Okay, a TERRIBLE thing popped out of my mouth on my wedding day.
"Next time, I'm going to elope!"
Yeah. Not a good sign. Should have listened to my gut!
11 years later I'm mid divorce, so I can hardly speak from experience, except for that moment of clarity.
For ME I despise being the center of attention. I hate parties. So the big wedding I got talked into was my own special version of hell. I felt good about the decision at the time (it let my mum show off / feel proud), but it would take extreme circumstance -like marrying a man who wanted a big wedding more than anything) to repeat it! And no way would my parents be allowed to spend a dime.
I don't think there's a "right" answer to your Q. For some people like me, a big thing is the last thing in the world I would want. For others, it's EXACTLY what they'd want.
Since this is x2 around for both of you... I would think its your license to have things exactly as YOU both want.