2live.com | Request an interview today!

" What your feeling, may be a blessing getting ready to happen."

Look forward to hearing from you!
- A.

I work part time.. and make pretty good money. I work from 9 to 2.. so then I can enjoy time with the kids too. I also take off if they are sick.. or if it's a special day. My children come first I told many jobs... I found the one job that would work with me. I don't know what kind of work you do.. but I find working for Construction Co., landscapers, plumbers... works out really good. i do book keeping for a landscaper and I answer the phone and make appts. It works wonderful.. I get about 16. an hour.. so it works good for me. If my husband is home than I stay longer hours.. good luck.. Working for the school system is a plus too... since you get the summers off..

As much as I would love to spend more time with my kids (ages 1.5 and 2.5), I could never be a SAHM, both financially and for my own sanity. I love and treasure the time I get to spend with them, but I I would go out of my mind if I didn't get to go to work. I love getting up, getting ready while the kids are asleep, then getting them up, giving them breakfast and we all leave together. I love my job and, while I would love to work less and spend more time with them during the day, they love daycare and their teachers and friends, and they have learned so much more than I could teach them if I were home with them. I get a lot of validation and satisfaction from being a good mom and wife and also from working outside the home in a professional environment.

Bottom line is this: I think it takes a certain type of person to be a full-time homemaker and a certain type of person to go to work in an outside environment everyday. You have to decide which you are, and if you can find a fulfilling job that lets you work part time and be with your kids the rest of the time, that's the best solution.

The bad news is that no matter what decision you make you will feel guilt. :)

The good news is that neither decision has to be permanent. You're not "stuck" with either choice. Go with the decision you feel works for you for now and then re-evaluate how you feel in six months. If it doesn't feel right change it.

I think sometimes that we put so much pressure on ourselves to make the perfect choices that we forget that we're just making the next choice...not the last one.

Good luck!

I would give my right arm to be able to have the opportunity to stay home with my kids...go for it!! So many people restart careers after being a SAHM. My husband is out of work and I am the main source of income, I envy you. I loved every minute of maternity leave, vacations, etc. If you feel the need for adult contact hat has nothing to do with kids or other mom's, get involved in some community activities, library board, volunteer work, etc, or do some part time work. Enjoy!!

Maybe you could request a longer leave of absence from work. That way your job will still be there if you decide that staying home isn't right for you. I quit work to be a stay at home mom when my first child was 15 months old. I have never regretted it. Four kids later I don't think I could even make enough money to put them in daycare, and pay for after school care anyway, but I'm glad of it. I love being home with my kids and knowing they can always depend on me. I could not leave them if I had to. It's also nice being able to go to the store whenever I need to, and not trying to find time to do it after working all day, and spend time with my kids, and do all the other things around the house that need done. If you think you'll get bored there are probably all sorts of mom's groups, and library programs in your area you never even knew about. You can even meet other moms by just going to McDonald's at lunch to let the kids play for a bit. There might be nicer places in your area as well. Check into gymnastics or preschool dance classes. Those are a great way to meet others while also getting out of the house for a while.