Gift Giving Etiquette

i think tha no matter how you ask someone will get offensive but also think about who you invite especially if they are family.. i think it is ok to go straight to the head of the family and let them know what is going on that you are saving for a bigger gift,.. most of the time the family(your brothers,sisters,parents,aunts,uncles,grandparents)are usually very accepting of gift ideas...
i have to usually give the gift ideas since my two childrens birthdays are both so close to christmas i have one the end of oct and the 2nd of jan so ideas are usually hard.. so asking to contribute to the larger gift is not horrible.
hope this advise helps
i am also a sahm for 4 years... of a 4 year old and a 2 year old.

I would say something like Justin needs such and such for his birthday.. if you would like to contribute to this gift.. it would be so very appreciated... he has so many toys.. but we would like to give him this big gift from all of you as he turns ... years old. Thank you so much and hope you can come to the party.

There is a very fine line and not everyone is understanding. Perhaps those closer to you are and that is where I would start. We have a similar situation, we get sooooo much stuff and we don't want to raise our children like that. So we have been sending the invites and focusing on we want to spend time with you to celebrate our childs bday, we have been blessed with so much if you desire to buy a gift, please buy a gift for a needy child (and list a local drop) or we welcome additions to their savings account -- spice it up and make it very very friendly and if someone still gets something, thank them graciously. I would talk with your mom or whoever you are closest too -- usually grandmas ask what to get and just tell them -- perhaps they will find it on sale or get auntie to go in on it. I would get the word out -- people usually do want to get what you need for your child.

I wouldn't do it. I'm sorry! If you're lucky, someone will give you a gift card. We got two at our son's first birthday party! But I wouldn't put any of that out there, unless someone asks.

If they ask, there's nothing at all wrong with saying, "We're actually saving up for a big gift. So maybe a small gift card would help us get there?"

And hey, if your family asks- tell them what you're saving for! Who knows what will happen??? :)